Strong vs. Skinny part 2

I do have lots of positive things to say in today's post; but first I have to just air out some annoyances.

I posted back on April 20th  about how I was frustrated while watching Dr. Oz because they were talking about that new show called Strong. The basic idea of that post was that I think these shows are just feeding into the thought that women are supposed to be skinny and being strong is great; as long as you're skinny and strong.

So today I was feeling SO good after getting on the scale this morning. I've been feeling pretty good lately and know that even when my scale wasn't really moving; it would at some point because I was staying below 1500 calories every day (except last Sunday). The scale rewarded me today for my hard work (but I'll get to that a little later).

After a pretty awesome jazzercise class with my daughter, we decided to go to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy some Cleveland Cavaliers shirts. The only shirt I have is a long-sleeved shirt and since it's now June that isn't really helping me cheer on the team in the Finals. I have been meaning to go to Dick's for WEEKS now and just hadn't gotten around to it. Since the Cavs won game 6 last night I decided I had to make it to the store now! Mary was wanting a shirt too so we went on our way home from jazzercise. I had seen some of the Adidas brand shirts online and I thought the woman cut shirts were cute. A nice v-neck and just a little more feminine than a regular, unisex t-shirt (but preferably not SKIN TIGHT).

Here's my first thing: I knew going into this that I would for sure need a 2xl in the woman's cut and even that would probably be more fitted than I wanted. This annoys the CRAP out of me! What are we telling women and young girls in this world about the size women should be? Now, I am not delusional about my size. I know that I'm a big girl and I frankly think it's appropriate that I would need a 2xl. But I also think a 2xl should fit me and not still be tighter than I want it to be. I think the double standard of the size of girls vs boys is ridiculous. I saw this awesome post on Facebook once where a guy put on his girlfriend's "extra large" shirt. This shirt was absolutely skin tight on him and he is maybe a medium. A MEDIUM!!!! There should not be that big of a difference. He also stated how she was in no way "extra large" by any definition.

Ok. The next thing that ticked me off was the fact that we went to Dick's to find shirts and they only carry up to XL in the ladies cut. I believe they went up to 2XL in the men's cut. This annoys me because I KNOW that Adidas made these shirts in 2XL in ladies. I don't think I've ever seen Dick's carry a size bigger than XL for ladies. I guess us big girls aren't wanted at Dick's. That's fine. I can take my money elsewhere.

What's annoying is us big girls have to start somewhere. If there aren't workout clothes to start in, how are we supposed to do what we need to do to get healthy? And I can guarantee you that even when I lose all my weight I would probably still only fit into an XL if it's a women's cut.

This especially made me angry today of all days because I was feeling REALLY good about myself. When I got on the scale this morning I saw a number I haven't seen since before 2013! The number today put me at 18.8 pounds down since March 20th; 11 pounds down since June 1st; over 25 pounds down since this time last year; less than 2 pounds away from a new decade; and lighter than I weighed when I completed my first half marathon in 2009!! Things are going well. I feel good and continue to feel motivated. I will do another post on a specific update about Nutrisystem....what I like, what I don't like, where I'm planning to go from here, etc.

1st week COMPLETE

I think it would be funny (or not) to see how many times since I started this blog in 2012 I had a week 1 weigh in. But, like I've said before, that means I haven't given up yet!

So, last week was week 1 with Nutrisystem. The program they have now is called "Turbo10" and in your first month's package they give you a special week 1 program to "jumpstart" your weight loss. They give you 7 breakfasts, 7 lunches, 7 dinners, 7 turboshakes and 7 nutricrush shakes. You basically eat one of each of those things a day plus 4 servings (at least) of veggies and 64 oz of water. You are allowed to eat as many veggies as you want, but are supposed to get at least 4 servings. By yesterday I was actually even forgetting to get all my 4 servings of veggies in because I wasn't feeling overly hungry in between meals - awesome!

I decided to start tracking my food on sparkpeople again because that is the website I was using when I lost alot of weight in 2011. So, I quickly noticed that OF COURSE you'll lose weight in the first week because you aren't even eating 1200 calories per day! Yes, I know that eating less than 1200 calories for an extended period of time is not good and TRUST me when I say you have nothing to worry about! This was one week and I can not WAIT to go back to eating more calories on a daily basis!

Having said that, however, I will say that this first week really wasn't THAT bad. Perhaps it's because I had been fasting for 2 days per week so I was getting used to dealing with feeling hungry for a finite period of time. I knew that if I was hungry I would get to eat again in a few hours so it wasn't the end of the world. No one likes feeling hungry; but if we just chill out and realize we WILL in fact get to eat again (and soon) it's easier to deal with.

