Well, here it is....New Year's Eve 2012. I suppose now is as good a time as any to put my 2013 goals out there, huh?? I've been thinking about them for a while, but haven't started writing any down. I have no idea if I can actually come up with 13, but I thought attempting to highlight 13 goals to complete in 2013 might be fun. However, due to the fact that I usually only pick a few goals (last year it was 3 - blog, Olympic tri, marathon), some of these 13 will probably be "small".
So, here's goes nothing......
1. Take care of myself. Wow! Yes, this is a BIG goal and can mean SO many things. But, if we want to be more specific, I need to start 2013 by actually getting this damn Crohn's disease back into remission. Some might say I've been trying to do that this entire year (since I first started flaring in March); but that's not really true. I felt the best when I was eating right and losing weight in August/September. But, since the marathon, I haven't been taking care of myself at all. My fault. Even if it means starting 2013 with a short stay in the hospital, I will do what it takes to get healthy again.
2. Lose some weight. Ya know, everything you read says that you should make specific, measurable goals. However, I always start my year off with wanting to lose Xlbs in X amount of time and ya know what?? I NEVER succeed. I put a ton of pressure on myself and when I'm not perfect, I sabotage myself even further. It's messed up, yes, but it's what I do. So this year I'm just going to say I need to lose some weight. Sure, my goal is to lose about 50-60lbs and I think it's totally doable that I can accomplish that in 2013. But isn't it better to just say "lose some weight", that way when 2014 rolls around and I'm "only" 10 or 20lbs smaller I can still see that as a success??? Well, I think it's better.
3. Work towards a 2:30 half marathon and PR a half marathon in 2013. I don't think 2013 is the year for my 2:30 half. I think I'm too far from it for it to be realistic. However, I think I can make it my running focus this year and I think that I can at least PR (faster than 2:41).
4. Complete at least 1 sprint triathlon. I started "doing triathlons" in 2011. However, I still have a hard time calling myself a triathlete because in that time I've done exactly 1 sprint, 1 Olympic and 1 indoor tri. So this summer I'd like to enjoy the sport and start working on improving myself even in the smallest distance.
5. Complete at least 1 Olympic triathlon. See above. Ohio is a tough state to try to be a triathlete. The season is so short that it's tough to have the time to train and get multiple races in. Not to mention the cost! So, this year I hope to complete at least 2 triathlons in my race season.
6. Eat out less. This is something we really need to do as a family and I need to do on my own. We spend way too much money eating out. Just think of how many more races I can do if we didn't eat out so much! :)
7. Spend less money. Well, except for race entry fees! :)
8. Volunteer at the kids school more. I'm hoping to have more time in 2013 to do this. Of course, some of it I just don't like so we're not going to go crazy with volunteering! :)
9. Learn to chill. This is no small goal. I am anxious. A lot. More so lately than I've ever been. I am a total control freak and this causes many problems for me. I'm planning to make some changes in 2013 that I think might help me with this; but I still have to look at learning how to relax. Like the serenity prayer states, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference."
10. Don't fall off the wagon the last 1-3 months of the year (or the first 1-3 months for that matter)! This is another, "not small" goal. Each and every year (as many of us do), I completely fall off the wagon between October and December. Last year was my best year and it took me until almost the end of December to fall off the wagon. My lowest weight of 2011 happened in November (I believe) and I only started 2012 3 pounds heavier than that lowest weight. However, I then fell off the wagon for the last few weeks of 2011 and couldn't get back on until probably April 2012...again. So, I need to work on not falling off at ALL since getting back on seems to take me quite a while!
And yes, these 13 goals are a little harder than I thought. Only 3 more to go though.
11. Find a new distance race for another instant PR. I've started making my 2013 race "wish list", but I really would like to add another race on there of a distance I've never done. Perhaps a 15k would be fun. Or perhaps a 30k.
12. Lose enough weight to run another marathon (even if the marathon doesn't happen until 2014)....and PR. If you recall, I promised myself (and my family) that I would not attempt another marathon "at this weight". However, I did not provide an exact weight where I have to be in order to attempt another marathon. I'm still not sure what I want that number to be. It's less the number and more about what's happening with my body and fitness. If I lose 20lbs, but have completed a 2:30 half marathon and have increased my running time to an 11-12 minute mile consistently, perhaps I'll decide to tackle the marathon distance again. So, this goal really goes with goal #2....but I guess it's putting more specific parameters on it.
13. Consistently improve my running (and fitness in general) and keep improving until Jan. 1, 2014 (and then continue to improve after that). Yea, this is basically a repeat of #10, but more specifically with my running and fitness. #10 was really about my diet and this is the other aspect.
So, there you have it. My 2013 goals. Some big. Some not so big. All important to me. They are not nearly as specific as the experts recommend, but sometimes I think when my goals are too specific I set myself up for failure. And now that I'm on a roll I can think of more goals....like not being so hard on myself and be proud of what I do accomplish! That might come with goal #9....
Happy New Year to all of you! Tell me...what are some of your 2013 goals??
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
2012 Goals Revisited
I don't believe in making New Year Resolutions. I never really have. Every January for the last 10-15 years I've probably wanted to lose weight. I didn't necessarily call it my resolution to do so since making it a resolution wouldn't make it stick any more than just saying, "I STILL need to lose this damn weight!"
I obviously have not yet figured out what WILL make it stick so that one of these years my thoughts come January can be, "I just need to maintain my weight", but I continue to try to figure that out.
Perhaps 2013 will be the year for THAT! Ok, so for the last few years I started picking fitness related goals to focus on throughout the year instead of just saying that I need to lose weight. It didn't necessarily work to help me lose (and keep off) weight, but it did help me increase my fitness and health overall. Let's see how I did with my 2012 goals, shall we??
1) Start a blog....CHECK! (yes, I know not totally fitness related, but it was still a big goal and one that I met!)
2) Complete my first Olympic distance Triathlon.....CHECK!
3) Complete my first marathon....CHECK!
4) Complete as many races in 2012 as I did from when I started (2007) until 2011....Not quite, but came close!
Overall, a pretty successful year with meeting my big goals. As I've said before on the blog, I thought the number of races between 2007 and 2011 was 10, but it turned out it was actually 11. I am ending 2012 with having completed 9 races. Yes. I was 1 race short from the number I had had in my mind all year and only 2 short from meeting my goal. It was a little stupid that I didn't meet this goal. I easily could have met this goal and frankly, I was going to try to make it a nice even 12 in 2012 since I was so close. But, then the lovely post-big race depression hit and I have done very little since finishing the marathon in October. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been dealing with normal life stresses well lately (like finding the time to fit it all in).
I'm starting to really think about some 2013 goals. I guess it's about time since it'll be 2013 in less than a week! Honestly it's tough to start thinking about these goals when I've been in such a rut. But, starting to think about my goals is helping me to come out of it a bit. I'm starting to look forward to working towards something again.
The frustrating thing...and perhaps something that I need to figure out how to change....is that every year I fall off the wagon so hard that I spend so much time working back up to where I was that I can't meet some of the goals I would like to make. Anyone following me?? For example; a goal that I have now had for over a year is to have a 2:30 half marathon finish time. This would require me to shave 11 minutes off my current half marathon PR. That's a lot, folks! Clearly, this would take work and dedication. However, I also haven't hit the 2:41 time (or anywhere near it) since November 2011 when I was apparently at my "prime". There's a part of me that would like to make "run a 2:30 half marathon" a 2013 goal, but I am thinking that's probably not a realistic goal (at all) given how hard I've once again fallen off the wagon.
Next up....2013 goals.....
I obviously have not yet figured out what WILL make it stick so that one of these years my thoughts come January can be, "I just need to maintain my weight", but I continue to try to figure that out.
Perhaps 2013 will be the year for THAT! Ok, so for the last few years I started picking fitness related goals to focus on throughout the year instead of just saying that I need to lose weight. It didn't necessarily work to help me lose (and keep off) weight, but it did help me increase my fitness and health overall. Let's see how I did with my 2012 goals, shall we??
1) Start a blog....CHECK! (yes, I know not totally fitness related, but it was still a big goal and one that I met!)
2) Complete my first Olympic distance Triathlon.....CHECK!
4) Complete as many races in 2012 as I did from when I started (2007) until 2011....Not quite, but came close!
Overall, a pretty successful year with meeting my big goals. As I've said before on the blog, I thought the number of races between 2007 and 2011 was 10, but it turned out it was actually 11. I am ending 2012 with having completed 9 races. Yes. I was 1 race short from the number I had had in my mind all year and only 2 short from meeting my goal. It was a little stupid that I didn't meet this goal. I easily could have met this goal and frankly, I was going to try to make it a nice even 12 in 2012 since I was so close. But, then the lovely post-big race depression hit and I have done very little since finishing the marathon in October. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been dealing with normal life stresses well lately (like finding the time to fit it all in).
I'm starting to really think about some 2013 goals. I guess it's about time since it'll be 2013 in less than a week! Honestly it's tough to start thinking about these goals when I've been in such a rut. But, starting to think about my goals is helping me to come out of it a bit. I'm starting to look forward to working towards something again.
