April Goals

Time to talk about more GOALS! I think this might become a new "normal" post for me. I like setting goals to strive for at the start of the month. And it's fun to look back and see how I did. Let's start there, shall we?? If you recall, I posted on March 1st about my March Goals. To remind you; here are the goals I set for myself for March:

1. Continue to avoid McDonald's. Other fast food places are OK because none of them are the trigger that McDonald's is for me. 
2. Limit wine. 
3. Stay OFF the scale until my infusion on March 27th.
4. Workout 6 days per week. 
5. Track my food at least 6 out of 7 days of the week. 

Let's see how I did with those goals this month. 

Goal #1 - NO McDonald's

Success!! I call this goal a success because I have not had a MEAL at McDonald's since January. I will confess that I had a caramel sundae at McDonald's after my son's music program. I didn't count that because the only reason we went there is because there is NO other ice cream place for us to go at 8PM on a school night when we want to get the kids in to bed. My kids have learned that when Grandma and Grandpa come to watch a concert, production, sporting event, etc. there will likely be ice cream afterward. In the summer it's no big deal because we have a yummy place that is outside. However, any time that's between October and May becomes more of a challenge. Anyway, so I don't count getting ice cream at McDonald's as having McDonald's. Not only have I had no McDonald's this month, but I also haven't had Burger King, Wendy's, or Taco Bell. Again, those aren't big triggers for me, but I find it funny when I give up McDonald's that the others seem to naturally go away too. 

Waiting for ice cream at McD's

Goal #2 - Limit Wine

Hmmmm.....I guess it all depends on what your definition of "limit" is. If you think that means drink wine only on the weekends then I succeeded at this one. If you think that  means only drink once or twice the entire month than I failed at this one. In my definition I failed at this one. I had wine every weekend this month. With that considered I'm thinking I should be happy with ANY weight loss this month! 

Goal #3 - Stay OFF the Scale until March 27th

We already know how this went. FAILED. But, I haven't consciously used the scale to sabotage myself so that's good. 

Goal #4 - Workout 6 days per week

Success! The only week that I didn't workout 6 days was this week. I didn't work out Monday because I had my infusion and I don't workout on infusion days (I think that's fair). I'm still calling this a success because if I didn't have my infusion I would have worked out on Monday. Also, I almost didn't workout last Sunday but I found myself on the treadmill because I knew it was a scheduled workout day. 

Goal #5 - Track my food 6 days per week

Another fail. I would say I consistently tracked my food 5 days per week. There were several weeks this month that I succeeded in tracking 6 days, but not all month. 

 

So March wasn't great in terms of meeting my goals. I think staying away from McDonald's was a biggie though and I'm happy that I have continued that one. Working out consistently is also very important so that's great! But, there are definitely areas that I need to continue to work on. 

Let's move on to the goals I have been thinking about for April. 

Goal #1 Continue with NO McDonald's

You knew that was coming, right? This one continues to be huge for me. I know the longer I go and the more weight I lose I will start to think I can handle it again. I need to remember that my past has shown me otherwise. Again, other fast food is OK because nothing is as much of a trigger as McDonald's. 

Goal #2 NO WINE

You read that right. No wine. Not even on Easter. It may suck but I am an all or nothing person. I was originally going to say I could have wine only on Easter Sunday; but I have a bad feeling that if I did that it would balloon into more. I mean, in March I was only going to have wine at my mom's birthday dinner and my birthday; that morphed into starting on March 1st at dinner and continuing every weekend throughout the month. 

Goal #3 Track EVERY day in April

This is a pretty big deal. I've tried this goal before and have yet to succeed in it. Back in 2014 I did the Whole30 and that still has been the only time I have completely stuck to something for 30 days with absolutely NO "cheats". When I finished the Whole30 I was struggling with staying on track. I wrote this blog post about how I was going to stay totally strict on the Weight Watchers program I was doing for at least 30 days to compare my results so when I did the Whole30. I can tell you I didn't meet that goal. So here it is again. I'm not even trying to be "perfect" and stay within my calories every day. I am simply challenging myself with tracking every day. I know that if I'm tracking every day the chances that I will go over my calories is lower than if I'm not tracking. 

Goal #4 Continue to workout 6 days per week

This one should be easy enough. 

