Something New

Do you all remember when I posted in January about the fact that I joined a virtual challenge to cover 2,017 miles in 2017?? I never really thought that I'd hit 2,017 miles by myself and I was totally OK with it. Here's the last milestone I hit........

I'm actually only about 55 miles away from 1500 and let me tell you, I am PROUD of that. There are people who joined this challenge as a group (of 2 to 4) and people (like me) who decided to go it alone. I figured what the heck was the difference of me going alone to try to get 2,017 and me doing it with another person and feeling like I succeeded as long as I hit 1,008.5?? Anyway, that's the update on that. On December 31st I'll let you know what I officially ended the year at.

I brought that up because one of the things you get when you sign up for this challenge is to be part of a Facebook group. I'm not very active in this Facebook group, but I have been pretty happy to be in it this year. There have been many informative posts that continue to teach me things regarding my health and fitness. One thing that several members have been talking about is this notion of "maffetone heart rate training" or MAF. You can google it and learn more (like I did), but the idea behind it is that you can become a faster runner by SLOWING down in your training runs.

I've been hesitant to try this because I am already so slow that the notion of slowing down is frustrating. However, I've read some testimonials from people who have been trying it and it has really intrigued me. I got especially intrigued when someone (who actually stopped doing it because it drove them crazy going so slow) said that the one thing they did notice was their weight loss DOUBLED! I have heard other people say things like, "if you want to lose weight stop running". That never really made sense to me since running (for me) burns SO many calories (according to my Garmin). But, burning calories is all well and good, but constantly working in an anaerobic state keeps your body in a glucose burning state rather than a fat burning state.

Right now I truly have NOTHING to lose by implementing this practice. What's the worst thing that will happen?? I will NOT lose more weight and will go back to having even slower training runs. OK. Doesn't seem like that big of a risk to me. What's the BEST thing that could happen? My weight loss can actually kick itself back into gear and my running speed actually IMPROVES! I think the potential rewards are worth the risks.

I'm not necessarily following any specific training plan perfectly. I briefly read things on MAF as well as other articles on Heart Rate Training and weight loss. The biggest thing with MAF training is that they believe you should first build a strong aerobic base. They indicate this could take up to 6 months. The idea is that while you build this base you will increase the speed at which you can run while staying at the same heart rate. But, until you build this base all of your training should be done at a pretty low HR (by my standards at least).

To give you more of an example of what this all means; my average HR for my last 4 mile training run was 159. I hit a high of around 192 during that run. That 4 miles was also the fastest I've covered 4 miles since 2012. I used the MAF 180-formula to calculate my HR zone to build my aerobic base. My MAF heart rate is 130. Today I set my Garmin to alert me when my HR was not in a zone of 122-135. I did the run on the treadmill and after a 5 minute warm up I ran until my watch alerted me my HR was too high. I then walked until it beeped that it was too low. I continued this for 45 minutes. The result of the run was that my average HR was 125 and my max hit around 145. My average pace for this "run" was 14:38. I was actually not upset about that at all. The last time I ran on my treadmill was back in September. I ended up not really feeling like running so I spent a good amount of time walking. My average pace that day was 15:48...but my average HR was 125 and my max was 160! I can look back at my treadmill runs from January and see that there was a day that my pace was 16:11 and my HR was an average of 162 (187 high). Wow!

What this all tells me is that even without doing any official HR training, I have really improved my aerobic ability. I can already run faster at a lower HR than I could back in January. I am actually excited to focus on my HR for now and not worry about my speed. I am also excited at the notion that it might help me lose weight more efficiently. I also need to stop eating as much for that to happen though! 😝

So this is my new endeavor. We'll see how long I'll last doing this. If I can see my weight decreasing and my speed increasing I can't imagine I'll stop. If my weight starts increasing and my speed decreases then that'll be another story all together! 😆

Hot Chocolate 15K

Race #5 of 2017!

Writing these race reports this year is more fun than they ever were before. Every race I do this year means more than any race prior to 2013. It is amazing how getting sick changes your perspective of things and allows you to really be grateful for what you have and what you're able to do.

But I digress......

The Hot Chocolate 15K is a race I have been wanting to do since 2012. I couldn't do it in 2012 because the race fell on the same weekend that I host my family for Thanksgiving. There are 2 distances offered for the hot chocolate race; 5K and 15K. Last year I thought about doing the 5K because by November I was running 3 miles (slowly) pretty regularly again. I eventually decided spending the money to travel to Columbus and pay a lot for a 5K just wasn't worth it. I wanted to do the 15K and since I wasn't there yet I'd just have to wait another year.

I'm not even sure when it happened, but at some point this year I decided THIS was the year I would make this happen. I was training for the half marathon in May so I knew that by November I could do 9.3 miles (or at least I had hoped). I eventually asked my mom if she wanted to make a girls weekend of it. I suggested that she and my daughter could run the 5K and I would do the 15K. At some point during our weekly runs this summer she decided that SHE would also do the 15K! Since we were both doing the farther distance we decided not to take my daughter since I wouldn't want her alone on the course and waiting for us after.

We headed down to Columbus on Saturday and went to the expo to pick up our packets. One of the reasons I wanted to do this race is the swag always looks so nice! I was NOT disappointed. The sweatshirt is amazing. It's soft on the inside and that nice tech fabric on the outside. The best part was that you could try on other sizes and switch in case the one you ordered wasn't right. I wasn't sure because I ordered the XL and they are the dreaded women's cut. I decided to try the XXL on and decided that I was right and that one was too big!

My sister and her husband ended up coming to do the 15K as well so we met up with them at the expo and headed to Buca di Beppo for dinner.

We stayed at a hotel within walking distance to the race so it was SO nice not to have to wake up at a horribly early hour to get there. The race corrals didn't open until 7 and the race started at 7:30. We left the hotel around 6:55. I kind of liked the way they did the start,  but kind of didn't. They called it "one wave" and said everyone started at 7:30; but that wasn't really true. The first corral went at 7:30, but then they had a 3 minute wait between each corral. What was cool was that we got to be closer to the start line than I've ever been before. But what I didn't like was that it took that much longer to just get started and it ends up being a lot of just standing there. I much prefer the other races I've done where they blow the horn and you just go. When you're in the back of the pack it still takes a long time (sometimes) to get to the start line, but as least you're moving the entire time.