The frustrating thing...and perhaps something that I need to figure out how to change....is that every year I fall off the wagon so hard that I spend so much time working back up to where I was that I can't meet some of the goals I would like to make. Anyone following me?? For example; a goal that I have now had for over a year is to have a 2:30 half marathon finish time. This would require me to shave 11 minutes off my current half marathon PR. That's a lot, folks! Clearly, this would take work and dedication. However, I also haven't hit the 2:41 time (or anywhere near it) since November 2011 when I was apparently at my "prime". There's a part of me that would like to make "run a 2:30 half marathon" a 2013 goal, but I am thinking that's probably not a realistic goal (at all) given how hard I've once again fallen off the wagon.
Next up....2013 goals.....
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Hiatus
I'm not sure what to say. This post will not be nearly as eloquently written as most of the other blog posts I've read, but this is my outlet so I'm using it.
Clearly, I've been on a hiatus. I've been struggling to get myself "back on track". I haven't been eating right and exercise is a thing of the past. I've been overly stressed with trying to do too much and have had little patience for life in general.
Then Friday happened. And none of it matters.
I realized that life is too short (well, I've always known that - let's say I was reminded). I'll get back on track eventually. I'll start exercising again and eating right. I might even lose this weight eventually and keep it off.
But that stuff doesn't matter.
Being in the moment matters.
Enjoying and being able to see every blessing in your life matters. Knowing that even when you're arguing with your kids about brushing their teeth, getting ready for bed, being sassy, whatever it may be - that at least your kids are around to argue and fight with.
I want to say, "for some reason" this is really effecting me. But, we all know what that reason is. So, like a lot of you (perhaps all of you); this is really effecting me. I find that I can't put a lot of thought into it because when I do I lose it. The other night I went to check on my kids before I went to bed (as I usually do) and I simply lost it. I sat on the edge of my son's bed (he's 6 and a first grader) and sobbed. I eventually left his room afraid that I might wake him up. I then moved to my daughter's room (she's 8 and a 3rd grader). I looked down at her sweetly sleeping face and left her room to sit at the dining room table and cry some more. I can't fathom what these families are going through. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about what these children endured and what the survivors will have to deal with at such a preciously young age.
My cousin posted something on Facebook about being annoyed that people are constantly saying things like hug your children tight and say I love you, etc. As much as I agree with him (people should not need a tragedy like this to want to hug their children), I also see nothing wrong with being reminded to be grateful for what you have. The reality of it is that we all get caught up in the drama of life. We get caught up in our work stress or home stress or family stress and forget to take that minute to step back and really see everything we have. We tend to dwell on the things we don't have. And, as much as it shouldn't have to take people losing their lives, the reality is that sometimes it does.
Life is short. There will always be stresses. You will always want more than you have. But each day try to take a second and think about all your blessings. Be thankful for the little things and try to live in the moment. (I chuckled as I typed that because I can just hear my mom (and other close friends and family) laughing that I just told people to "live in the moment" and I rarely do. And they're right. I struggle with this. I anticipate what's going to happen next. I worry about what is coming. Well, I'm trying. More and more I'm trying. And unfortunately, more and more I'm reminded to be grateful for what I have and to enjoy every millisecond of it because we never know when it will be taken away from us.)
Clearly, I've been on a hiatus. I've been struggling to get myself "back on track". I haven't been eating right and exercise is a thing of the past. I've been overly stressed with trying to do too much and have had little patience for life in general.
Then Friday happened. And none of it matters.
I realized that life is too short (well, I've always known that - let's say I was reminded). I'll get back on track eventually. I'll start exercising again and eating right. I might even lose this weight eventually and keep it off.
But that stuff doesn't matter.
Being in the moment matters.
Enjoying and being able to see every blessing in your life matters. Knowing that even when you're arguing with your kids about brushing their teeth, getting ready for bed, being sassy, whatever it may be - that at least your kids are around to argue and fight with.
I want to say, "for some reason" this is really effecting me. But, we all know what that reason is. So, like a lot of you (perhaps all of you); this is really effecting me. I find that I can't put a lot of thought into it because when I do I lose it. The other night I went to check on my kids before I went to bed (as I usually do) and I simply lost it. I sat on the edge of my son's bed (he's 6 and a first grader) and sobbed. I eventually left his room afraid that I might wake him up. I then moved to my daughter's room (she's 8 and a 3rd grader). I looked down at her sweetly sleeping face and left her room to sit at the dining room table and cry some more. I can't fathom what these families are going through. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about what these children endured and what the survivors will have to deal with at such a preciously young age.
My cousin posted something on Facebook about being annoyed that people are constantly saying things like hug your children tight and say I love you, etc. As much as I agree with him (people should not need a tragedy like this to want to hug their children), I also see nothing wrong with being reminded to be grateful for what you have. The reality of it is that we all get caught up in the drama of life. We get caught up in our work stress or home stress or family stress and forget to take that minute to step back and really see everything we have. We tend to dwell on the things we don't have. And, as much as it shouldn't have to take people losing their lives, the reality is that sometimes it does.
Life is short. There will always be stresses. You will always want more than you have. But each day try to take a second and think about all your blessings. Be thankful for the little things and try to live in the moment. (I chuckled as I typed that because I can just hear my mom (and other close friends and family) laughing that I just told people to "live in the moment" and I rarely do. And they're right. I struggle with this. I anticipate what's going to happen next. I worry about what is coming. Well, I'm trying. More and more I'm trying. And unfortunately, more and more I'm reminded to be grateful for what I have and to enjoy every millisecond of it because we never know when it will be taken away from us.)
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
What I've been up to....
Well, hey there! Guess it's been a while since I've been here. I think I'm going to do a post full of pictures to show you just what I've been up to over the last 2 weeks. Let's see, I last left you with the information that no turkey's would be trotting from my house this year. I was busily getting ready to host my 2nd Thanksgiving of this year and working like crazy to get all my things in order before leaving for vacation.
Of course, if the only people who read this are people who I'm friends with on Facebook, they will already have seen all the pictures I'm about to put on this post. Oh well. Perhaps there are some people out there who read this who don't know me personally.
I did one more thing prior to leaving for vacation.
Mary and I decided it was time to cut the hair we've been growing for the past 2+ years to donate it to Locks of Love.
(Ok - I really need to learn how to do cool things with pictures like save them as a side-by-side picture so I can post them next to eachother on this blog. But, I don't know how to do that and I'm done taking the time to try to figure it out right now. So, instead I'll just post the pics. If anyone feels the need to give me a tutorial, please feel free to comment on this post!)
So after the big haircuts, we finished packing and running errands to get ready for the big trip to DISNEY!! And then around 3:00 AM on the Saturday after Thanksgiving we started our awesome, week-long trip to Disney. I took about 180 pictures so I can't post them all, but I'd like to take this time to post a few pictures from this phenomenal vacation!
And with that, I will leave you for now.
Of course, if the only people who read this are people who I'm friends with on Facebook, they will already have seen all the pictures I'm about to put on this post. Oh well. Perhaps there are some people out there who read this who don't know me personally.
I did one more thing prior to leaving for vacation.
Mary and I decided it was time to cut the hair we've been growing for the past 2+ years to donate it to Locks of Love.
(Ok - I really need to learn how to do cool things with pictures like save them as a side-by-side picture so I can post them next to eachother on this blog. But, I don't know how to do that and I'm done taking the time to try to figure it out right now. So, instead I'll just post the pics. If anyone feels the need to give me a tutorial, please feel free to comment on this post!)
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| My long hair before.... |
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| Mary getting the ponytails cut off! |
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| My after |
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| Mary's After |
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Both of our hair ready to be donated.
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So after the big haircuts, we finished packing and running errands to get ready for the big trip to DISNEY!! And then around 3:00 AM on the Saturday after Thanksgiving we started our awesome, week-long trip to Disney. I took about 180 pictures so I can't post them all, but I'd like to take this time to post a few pictures from this phenomenal vacation!
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| You know you've arrived at Disney when you see Mickey on your bed! |
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| Dinner at Planet Hollywood |
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| Seeing Santa at Disney...does it get any better? |
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| I have a picture of me and my sisters in front of this same wall. |
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| Magic Kingdom lit up for Christmas |
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| Mickey! |
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| This was amazing at Hollywood Studios |
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| Family pic at Animal Kingdom |
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| The end of a great vacation! |
And with that, I will leave you for now.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Turkey Trot
The grand plan was that we were going to do this 4 mile run as a family. After our family 5k a few weeks back, we decided the kids could probably handle it. However, then I decided that they actually struggled through 3.1 and would probably find 4 pretty difficult. This year the race announced that they are adding a 1 mile "mashed potato run" for kids. So the kids were going to do that.
Then earlier this week Mary got sick. Then the husband got sick. I'm hosting the 2nd of 2 Thanksgivings in 5 days tomorrow. We're getting ready to go on vacation. I had to work like crazy to get all my work done before vacation. And on and on and on.....
Yea. So, I've been slightly stressed. Yesterday I decided this was one thing I could take off my plate. I'm not going to even discuss the fact that THIS is the precise reason I'm overweight.....because the things I take off my plate are running and diet. But, it's what I decided I could give up. I'm OK with this decision. I made it and feel fine about it.