Goal #5  That DAMN scale

This one is by far the hardest goal. Isn't that funny? So here's my plan for April: on April 1st I am going to weigh myself and take my measurements. I am then going to stay OFF the scale until May 1st when I will get on the scale again and take my measurements again. 

With all these things in place it will be interesting to see what the scale reflects after 30 days. I have 7 weeks until the Cleveland Half Marathon and I really want to see how close I can get to my lowest racing weight. It's not realistic that I'll hit that weight, but I can get close to it. If I work hard I can be smaller than any other time I've done the Cleveland Half (in 2011 and 2012). 

Catch 22

My posts have been really positive and happy lately. This one will be a little less so.

You know from my recent posts that things are going pretty well. I'm back to running. It's slow, but I'm out there doing it. I've worked up to 9.5 miles, which I did last Friday. 9.5 miles is certainly nothing to sneeze at. AND, those 9.5 miles were covered at a faster pace than the 8 miles 2 weeks prior. So not only am I increasing mileage, but I'm increasing my speed as well.

Sidenote: I feel really funny still using the word "speed" or saying "faster" because my pace is so slow; but I did increase my speed and I did go faster Friday than 2 Fridays before so it's an accurate statement. LOL

Here's where the frustration comes into play. I have Crohn's Disease. This is not new information. I've discussed this nasty disease on my blog several other times. In April 2015 I started on yet another new medication. We are about to hit the 2 year mark of this medication. This is the longest a medication has worked for me since starting my flare back in 2012. (Prior to that, the meds I was on from 2008 worked great). This medication has brought me back to 100% and has been a literal life-saver (or at least colon-saver!). I decided it was really time to ramp up my weight loss efforts and start training again since I had been pretty well in "remission" for the past year.

I am obviously very sensitive to cues my body gives me. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the fact that I have Crohn's Disease. I have been feeling really good in that regard, but I still think about it on a daily basis. Having said that, whenever I feel the slightest stomachache I worry about what that might mean. In the last 2 weeks I've probably had 3 days where my stomach has felt off. It doesn't seem like a lot, and for me (when I'm flaring) it's NOTHING. And, it's not even like my stomach hurt the entire days those days either. I shouldn't be worried, but that's what I do.

I get pissed even thinking about the fact that I could possibly be doing harm to myself by trying to lose weight and workout. I mean WTF?!?! WHAT am I supposed to do? Being fat and unfit is bad for everyone; but trying to get thinner and fitter is bad for ME!?!?! I sure as hell hope not. But sometimes it feels that way since as soon as I start to get myself back on track I tend to start getting stomach pains. Back in January I had a week where I worked out 8 times in 5 days. That Friday night I felt like absolute crap. I decided at that moment I would not be doing 2-a-day workouts anymore. Losing weight is important, but not important enough to send myself into a flare.

I had my last infusion on 1/30/17 and things were just fine. I had my infusion today so I'm going to be paying close attention to how my body continues to react to things. My stomach wasn't too happy with me for doing 9.5 miles Friday, but then I was completely fine the rest of the weekend (and, it was completely fine for the duration of the run. It only became angry when I went through the bulk of the rest of the day before I replenished the calories I had burned. It stopped hurting once I actually ate a good amount of calories). It's so hard to know what is "normal". Lots of people get gastro distress after (or during) running long distances. Maybe that is all that was on Friday. But, I can't mess around with it. I have to pay attention and be extra vigilant about what my body might be telling me.

So listen up Crohn's Disease; I don't have time for your shit. I have BIG goals this year and I am determined to meet them! I AM stronger than you and I WILL beat you! 

But, let's end things on a lighter note. I had a goal I wanted to meet for this infusion today. If you recall; I was going to wait until today to weigh in. We also know that I didn't meet that particular goal. BUT, my other goal was to lose between 8-16 pounds since my last infusion (averaging 1-2lbs/week lost). I am happy to report that my weight loss on the scale today was 10 pounds (an average of 1.25 lbs/week)! Given how many times I let myself have a little too much freedom during these last 8 weeks, I'll take 10 pounds and run with it! Also, when I think back to my goals in the fall of 2015 I was trying to lose 5 pounds a month and was successful with that for 3 months (until the holiday's hit). If I can continue to lose 5 pounds a month I will be down another 45 pounds by the end of this year, and closer to my goal weight than I've been since right after Mary was born.....and, yea, she just turned 13! 