Anyway, we were eventually off and feeling good. Very rarely do I ever feel bad to start a race. My wrist beeped for our first mile and I was a little worried about our pace. I knew there would be no way I'd keep that pace for 9.3 miles. We finished mile 1 in 12:04. I also noticed again that my watch was alerting me about .1 or .2 before the actual mile marker. No biggie, but towards the end those .2 miles are the devil! I felt good and my mom is always faster than me so I just kept going trying to keep up with her. Mile 2 was in 12:01. I was starting to think maybe I shouldn't worry and just go with it. Mile 3 was a little slower at 12:23 and I thought that was more the pace I was wanting at the start. The pace starts to go downhill from there. Mile 4 was 12:56 - still feeling good that it's under 13 and knowing I had done miles 1 and 2 faster than anticipated I was still feeling good about my pace. I should add that I did NOT go into this race with a goal. It's an instant PR because I've never done a 15K before.

It's not a great pic, but I love it because I
look like I'm actually running fast! 

But, I always want to try to do at least as well as my training runs or do better than the last official race I did. Mile 5 was 13:10 and I was even still OK with that. Mile 6 I'm feeling like it'd be really awesome if this was a 10K. 13:42. Mile 7 I really want to take extra walk breaks, but I don't want to slow down my mom. She seems to be totally rocking it still and I am struggling. 13:36. Up to this point I'm perfectly content with my time. Yes, I'm slowing down, but I knew I would. Mile 8 I think I hit a wall. I added walk breaks. I felt guilty for slowing my mom down and I was arguing with her to go ahead. She didn't want to because I was struggling and feeling a little faint so I was making her nervous. I tried to tell her I didn't feel any worse (or even as bad as) than the 10 miler in June so I'd be fine. Finally when her Garmin showed 8.8 miles she said she was just going to go. I said GOOD! :) I HATE feeling like I'm holding someone back. (I think that's probably another blog post in and of itself). Mile 8 - 15:10. After my mom went ahead I no longer felt guilty for walking. I knew I'd finish and I was really fine with it. I walked a lot in that last mile. Mile 9 - 15:12. But then I was approaching the last corner. I knew that right around that bend was the downhill to the finish line. I started running again and finished the race out at a better pace. My Garmin has my average pace faster than my official pace since it had me going farther than 9.3. But, official results were: 2:09:03. My mom finished 2 minutes faster than me.

When comparing my results to other races this year I was faster than the half marathon in May and the 10 miler in June. My average pace was slower than the 10K or 5 miler, but those are significantly shorter distances so you really can't compare those. All in all I'm happy. I realized after this race that I have really improved this year up to about the 10K distance. That just means that now my goal is to work on getting faster up to the 10K distance and THEN add more distance.

Next up race wise? I haven't signed up for anything yet, but I am pretty certain I am going to do the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. It's a 4 mile race in the town next to mine and I've done it at least 3 times before. I know I won't be beating my best time, but I'm OK with that. I'm actually not even certain I'll do better than my worst time at this race, but that's OK too. It would be race #6 on the year. The MOST races I've ever done in one year was 9 in 2012. To be at 5 or 6 this year is amazing to me. This year started with me wanting to get back to the half marathon distance (which I did) and has resulted in me absolutely making a comeback!

It's unfortunate my eyes are closed
because otherwise I really like this pic.

So even though I haven't lost a single pound since May 1st (and have gained back a few), it's not that I've given up. I am still here. I am still going. I have the exercise part down and just need to focus on the food part. The good news is that 2 days ago I really started focusing on ONE DAY AT A TIME. Each morning I am texting my friend with my goal for that day. So far this week each morning I have texted her to say my goal is to stay between 1800 and 2000 calories. That's it. Just for today. I have managed to string together 2 (and so far today) days of meeting that goal. We'll see how the rest of this day pans out and what my goal will be when I wake up tomorrow.

The Importance Of.......

........NEVER giving up; even when you feel like the biggest failure there is.

I can't stress enough (to myself) how important it is that I truly never give up. I started this blog more than 5 YEARS ago and yet I am still on this journey. It's funny to me because I actually weigh within 2 pounds of where I was in November 2012. Why is that funny? Because I have been struggling for 5 YEARS to get NOWHERE. Or at least that is what it would seem.

In reality I have had a pretty rough go of things in these last 5 years. I am actually quite happy of the fact that I am finally back to where I was in 2012. In 2014 when I hit my highest weight EVER I could have just thrown in the towel completely. I could have said it was clearly pointless since the scale just kept going in the wrong direction (completely because of my behaviors). But I didn't. I saw that number and realized I had to do something about it. The good news? I have NEVER seen that number again.....and plan to never see it ever again.

I could have given up again in 2016 when I re-gained the weight I had lost at the end of 2015, but I didn't. I could have decided it was pointless over the last 6 months because I have no lost a single pound since May 1st. But, because I haven't given up I have been able to maintain my weight within about 5 pounds in these last 6 months. I'm not sure if you realize how absolutely amazing this actually is. What this means to me is that for as many times as I have fallen off the wagon; I have jumped back on for at least a little bit. In the past if I had a span of 6 months where I wasn't losing, I can guarantee you I was actively gaining.

I hit my lowest weight since 2012 on May 1st. I haven't even seen that weight again since then. But I'm here to tell you I have NOT given up. I failed my own 52 day challenge. I haven't used that as an excuse to give up. I am falling off the wagon on a WEEKLY basis; but I am also jumping back on for at least a few days every week. Once again I am jumping ON the wagon and feeling good about it. I don't know how long I'll stay up here before I jump off again. I could be falling off the wagon again tomorrow; but I will get back on. In the last year the wagon has never gotten so far away from me that I couldn't pull myself back up to it. It may take me FOREVER, but if I can at least keep doing that I will eventually get this weight off of me.

So, whatever you're struggling with, DON'T GIVE UP. You've got this. And so do I.