So tomorrow I will perhaps remember to watch at least some of the parade; will clean my house for Thanksgiving Take 2; and will enjoy the day with the in-laws. And then before I know it we'll be on our way to Disney for an awesome, much needed vacation!
And with that I leave you on this lovely Thanksgiving Eve. I hope that everyone has a most wonderful Thanksgiving Day tomorrow.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Thanksgiving Take 1
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| The cousins..Samantha, Mary and Parker. |
I did give up one year...2 years ago when my parents moved back to Ohio and my mom wanted to host the holiday again. I didn't give it up easily! I had gotten very used to hosting and came to love it and look forward to it every year. But, I let her have it and we had discussed the option of trading off each year. Then, she hosted it and decided I could have it back! :)
This year we switched the Saturday due to some scheduling conflicts on my end. I continue to be thankful that my family is so flexible! So yesterday was our Thanksgiving.
I think that yesterday has to go down in the history books as one of the best Thanksgivings!
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| Planning their offensive strategy. |
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| Love! |
However, since we ate so early and it was SO nice outside, we still played football. We had long enough to let our stomachs settle a little and to drink more wine (or beer), which definitely makes for some fun and interesting football. Every single person present at this Thanksgiving played football. The kids only whined a little about not getting the ball enough or not getting a touchdown. But all in all we kept things upbeat and fun.
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| TOUCHDOWN!! |
Next up is Thanksgiving with the in-laws. Usually Thanksgiving day happens at my mother in-laws. However, this year, I offered to do Thanksgiving for my mother in law. She's currently fighting lung cancer (that's another long story) and will just be traveling back from Tennessee on Thursday after her treatment. When we were discussing what to do for Thanksgiving this year I had commented that I would be happy to host here. I mean, why not right? What's putting together 2 Thanksgivings in 5 days? She graciously provided the money for it when I explained that paying for 2 Thanksgivings might be a little tough.
So, on Thursday I will host a second round of Thanksgiving. And I'm sure it'll be just as awesome as the first one!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Post Marathon Blues (& Reds)
Ugh...I've been working on this darn post all week. This is just a sign of how things have been going.
I realize I haven't been blogging that long, and I believe most people who read this blog are my friends and relatives. But for the few readers I may have lurking out there who don't know me in real life, I'm guessing by now they have probably realized that when I go days in between blog posts it's because I'm struggling and don't know what to talk about.
As it is, I feel like more of my posts are negative or talk about how this is so hard and I'm just really sick of being a broken record. But, this blog is honest and real, if nothing else. Am I perfect? Far from it. Did this blog miraculously make me change and stick to my healthy eating and exercise? Nope. But, it does keep me coming back. I enjoy blogging. It is therapeutic for me in ways. So I guess I won't worry about being a broken record and will just write what I need to write.
Prior to the marathon I worried about experiencing the "post marathon blues". The time after the marathon where you realize that you worked for 6 months to achieve this goal and, now what?? I was excited the week after the marathon to realize that I didn't feel sad at all! I was still riding on my high and excited for what was to come. I had started thinking about what's next and was making plans to achieve that.
Fast forward to now and I realize that I am, in fact, experiencing the "post race blues". Call it whatever you like, but ever since the marathon I have been struggling. In every aspect of the word.
The races that I did the first 2 weeks after the marathon were a blessing because I actually worked out those weeks.Yup. It's THAT bad. Last weekend I was planning to do the Turkey Trot in a city near me, but when I realized on Friday night that I hadn't registered yet; I decided to pass. If it weren't for playing soccer, I would have gotten no physical activity last week.
I can't even discuss eating. It's been anything but good, and I can't seem to get back on track.
To make matters worse, my Crohn's has been flaring again. Perhaps it was the marathon; perhaps my current stress level, but whatever it is; my stomach doesn't like it. This causes a nasty cycle. (and is where the "red" in the title comes from. lovely...I know). It's very emotional for me when I don't feel well. And then everything else goes by the wayside.
And, as if I need more things, I have been very stressed lately with having too much to do and not enough time to do it in (I know, don't we all??). But, I haven't been dealing with it well. I have a much needed vacation coming up and I plan to take full advantage of it. When my vacation ends, it's time to get SERIOUS.
Call it what you will, but I know myself and I know what's realistic or what is just going to cause guilt. I know that I'm not going to get 100% back on track until after my vacation. I know that between 2 Thanksgivings and a vacation, I will not get enough on track to really call it being back on track. I know that even if I have a few good days here and there that it won't be "perfect". So, I'm not going to make a big declaration right now about how I'm going to get back on track, yadda yadda. I will try to be better. I will try to get some more activity in; but I will ENJOY myself as much as I can. I will make this decision consciously and NOT feel any guilt about it. The guilt is what gets me every time.
So, there you have it. Confession done. Moving on....
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| But the good news is that I have my official marathon pics to bombard you with today! |
I realize I haven't been blogging that long, and I believe most people who read this blog are my friends and relatives. But for the few readers I may have lurking out there who don't know me in real life, I'm guessing by now they have probably realized that when I go days in between blog posts it's because I'm struggling and don't know what to talk about.
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| My absolute favorite pic. In the 'Shoe.... |
Prior to the marathon I worried about experiencing the "post marathon blues". The time after the marathon where you realize that you worked for 6 months to achieve this goal and, now what?? I was excited the week after the marathon to realize that I didn't feel sad at all! I was still riding on my high and excited for what was to come. I had started thinking about what's next and was making plans to achieve that.
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| I was struggling, but still have a smile on my face! |
The races that I did the first 2 weeks after the marathon were a blessing because I actually worked out those weeks.Yup. It's THAT bad. Last weekend I was planning to do the Turkey Trot in a city near me, but when I realized on Friday night that I hadn't registered yet; I decided to pass. If it weren't for playing soccer, I would have gotten no physical activity last week.
I can't even discuss eating. It's been anything but good, and I can't seem to get back on track.
To make matters worse, my Crohn's has been flaring again. Perhaps it was the marathon; perhaps my current stress level, but whatever it is; my stomach doesn't like it. This causes a nasty cycle. (and is where the "red" in the title comes from. lovely...I know). It's very emotional for me when I don't feel well. And then everything else goes by the wayside.
And, as if I need more things, I have been very stressed lately with having too much to do and not enough time to do it in (I know, don't we all??). But, I haven't been dealing with it well. I have a much needed vacation coming up and I plan to take full advantage of it. When my vacation ends, it's time to get SERIOUS.
Call it what you will, but I know myself and I know what's realistic or what is just going to cause guilt. I know that I'm not going to get 100% back on track until after my vacation. I know that between 2 Thanksgivings and a vacation, I will not get enough on track to really call it being back on track. I know that even if I have a few good days here and there that it won't be "perfect". So, I'm not going to make a big declaration right now about how I'm going to get back on track, yadda yadda. I will try to be better. I will try to get some more activity in; but I will ENJOY myself as much as I can. I will make this decision consciously and NOT feel any guilt about it. The guilt is what gets me every time.
So, there you have it. Confession done. Moving on....
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Crohn's Disease
I'm thinking that I've probably mentioned this somewhere on my blog, at some time, but I can't remember for sure. And, since I'm fairly certain that the majority of people who read this blog are people who know me personally, you all probably already know this. But anyway...I have Crohn's Disease. I was diagnosed in 2006 after having Robbie and experiencing symptoms throughout my pregnancy. I experienced symptoms throughout my pregnancy with Mary as well, but they went away immediately after having her (like while I was still in the hospital) and didn't come back (well, till pregnant with Robbie), so I never got it checked out back then.
Little did I know that the symptoms I experienced with my pregnancies were really NOTHING compared to what Crohn's can do. And frankly, I know little now (thank God). But I know more than I used to (unfortunately).
I'm bringing this up now because 2012 has been a rough year for me and my lovely Crohn's. But, let's give some background for those who don't know the gritty details. Yup. I'm sure you all really want to know all about my Crohnsing....if you don't, move on...there's nothing to read here! ; )
So, as I was saying, in 2006 after giving birth to Robbie I was still having issues. I wasn't having any pain perse, just things no one wants to talk about happening in the bathroom. My OB was well aware of these problems because they started around my 20th week of pregnancy with Robbie (and around my 17th week of pregnancy with Mary). No pain, just a red toilet EVERY time I attempted to go...not something a pregnant woman wants to see when she's on the toilet! Let me tell you how much it freaked me out the first time it happened! TMI?? Yup...if you're still reading there will be more of that!
With Mary the bleeding literally stopped in the hospital the minute she was born. The first...ah-hem..."movement" I had after she was born was totally and completely normal. I almost forgot what one of those looked like! I never experienced the other stuff again so I thought nothing of it (as did my doctors). Fast forward to my pregnancy with Robbie. It started happening again, but this time it took a few more weeks to show up. I was less freaked since it had happened before. My doctors tried all sorts of things thinking it must be internal hemorrhoids or something. Nothing ever "cleared it up". My OB decided it was just due to pressure on the bladder and what not and that as long as I'm not having problems due to it, we'll just monitor and see what happens after the baby was born.