My goal for my next infusion will be the same - be down another 8-10 pounds. Obviously anything over 10 would be phenomenal, but I will be happy with 8 - that equates to a 1lb/week loss and frankly anything less than today's weight is still moving in the right direction. 

Reflection

I was trying to think of what I wanted to post about or if I was going to post at all. Then something amazing happened and I decided I wanted to share it.

I spent some time today reading some of my blog posts from the past 5 years. It's funny because in one of them I talked about how I wasn't going to focus so much on getting to a certain number by my 40th birthday and I'd just be happy if I didn't weigh what I weighed that day. And, today, I am happy to report that I do NOT weigh what I did last year. And, the number is smaller and NOT bigger!

You know how much I love my comparison photos! I can't express enough how much these help me. It might pain me to put those "before" pictures out there, but it shows me how far I have come even when I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere. It shows me that even though I still have a LONG way to go, there is a big  difference between 240.6 pounds and 215 pounds. It shows me that I AM DOING THIS!!!! 

For the first time today in a very long time I was proud of the reflection I saw staring at my in the mirror. So proud that I decided it was time for a pic. The pants I'm wearing in this pic were ones that I bought at Target yesterday because several of my current exercise pants are getting too big. The 2 pairs of workout capri's that I've been wearing the most are a 2x from the women's department at Kohl's. The capri's below are an XL from the workout department at Target. 

Remember in this post back in February I said I was thinking about making myself a deal....NO MORE Plus size clothing. If the XL or whatever size in the "regular" department doesn't fit, I don't get to buy it. Well, I am sticking to that. I don't think I mentioned the fact that I decided I wanted to try a pair of non-plus size jeans. Now, here's where things get a little sticky with semantics. When I say "plus size" I am talking about having to specifically go into the "women's" department and buy a 16W or 18W, etc. If the ladies section goes up to an 18, to me that's not "plus" size because it came off the rack of the regular section of the store. However, there are plenty of people who would say that anything above a size 14 (or even 12) is plus size. I'm not one of them!

So, as I was saying.....I decided I wanted to see if a pair of "regular" size 18 jeans would fit me. The
ones I have been wearing are either a 20W or 18W. The 18W that I have were starting to feel a little big so I thought there was a good chance they would fit. And you know what?? They DID! So I bought them. And every time I bring home a new pair of pants, I put a bigger pair in my giveaway pile. I really do not want to ever need those clothes again. I want to continue going in this direction. I haven't gone this much in this direction since 2011 when I went 40 pounds in the right direction. But even back then I didn't continue. Even in 2012 when I was continuing my fitness craze and completed and trained for a triathlon and marathon (and other races); I was gaining weight rather than losing. I want and need to figure out both. And I feel like I might actually be on my way to doing that.

Size 18 jeans! :) And a 1x shirt that is actually too big!

Complacency

Well. I'm officially 40. And I really don't mind being 40.

Clearly, we had a good time at my party. The shirt that I'm wearing has some significance. Back in 2015 when we went to Disney I saw a Star Wars t-shirt that I absolutely loved. It was like a baseball jersey with the number 77 on the back (since that is when Star Wars first debuted). Given that 77 is the year I was born I REALLY wanted that shirt. But, alas, the shirt only went up to an XL an we're talking "ladies" sizing so I knew there would be NO way it would fit and it would just depress me. Last summer when I hit my lowest weight since 2012 I regretted not buying it. 

Fast forward to December 2016 and we were back at Disney! I gained back about 10lbs that I had lost, but was still almost 20lbs lighter than the previous trip to Disney. I found a different Star Wars shirt with the 77 on the back. This one came in an XXL and since it's still a ladies cut I figured it would absolutely fit! I tried it on as soon as I got back to my room (after buying it, mind you) and I almost cried. There was NO WAY I would wear it in public. I told my husband I was going to return it. He told me not to. He said it would fit better soon. This was my goal. To be able to wear the shirt on my 40th birthday. It's still tighter around my arms than I'd like, but I wore it! 

So I mentioned in my last post about how when I got on the scale last week I was initially not happy. I  had thought the number would be lower because my clothes were fitting better. I mean, there was a week where every day I was able to pick something else from my closet that I hadn't worn yet because it didn't fit when I originally got it. Drew had gotten me clothes for Christmas 2015 because I had lost weight and was planning to continue. Yea, those clothes didn't quite fit back then and they were winter/fall type clothes so even though they probably would have fit last August, I hadn't tried. I've now worn all of them. 