TOWPATH TRILOGY - 10K

Source: towpathtrilogy.com

It's here. The 3rd and final race in the Towpath Trilogy. I've talked about it before, but this is a race series that I have been wanting to do since 2013. Back in 2012 when I was training for the Columbus Marathon I completed 2 of 3 of the Towpath races. I can't remember exactly why I didn't do the first one in April. It may have been because I didn't realize there was a trilogy or because I didn't want to do any of the distances offered. Whatever the reason was, after completing 2 out of 3 I decided I really wanted to tackle the Trilogy.

I won't rehash how things have gone from 2013 to now because you all know about that (and if you don't, you can look back through my old posts). And, as you already know, I started getting really serious about running again in January of this year. Come April I was able to complete the 5 miler in a time that I did not expect. This was an instant PR because I've never done a 5 mile race before. That was a nice way to start the year.

April - 5 miler

Fast forward to June and I decided to do the 10 miler instead of the 10k because 1) I wanted the medal and 2) I figured I could do it because I would have just finished a half marathon in May so I would already be trained for the 10 miler. When it was time for that race I was kind of wishing I signed up for the 10k instead. I finished the 10 miler even though it was way slower than when I did it in 2012.

June - 10 miler

Running plans changed for this year after the half marathon in May. The original plan was to perhaps train for another FULL marathon. My running partner wanted to do her first and I was wanting to do another one. The plans changed for a few reasons. One reason was because I decided I would not be ready to do a full marathon this year and that I wanted to work on getting better at lower distances before tackling a full marathon again. Then, Leslie became sidelined with an injury so things changed for both of us.

I started running with my mom once a week and we were doing 6 miles a lot of our runs. We have been slowly increasing our miles to train for a 15k in November. Anyway, I was starting to feel pretty confident about this 10k yesterday because my running has seemed to FINALLY be getting faster. I looked at my race report from back in 2012 and started thinking perhaps I could work for a PR.

In the end I did NOT PR; but I am not upset about that at all. My finishing time in 2012 was 1:17:51 which meant a 12:33 m/m pace. My finish time yesterday was 1:18:14....literally SECONDS away from getting that PR. My average pace for yesterday was 12:37 m/m. My average pace for the 5 miler in April was 12:44 m/m, which was a shock to me at the time. To increase the distance by 1.2 miles and increase my speed is great!

October - 10k....Trilogy COMPLETE!

What is also SO interesting to me is that back in 2012 I did a few things differently than I did yesterday that would lead me to believe I should have been lots slower yesterday than I was. In 2012 I blogged about how I ran the first 14 minutes without stopping. After that, I continued on with my 4/1 intervals and only walked extra when I went through the water stops. Yesterday I was doing 3/1 intervals which I kept the entire time and only walked extra through the water stops. I did NOT start by running 14 minutes without stopping. So less time running altogether and I still was within seconds of my previous time. I'm pretty happy with that. Also, I blogged about how in 2012 it was a pretty cold day. I feel I run better in the cooler weather (I think that's how I did so well in April). Yesterday was NOT cool. It wasn't terrible, but in the upper 60's and quite humid so that goes in to my feeling really good about my finish time as well.

That was my 4th race on the year and I am so excited still to feel like "I'm back". I feel like I have finally gotten back to where I was in 2012. I can't believe it took 5 whole years, but right now my weight is just about the same as it was in October 2012 and my running ability seems to be right on par with where it was in 2012. So now it is time to focus on improving even more.

I have at least one more race on the schedule for this year. We'll see if I add any more between now and December 31st.

Day 3 of 52

Days 1 and 2 were Monday and Tuesday this week and they were both relatively easy days.

These were easy days because I got so many extra calories from exercise that I didn't even really have to restrict my calories. I mean, Monday I ate 2,244 calories and my NET calories were still only 537. Tuesday I also ate over 2200 calories, but that day my net calories were up to 1,080. Remember; the goal is to stay at (or below) 1300 NET calories.

It's only day 3 and I'm already feeling slightly challenged today. My calorie burn is lower today so I have to keep my overall calories lower to get to that 1300. Of course it's all in my head because it's still more calories than I ever ate before when I was trying to lose weight.

I think part of my feeling challenged today has to do with anticipating tomorrow. Tomorrow is game 1 of the ALDS and I am lucky enough to be going to the game! I am SO excited about this I can't even tell you.

Going to the game means getting stadium food. I know it doesn't HAVE to mean that, but it means stadium food for dinner because there's no way I'm eating dinner before and then getting through an entire game with no food. No problem though. I've gone to several games lately and I've gotten pretty good at picking one thing and only having that for the duration of the game. I can plan my day around one big meal out and usually not have a problem. It just means I need to make sure I get up and run tomorrow because that will help with my added calories. The problem with tomorrow is that I have 2 higher calorie meals planned. This still doesn't have to derail my efforts though. I can plan accordingly. I can have a big breakfast and then a big dinner and not eat anything in between.

If I burn enough calories to eat 2200 total calories in a day that still leaves quite a bit of room for 2 big meals. And given how high my heart rate went at an Indians game earlier this year I can only imagine what it'll get to at a playoff game! LOL! Raised heart rate helps burn calories!

GO TRIBE!!!! 

52 Days......

52 Days.......seems easy enough, right?

Not 52 weeks. Not 52  years. 52 DAYS.

I have decided to embark on a new challenge. Back in February I was making new goals/challenges for myself each month. I did pretty well with that for a while and my weight was steadily dropping from February to May. My weight has not moved since May. That's not totally true. My weight has moved up, then down, then up, then back down.....you get the idea. It's been GREAT that I've been basically maintaining my weight; but I'm not at a point yet where maintaining my weight is a good thing.

I've posted a lot about trying to find the right mix to get the scale going back in the right direction. I still haven't found that right mix. I'm trying to do things I know worked in the past, but they aren't working now. Well; I'M not working them now. Tracking during the week and being more lenient on the weekends is fine if 1) I'm actually restricting my calories enough during the week and 2) am not going totally crazy during the weekend. In September when I was trying to do this again I was eating over 2,000 calories most days during the week (because I was still "in the green" in MFP) and then going totally crazy on the weekends.

Sigh.....