I was expecting the same thing would happen and it would go away. But, 6 weeks after Robbie was born I went for my OB check up. It was still happening...with every movement. He decided to send me to a gastroenterologist for a consult. I went to that doc. They asked me a bunch of questions. Examined me and told me I had to get a colonoscopy to check things out. Ugh.
My colonoscopy was scheduled for November 1, 2006. For anyone who knows anything about colonoscopies, you know that you have to fast for the day before the procedure. And I had to do that on Halloween...with 2 kids (granted, 1 of them wasn't eating yet, but STILL)! But I digress....
I went to my colonoscopy and had one of the worst experiences of my life. The stuff they give you for the "twilight sleep" did nothing and I was awake, aware and crying through the entire procedure. Fun times.
After the procedure my doctor came to tell me that it "looks like I have Crohn's Disease". He said it with this somber look on his face, like he was diagnosing me with cancer or something. I had no idea what this meant and no idea why it was such a big deal. I'll come to learn - but it'll take me a while. He explained why it was Crohn's and not colitis (apparently it has to do with where the inflammation is and that there were healthy parts of the colon in between the inflamed parts - whatever - it meant nothing to me).
He gave me all sorts of medications and sent me on my way.
I recall that the inflammation cleared up relatively quickly once we figured out what it was and started treating it. I felt back to normal relatively quickly, which didn't help the cause of actually believing that I had some horrible life-long disease.
The medication I was prescribed was supposed to be taken 3 times per day. Yea...right. 1 time per day, easy...2 times per day...even doable. But 3 times per day...forgettaboutit! I took it diligently for a while. I felt better. Then, I'd miss a dose here...miss a dose there...and I would still feel fine. I started doubting that I had this horrible disease. I mean, how can I have this terrible disease, miss my medication, and still feel totally normal?? Little did I know....
In July 2007 we traveled to North Carolina for a family vacation. This is only important because I specifically remember that I forgot to take my medication for this ENTIRE week long trip. When we got back to town and I still felt totally fine after an entire week of no meds, I decided I didn't really need to take them anymore. Stupid? Ya think?? July 2007 stopped taking meds; June 2008 hospitalized for 4 days. Took a while, but consequences happened.
The flare that I experienced in 2008 was something I wasn't prepared for (obviously). It took me probably a month or so before I even realized what was wrong with me. At that point the only symptoms I had were during my pregnancies and those were not the symptoms I was experiencing this time. This time I was having severe stomach cramps and pain. The stuff in the bathroom wasn't necessarily pretty; but it wasn't red like it was all the time during my pregnancies. But, after a month of having an upset stomach; it dawned on me that perhaps this is something more than a stomach ache. I made an appointment with my doctor. He decided that since it had been 2 years since my first colonoscopy and given my symptoms, it was time for colonoscopy #2. And, enter another "worst" experience of my life. If I thought my first colonoscopy was bad, I didn't have a clue! There were issues with the doctor that I won't even get in to (talking to a nurse at the door while about to start my procedure). Then, the same thing with the drugs happened and again, I was awake and aware the entire time and in so much pain I couldn't control my crying. The results of the colonoscopy showed inflammation (duh!), so my doctor put me on steroids and sent me on my way. The difference between him and my first doctor was like night and day. First guy talked to me like he was giving me a death sentence and this guy talked so fast through the steroid stuff that my head was spinning...like it was no big deal.
I started on my lovely cocktail of medications and was hopeful that this would stop the pain. Would stop the midnight wake up calls from my stomach screaming at me. But it didn't. It continued to get worse. Now, I would have to lay down between doing things while getting ready for work because I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes. My mornings would go a little like this: wake up, sit on the toilet, think about showering, go to the bathroom again, get in the shower, dry myself off, go lay down because now I'm exhausted, get back to the bathroom, brush my hair, lay down, go to the bathroom....you get the idea. At some point in this routine I also had to get 2 kids ready to go to daycare and go to work. I would make it through my workday, but then repeat the routine at night. Eventually I called my doctor to ask him how long the steroids were supposed to take to kick in. He told me to pack a bag and go to the hospital. And there I sat. At the Cleveland Clinic Main Campus for 4 days. I had IV steroids going through my veins while they did other tests as well. The steroids worked wonders; but also did a number on my weight and my face.
But, after this hospital stay and finally being weened off the steroids, I was back to 100%. This time I was prescribed a medication I could take once a day. I took my medications diligently. But, for no reason (or so they say), and without warning....after nearly 4 years with no flare-ups whatsoever, my stomach starts to hurt in March this year. Again, it takes me a good 2 weeks to realize that these aren't just stomach aches that come and go. That they are probably Crohn's.
Even though I've now had this disease for 6 years, it's still new to me. In those 6 years I have only had 2 flares, so knowing when I'm having a flare is still a learning experience. I waited too long again before seeing my doctor this time. It was May before I saw him the first time. My colonoscopy this time didn't get scheduled until July. However, this time I got smart and asked to be totally put out for the procedure. I had to go to main campus, which was a pain, but I will do it every time! Made it a much more pleasant experience!
This time around I told my doctor I would really prefer not to be treated with steroids. He obliged and upped the dosage of my current meds and added another one. Of course increasing my dosage meant going from one time a day to 3 times a day again...and we all know how good I am with that. I have struggled all year with my Crohn's.
I'm writing this post today because today has been really bad. Today was bad enough that I even considered calling off sick to work. I have never yet called off work due to Crohn's. I've been struggling with my eating since the marathon and my Crohn's has been going crazy since that time as well. I think my body is telling me that it likes it significantly better when I'm not only eating healthy, but exercising. Another thing I've been struggling with since the marathon is working out. I've worked out once a week for the 2 weeks since the marathon. Not good. I think my body is in shock at the sudden change.
All the more reason why I need to realize that 2012 was a big year for me. I still managed to accomplish both of my big goals (Olympic triathlon & marathon) while dealing with Crohn's Disease in a way I haven't really had to deal with it yet. I managed to meet those goals in spite of this annoying disease. Now I need to shift my focus with getting back on track from wanting to do it for weight loss; to wanting to do it because the best I've felt all year was back in my first 2 weeks of re-joining weight watchers in August/September.
Ok. If anyone is still reading this; thanks. Sorry I went on for so long. 6 years is a long back-story. But now you know all about my Crohn's Disease.
Little did I know that the symptoms I experienced with my pregnancies were really NOTHING compared to what Crohn's can do. And frankly, I know little now (thank God). But I know more than I used to (unfortunately).
I'm bringing this up now because 2012 has been a rough year for me and my lovely Crohn's. But, let's give some background for those who don't know the gritty details. Yup. I'm sure you all really want to know all about my Crohnsing....if you don't, move on...there's nothing to read here! ; )
So, as I was saying, in 2006 after giving birth to Robbie I was still having issues. I wasn't having any pain perse, just things no one wants to talk about happening in the bathroom. My OB was well aware of these problems because they started around my 20th week of pregnancy with Robbie (and around my 17th week of pregnancy with Mary). No pain, just a red toilet EVERY time I attempted to go...not something a pregnant woman wants to see when she's on the toilet! Let me tell you how much it freaked me out the first time it happened! TMI?? Yup...if you're still reading there will be more of that!
With Mary the bleeding literally stopped in the hospital the minute she was born. The first...ah-hem..."movement" I had after she was born was totally and completely normal. I almost forgot what one of those looked like! I never experienced the other stuff again so I thought nothing of it (as did my doctors). Fast forward to my pregnancy with Robbie. It started happening again, but this time it took a few more weeks to show up. I was less freaked since it had happened before. My doctors tried all sorts of things thinking it must be internal hemorrhoids or something. Nothing ever "cleared it up". My OB decided it was just due to pressure on the bladder and what not and that as long as I'm not having problems due to it, we'll just monitor and see what happens after the baby was born.
I was expecting the same thing would happen and it would go away. But, 6 weeks after Robbie was born I went for my OB check up. It was still happening...with every movement. He decided to send me to a gastroenterologist for a consult. I went to that doc. They asked me a bunch of questions. Examined me and told me I had to get a colonoscopy to check things out. Ugh.
My colonoscopy was scheduled for November 1, 2006. For anyone who knows anything about colonoscopies, you know that you have to fast for the day before the procedure. And I had to do that on Halloween...with 2 kids (granted, 1 of them wasn't eating yet, but STILL)! But I digress....
I went to my colonoscopy and had one of the worst experiences of my life. The stuff they give you for the "twilight sleep" did nothing and I was awake, aware and crying through the entire procedure. Fun times.
After the procedure my doctor came to tell me that it "looks like I have Crohn's Disease". He said it with this somber look on his face, like he was diagnosing me with cancer or something. I had no idea what this meant and no idea why it was such a big deal. I'll come to learn - but it'll take me a while. He explained why it was Crohn's and not colitis (apparently it has to do with where the inflammation is and that there were healthy parts of the colon in between the inflamed parts - whatever - it meant nothing to me).
He gave me all sorts of medications and sent me on my way.
I recall that the inflammation cleared up relatively quickly once we figured out what it was and started treating it. I felt back to normal relatively quickly, which didn't help the cause of actually believing that I had some horrible life-long disease.
