Amazing April

Day 29/55

This month has been absolutely amazing! I feel like I have SO much to talk about, but I've been blogging a lot this month.

Let's get right into it because I have a feeling this is going to be a long post! Consider yourself warned. 😉

First things first....I once again met all the goals I had set for myself last week! I finished the week with 5 blue dot days and did not go over my weekly points. I was hoping to be able to drop another 2.4 pounds this week to get to my Disney goal almost a whole month early. I didn't. BUT, I dropped 2.2 pounds so close enough! I was hoping for 195 for Disney and today I weigh 195.2 pounds! I can not even express how excited this makes me.

Coming up with weekly goals for the past 28 days really helped me stay focused on my goals. It also didn't hurt that I had a very specific goal I was trying to hit and I was SO close to it that I was trying my hardest most days to get there.

So here's an interesting tidbit. WAY back in 2014 after I completed the Whole 30 I talked about how I wanted to try to stay 100% on track with WW to see what I could accomplish in 30 days doing that. Last April was the closest I came to "staying on track" for 30 days, but even then I did not actually stay on track for 30 days. Last April my goal was to track every day. I did that and ended up losing 6 pounds even though I ate over my calorie range several days. This April has been the first time since 2014 that I focused on staying strict with my program for the entire 30 days. In 2014 I lost 16.6 pounds in 30 days, but I also weighed a lot more than I do right now (thank goodness). I decided to figure out percentage of body weight lost to really better compare my numbers. In 2014 I lost 6.6% of my body weight in 30 days. From April 1st to today I lost 13.6 pounds, which is 6.5% of my body weight. Wow.

So many blue dots!

The most interesting part of this (for me) is that I was pretty miserable doing the Whole30. There were lots of struggles. I felt like I was constantly in the kitchen prepping food. We basically couldn't eat out. I kind of freaked out when we were going to a baseball game and I couldn't bring in my own food.

But, I have been anything but miserable for this past month. I managed to find a balance that worked for me while still staying 100% compliant to my program. I went to a baseball game and ate stadium food without any guilt. I had wine on Easter so that was April 1st. I ate an ice cream bar pretty much every day for the last 2 weeks at least. Although we have been going out to eat a whole lot less; I went out to eat plenty this month and just made better choices. I was able to live my life and lose 6.5% of my body weight in 30 days. Was I hungry some times? Oh my, yes! But I was hungry plenty during the Whole30 too. The only way to lose weight is to have a calorie deficit. You will be hungry sometimes and guess what? That's completely normal! It's OK to be hungry. You are not going to die because you are  hungry (even if it feels like you will).

So many smiley faces on my workout calendar!
Only 4 days off this entire month of April!

I had said before that I am only doing WW for a short period of time (probably 6 months) to kind of learn what it looks like in terms of calories. I've been tracking my food on the WW app, but then I also go over to MyFitnessPal and track my food there so I can see how many calories I'm eating. It's no wonder I'm losing weight because most days I'm somewhere between 13 or 1400 calories. I remember when I was doing the Whole30 I tracked my food one day (even though you're not supposed to) because I was curious. That particular day I was somewhere around 1300 calories. So yea, calories in/calories out. The reason why it becomes "easier" to stick with when you eat mainly (or only) whole foods is because you can eat more in those 1300 calories than if you eat 1300 calories worth of crap food that doesn't sustain you. I am pretty sure that I could lose weight eating 1300 calories worth of junk food every day; but I am also positive that I would be beyond miserable and would quit well before 30 days were over.

2 lonely cars in the parking lot on a rainy Saturday morning.
So focused that even a little cold rain can't stop me from
meeting my goals. 

On April 2nd I blogged about my goals for the next 55 days. In 55 days I wanted to lose 12.8 pounds to reach my "A" goal. I lost 12.6 in 28 days (13.6 since April 1st since I actually lost a whole pound between the 1st and my "official" Monday weigh in on April 2nd). I also talked about very specific goals I had wanted to focus on for just the first 30 days. (I should have said 28 days really because I broke those goals down into each of the 4 weeks of April).