It was time for some more soul searching and for a decision to be made. It was then that I decided to challenge myself to 2 things for the next 52 days (from October 2nd to November 22nd):

1. NO WINE

2. Track and stay within MFP calories EVERY DAY. 

That's it. Two things that should be easy enough, right? But, of course, if they were that easy it wouldn't be such a damn struggle all the time. Staying within MFP calories amounts to keeping my calories at 1300 NET each day. This is actually not a hard thing to do MOST days. Most days I earn so many extra calories from activity that I can eat 2300 and still have calories remaining. The days that I don't exercise will be MUCH trickier to stay in my calorie range. 

Again I am not going to put pressure on myself as to where those calories come from. I do believe that if I track and keep my calories in the MFP range EVERY day for 52 days I WILL lose weight. Of course I just re-read my blog post from Feb 1st where I talked about how my calories were within my range most days in January but I still gained weight. So I am once again feeling uncertain about my goals and whether or not I need to just suck it up and restrict myself more. 

Looking at things from January more closely though I see that I had my NET calories set at 1660 instead of 1300 so that should make a difference right there. Regardless; tracking EVERY day and staying in MFP calorie range has got to do something positive. 

So 52 days. Today is day 2 and so far so good. I will weigh in each week to check my progress. I am going to make Thursdays my weigh in day since day 52 is a Wednesday so that means my "final" (for this challenge) weigh in will be on Thanksgiving Day. I have a goal in mind for that weigh in, but I don't think it is a realistic goal and frankly, as long as the scale goes lower than it was on May 1st I'll be content. I will pick a more realistic weight goal range for that weigh in when I weigh in on Thursday morning. 

I am also toying with the idea of blogging every day during this challenge to help keep me accountable and on track. So get ready for more posts! 

Fighting my DEMONS

Things have been interesting lately.

A few days ago I was going to write this wonderfully positive post. And today's post is still going to have a very positive vibe to it, but it's just........different.

Let's back track to a little over a week ago. It was September 9th and my sister in law and I were going to the Indians game because the give away that day was the 1977 jersey. We bought these tickets back in July as birthday gifts to ourselves since we were both born in 1977. Turns out this game also happened to be when the Indians were trying to increase their win streak to 17 games.

So we get to the game and we took some pictures. And something just hit me. I REALLY liked the selfie we took. I try not to take many selfies because I never felt like I could "get them right". I think what it really came down to was that I just didn't like how I looked in them. And, if we're being honest here, I just didn't like how I looked in ANY picture. I always forced myself to still take them periodically with the kids and such because I do want to document things in my life regardless of how I feel about myself.

On this same day I also noticed that I no longer had to stress about things fitting me. Even just last summer I would have worried about the free jersey fitting me (with good reason because it's not "too" big on me now). The weather ended up being colder than I anticipated because it was windy and we were in the shade. I ended up buying a sweatshirt and was so excited when I could get an XL and know that it would fit me big and roomy, just the way I like my sweatshirts to fit. I had gotten to the point that even the 2XL's weren't fitting with as much room as I like in a sweatshirt. This year I probably could have even just gotten a large.
The Indians won that day and it was one of the most amazing atmosphere's I've ever been a part of. The Indians continued to win and on September 13th they had a day game that also happened to be the day they were going for win #21 in a row, which would be an American League record. My sister in law and I decided we were going to go to this game as well. My parents ended up joining us and the Indians ended up WINNING! But even before all that happened I just felt good. I was feeling like my life couldn't get much better. I mean, it was a BEAUTIFUL day and I was able to decide at the last minute to go potentially witness history in the making. SIL and I took yet another picture together and for the first time in as long as I can remember (maybe ever) I looked at myself in that picture and thought how pretty/attractive/cute/(whatever positive word you want to use) I looked. It feels SO weird even typing that out. How many people look at themselves in a picture and think, "Man, I look GOOD". Maybe lots of people do that. I don't. But I did. And it felt amazing!

Ok. So you're probably starting to wonder why on Earth I titled this blog post "Fighting my DEMONS".

Even with how good I have been feeling about myself lately I still struggle every single day with trying to eat right and do what I need to do to move myself in the right direction. One would think that when I start to feel really good about myself I would only want that to continue (by losing more weight, getting faster at running, etc). I do want it to continue and I DO want to eventually reach my goals, but I think I just tend to lose my focus.

I talked in my last post about trying to find the right mix. I thought I had made the decision to do what I knew worked in the past. Well, I DID make that decision. But I sit here on September 18th continuing to doubt myself about whether or not I am doing the "right" thing. I don't think I am. I think I'm taking too many "off" days and not eating low enough calories on my "on" days. I am stressing about it when I said I wasn't going to stress about it. I'm obsessing over data and numbers instead of just TRUSTING THE PROCESS.

How many times must I say the same things to myself? In April I trusted the process. Well, not really, I doubted it the entire month but just continued with my goals that month anyway. I tracked everything I ate every single day for the entire month. I didn't even necessarily stay within my calorie range every day. Actually, I went out of my calorie range 13 days during that month and still ended up losing 6 pounds. (see what I mean with the data and numbers??)

So I fight the demons in my head. I fight the thoughts that tell me I should try to do this faster. I fight the demons that tell me it doesn't matter how slow I do it as long as it's going in the right direction. I fight the demons that are constantly fighting each other! I will continue to fight these fights and hopefully continue to make progress with how I feel about myself. I still see this going in the right direction. I still fully believe that THIS time I will do this.

Finding the right "mix"

Once again it's been a while since I posted. I definitely meant to post after my jumpstart week but then time just got away from me. The result of that week was a 5.5 lb loss. I was obviously very happy about that. That was more than a month ago now and the bad news is that my weight continues to be about the same as where it was after losing that 5.5 lbs. Not ALL bad, but the fact that in another 5 weeks I basically haven't lost anything is annoying.

Oct 2015

Not annoying because I'm doing everything right and the weight just isn't coming off. No. Annoying because I can't seem to string together more than a few days of being on track. I am trying so hard to find the right mix of healthy eating and indulging to keep my sanity and motivation.

I can't believe 2015 was already 2 years ago because it feels like it was just yesterday. In September 2015 I decided to try yet another way of losing weight and that was by simply tracking what I ate 4-5 days per week and not tracking 2-3 days per week. It was basically be very mindful of calories Mon-Thurs and get to be more lenient Fri-Sun. This post from Oct 1st talked about how my first month doing that worked.  I can still remember it really doing wonders. I never felt deprived because I would just tell myself if I still wanted it over the weekend I could have it. I took all the guilt and stress out of losing weight and in a little over 3 months I was down almost 17 pounds.