I always thought the scale was my only source of sabotage, but I realize now it's not the scale as much as it is just ME. Even before I knew what number was on the scale I was already starting to feel complacent! CLEARLY I have lots of weight to still lose so there is NO reason to be getting complacent already. But, I found it harder and harder to stay on track as I was fitting into more clothes from the back of my closet. I actually think getting on the scale last week really helped this complacency. When I saw the number staring back at me I realized there was nothing to be complacent about. 

This week I have struggled. My food has been on point and I've had calories "left" every day; but the mental battles have been horrible. I wanted to get on the scale yesterday, but I was SO afraid it would be up from last week because Saturday and Sunday I didn't track. I decided it wasn't a good idea to get on the scale because I was already struggling and didn't need any extra ammunition to add to my struggles. I was going to wait until Friday, but this morning I decided to just get on the scale. I had to have a nice little pep talk with myself to prepare myself for what it might say and that it doesn't matter and I'll just stay the course. 

Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see what number came up on the scale. I didn't believe it. I thought maybe the scale that I thought was broken was actually broken. I went downstairs to get on the trusty scale we have that has worked forever. The number on that scale was only .8 higher than upstairs.....and the number was low enough that .8 didn't matter to me! The number is officially the LOWEST since 2012. It puts me somewhere around 1-2 lbs heavier than when I finished my marathon in 2012. I am NOT complacent. I am happy. I feel motivated. I feel validated in my efforts. Now to continue to not feel complacent and to know that I still have a long way to go......but I CAN do it. I AM doing it. 

Two out of Three Ain't Bad.......

Mary made her very own cake this year! 

Well, I did it. I just couldn't resist that damn scale any longer. I weighed myself this week! But, I did last an entire month before weighing myself, which is pretty much unheard of for me. I also spent that month focusing on the "process" and not being able to doubt the process while getting on the scale every day. The result? I lost about 6lbs since I last weighed in. Initially I wasn't happy with this. I had been feeling SO good and thinking that my clothes were fitting even better than they were back in August when I had hit my lowest weight in 5 years. But, me being upset really didn't last long. I decided that 1) staying off the scale for that month helped me to break through a kind of plateau that I was unknowingly putting on myself (by not staying as strict as I could). 2) the weight that I saw on the scale put me within 3 pounds of that number I hit back in August last year. I have 2 more weeks until my infusion weigh in and I can very likely lose those 3lbs in that amount of time.

A beautiful snowy 8 miles. 

So two out of three ain't bad. I have still had NO McDonald's since Jan and have continued to limit my wine in the month of March. I actually have not had any wine at home yet this month either (that'll change tonight). But, after today, there will be no more birthday celebrations and 2 weeks until my infusion weigh in. My plan is to stay very strict during the week and allow myself a little more freedom on the weekends.

Today, however, ALL BETS ARE OFF!!! I am celebrating my 40th birthday today and I am planning on living it up today. I even celebrated my last day of being in my 30's yesterday in style! I was going to start my birthday with an 8 mile run, but scheduling made this not possible so instead I spent my last day being in my 30's with a snowy 8 miles. It was a VERY tough 8 miles, but I finished. I was emotional and had to have a heart to heart with my friend and running partner....but I'm not going there today. I finished and that's all that matters in the end. We then went out to get some food since after running for almost 2 hours we were pretty hungry! After that I hustled home, got cleaned up and went to do something I had been thinking about for probably about 5 years!
I actually think I can say I had been thinking about this particular thing for probably the last 21 years! You see, I got my first tattoo when I was 19 years old. When I got that tattoo I had thought about getting one around my ankle, but I didn't want one where I couldn't hide it when being fancy. At that time in my life I wanted to get one that would only be seen if I wanted you to see it. I ended up with a moon/star on my stomach. 21 years later even through 2 pregnancies and lots of weight lost/gained; I still love that tattoo. But, I still have always wanted one on my ankle. Back in 2011/12 when I was losing weight and training for half marathon's, full marathon, triathlons, etc; I thought about getting another one. I couldn't completely decide what I wanted. I knew I wanted an infinity symbol (even though that one tends to be "overdone") because I wanted my reminder of my forever journey. The fact that everything (my fight with Crohn's, my fight with my weight, my running) doesn't end.