The medication I was prescribed was supposed to be taken 3 times per day. Yea...right. 1 time per day, easy...2 times per day...even doable. But 3 times per day...forgettaboutit! I took it diligently for a while. I felt better. Then, I'd miss a dose here...miss a dose there...and I would still feel fine. I started doubting that I had this horrible disease. I mean, how can I have this terrible disease, miss my medication, and still feel totally normal?? Little did I know....
In July 2007 we traveled to North Carolina for a family vacation. This is only important because I specifically remember that I forgot to take my medication for this ENTIRE week long trip. When we got back to town and I still felt totally fine after an entire week of no meds, I decided I didn't really need to take them anymore. Stupid? Ya think?? July 2007 stopped taking meds; June 2008 hospitalized for 4 days. Took a while, but consequences happened.
The flare that I experienced in 2008 was something I wasn't prepared for (obviously). It took me probably a month or so before I even realized what was wrong with me. At that point the only symptoms I had were during my pregnancies and those were not the symptoms I was experiencing this time. This time I was having severe stomach cramps and pain. The stuff in the bathroom wasn't necessarily pretty; but it wasn't red like it was all the time during my pregnancies. But, after a month of having an upset stomach; it dawned on me that perhaps this is something more than a stomach ache. I made an appointment with my doctor. He decided that since it had been 2 years since my first colonoscopy and given my symptoms, it was time for colonoscopy #2. And, enter another "worst" experience of my life. If I thought my first colonoscopy was bad, I didn't have a clue! There were issues with the doctor that I won't even get in to (talking to a nurse at the door while about to start my procedure). Then, the same thing with the drugs happened and again, I was awake and aware the entire time and in so much pain I couldn't control my crying. The results of the colonoscopy showed inflammation (duh!), so my doctor put me on steroids and sent me on my way. The difference between him and my first doctor was like night and day. First guy talked to me like he was giving me a death sentence and this guy talked so fast through the steroid stuff that my head was spinning...like it was no big deal.
I started on my lovely cocktail of medications and was hopeful that this would stop the pain. Would stop the midnight wake up calls from my stomach screaming at me. But it didn't. It continued to get worse. Now, I would have to lay down between doing things while getting ready for work because I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes. My mornings would go a little like this: wake up, sit on the toilet, think about showering, go to the bathroom again, get in the shower, dry myself off, go lay down because now I'm exhausted, get back to the bathroom, brush my hair, lay down, go to the bathroom....you get the idea. At some point in this routine I also had to get 2 kids ready to go to daycare and go to work. I would make it through my workday, but then repeat the routine at night. Eventually I called my doctor to ask him how long the steroids were supposed to take to kick in. He told me to pack a bag and go to the hospital. And there I sat. At the Cleveland Clinic Main Campus for 4 days. I had IV steroids going through my veins while they did other tests as well. The steroids worked wonders; but also did a number on my weight and my face.
But, after this hospital stay and finally being weened off the steroids, I was back to 100%. This time I was prescribed a medication I could take once a day. I took my medications diligently. But, for no reason (or so they say), and without warning....after nearly 4 years with no flare-ups whatsoever, my stomach starts to hurt in March this year. Again, it takes me a good 2 weeks to realize that these aren't just stomach aches that come and go. That they are probably Crohn's.
Even though I've now had this disease for 6 years, it's still new to me. In those 6 years I have only had 2 flares, so knowing when I'm having a flare is still a learning experience. I waited too long again before seeing my doctor this time. It was May before I saw him the first time. My colonoscopy this time didn't get scheduled until July. However, this time I got smart and asked to be totally put out for the procedure. I had to go to main campus, which was a pain, but I will do it every time! Made it a much more pleasant experience!
This time around I told my doctor I would really prefer not to be treated with steroids. He obliged and upped the dosage of my current meds and added another one. Of course increasing my dosage meant going from one time a day to 3 times a day again...and we all know how good I am with that. I have struggled all year with my Crohn's.
I'm writing this post today because today has been really bad. Today was bad enough that I even considered calling off sick to work. I have never yet called off work due to Crohn's. I've been struggling with my eating since the marathon and my Crohn's has been going crazy since that time as well. I think my body is telling me that it likes it significantly better when I'm not only eating healthy, but exercising. Another thing I've been struggling with since the marathon is working out. I've worked out once a week for the 2 weeks since the marathon. Not good. I think my body is in shock at the sudden change.
All the more reason why I need to realize that 2012 was a big year for me. I still managed to accomplish both of my big goals (Olympic triathlon & marathon) while dealing with Crohn's Disease in a way I haven't really had to deal with it yet. I managed to meet those goals in spite of this annoying disease. Now I need to shift my focus with getting back on track from wanting to do it for weight loss; to wanting to do it because the best I've felt all year was back in my first 2 weeks of re-joining weight watchers in August/September.
Ok. If anyone is still reading this; thanks. Sorry I went on for so long. 6 years is a long back-story. But now you know all about my Crohn's Disease.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Women Who Run
I was contemplating inviting Mary to come do this race with me since we had such a good time last week. But then she was complaining of a headache on Friday and I thought she could use to sleep in. Also, the race was 4 miles and although she plans to do the turkey trot with me on Thanksgiving, I wasn't sure if she was ready for 4 miles just a week after her first ever 5k. So, I went it alone. I've been doing more and more races alone lately and honestly, I don't like it. I've run several races by myself over the last few years, but I've almost always at least gone with someone. It makes it so much more fun to have someone there with you...even if you don't run the actual race together. Of course the BEST time is when you go with someone AND run the race together (which is probably why I had SO much fun with my daughter last week). I swear I think I was the only one at the race on Saturday that didn't come with a friend or family member. It made me a little sad. Anyway....
The race started at the Galleria (again, same starting place as last week). They had their own little "expo" happening in the Galleria before the race. I saw a shirt I liked and probably would have bought it if I didn't leave my money in the car! The shirt said "I know I'm slow...Get Over It!" I hesitate buying something like that because I hope to become not so slow one of these days, but I figure even when I'm not so slow in my book, I'll still be slow compared to LOTS of other runners! As I'm waiting for 9AM to roll around and standing there by myself. The DJ person makes an announcement that the race has actually been changed to a 5k. Apparently the President was going to be at Burke Lakefront Airport so we needed to get done faster. I was a little bummed because frankly, I don't really like 5k's. Of course, around mile 2 I was quite happy that I was MORE than halfway done!
I went into this race with no goals. I had thought about trying to run the entire thing with no walk breaks, but honestly, I haven't run at all since the 5k last Saturday (yea...it's been THAT bad). So, I knew that likely wasn't a realistic expectation. When it was supposed to be 4 miles, I also knew that I would likely not beat my current 4 mile PR so it's not like that was a realistic goal either. As I started running I was deciding in my head how to cover the distance. This is never a good idea! I should have known that! I started with thinking that perhaps I should just to run to mile 1, take a 1 minute walk break, run to mile 2, walk break, etc. So, I didn't take a walk break until mile 1. I finished the first mile in about 11:06. I was pretty happy with that. But, apparently that was a little too fast. I took about 2 or maybe 3 walk breaks in the 2nd mile and took a little over 12 to finish the 2nd mile (I think). At this point I started thinking that I should just try to beat my time from last week. What's funny about this was that for some reason I had 36:16 in my head. I got the numbers mixed up. I looked at my watch when 30 minutes had elapsed and was then getting discouraged because I didn't think I could finish by 36 minutes. Therefore, I was about to end this race having not met a single (non-existent) goal. This is why I need to have a plan BEFORE the race; otherwise I make goals "on the fly" and still get discouraged if I don't meet them.
I crossed the finish line and the clock said something under 37 minutes, but I didn't pay close attention. I was still feeling a little defeated because, as I said last week, I was proud of the fact that when I ran with Mary I felt like I could have gone faster without her. I was thinking on Saturday that this obviously wasn't true and I just ran this 5k SLOWER than when I ran it with her. At some point it dawned on me that Mary and I didn't finish in 36:16 last week, we finished in 38 something...Drew and Robbie had finished in 36 something (and it wasn't 16). I felt significantly better. My official time was 36:40...and when I compared it to last week, it was almost 2 minutes faster...and only 5 seconds slower than Drew and Robbie's time last week. And I know this wasn't my best race by far. I struggled. I've been struggling a lot lately (go figure); so in the end I felt pretty good about this race.
This race marked my 9th one of 2012. I have now decided that I am going to change my goal to completing 11 races in 2012 since 11 was actually the number of races I had completed in my life up to December 2011. Of course, there is a part of me that is now thinking if I do 11, I mind as well even it out to 12 races - one for each month of 2012. And besides, 12 races in 2012...kind of has a ring to it....no??
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
And Now Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Program...
First of all, I hope that all of you have faired well through this crazy Hurricane Sandy. I'm happy to say that we were barely effected by it...and for that I'm feeling thankful.
So, after a week of posting wonderfully positive things and basking in my post-marathon glory I find myself back to reality. Ugh. I so wanted this post to be uber positive like all my other ones have been in the last week, but it wouldn't be honest if it was.