Oct 2016

You might be wondering why the heck I didn't just keep doing this after those first 3 months. Yea, me too. It was September when I started so it was December when I fell off the wagon and then struggled to get back on track until well into 2016. I've talked about it several times on this blog, but I seem to have such a hard time from about December to April. I broke that streak this year by getting back on track in February. And, even though I've been "struggling" since hitting my lowest weight on May 1st, I have maintained my weight within 3 pounds of that weight for the past 3 months.

Not only that, but I finally feel like my running is improving. I kept getting frustrated because I wasn't seeing the improvements as quickly as I wanted, but I am definitely starting to see them. I'm finally back to averaging under a 13 minute/mile for the majority of my runs and I am STOKED about that! I was just reading a post from 2016 where I posted about my longest run since 2012. I was SO excited about that 5 miles and didn't even care what the pace was. I don't even remember what intervals I was doing back then, but I think probably 3/2. Fast forward to my 5 mile run with my mom last weekend and we covered the same distance in 13 less minutes doing 3/1 intervals.

So I am back to believing that what I was doing in 2015 really was working. I remember thinking it was the least stressed I had ever been when trying to lose weight. I think I may finally be figuring this all out though. For the first time in a LONG time I can look at my weight from the past 3 years and see that I weighed less in July '15 than July '14; less in July '16 than July '15 and less today than in Aug '16. As much as I would have loved to have been at my goal weight by now, I am moving in the right direction. The key to focus on now is to stop the re-gain that I seem to encounter every year. I have re-gained some this year already, but we're talking 3 pounds. In other years I have gained back either all + more or most of my weight lost.

It's time to get the scale moving in the right direction again so that I can meet my next big goal. And in case you're wondering that next big goal is 199.9 - the elusive ONEderland! I haven't seen onederland since 2011 and even then I only saw it for a few months. My goal is to hit that benchmark before the end of this year. 

Cedar Point 2017

Does anybody remember this post from back in 2014 when I took the kids to their first trip to Cedar Point?? No? Well, you should go back and read it and then come back and read this one. Trust me. It'll be fun!

You back? Good. At the end of that post I talked about wanting to be down 50-60 pounds by the time I went again in 2015. Yea, if you notice I never blogged about Cedar Point in 2015. The reason for that is I was EVEN BIGGER and because of that had significantly less fun because I didn't even attempt certain rides due to my size.

We decided to go back this year and I was feeling very nervous and uncertain about it from the moment we decided to go. My recent memories are the ones from '14 and '15 when I couldn't fit into rides. I looked up my weights from those 2 years and compared my current weight. I was hopeful that the 20-30 (depending on if you're looking at my 2014 or '15 weight) pounds I had lost would help me to fit into more seats comfortably.

 We arrived at the park around 9:30 and actually had to wait for them to officially open the park. As soon as they let us into the park we headed straight for the newest ride....Valravn. We ended up only having to wait about 30 minutes for this ride and it was AWESOME! The absolute best part was when I sat down in the seat and reached up for the shoulder harness, I had no issue securing the harness myself!! I can't stress how awesome this made me feel. There was NO question about whether or not I fit into this ride. And that's a good thing because it's a pretty scary ride and I wouldn't have wanted to feel like I was going to fall out.

The day was amazing. It was hotter than blazes, but that didn't stop us. We spent more than 12 hours at the park and rarely stopped to rest. We rode everything we wanted to and some things we rode multiple times (like at the end of the day when Robbie kept running back onto Gatekeeper because it was quite literally a walk on)!

In 2014 I talked about the lessons I learned from my trip to Cedar Point. The one lesson that I learned this year was that it makes such a huge difference to not weigh as much as I did in 2014 (or 15). My anxiety was almost non existent. I still get a little nervous for my kids, but I don't think that'll ever go away. I had so much fun I'm contemplating taking the kids back this year (that likely won't happen though). And, it got me even more excited to continue this journey and hopefully be even smaller next year when we go. This happening during the week that I've been working on my jumpstart was perfect timing!

On Thursday when we went to CP I did not worry about my calories or about what I ate. I ate a lot, but burned even more so I wasn't worried about it. The biggest challenge was coming home and immediately getting back on track. Friday night I had a birthday party to go to for my sister in law and I was a little nervous about that coming right after a "free" day at CP. I am happy to say that, although I didn't stay at 1200 calories, I rocked it! I did not have any alcohol OR cake and tracked what I did eat. I ended the day just around 1500 calories and again, burned more than that so I'll take it! And, because I felt good about what I accomplished yesterday (and this whole week so far) I didn't even get (too) mad when the scale jumped up this morning. I got completely on track today with my 1200 calorie goal. It looks like my final calorie count today is going to be right around 1220!

This jumpstart has made such a difference in my head that it doesn't even matter what the scale says on Monday. I mean, obviously it will matter to me but I don't feel like it will derail my current effort. Monday through Wednesday were SO strong and I was already feeling really good prior to Thursday. Going to CP and not feeling nervous about fitting in the rides felt SO good that I didn't (and don't) want that to end!

I will leave you with this comparison picture (because you know I LOVE them). I am wearing the same shirt in both these pics. The one on the left was from July last year and the one on the right was Thursday at CP. I am wearing the same tank top in both pics. If you recall, I used the pic on the left for a comparison pic last summer in this post.

There's only about a 7 pound difference in these photos but I see so much more. Look at the smile on my face. I'm wearing sunglasses in the one from this year, but I don't need to see my eyes to see how much happier I am. I am not giving up this fight. I will have setbacks along the way. I will even gain back some of the weight I lost (only to have to lose it again); but I will DO this. One way or another I WILL lose this weight. I only hope that next year I can post another comparison picture and continue to see a difference.

Jumpstart

My last several blog posts have talked about how I am struggling with staying on track. I thought after my post on July 4th I was on my way back on track. I wasn't. I started trying to track consistently again with my only goal being to stay in the green on MyFitnessPal. I set my calorie goal pretty high so staying in the green really shouldn't have been that difficult (especially when adding my exercise calories back). July 4th and 5th I was in the red. The 6th I actually stayed in the green, but then the 7th-9th I didn't even track.

