#noexcuses Week 6

If you look back through my blog you will see that for a very long time I felt like such a broken record. I would often talk about how hard this journey is and how much I'm struggling. Finally, after almost 7 years of having this blog I feel like I am now a broken record in the other direction. 

Week 6 was pretty amazing. I don't have too much to add to my blog this week because it's really all the same as what I talked about last week. My brain has finally had this mental shift and it is making this not nearly as difficult as it has been in the past.

Am I saying that all the sudden this is a piece of cake? Of course not! Did I still have times this past week where I had to keep myself from eating? Every. Damn. Day. But the difference is that I am winning those battles more than I used to. Wednesday this week I decided to go run some errands so I wouldn't sit on my couch and eat in the afternoon. I ended up at Target and proceeded to torture myself by walking up and down the food aisles. I still resisted and ended the day with a 750+ calorie deficit. Thursday I got smarter and went clothes shopping instead 😉

Today was an exciting day for me. Not only was the scale down 2.2 from last week; but it also put me in a new decade; the lowest I've been since before I was pregnant with Robbie (he'll be 13 this year); and officially down more than 60 pounds from my highest ever weight in 2014. It was a big day! 😁

As I did 2 weeks ago, I am giving myself today as a splurge day where I don't track or really worry about what I'm eating. Tomorrow I will get right back to crushing my goals. I am 1.2 pounds away from the goal I had set for myself for the first 8 weeks of this challenge. I am confident I can hit that by 8 weeks and am feeling that there's even a chance I could hit that number next week. I've now lost 3 weeks in a row though, so I am totally fine if I can't drop 1.2 pounds this next week. 

Can't believe it's already been 6 weeks. On to week 7........

#noexcuses Week 5

More than halfway through the first 8 weeks of this challenge. If it were last year I'd be in the home stretch. I am so glad the challenge this year is 16 weeks. I feel like I am on such a roll right now that I just want it to keep going. I know that just because the challenge ends doesn't mean I have to stop; but I also know that when the challenge ends I'll be more likely to take a break.

Week 5 has been kind of amazing! I didn't drop a ton of weight this week or anything, but the changes happening in my head are what made this past week so great.

I really think the epiphany that I had a couple weeks ago regarding why I have been so obsessed with the scale has continued to truly help me in my journey. I got back on the scale this week but I truly did not let it dictate anything. I actually found it slightly amusing when it kept creeping up by 2 tenths of a pound every day even though my food was on point. I also figured that it probably meant that I'd have a big drop at some point so that kept me motivated to just keep going. I was right and by my official weigh in on Saturday I was down 1.6 from the week before to put me at a total of 11 pounds in 5 weeks. That puts me 3.4 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit at the 8 week mark. I have 3 weeks to lose that 3.4 pounds and I am confident it will happen.

So the other thing I thought a lot about this week was the time it takes to lose weight. I've mentioned this before, but I have actually, really, changed my thinking to believe that it truly doesn't matter how long it takes me to lose this weight. In some weird way though, I also am finding myself believing that I will hit my weight loss goal this year. It's kind of a weird transition that's happening in my head because even though I'm starting to believe I could weigh 150 pounds by the end of this year; I also don't really care whether I do or I don't. And therein lies the huge mental shift that I think is helping me more than anything. I think I am finally able to make this mental shift because I am actually starting to believe that I will get to where I want to be eventually. And eventually is better than never.

A better outfit, a better angle and pose, but still a big
difference in 11 months (3-18-18 to 2-17-18).
FYI - there's only a 15 pound difference in these pics. 

I realized this week that when you go through a weight loss journey with the attitude that it's never fast enough you are bound to fail. Harsh? Maybe, but true. I've spent many years wishing that it would come off faster and then I would inevitably stop and gain back everything I had lost plus some more. And of course this makes sense. If you're trying to lose weight and constantly feeling that what you're doing is not good enough why would you keep doing it? I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it, but I'm so glad that I have finally been able to see this.

That's not to say I'm going to be "perfect" now because I've finally seen the light! No, it just means that I feel like I'm going to take some of the pressure off and just do what I know to do and move on. I still gained weight between November and January, but I gained significantly less than I have in years past. I think this is a step in the right direction.