I'm having a hard time getting back on track.
I'm sure this is completely normal and I will kick it; but there you have it...I'm completely back to normal and it's frustrating.
I found the mental strength to not only finish a marathon, but to do so while feeling happy and accomplished through each and every mile. I was able to remain positive even when I literally felt like my legs wouldn't keep going. So why is it that I continue to struggle so much with my mentality when it comes to eating?? Why is it so hard to stay positive and keep the finish line in my thoughts?
Hmmm...that analogy just helped slightly. Perhaps the reason why it is SO hard is because that finish line seems insurmountable. 26.2 miles was difficult, but I never really doubted that I would make it. Sure. I doubted that I would make it in under 7 hours, but I always knew that I could cover the distance of 26.2 miles. I think I continue to struggle with truly believing that I can cross this finish line of losing 50+lbs. Silly though, because I have lost 40 before. So, if I know I can lose 40, why don't I believe I can lose 50?
I can't express how much this blog is helping though. Just being able to put my thoughts on paper the computer makes me realize things that perhaps I hadn't thought of.
The other day I was looking at my official finisher pics and some of them just disgusted me. (if you're interested you can see them all here) I remember telling my mom that looking at those pictures made me feel like losing 50lbs still wouldn't be enough to make a difference. And therein lies the problem! This journey feels so difficult because a)I feel like I will never make it to the finish line and b) that even if I do make it across the line, it won't be enough. Ugh.
I know my doctor said that 160lbs would be a good weight for me to be at and I know that I said that I felt great about that because it felt attainable. However, the issue now is that when I looked at those pictures of me I felt like I looked MORE than 50lbs overweight. Jeesh....I need to take the marathon positivity and move it to my eating. Perhaps I need to find a picture of me from when I weighed around 160lbs, to realize that it WILL be enough.
So, I'm struggling. But, I'm working on it. Tomorrow's a new day. I am thinking about changing my meetings/weigh in days to Wednesdays. I didn't go to a meeting tonight or anything, but I'm thinking tomorrow starts day 1 of the week and I'll just wait until next Wednesday to go to my next meeting. Perhaps that'll help my psyche. If I can actually get back on track tomorrow (and stay that way); I should be able to see a loss (even if it's slight) on the scale by next Wednesday.
And with that I'll leave you. I don't feel much like talking about this.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
What's Next??
Will you do another one?!?!?
The short answer....MOST DEFINITELY!
Is there a long answer? Come on...you have to have learned by now that there is ALWAYS a long answer with me. (course, I guess if there wasn't I wouldn't have had a reason to start this blog).
As I already discussed at length in my last post; I enjoyed every second of this marathon. There is no way that I don't want to experience that again! However, there are things I need to consider prior to toeing the start line of my next marathon. (that's a great saying...toeing the start line....it's hilarious to me only because I will never actually line up on the start line! I will always be in the back of the pack, but I still like it so I'm gonna use it!)
As I was saying...changes have to occur prior to conquering my next marathon. Prior to this marathon I made myself a promise. While I was suffering through my last long run, I felt like I would never again want to train for a marathon. However, I also know myself well enough to know that when I lose my weight and when I become a better runner; I won't want my marathon time to forever be almost 7 hours (at the time I was not feeling very confident about finishing in anything under 6:59:59). So even though I had no idea how I would feel during or after the marathon, I pretty much knew I wouldn't do only one.
I asked my mom during this run if she would willing to support me through another training session. But, I told her that I would wait until I was completing half marathons in something like 2 hours. Ok, that is NOT going to happen. That wasn't a promise I made! I don't know that I'm EVER going to finish a half marathon in 2 hours. But, it goes to the promise I have since made to myself.
I will not do another marathon at my current weight.
That's as far as I've gotten in my promise. I'm not going to pinpoint a certain weight and say I have to weigh 1xx prior to doing a marathon, because I'm known to sabotage my efforts when I've put a specific weight goal on myself. But, I know that I don't want to do another one as big as I am now. I'd also like to have improved my running enough that a finish less than 6 hours becomes more realistic.
I've got some things to work on. So, the answer to what's next is to really focus on my diet more than I have been. To get back on the wagon and look at this as a way for me to meet my next goal. I mean, if I can complete a marathon, why can't I control my eating?!?! There's no reason. I can control my eating. I choose not to.
Clearly the reasons I've used as motivators to lose weight in the past weren't good enough. Apparently wanting to look better isn't enough of a motivating factor to me. The whole "wanting to be healthier" is not something I play into because, as we've discussed, I'm healthier at this weight than lots of people at a lower weight; according to my numbers.
So, what's immediately next is to complete my 2012 goal. I only mentioned this on my "running/triathlon journey" link on this blog. At the end of 2011 I counted all the races I had completed to date in my life. I decided to make a goal of completing that number of races in 2012. I thought this number was 10 and it was nice because I had completed 5 races in 2011, so it would also mean doubling the amount of races done from 2011 to 2012. However, I apparently missed one race in there because when I was writing my races page for this blog, I realized that the number is actually 11. As of today, I have completed 8 races in 2012. I have 2 more on my schedule (Women Who Run 4 miler next weekend and Aurora Turkey Trot 4 miler on Thanksgiving Day). That will bring me to 10 races, but you know that just won't do for me. I only have to decide on 1 more to get to my 11 and I have time to do it. So, I'm going to find one more race to do and will meet my 2012 goal!
At the same time I will start on my next big goal....to lose this weight for good and really work on improving my fitness.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Halloween Run for Justice 5k
I realized this morning that it's been quite a while since I've done a small and local race. I don't particularly care for the 5k distance for several reasons. I haven't done a 5k since June 2011 (not THAT long, I realize). Even my smaller races this year have been parts of bigger ones (like the Towpath 10k, which was part of the Towpath Marathon).
Anyway, so this morning marked the first of hopefully many "Family 5k's". A few months back I was searching online to decide what other races I was going to sign up for to meet my goal for this year. I found this Halloween Run for Justice for today and immediately noticed that you could sign up as a family and get 4 registrations and 4 shirts for $50. Even for a 5k, that's pretty cheap! I asked my husband (since he's not much of a runner) and he agreed it could be fun. The kids were totally excited about it, as both of them keep talking about wanting to do the turkey trot with me.
Since this was a Halloween themed run, I was thinking of doing a family-themed costume. We ended up not doing that for so many reasons (time, money, figuring out a costume we can easily run in, etc). Instead we were all decked out in our Halloween shirts so at least we were being festive.
I was nervous about how the kids would do covering 3.1 miles. On one hand, the distance seems so small; but on the other, I remember how daunting 3.1 miles was for me in 2007. I wasn't sure if their age would be a good thing or not. I mean, they are so young, but have so much energy. I wasn't sure if they'd be "too young" to finish a 5k; or would run circles around me because a 5k is no big thing!
It was a cold, wet day in Cleveland today. The nice thing was that we could wait inside until right before the race started. With about 5 minutes to go, we walked outside and waited for thehorn cowbell. And, then we were off! Right away Robbie started to take off. I told him to slow down (for several reasons), but he continued to be faster than me and Mary so eventually Drew went ahead with Robbie. Mary and I had a nice pace going. She was doing really well. I told her to let me know if she needed to walk. I believe it was just before a half mile that we took our first walk break. When Mary would say she wanted to walk I would time 1 minute and then start running again. She did amazing! I was so proud of her. This wasn't an easy course. It was WINDY, misty and hilly.
I was proud of myself too. I was concerned that perhaps the kids would run circles around me. That I wouldn't be able to keep up. I am happy to report that I let Mary instigate all the walk breaks. I felt like we kept a pretty good pace, but I probably could have finished a bit faster on my own. That makes me happy.
After the race Drew said he wonders what would have happened if we switched and if I went with Robbie and he went with Mary. He said he thought that perhaps Robbie and I would have finished even faster. Awww...he's sweet! :) But perhaps. I think the notion that my 6 year old can help to push me in a race is kind of cool and kind of sad all at the same time!
It was so fun to run in a race with my family. It was fun letting Mary dictate the walk breaks. It was awesome not having a care in the world about my time. There was no pressure for this one. No goals to meet. Nothing to worry about. Just fun.
Official Results:
Drew: 36:35.8
Robbie: 36:36.0
Mary: 38:18.0
Kim: 38:18.3
Robbie made a comment at the end, "I thought we were going to do the entire race together??" We all just laughed because he's the reason why we didn't finish together! Too funny! Next up for the family...Aurora Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.
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| Family self portrait! Not too bad...just cut Mary's face off! |
Since this was a Halloween themed run, I was thinking of doing a family-themed costume. We ended up not doing that for so many reasons (time, money, figuring out a costume we can easily run in, etc). Instead we were all decked out in our Halloween shirts so at least we were being festive.
It was a cold, wet day in Cleveland today. The nice thing was that we could wait inside until right before the race started. With about 5 minutes to go, we walked outside and waited for the
I was proud of myself too. I was concerned that perhaps the kids would run circles around me. That I wouldn't be able to keep up. I am happy to report that I let Mary instigate all the walk breaks. I felt like we kept a pretty good pace, but I probably could have finished a bit faster on my own. That makes me happy.