I tried getting back on track again on Monday (the 10th) and I did pretty well. I strung 3 days together in the green! I can't even tell you what exactly happened after that. I tracked everything I ate Thursday, but went 683 calories OVER my already pretty high calorie budget. I derailed for the weekend again. And now here we are.

I decided that what I really needed to do is just have one week where I REALLY restrict my calories as a way to kind of jumpstart my weight loss again. Last year when I tried Nutrisystem I lost almost 8lbs in the first week because it was incredibly low calories that week. I was not even hitting 1200 calories most days! There is NO WAY I can (nor should I) maintain that amount of calorie deficit for an extended period of time; but one week isn't going to kill me.

Breakfast = 215 calories

I decided that starting today my goal will be to eat as close to 1200 calories as possible for the next week. There is one day this week that I am not going to track or worry about my calories. We are taking the kids to Cedar Point on Thursday so that will be my "free" day. I will try to stay as close to 1200 calories as possible for the 6 other days of the week. I am hopeful that this will help to drop the weight that I re-gained since losing my focus in May. I won't drop all the weight I've re-gained in one week, but hopefully a big chunk of it can come off with one successful week.

Lunch = 450 calories and SO yummy! 

More importantly, I hope that one successful week can turn into 2 successful weeks and that can turn into several successful weeks! I KNOW that this isn't that hard. It isn't as hard as I make it and it's all about how I approach it in my head. The food I'm eating right now is GOOD. I refuse to eat things I don't like just because they are "good for you". That means that even when I'm restricting my calories, I am still eating yummy food. It's also not like I can never have unhealthy food again. I need to find that balance of eating in a way that I can continue to lose weight and stay happy in the process.

Dinner = 393 calories. 

Day 1 of "jumpstart" has been a success SO FAR. I now have to survive the hardest time of the day - between dinner and bed. I currently sit at 1058 calories on the day. I have had 64 oz of water so far and just filled up my 32 oz water bottle for the 3rd time. I did not have any activity on the calendar today so I decided to take the kids to do some geocaching this afternoon just to make sure I got some steps in. I feel good. It's one day closer to reaching my goal. It's one day closer to regaining my focus.

Happy 4th of July!!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful 4th of July and summer.

I have spent some time recently going through old blog posts and it has been quite interesting. I honestly LOVE having this blog for that reason. When I am struggling like I have been it is so helpful to re-read through all my positive and negative posts. These struggles are nothing new and at some point it might just get through my head that it's easier to stay on program than it is to keep falling off and getting back on.

I find it interesting that back in April I was talking about how counting calories was getting annoying and I was thinking of joining WW again since fruits and veggies are "free". I thought perhaps this would motivate me to make healthier choices. I never did join WW because, like I said in that post, I don't really understand why I can't just make better choices without having to pay for a different way to track my food.

One thing I was reminded of was that in April when I tracked my food every day I lost 6lbs even though my calories average over 2100/day. Even with that happening I continued to get hung up on how many calories I was eating in May. I continue to be so hard on myself and when I struggle to eat less calories (like try to average 1500 or 1800), I feel like a failure and then EAT. None of this makes sense.

This post from May 1st talked all about how I should start getting better at trusting the process because of the outcome of my efforts between April and May. I don't necessarily think it's about trusting the process right now though. It's just about continuing to do it when I don't want to. It is truly not that hard; yet if it were that easy everyone would be at a healthy weight, right??

I weighed myself Monday and the total damage has been 5.2 pounds gained back. It was June 15th when I posted about having gained back 2 pounds and how that could easily turn into 5, 10, etc. Well, there you go. It turned into 5+ pounds and it's time to stop the scale from going any more in that direction. I was trying, once again, to decide what "program" to follow in order to get me back on track. I realized, with the help of my own blog, that I KNOW what is healthy and what is not. I also know what it takes to lose weight and know why I stop losing. I don't need any special "program", I just need to eat less than I burn and in order to know if I'm doing that I need to track my food and exercise. I tracked all my food yesterday and kept my calories in the green. One day/one step back in the right direction. I have tracked all my food so far today and even tracked what I'm planning to eat for dinner. I have plenty of calories left to eat something after dinner if I want since I ran 5 miles today and burned lots of calories.

That's it. I need to KEEP IT SIMPLE. Track my food. Exercise. Try my best to stay in the green on MyFitnessPal, but don't beat myself up when I slip into the red. Make the next day a fresh day and try again. My next infusion is July 14th and we'll see what that scale says in comparison to my last infusion 8 weeks ago. Every time I have stepped on a doctor's scale since January I have lost weight. If I can keep this trend going (even by 1lb) I will consider that a huge success! If I'm up from my last appointment that will stink, but it'll be what it is and I'll make sure it's down the next time (which will be in August for my annual physical).

Until next time.....

2017 Race #3 - Towpath Ten-Ten

It's still exciting to me to be writing race reports again.

The Towpath Ten-Ten was my 3rd race of the year, and the 2nd of the Towpath Trilogy. I think I may have already mentioned it in my 5 miler recap from April; but I am planning to actually complete the trilogy this year. In 2012 I did the 10 miler in June and the 10k in October but hadn't done any of the distances in April so I didn't complete the trilogy. Back then I had decided that in 2013 I was going to complete the trilogy.....but we all know what happened in 2013.

So when I started running consistently again in late 2016, I decided that THIS would be the year that I would finally tackle the trilogy. And now I have completed 2 of the 3 races and definitely plan to complete the 3rd in October.

It's funny because I re-read my race recap from this race 5 years ago and back then I wasn't really "feeling" the race either. I made a comment that I had to remind myself I was running 10 miles that weekend and had to stop thinking about it like it was no big deal. Well, this time I didn't really have to remind myself and I was well aware it was a big deal; but I just couldn't get excited about it. I was thinking I would struggle and I wasn't feeling overly confident about the 10 miles. I was kind of wishing I would have signed up for the 10k instead of the 10 miler. But alas, I had signed up for the 10 miler so that was what I was going to complete.