With all these realizations continuing this week, I decided to change my plan ever so slightly. It's not really too much of a change of what I'm doing so much as how I'm thinking. I ended my WW subscription again. I double track anyway and I more often use MFP (My Fitness Pal) to ultimately decide what to eat in terms of calories rather than points. If I had a day where I was already at 23 points, but had only eaten 1200 calories I wouldn't mind eating more points since I clearly could have more calories. Anyway, if I'm going to rely more heavily on MFP anyway than why pay for WW and have to deal with double tracking? So here's my new plan: track my food on MFP and focus on my calorie deficit each day. The goal will be to have at least a 500 calorie deficit most days. There will be days when I have much more than that and probably days where I won't have a deficit at all; and that'll be OK. If I can average a 500 calorie deficit every day of the week I should average about a pound a week loss.  Last week I averaged a 900 calorie deficit for 6/7 days (if you recall I gave myself last Saturday as a splurge day so I didn't track) and I lost 1.6 pounds. I realize it won't always work that way and that's OK. If I focus on having a calorie deficit most days than my weight will continue to go down.

On to week 6!

#noexcuses Week 4

Remember this awesome post exactly one year ago today??? Last year I decided that I wanted to have a 30 day check in on the scale at Living Lean. That post was all about how that totally back-fired on me I basically had a mental meltdown.

Even after my post last week about my obsession with the scale, I decided I wanted to do the same this year and get a 4 week weigh in at LL. I did that yesterday and I'm happy to report that my reaction to it was completely different from last year. The LL scale was very comparable to my home scale so that's great!

After my disappointing weigh in last Saturday I decided to stay off the scale for at least a few days. I actually found that figuring out why I am so obsessed with the scale helped me mentally this week. I am going to continue to try to just weigh in once a week, but I am not sure how well that will go. This obsession with the scale isn't going to go away overnight.

As you can see, I lost everything I had gained last week plus another 1.8 pounds bringing my 4 week total to 9.4 pounds. I am getting so close to a new low!! I am going to try as hard as I can to stay focused while not going totally crazy. Last week I ended up eating significantly less points, but was eating more calories each day. Basically that means that I was focusing on those healthier options (0 point foods) to fill in those calories.

My average calories were still a little lower than last week, but that's because I was more consistent. Rather than keeping my calories super low each day and having a day where I just binged (because I felt more deprived); I kept my calories slightly higher every day. I think that helped keep me more balanced mentally. I had several days this past week where I ate more than 1700 calories and only a few days where I was under 1400.

Breakfast, lunch and snack on repeat this week. 

I decided that today I'm going to give myself a "splurge" day. I am not going to track today and just take a day to not focus so much on food. Tomorrow I will be right back at it and focusing on crushing my goals. I am 5 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit in the first 8 weeks and I have 4 weeks to hit that. Even with a 3 pound gain one week this month I still managed to average a 2.4 pound loss per week. I know that rate won't continue; especially since at the start of this challenge my weight was higher than it's been in months; but I am willing to bet that I can maintain a 1.25 pound average loss for the next 4 weeks so I can meet my first goal.

That 5 pounds will also put me lower than I've been since before I got pregnant with Robbie! That means it'll be the smallest I've been since 2005! Let's DO THIS!!

#noexcuses Week 3 Weigh In

Happy February!

Template made by @ww_gritandgrace on instagram

January wasn't quite as successful as I wanted it to be but I was down for the month so I'll take that. I was hopeful that I would have had a bigger loss on the month, but I gained a few pounds between Jan 1st and the start of the challenge on Jan 14th. I also struggled a lot this week so my weight was up on Feb. 1st from where it was last weekend.

Week 3 of the challenge was definitely more difficult than the first 2 weeks. I was struggling mentally the entire week and by Thursday I gave in to my emotions.

Here is what I am proud of though:
1) I drank a gallon of water EVERY day this week regardless of what my other food choices were.
2) I did not drink any wine. I told myself no wine for the 16 week challenge so it's just not an option. Usually when I "give in" I want to give in all the way and just drink because I mind as well. To continue to abstain from alcohol this week was huge.
3) I tracked my food all but 1 day really (I did not track yesterday).
4) I worked so hard in my LL workout on Thursday that I burned over 600 calories in that workout! I have never done that before (even when I weighed significantly more)!

So I ate too much a few days this week. Like I said, I didn't track yesterday, but when yesterday started I had 46 FitPoints remaining on the week. I am guessing that if I went over those yesterday it wasn't by a ton.

The scale was up 3 pounds today and as annoying as that is, I am working on not letting that bother me. It really doesn't make sense that the scale would be up so much in one week. There have been plenty of times where I've eaten a lot more than I did this week and only gained a pound in a week. This is when that whole idea of "forget the number" comes into play. But then this morning I saw this post from Meredith at Swim Bike Mom and I started having an epiphany of sorts. (I have had those a lot over the last few years).