Well, since it only took me those 28 days to reach my "A" goal, it's time to come up with some goals for the next 4 weeks (but only 26 days this time because vacation starts before that 4th weigh in.

It's kind of funny because I had decided that I was going to give myself this week "off". Not off so I can eat all the food and drink all the wine. But, just off to not have to track and just keep eating the way I've been with perhaps a little more leeway than I've been giving myself; even if that means maintaining or even gaining (a little) next Monday. You're probably thinking WHY would you do this? You're on such a streak! The answer to that is because I'm scared. That sounds so stupid, right? Here's the thing: I am afraid that if I continue to be as strict as I've been for the past 28 days that I will go totally crazy while on vacation and come home having gained 10 pounds. I don't want that to happen. I touched on this fear in my transformation post the other day; the fight with my old self about how to handle things. I am getting stronger in those fights, but I'm not sure how strong I'll be on vacation. I can already hear my old self telling me that after X number of days of being so on and working so hard that I deserve to eat whatever I want. And that may be true. But there's a difference between eating what I actually want and eating everything because I can. I'm afraid that I will actually eat things I perhaps don't really want simply because I can and I know when I get home I will go back to choosing not to eat those things. Is any of this making sense to anyone else? It'll go back to that mentality of eat all the things because you'll "never" eat them again when you get home.

Excuse the dirty mirror and the bad selfie; but
every day I am surprised at being happy with
the reflection that I'm seeing in the mirror. 

I logically know this isn't true; but weight loss isn't always about what is logical. I have gotten so much better with reminding myself that the food will ALWAYS be there. I can have it whenever I want and I just don't really want it now because I want to meet my goals more. I am hopeful that my wants have changed enough this year that I won't want to stuff my face for a week (or two) simply because I have given myself the freedom to eat what I want while on vacation. I know my goals aren't over just because I actually met my vacation goal (side note - do you guys realize what an absolute ENORMOUS deal this is? I have NEVER met a weight loss goal I set for myself. I always end up sabotaging myself. I not only met this goal, but CRUSHED it by 26 days!). I am only slightly over the halfway point of my weight loss goal, and it's taken me years to get here. I don't have a specific goal weight (we'll discuss that later), but I know it's not where I'm at. And it's more than just a few pounds away.

So what's funny about all this is two fold. 1) I have allowed myself to eat more today; but I have tracked everything I have eaten. 2) I'm realizing that it's not really bothering me to be as strict as I've been these last 4 weeks. I chose to do what I've been doing and I am beyond proud of myself so it has made it pretty easy actually. This weekend when I stopped at Wendy's to get food for my hubby and neighbor, (because they'd been working on our front steps all weekend), I had no issue getting myself a salad. I didn't care. It sounded like a really yummy salad and I didn't necessarily want anything else. It wasn't even about, oh I can't have a burger and fries because I have goals. It was, I don't want a burger and fries because I want to reach my goals more. And actually getting a burger and fries wasn't even a thought. The thought was, what can I get that I want that will be within my points today. So perhaps I'll surprise myself when we're on vacation. I know there are things I will eat and feel no guilt over. I will have my Mickey shaped foods (soft pretzel, waffle, ice cream bar 😆); I will have one (or more than one) Dole Whip. But I probably won't have chicken nuggets or burgers and fries every single day because, why? That's stuff I can have anywhere and it's not any better at Disney than at home. These are the mental changes that are happening that are going to make me reach my goal this time.

I know this post is super long and thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading.

In the end I am giving myself permission this week to not be where I've been the last 4 weeks. I may track after all and see what I end up eating. I may decide halfway through the week that I don't feel like tracking and I'm OK with that. If I see the scale go up next Monday I am fine with that. I am confident that I can lose whatever I might gain + more in the next few weeks before our trip. That means my goals for the next 26 days are:
1) allow myself this week to have a little more freedom.
2) go back to April goals for the remaining time before vacation. That will mean tracking and only using my daily and weekly points.

I am confident that as long as I get right back to it next week, I can be very close to 190 pounds by the time we leave for vacation. 195 was my goal, so anything less than that is bonus. 190 would be absolutely amazing.