I did not have my partner in crime because a) she's out of town and b) she's not able to run right now anyway. The good news was that my sister and brother in-law were also doing the 10 miler. That meant I at least had someone to walk to the start line with and hang out until the race started. We met in the parking lot and made the almost 1 mile trek to the starting line for the 10 miler.

The big races are fun and all, but there is something I really enjoy about smaller races. We didn't have to wait very long once we got to the start line and before we knew it they were ringing the cowbell and we were off. I lined up at the very back of the pack on purpose. Lisa and Chris took off (as I knew they would) and I started my intervals. I had decided to just stick with my 2/1 intervals even though recently I have started doing intervals based on my heart rate. Since I have really just started doing that I didn't feel confident about finishing 10 miles that way.

The first mile certainly didn't feel easy. I think I was running pretty fast when I was running and walking at an OK pace during the walk breaks. I hit the first mile at 12:42 and I was quite happy with that. Again, my watch was slightly ahead of the mile markers and by the end of the race my watch said I traveled 10.3 miles instead of "just" 10. So, again, I like my pace on my Garmin better than my official pace! 😆

My watched beeped for mile 2 and told me that mile was in 12:57. It went downhill from there. I think it was some time around mile 3 that I decided to pay attention to my heart rate. It was HOT and HUMID and I just got the feeling that I should start paying attention to my heart rate. I think perhaps it was a good thing I did because my heart rate was high (which is not anything new) and was having a hard time recovering. I started walking a lot more to try to get my HR back down before I ran again. I was finding it harder and harder to get my HR low enough to be OK with running. Then, I would start running again and it would probably take 10 seconds for my HR to spike up again.

All alone on the course

The interesting thing about yesterday was that I never got really upset. I mean, did I want to do better? Of course. But, perspective is a wonderful thing. I remembered reading my recap from 2012 and being so negative about not keeping my intervals and being slow, etc. I ended up crushing the goal I had set for myself, but I was still not happy because the goal I set was "so slow". Well guess what? Yesterday I never really picked a solid goal, but of course I had a couple in mind. I DID NOT HIT ANY OF THOSE GOALS AND THAT IS TOTALLY FINE! I was able to go out there and cover 10 miles and finish upright. I don't take that stuff for granted anymore. This was also the first time I ever actually thought I might not finish a race. Around mile 6 I realized I was pretty much all alone on the course. There were obviously people in front of me, but they were so far in front of me that I couldn't see them. I knew there was at least one person behind me and she was far enough behind that as some points I couldn't see her either. I was struggling and knew I had 4 more miles to go. I walked almost the entire 6th mile because I couldn't get my HR to go below 163. Around mile 8 I became more confident I would finish, but I wasn't feeling good. I would try to run and when I stopped I would get light headed. When that happened I decided that it was stupid to push myself to an extreme that might hurt me. I basically walked the rest of the race. I might have put a few 1 minute run intervals in there, but not many.

I crossed the finish line in 2:33:34. As a reminder, in 2012 I crossed the finish line in 2:17:04 and I was not happy with that. Yesterday I came in dead last in my age group and I came in 342nd out of 350....and I don't care. Well, I don't care is not really the correct statement. I care. I want to be faster. I wish I could just push through and finish, but I can't (yet) and that's OK. At least I'm out there trying and not giving up. The heat and humidity were no joke. I thought the half marathon was hot/humid and yesterday was 12 degrees hotter and I'm guessing the humidity was higher as well.

This is my "it is what it is, at least I got the medal" face.

It's been awhile......

It's been almost a month since my last blog post and, as usual, that is because I have been struggling.

Struggling now, like I was struggling to get up this hill. 

The good news is that I've "only" gained about 2 pounds since my lowest weigh in on May 1st. The bad news is that I can't seem to get my head out of my butt and get myself back on track! I do wonder if this is a little of those post race blues. I talked about this experience after completing the full marathon in 2012. The same type of thing is happening now. I completed the half marathon in May, which was my BIG goal for the year. It was my "comeback" race. It was the race to prove to myself that I actually CAN do this again and I will get back to where I once was (and continue on). And now it's over.

BEST RACE PIC EVER!!!!!

It's so weird because it's not like I don't have other goals for this year. I have the Towpath 10-10 coming up this weekend and I'm doing the 10 miler. I was thinking about tackling the full marathon distance again this year, but have since decided not to push it (for so many reasons). But, I would like to complete at least one more half marathon this year so it's not like I don't have an idea of "what's next". If I have more goals to tackle, WHY am I having such a hard time doing that?

Perhaps one reason is because my partner in crime is currently injured so we haven't been working out together. Thankfully I gave my mom the running bug last summer so I have her to run with once a week. The last 2 weekends we have met to cover 6 miles, which has been GREAT! But during the week I am struggling to find the motivation to get my exercise in. It's summer so my schedule is all thrown off. I don't have the workout class that I do 2 days per week during the school year. I have spent some time gardening (splitting hostas, spreading mulch, etc) and I am getting on the treadmill at least a few times a week; but I'm just not feeling it. Yes, the treadmill is boring, but I find I'm more likely to just do that then to go outside by myself to run. It's also stinking hot so running in my cool basement is better than outside in the hot sun.

Matchy-matchy! :)

I wonder if some of my lack of motivation comes from my poor eating choices of late. I really think it does all go hand in hand. My food has not been going well for well over a month now. I mean, I first started talking about my struggling with this post on May 8th! June 15th and I have yet to have really gotten back on track with my food. I texted Leslie this week and told her that this was IT. This was my week to get my head out of my butt and to get back on track with my food. I lasted ONE DAY. Sigh........

It's really so stupid. This is truly NOT that hard. If I just exercise and track my food I can lose weight and do it pretty easily. If I'm exercising I can afford to eat more calories and still lose weight; but I need to track those calories to keep everything in check. My goals are not lofty. I'd like to average 4-8 lbs lost per month. This amounts to 1-2 lbs per week. I am not asking for too much and I am more than capable of achieving those goals. I'm not going to achieve any of my fitness goals without achieving these weight loss goals.
So it's time. It's time to stop being stupid. It's time to resume tracking my food. It's time to up my exercise. It's time to lose this weight before I put any more of it back on. 2 pounds isn't bad, but 2 can become 5, can become 10 and before I know it I will have re-gained the 40lbs I have lost from my highest ever weight. I can not and will not let that happen. In fact; I think it's time for me to go hop on that treadmill.