After the race Drew said he wonders what would have happened if we switched and if I went with Robbie and he went with Mary. He said he thought that perhaps Robbie and I would have finished even faster. Awww...he's sweet! :) But perhaps. I think the notion that my 6 year old can help to push me in a race is kind of cool and kind of sad all at the same time!
It was so fun to run in a race with my family. It was fun letting Mary dictate the walk breaks. It was awesome not having a care in the world about my time. There was no pressure for this one. No goals to meet. Nothing to worry about. Just fun.
Official Results:
Drew: 36:35.8
Robbie: 36:36.0
Mary: 38:18.0
Kim: 38:18.3
Robbie made a comment at the end, "I thought we were going to do the entire race together??" We all just laughed because he's the reason why we didn't finish together! Too funny! Next up for the family...Aurora Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.
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| 5k DONE! and Robbie's saying "we beat you!" |
Friday, October 26, 2012
Post Marathon Thoughts....
I know I have so many thoughts going on in my head, but I can't seem to figure out a way to start this post. I also can't quite figure out how to organize all of these thoughts.
Boy, was I (thankfully) WRONG! But, I think that my decision to turn over a new leaf helped with this. In the week leading up to the big day I decided to really focus on being positive. I started becoming more and more confident that I would finish and that I would meet my goal of finishing in under 6:30. I haven't said this yet on the blog, but my original marathon goal was to finish in under 6 hours. But, this was last year when I had lost enough weight that I was under 200lbs and had just finished a half marathon in 2:41. Could I have met my under 6 goal? Probably. If I wouldn't have gained back 20lbs of what I lost and regressed in my running. But guess what? I don't care. I'm not upset with myself or disappointed in what I accomplished. This is new territory for me (the whole NOT being disappointed). Obviously I'm still aware that my original "goal" was to finish in under 6 hours, but this was never my realistic goal once I signed up for the marathon. Case in point: when I registered for the race, I entered my estimated finish time as 6:30.
However, in the past, even if I knew it wasn't realistic, this would have haunted my thoughts and would have made it difficult to forget that the "real" goal was to break 6 hours. I think this is what happened last year when I finished the Stomp the Grapes half marathon in 2:41. I crossed that finish line and just felt "meh". I had taken another 15 minutes off my previous HM time, but what I really wanted was 2:30 or less....so I ended up being disappointed. I knew that 2:30 was not at all realistic and I tried to convince myself that 2:30 is my eventual HM goal, but apparently that didn't work.
And so, using that same (insane) logic, crossing the finish line at 6:28:55 should have been "meh" for me. THANKFULLY however, something clicked inside me during those 26.2 miles on Sunday. I finished the first half in a speed that, had I been able to keep it going, would have resulted in a finish just over 6 hours. However, I had already decided that I was going to soak in this experience. One really positive thing about truly not having a time goal is that I didn't feel pressured not to do things. I can't even count how many times I stopped to use the porta potty (tmi? sorry). Every time I felt like I had to go at all, I stopped. I took my phone out so that I could take pictures of the stadium. I stopped to put a Lego piece on the board for one of the "Patient Champions". I even took a picture of said board.
This shift in my mind was amazing. It resulted in the ability to truly enjoy myself. Did I struggle through 26.2 miles? Abso-friggen-lutely! But what was so interesting to me about this was that I still enjoyed EVERY second of it. I felt like I could barely keep moving at the end, but I was making jokes. A volunteer at one point said "1.5 miles to go", to which I replied, "Can I kiss you!?!?" Any time I felt myself getting discouraged (which honestly didn't even happen that much). I simply reminding myself that I am completing a MARATHON! Nothing else mattered. It didn't matter how long it would take me to do it. It didn't matter if I didn't maintain my intervals (I didn't, by the way). It didn't matter if I walked almost all of the last 3.2 miles. It just mattered that I set out to finish 26.2 miles and I was going to DO that.
I feel like this is the start of something new for me. The start of feeling good about myself and my accomplishments. The start of truly realizing that I am a runner, no matter what speed I move at.
After the marathon Heather (over at mile26 and more) made an excellent point. She told me that I have the strength to complete a marathon....therefore, I have the strength to lose this weight. She is SO right. And with that I'll stop talking.....for now!
Leading up to this marathon I had lots of worries (obviously). I was starting to worry that I wouldn't finish. I was worried that I WOULD finish and feel nothing when I crossed that finish line. That, after all the hard work that I put into training, and months and months of anticipation, it would be anti-climatic and just be over.
Boy, was I (thankfully) WRONG! But, I think that my decision to turn over a new leaf helped with this. In the week leading up to the big day I decided to really focus on being positive. I started becoming more and more confident that I would finish and that I would meet my goal of finishing in under 6:30. I haven't said this yet on the blog, but my original marathon goal was to finish in under 6 hours. But, this was last year when I had lost enough weight that I was under 200lbs and had just finished a half marathon in 2:41. Could I have met my under 6 goal? Probably. If I wouldn't have gained back 20lbs of what I lost and regressed in my running. But guess what? I don't care. I'm not upset with myself or disappointed in what I accomplished. This is new territory for me (the whole NOT being disappointed). Obviously I'm still aware that my original "goal" was to finish in under 6 hours, but this was never my realistic goal once I signed up for the marathon. Case in point: when I registered for the race, I entered my estimated finish time as 6:30.
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| Stomp the Grapes 2011 |
And so, using that same (insane) logic, crossing the finish line at 6:28:55 should have been "meh" for me. THANKFULLY however, something clicked inside me during those 26.2 miles on Sunday. I finished the first half in a speed that, had I been able to keep it going, would have resulted in a finish just over 6 hours. However, I had already decided that I was going to soak in this experience. One really positive thing about truly not having a time goal is that I didn't feel pressured not to do things. I can't even count how many times I stopped to use the porta potty (tmi? sorry). Every time I felt like I had to go at all, I stopped. I took my phone out so that I could take pictures of the stadium. I stopped to put a Lego piece on the board for one of the "Patient Champions". I even took a picture of said board.
This shift in my mind was amazing. It resulted in the ability to truly enjoy myself. Did I struggle through 26.2 miles? Abso-friggen-lutely! But what was so interesting to me about this was that I still enjoyed EVERY second of it. I felt like I could barely keep moving at the end, but I was making jokes. A volunteer at one point said "1.5 miles to go", to which I replied, "Can I kiss you!?!?" Any time I felt myself getting discouraged (which honestly didn't even happen that much). I simply reminding myself that I am completing a MARATHON! Nothing else mattered. It didn't matter how long it would take me to do it. It didn't matter if I didn't maintain my intervals (I didn't, by the way). It didn't matter if I walked almost all of the last 3.2 miles. It just mattered that I set out to finish 26.2 miles and I was going to DO that. I feel like this is the start of something new for me. The start of feeling good about myself and my accomplishments. The start of truly realizing that I am a runner, no matter what speed I move at.
After the marathon Heather (over at mile26 and more) made an excellent point. She told me that I have the strength to complete a marathon....therefore, I have the strength to lose this weight. She is SO right. And with that I'll stop talking.....for now!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Columbus Marathon 2012 Race Report - Part 2
If you missed it, you can find Part 1 here.
I left you with not being able to sleep through the night before the big day.
Sunday October 21, 2012
The alarm went off at 5AM. The clock/radio thing at the hotel was actually an iPod doc, which was way cool. You could set the alarm to either buzzer, radio or iPod! I set the alarm to go off at 5AM to Adele's Rolling in the Deep. This song became our "race song" when we heard it on the way to the Cleveland Half Marathon in May 2011. It was kind of cool waking up to it, knowing that I would be completing my first marathon later that day!
We all got up pretty easily. Nobody wanted to eat, but we all choked down our small breakfasts of granola bars (the girls) or trail mix (me). Funny. For a girl who ALWAYS wants to eat - it just takes getting ready for a marathon at 5AM to not want to eat at all! We all got dressed and ready to go (this included getting lubed up with body glide and Vaseline in all the appropriate places to prevent chafing during a nice 26.2 mile jaunt). Pictures were taken in the hotel room and then we gathered all our stuff to check out. We could have gotten late check out, but the "complimentary late check out" was only until 1 and I knew I would still be running then! Adrienne and SIL put their bags in the car and I checked mine at the front desk since I'd be going home with my family. Check out was a breeze - nobody was in line. Guess most people probably opted for late check out.
We had to be in the corrals by 7AM for the 7:30 AM start. A little excessive?? I think so. On the way into the corrals we had probably 3 photographers take our picture (if/when I purchase them I'm sure I'll post them). That was kind of fun and some of them actually came out pretty good! Then, we made it ALL the way back to our corral F (the last one). In this sea of 18,000 people I had to try to spot Sarah, who I hadn't seen in over 11 years! Amazingly enough I FOUND her and we chatted with SIL and Adrienne while we waited for the start.
The way they have the set up at the start line in Columbus is a little different. The corrals make a sharp turn at corral D. So you have ABC, then turn and DEF. As a result, those of us back in F could not hear anything that was happening at the start line. All of the sudden a loud BOOM rocks every one of the 18,000 runners waiting to start. But, then the line still wasn't moving. Eventually there would be 2 more booms and we were off!