Then, I crossed the finish line of my first marathon in October 2012 and I wanted to incorporate 26.2 into a tattoo to remind myself that, in spite of everything, I did it. I finished a marathon and no matter what else happens no one can take that away from me. I earned those numbers through lots of sweat and tears! I decided what better time to make this a reality than my 40th birthday! So yesterday I went to the tattoo shop Adrienne had recommended 5 years ago and I got the tattoo I had been thinking about for several years! The infinity symbol, the 26.2 and the purple to signify my fight with Crohn's disease. It is my reminder....and I absolutely love it.

March Goals

Happy MARCH!!

March is a great month in my family. We celebrate a LOT in March and this year will be no exception. We already had a lot of March birthdays in my family and then 13 years ago my daughter decided to add one more. I was happy that she did add one more to March because if she would have come 12.5 hours earlier she would have been born on February 29th! Yup, you read that right. She was only 12.5 hours away from being a Leap Year baby.

Ok. So we kick off March with her birthday on March 1st. We then continue only a few days later to celebrate my awesome mom's birthday on March 4th. Next up is ME (and my brother in law actually - on the same day!). Then comes my father in law's birthday and we finish our family March birthdays with my sister. Whew. It's a crazy month full of celebrations.

I've talked about how I've struggled through the years with getting back on the bandwagon after the 1st of the year. Lots of people go gung-ho in January with their healthy living resolutions. I've always been the opposite. It usually takes me until April to snap out of it. A lot of that has to do with all these birthdays in March and the perfect excuse they provide for waiting until "tomorrow" (or next month) to get back on track.

This year has been tremendously different! Yay!!! The 2 goals I decided upon at the start of February were 1) no wine and 2) no McDonald's. Then, after Feb. 9th I added a 3rd goal to stay off the scale! Well, I made it. During the month of February I had no wine, no Mcdonald's and after the 9th did NOT get on the scale again. I had wine at dinner last night when we were celebrating my daughter's 13th birthday. I have still not had McDonald's and I have not yet gotten on the scale either.

So, on to some goals for the month of March.

1. Continue to avoid McDonald's. Other fast food places are OK because none of them are the trigger that McDonald's is for me. In the month of February when I decided to give up McDonald's I ended up eating fast food a total of maybe 5 times....the ENTIRE month. When I was eating McD's I probably had at least one week when I ate McD's 5 times in one week. 
2. Limit wine. Like I said, I had wine last night at dinner. I will be having wine when I celebrate my birthday this month for SURE. And there might be another time I'll have wine. 
3. Stay OFF the scale until my infusion on March 27th (how many times have you heard that one??). 
4. Workout 6 days per week. This is something I did in February without even having planned it as a goal. 
5. Track my food at least 6 out of 7 days of the week. I like to allow myself a day off of tracking every once in a while to just give myself a break. 

I think those are probably enough goals to focus on. Really none of these are NEW goals though. These are all things I have been doing throughout the month of February. Since March has notoriously been a tougher month for me I think it's fair to have my goals just be a continuation of the goals that I worked on in February.

One last thing to share today. On February 2nd I decided to finally take my measurements. I'm never consistent with taking my measurements, but I know it's good to do. This morning I decided to take my measurements again - one month since the last time I took them. When I record my measurements I usually add my weight as well. Obviously I still don't know what I weigh, but my measurements give me an idea of where I "should" be, which is pretty cool. Anyway, so, between my waist, chest, hips, and legs I lost 6.5 inches since February 2nd!!!! My arm actually increased by .5 inch which I am not crazy about (since my arms are huge), but I do know that my muscles are growing so I'll deal with it. 2 FULL inches around my waist. 2.5 inches on my hips, 1.5 inches on my chest, and .5 inch on my right leg. I compared my stats to the ones from August 2016 (when I hit my lowest weight in several years) and several of my measurements are even SMALLER than those. Needless to say I'm pretty happy. Of course, one would think it would mean that I don't care what the scale says. NOPE. I want to know! LOL. I want to know what that stupid number is. But I will continue to not know until March 27th. I was trying to figure it out today based on the other times I tracked my measurements and I think my waist is the smallest it has been in 5, maybe 6 years! I've got a ways to go still, but I am definitely working on it!

Until the next time......