Determination

2017 Rite Aid Cleveland HALF Marathon

It's here folks! My first half marathon race report on this blog! I started this blog on May 25, 2012 and did not write a "race report" for the half marathon that year. It wasn't a good race at all and I was focused on blogging about my full marathon training.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I was actually starting to get really emotional leading up to Sunday. I started looking at the weather forecast as soon as I could. I was worried (of course) because they were calling for HOT and HUMID and potential thunderstorms. The race in 2012 was hot and humid to a degree that I heard rumors about them red-flagging the race by the time I was done (not sure if it was actually red-flagged or not).

I started to worry the most that they would actually have to end up canceling the event due to lightening. I know that the last thing race directors want to do is cancel a race; but I also know they want to keep us all safe.

Now to wait!

So Saturday I tried to go to bed early knowing I'd have to get up around 4 AM Sunday. I failed and ended up see the clock every hour until about 1 AM. Oddly enough, the next time I looked at the clock it was 4:04 AM and I decided to just get out of bed and not wait for my alarm to go off at 4:15. I looked at the weather one last time and watched the radar. It looked like the rain was going to hold off until about 9:30 and it looked to me like the lightening might hold off all together. This definitely put me more at ease.

I picked Leslie up and we were downtown and in a parking spot by about 5:50. We walked to the starting area and ended up hanging out inside the Q (Quicken Loans Arena) while we waited the hour+ for the start. My sister was running the 10k with her husband and amazingly they found us. Leslie and I were walking around in the Q and all of the sudden I heard my name. I turned and saw my brother in law.

We then all walked around the Q for a while until we decided to head out to the corrals. It was kind of crazy because we were heading towards our corral and the national anthem started. I have NEVER not been already in my starting corral when they play the national anthem! After the national anthem ended we made our way into our corral. We actually ended up being a little farther up than I had originally planned, but the crowd had started moving forward so we just jumped in.

Look at all the people!!! 

In 2011 I believe it took me about 10+ minutes to actually cross the start line from when they started the clock. In 2012 it took me more like 20 minutes. I was shocked this year that it was only about 7:08 when we were crossing that start line! And then we were off!

The start felt really good. I felt like I was moving at a pretty good pace and those first 2 minutes of running just flew by. It is ALWAYS  hard to stop to walk after only 2 minutes in a race, but I knew that if I just kept running I would struggle (even more) in the second half of the race. I am always careful to know my surroundings though and since the course is still pretty congested at this time I make sure I'm off to the side and no one is directly behind me before I walk. There were a couple times we had to run a few seconds extra to be sure we didn't trip anyone.

My watch beeped to let me know we hit mile 1 and I noticed

Starting line selfie! (complete with photo bomber)

that we hadn't actually crossed the 1 mile flag so I knew my Garmin was going to be off. By the end of the race my Garmin read 13.6 miles instead of 13.1. No biggie, but it just means that I like the pace my Garmin says I ran better than my official results! Miles 1-4 were AMAZING! Every time my watch beeped I would look at my wrist and would see we were not only maintaining an awesome pace, but we were pretty darn consistent. Mile 5 was slower because there was a pretty decent hill at some point between miles 4 and 5. We were able to speed back up a little after that hill, but our pace was definitely getting consistently SLOWER starting with mile 5. I believe that I finished 5 miles slightly faster than I did during the Towpath 5 miler in April.

The struggling really started between miles 8 and 9. I had to talk myself through the rest of the miles. Every time we hit a new mile marker I would tell myself I'm just looking for the next mile.

One of these days I'll negative split a race!

Prior to race day I was not feeling overly confident about my finishing time. I knew I could do it. Even when we had a horrible 14 mile run, we still covered the distance. I always want to at least beat my slowest half marathon time. Obviously getting a PR every time I race is amazing. That's what happened in 2011. I did the Cleveland Half in May and PR'd by 24 minutes (that's a LOT). I then did another half marathon in November and took off another 14 minutes. Not only was I PRing every time, but I was taking significant chunks of time off. Of course I know that even the best runners don't get better every single time they go out there. My half in 2012 was the 2nd worst time I've ever gotten and as much as that sucked I was just happy to finish. So, I wanted better than 3:20 and wasn't feeling confident about that. Of course I REALLY wanted less than 3 hours, but I thought there was NO WAY that was happening.

The good and bad of having my Garmin is that I knew how close I was to finishing in under 3 hours. I have no idea if I would have pushed myself more if I didn't know. I do know that I got to a certain point around mile 12 when I knew I wasn't going to break 3 hours, but I knew I was going to be way closer than I ever thought so it was OK to not push quite as hard. My official finishing time was 3:05.00.

There is that nasty part of myself that is upset that I was SO CLOSE to breaking 3 hours and I didn't push myself a little harder. But, I am quieting that mean person and listening to the more reasonable person who tells me that my time doesn't matter! This has been 5 YEARS in the making. Crohn's Disease tried to beat me. It worked really hard for 3 years fighting my efforts to quiet it. Crohn's may have slowed me down for a few years, but I never stopped fighting. I fought every step of the way even when I didn't feel like it. And now I'm back. Screw you, Crohn's. You WILL not beat me.

Sweaty, Salty, but still SMILING! 

I have told her many times, but I'm not sure that Leslie will ever realize the role she played in my comeback. I can guarantee you that without her I would not be writing this post. I am so thankful that our boys became friends and that we ended up connecting the way we do. Not only did she start running with me back in November 2016, but she stayed with me every step of the way yesterday. She was never more than a few steps in front of me and didn't even seem annoyed when I needed to take extra walk breaks. I have such a hard time believing that she doesn't care about going slow; but perhaps I'm starting to believe her.

And I think one of the coolest things was while watching Fox 8 News this morning I happened to look up from my computer when they mentioned the marathon. As I'm watching the clip I see ME about to cross the finish line! How cool is that!?!?!? And, it might be hard to tell in the pic, but I look SO HAPPY! I was. And I am.