Sarah and I immediately started chatting and catching up on the last 11+ years. I can't express how awesome it was to have her by my side for that first part of the race. She did most of the talking, but I held my own! :) She helped me up the inclines and kept me moving at a good pace. Before I knew it, I was giving her a hug and saying goodbye.
Columbus claims to do this "second start line" for the full marathoners at mile 13. What it does and makes it that much more painfully obvious that hardly any people keep going for the full (especially when having taken almost 3 hours to do the half). All of the sudden I felt completely alone. But then I heard someone yell Kim and I looked and screamed! It was Megan! She wasn't supposed to meet me until mile 19. I got overly excited, but she said she was just saying hi and would meet me at 19. I was doing great at that point so I said GREAT!
And then the LONG trek between miles 13 and 19 began. The next 3ish miles were straight UP High Street (in more ways that one). In some ways it was THE most boring part of the race; but in others I was interested at looking all around to see what I remembered from grad school. Turns out...not much! I did remember my friend's apartment building when I passed that!
It was at some point between 16 and 17 that I first started to struggle. My stomach started revolting. I took some extra walk breaks. But, in all of this, I never got upset. I didn't cry. I was concerned about my stomach since it was very similar to the stomach pains I get with my Crohn's. I was focusing on finding a porta potty and deciding if I really needed it. I can't remember in which sequence this happened, but at some point during this time I saw SIL and Adrienne coming in the opposite direction! It was excited and we all gave high 5's. I was still focused on my stomach though. Then (or perhaps before), I saw a mile marker that had an 18 on it. I got all excited because I swear I couldn't remember the 17. I was totally confused. I looked at my Garmin and that said 16.94 (or something like that) so I was even MORE confused. And, then, I saw it....the mile 17 marker just ahead. Ugh. That 18 mile marker was on the opposite side of the road. That was a little defeating, but I knew I was about to go into the 'Shoe so I was excited! (That's the Ohio Stadium where the Buckeyes play if you're not aware).
I took my phone out to take pictures through the 'Shoe. The nice thing about being slow is that I really didn't care about taking the time to take pictures. I was taking EVERY minute in during this entire race! I was able to ignore my stomach by being distracted in the 'Shoe. Then, I was finally at the actual 18 mile mark and knew I only had 1 more mile before I met Megan. I was struggling, but still moving and still doing most of my intervals. I was probably walking a little more than scheduled, but I can't really remember.
I met up with Megan and things almost immediately went downhill. What's interesting though, is that for as difficult as it got, my MOOD never altered. I struggled. I wanted to be done. I was in serious pain. I physically couldn't run anymore at one point. But; I WAS SMILING! I was loving every. single. minute. of this experience. I knew that I was going to finish 26.2 miles and that was all I cared about. I knew I had completed the first half fast enough (thanks Sarah) to finish in under 7 hours even if I walked the rest of the way (which I wasn't planning on doing). I even knew that as long as I could keep pushing, I could finish in under 6:30.
I think I was somewhere after mile 25, and all of the sudden the 6:30 pacer team (walkers) came up behind me! It was just what I needed to get my butt moving. But, it didn't last very long. It literally hurt too much to run. I decided that since I was SO close it didn't really matter if I let them pass me. Finishing at 6:35 was still finishing 26.2. Turns out those ladies weren't great pacers because they did finish before me (my mom said probably 10 minutes before me); and since my OFFICIAL finish time was 6:28:55, I finished in under 6:30! :)
Anyway, that last 1.5 miles were the LONGEST in my life. I have no idea how long they took me, but it felt like forever. Every time I tried to run I couldn't so I tried to walk fast. That didn't really work either. They have a flag with 1/2 mile on it...and that was terrible. I passed that flag and felt like I should be seeing the 26 flag...and I wasn't...and it sucked. But then. I saw it. And I couldn't believe it. I was almost done. I reached the flag and gave Megan the biggest hug ever. I turned the corner, felt the downhill under my feet and started running. I felt like I was FLYING. In that moment nothing hurt. I wasn't tired. I could breathe. IT. WAS. AWESOME!!! I looked to my left and saw Heather, SIL and Adrienne (and other people, but those were the only ones I noticed). But, I was distracted because at the same time, I saw that my husband, kids and parents were to my right. I worked my way over to my family and gave them all high 5's...but I was on a mission. I saw the clock. I saw that if I could cross that line in the next few SECONDS, I would meet my goal. I ran with everything I had left. I crossed that finish line and the clock said 6:49:xx. I was CONFIDENT I finished in under 6:30 (and, obviously, later found out I was right).
I got my medal; my space blanket; my picture taken; and I went to the food area. I grabbed my chocolate milk and food and started walking to get to my family.
It was a day I will NEVER forget. I have never been more proud or amazed at myself.
For thinking I didn't have much to say about the day, I certainly found my words! ;)
And, as you can imagine. I have SO much more to say after a few days of reflecting. But that will come in another post!
I left you with not being able to sleep through the night before the big day.
Sunday October 21, 2012
The alarm went off at 5AM. The clock/radio thing at the hotel was actually an iPod doc, which was way cool. You could set the alarm to either buzzer, radio or iPod! I set the alarm to go off at 5AM to Adele's Rolling in the Deep. This song became our "race song" when we heard it on the way to the Cleveland Half Marathon in May 2011. It was kind of cool waking up to it, knowing that I would be completing my first marathon later that day!
We all got up pretty easily. Nobody wanted to eat, but we all choked down our small breakfasts of granola bars (the girls) or trail mix (me). Funny. For a girl who ALWAYS wants to eat - it just takes getting ready for a marathon at 5AM to not want to eat at all! We all got dressed and ready to go (this included getting lubed up with body glide and Vaseline in all the appropriate places to prevent chafing during a nice 26.2 mile jaunt). Pictures were taken in the hotel room and then we gathered all our stuff to check out. We could have gotten late check out, but the "complimentary late check out" was only until 1 and I knew I would still be running then! Adrienne and SIL put their bags in the car and I checked mine at the front desk since I'd be going home with my family. Check out was a breeze - nobody was in line. Guess most people probably opted for late check out.
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| And that's only HALF of the people since the other half were around the corner |
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I didn't mention anything about the "Patient Champions" in this post. But, each mile was dedicated to a child from the Children's hospital. This was Parker's Lego Mile. It was in the 'Shoe and they asked runners to put a Lego piece on this board. I'm sure lots of people couldn't be bothered, but I LOVED every minute of it!
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| Thanks for the warning! |
If you're not familiar with big races, it takes about 20-30 minutes for the people in the back to actually reach the start line! That's why it's so nice they have the "chip timing" because if my time were based on when the "gun" went off, I'd appear EVEN slower (if that's possible)! So, about 21 minutes later, I was crossing the start line and off to tackle 26.2 miles. Sarah and I immediately started chatting and catching up on the last 11+ years. I can't express how awesome it was to have her by my side for that first part of the race. She did most of the talking, but I held my own! :) She helped me up the inclines and kept me moving at a good pace. Before I knew it, I was giving her a hug and saying goodbye.
Columbus claims to do this "second start line" for the full marathoners at mile 13. What it does and makes it that much more painfully obvious that hardly any people keep going for the full (especially when having taken almost 3 hours to do the half). All of the sudden I felt completely alone. But then I heard someone yell Kim and I looked and screamed! It was Megan! She wasn't supposed to meet me until mile 19. I got overly excited, but she said she was just saying hi and would meet me at 19. I was doing great at that point so I said GREAT!
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| And there's the steep hill....entering the 'Shoe! |
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| So COOL! As you can see, most of the pictures I took were in the 'Shoe, so that's what you've got! |
I took my phone out to take pictures through the 'Shoe. The nice thing about being slow is that I really didn't care about taking the time to take pictures. I was taking EVERY minute in during this entire race! I was able to ignore my stomach by being distracted in the 'Shoe. Then, I was finally at the actual 18 mile mark and knew I only had 1 more mile before I met Megan. I was struggling, but still moving and still doing most of my intervals. I was probably walking a little more than scheduled, but I can't really remember.
I met up with Megan and things almost immediately went downhill. What's interesting though, is that for as difficult as it got, my MOOD never altered. I struggled. I wanted to be done. I was in serious pain. I physically couldn't run anymore at one point. But; I WAS SMILING! I was loving every. single. minute. of this experience. I knew that I was going to finish 26.2 miles and that was all I cared about. I knew I had completed the first half fast enough (thanks Sarah) to finish in under 7 hours even if I walked the rest of the way (which I wasn't planning on doing). I even knew that as long as I could keep pushing, I could finish in under 6:30.
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| I must have started clapping when I saw my family! I love my mom's hand in the corner of the pic. |
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| And that captures it right there. Thanks Dad! |
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| OMG..I just PASSED 2 people at the end...let's not even discuss the fact that they're wearing winter coats while running/walking a marathon! |
It was a day I will NEVER forget. I have never been more proud or amazed at myself.
For thinking I didn't have much to say about the day, I certainly found my words! ;)
And, as you can imagine. I have SO much more to say after a few days of reflecting. But that will come in another post!
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