I was most proud of the fact that I followed the program almost perfectly for 7 days. I only say almost because I made caramelized onions and peppers a lot. I would cook them in oil and sometimes a little butter too. BUT, I was counting that in my tracker and even with that I was still ending most days around 1030 calories. I was all excited about being able to actually EAT today. What's funny about that is I ended the day right around 1330 calories and that included going to get ice cream after my son's baseball game! I chose the strawberry lemonade and watermelon sorbet with a few tiny chocolate chips. OMG it was SO good....and only about 100 calories since it's non-fat, non-dairy sorbet.

So are you wondering how well I did with my week 1 weigh in today?? Well, needless to say I was quite happy this morning. I have NEVER lost this much weight in one week. My total loss for week 1 was 7.8 pounds!!!! That puts me at a total of 15.6 pounds lost since March 20th and about 22 pounds lost since this time last year. I am absolutely not regretting having made this decision anymore. It did exactly what it needed to do and reignited my spark. I am feeling totally determined and confident that I CAN do this (again) and this time all the way to maintenance! Only time will tell and I'll be embarrassed if I eventually have to eat my words; but I won't EVER give up and that's all that really matters.

On to week 2.......

Small Changes = Big Successes

I wrote a blog post not so long ago about how I was no longer focusing on how fast I could lose this weight, but doing it in such a way that I could sustain it forever. You might be wondering why I then decided to start Nutrisystem and have a very strict week to "jump start" my weight loss. I've been sort of wondering that myself.

I've been thinking about why I made such a drastic decision to start a relatively restrictive program when I've been saying all along that I don't do as well when I put pressure on myself. The fact of the matter is I haven't done all that well, period. I can give whatever reason or excuse I want to, but I've fluctuated between 230 and 250 since 2013. Obviously what I've been doing isn't working. What I implemented in September WAS working; but it stopped for whatever reason. I should say, I stopped...for whatever reason. I think it comes down to the fact that I will always stop for some reason, for some amount of time. I think in reality almost everyone does. The difference is how long they stop for and how much "damage" they do when they stop. And perhaps THIS has to be the difference for me. 

In that blog post I said that there are times when food fuels your body and there are times when it just fills your stomach with not much nutritional value and that has GOT to be OK sometimes (for me at least). I still believe that to be true. However, I think I'm starting to realize that that is a great way to MAINTAIN my weight. And frankly, even though it has fluctuated by as many as 20 pounds; I would say that I've done an OK job of "maintaining" my weight for the last 3 years. I'll tell you what; if I can manage to fluctuate between 160 and 180 for the rest of my lift I will TAKE that and RUN! I clearly need to figure out how to get there because I think I have this "maintaining" thing down pretty well. It would also be nice if I could figure out how to not have it take 20 pounds before I decide I need to stop gaining weight!

So here's what I think is great about having made the decision now to try NS: My scale registered as low as 227.4 back in December; but only for a second before I was back up above 230 again. When the scale read 229.6 back on 4/29 and then 229 on 5/6....and STILL 229 on 5/13, I felt pretty determined to not let it go back up. BUT, I could feel myself slipping. I got out of focus due to my life circumstances and could just tell that getting myself re-focused wasn't going to be easy. Hence, I actually think making the decision to make a drastic choice like Nutrisystem was the smartest thing I have done in a LONG time. I made the decision towards the end of May so I had decided I was going to start June 1st because I wasn't going to challenge myself even more by starting on a holiday weekend. This allowed me to have about a week "off" with no guilt and without going too far backwards before starting again. My starting weight for Nutrisystem was 232.8. I was actually totally happy with that since I pretty much wasn't doing much for the majority of May and definitely went overboard eating and drinking the last few days of the month. So, not only did I "only" gain 3.8lbs;  but I knew a lot of that was just bloat and water weight from the days right before starting. Case in point...in one day on Nutrisystem I was back down 3 of those 3.8lbs.  

The fact that this time it didn't even take me gaining weight to realize that I needed to do something different to kick things into gear is awesome. I felt myself losing my focus and really didn't want to move backwards so I did something about it. Yes I went back above 230; but only for a second and only because I knew that I was going to be doing something strict so I was pretty confident whatever I gained would be lost quickly.

So  maybe I use NS for the next 2 months and then move to something else. Maybe I decide I really like it and the weight is just melting away so I stay on it for the next 6+ months. I don't know yet. But what I do know is that I'm no longer embarrassed about making the decision to try something else. I'm actually proud of myself. I'm proud that as soon as I felt my focus wavering I did something to get that focus back.

In the end I'm not changing my tune from that blog post. I still think I need to figure out a way to eat that will maintain my weight loss once I get there. I'm just realizing that I need to get there before I can worry about how I'll maintain it once I'm there. I'm not necessarily saying I need to focus on losing the weight fast or anything. I'm just saying maybe I can deal with being a little more strict now (which, in turn would likely lead to faster weight loss), so that I can get to the point where I am learning how to maintain.

Until next time.......

Impatience in NOT a virtue!

It appears I have a LOT to say today. Consider yourself warned for an even longer than usual post!