STRENGTH...it cannot measure strength

I keep saying that I don't have a goal weight and I still believe that. But then I find myself still thinking about that number and I know that when my weight gets closer to that number I am going to want to get there and if I don't I will probably feel like a failure. Or that what I've done is not good enough. You know I have such an issue with that good enough complex. I was going to link old posts where I've talked about it but when I searched "good enough" in my blog it came up with so many old posts that I decided not to bother. You get the point. I have an issue with feeling like what I'm doing (or have done) is good enough.

Today I finally realized why I have such an obsession with the scale and why I haven't been able to let it go yet. This is huge, people, and I hope that it is the start of a serious change in my mindset.

When I posted about my goals for the #noexcuses challenge I said that I basically didn't know how to measure my success without having a number goal for the scale. I said that I would love to have a body fat % goal, but that I just don't know what is realistic to lose in body fat percentage in 16 weeks. All that remains true, but this is what has helped me today to realize why I have such an obsession with the scale. In all of this time I have used the scale to determine whether or not I am "doing it right". OMG people.  It seems so simple that I can't believe I hadn't seen it before.

If the scale shows that I lost weight this week then what I did that week must have been right. And if it shows a gain, then obviously what I did was wrong. No wonder why I let the scale dictate my mood. How would you like it if you started your day with someone telling you what you're doing is wrong? The fact of the matter is I know what is healthy (i.e. right) and unhealthy (i.e. wrong). I  use the scale to make myself believe that whatever I did that week was healthy even if it really wasn't; or unhealthy if it really wasn't. Basically, if I have a week where my calories are high and perhaps I had some wine, etc and the scale goes down the next week; I forget what I know about nutrition and health and believe that perhaps my body can "handle" that amount of calories because the scale went down. So then I eat that same way the next week and the scale goes up. Well, now I think I must be wrong and that I don't really know anything and I get frustrated. Can you blame me? This is a ridiculous cycle.

Here's the thing: the number on the scale is something that so easily goes down (or up) quickly. As much as losing weight takes a lot of time, you can make that number on the scale go up or down quickly in a finite period of time. So, for people like me who have no patience, it's the easiest thing to focus on. It's an easy way for me to get faster validation that what I'm doing is right instead of having to wait weeks, months, years, etc to see the fruits of my labor. I so easily get bogged down with thoughts of "if I'm not losing weight then why bother?" What I should be focusing on is being the healthiest version of me while finding that balance to live my life.

Skinny was never the goal

I think part of the reason why I love comparison photos so much is that it shows me that even when it feels like it's taking forever; it's still happening. It also shows that sometimes what the scale says doesn't matter. I have always played into the whole number on the scale doesn't matter attitude - but only to a point. The fact is the scale does matter to a certain extent. I am still overweight right now whether that scale number matters or not. My body fat percentage is higher than what is considered healthy and my measurements are bigger than what they should be. So I sit here and believe that eventually the scale won't matter to me. I believe that when my body fat gets into a percentage that I find acceptable I won't care what the number on the scale is. That's all well and good, but how do I take that focus off the scale now? The fact of the matter is if I do what I know to do the number on the scale will go down. If I lose the body fat that I want to lose I will weigh less overall. But losing 1% of body fat takes a whole lot more time than losing 1 pound on the scale. That's why I tend to focus on the scale so much.

The goal now is to start shifting my brain to not rely so heavily on that number on the scale. I know I've said this several times over the years, but now that I believe I have figured out why I've been so focused on the scale, I believe I can overcome it. It's not going to be easy. As I write this I am torn on whether I'm going to continue to weigh myself or not. There's that part of me that wants to keep weighing myself at least on a weekly basis so I can have a nice record of what my weight did during this challenge. But WHY?  That's the thing. It doesn't matter. What matters is the end result of the 16 week challenge. What matters is finding that balance of continuing to lose weight while not driving myself crazy. What matters is continuing to have NSV's like being able to borrow my daughter's sweatshirt.

Wearing Mary's sweatshirt

 What matters is finding a way to stay more consistent so that my weight continues to go down (regardless of how slowly) without rebounding quite as much as I do every single year. And finally, what matters is continuing this journey well after I get to a point where I decide I am at an acceptable weight so that I stay there.

Having said all that I think I am going to (once again) step off the scale and focus on what I know how to do. Not sure when I will weigh myself again and I'm not going to declare that I'm giving up the scale for good or anything; but I am truly going to focus on changing my mindset when it comes to that scale.