You know what is really funny? Reading through my old blog posts one right after the other. It is hilarious how often I contradict myself or change my tune. It's great how many times since 2012 I've said that THIS time is going to be different. I do like that one time I finally said I have no idea if this time will actually be different.

So, I left you last with my post about maintaining through a difficult time. Initially I was perfectly happy with maintaining my weight. The problem was (is) that it is always a slippery slope for me when I'm no longer focusing on a certain strategy. The strategy may be to eat healthy 4-5 days out of a week and not focus on the weekend. It may be to calorie count all the time and try to stay under a certain number of calories. It may be to fast a couple of days a week and then eat to maintain the rest of the time. Whatever it is, I need to be following some sort of a plan. When I start to fall short of whatever plan I'm on at the time, I obviously lose my focus and start to slip more and more.

Prior to my mother in-law's death I had started a new plan. I hadn't discussed it on the blog because it's kind of a controversial way to lose weight and I didn't feel like having to defend my decision. I had done a ton of research on it prior and was confident it was a good decision for me. And I still think it wasn't a bad one. I followed IF (intermittent fasting) for about a month. If you google IF you'll find lots of information on it and lots of different programs you can follow. The one I followed was called Eat Stop Eat. Basically I was fasting for 24 hours 2 times a week and then eating to maintain (so like 2000 calories) on the other days. This was working quite well for me. I lost almost 9lbs in the month that I did it. But then my mother in law died and I lost my focus. I was back in that limbo phase of not really doing anything, but still kind of trying to lose weight. That's not a good place to be.

On Mother's Day we got together with my family and I saw my sister after she had been on Nutrisystem for about 6 months. I have not seen my sister look that small in a long time. So my mom looks awesome because she's lost a bunch of weight and my eldest sister looks great because she's lost 30+ pounds and then my other sister has also lost about 30lbs since the beginning of this year. Obviously as I was still focused on dealing with Marty's death I wasn't concerned about any of this at this point.

Fast forward to the days after the funeral and the need to get things back to "normal" and I found myself researching Nutrisystem. I have tried MANY weight loss programs. Basically ALL programs work for me (and for anyone for that matter) as long as you're able and willing to work them. It's finding the program (or programs) that will continue to work for you forever. I think what I'm finding is I may need to forever change things up a bit to keep me from getting bored or something.

Sorry for the language but this one was too perfect!

The IF was working great and I was happy doing it. But, I found myself slowly eating more and more on my eat days. It was likely just because I lost focus, but when I lose focus on the program I'm currently doing I tend to find it hard to find that focus again. I felt stupid (and still feel stupid actually) even considering doing Nutrisystem. I mean, I keep trying all these new things and NOTHING seems to work for me. Why would I think that this would be any different? And it's not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. I have never done something like Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig before because I refuse to cook and eat separate meals from my family. But when I was talking to Drew about it I thought perhaps that's part of the problem. I'm not willing to try something that might actually work for me because I'm too focused on taking care of everyone else but me. So what if I use Nutrisystem to lose weight and the rest of the family needs to fend for themselves for a few months? If it means they have a healthier, happier mom/wife isn't it worth it?? What appealed to me about Nutrisystem was the fact that I wouldn't have to think about it. They send you food and you eat that food along with fresh fruit/veggies and you're good to go.

Drew told me that if I was going to do it he would do it with me. That made me feel a little less stupid because it made me feel like he at least was supporting me and not thinking I'm being ridiculous by trying yet another weight loss program. I justified the price by taking it out of our food budget for the month and hoping that the rest of the groceries I need won't push us too far over that budget.

Remember this. Always keep looking for what works for YOU.

On June 1st we officially started Nutrisystem. With the Turbo10 program the first week is VERY strict and it's designed to help "jump start" your weight loss. I am back to weighing myself every day because I realized that when I lost all that weight in 2011 I weighed myself EVERY DAY (minus a day here and there) for over 6 months! I stopped weighing (and recording) my weight every day and I gained the weight back. When looking at my numbers from back then I realize that the number on the scale each day must not have bothered me because there were days I was up multiple pounds in a day....and I just kept going. So, I track my weight daily again, but I also plan to look at my weight on a weekly basis (since the daily weight fluctuates so much). I started Nutrisystem on a Wednesday so that means Wednesday's will be my official weigh in day.

I have not yet decided how long I am going to stay on Nutrisystem. I have to do it for at least 2 months because you basically get a "discount" when you sign up for the auto-delivery program. If you cancel after only one month you end up having to pay a $99 fee since you are paying back that discount. It's expensive enough that I refuse to pay that extra $99. So, 2 months at minimum. My guess is Drew probably won't need much more than those 2 months so perhaps he'll stop after that and I'll keep going for a little while. Perhaps 2 months on this will be the kick start I need to get myself back into the habit of not only counting calories, but keeping my calories around 1500 a day (which is about where I was in 2011 when I lost weight). I know I don't NEED Nutrisystem to do that since I've done it in the past. But, if it helps to get me totally back on track finally (after 5 years!) then so be it!