#NOEXCUSES LIFESTYLE CHALLENGE RESULTS!

I waited too long to do this post so now I feel like there's so much to say! You know how much I love my comparison photos, so be prepared because this post is going to have a lot of them!

Let's talk first about RESULTS.

From 16 wks with no alcohol to one in each hand

This year my starting stats on January 12th were:
Weight = 203.8
Body Fat % = 38.6%
Chest = 34.5"
Bust = 39"
Waist = 34"
Belly = 38"
Hips = 43.5"
Rt. Leg = 24"
Rt. Arm = 13"

And my stats on May 6th were:
Weight = 176
Body Fat % = 33.7%
Chest = 31 1/2" (-3")
Bust = 36 2/3" (-2 1/3")
Waist = 30" (-4")
Belly = 34" (-4")
Hips = 39 1/2" (-4")
Rt. Leg = 22 2/3 (-1 1/3")
Rt. Arm = 12 1/2" (-1/2")

In 16 weeks I lost 27.8 pounds, 4.9% body fat, and just over 19 inches. Wow.

My goal was to hit 175 pounds on my home scale and 176.5 or less on the Living Lean scale. On Sunday morning my scale was 174.8 (it went up to 175.2 on Monday, but whatever) and seeing as the LL scale was 176 I can officially say I MET MY GOAL! On a side note - I am  officially "only" overweight according to that lovely BMI scale. I may hate that damn measure of "health", but it is kind of exciting to no longer be considered obese when I have spent so many years in that category.

This next picture is not an easy one for me to post since I know that the majority of the people who read this blog know me in real life; but I'm going to post it anyway. Another goal that I had was these jeans. If you recall, I mentioned in this post that if I could zip these jeans up by the end of the 16 week challenge I wouldn't care what the scale said. Not only did the jeans zip up, but they are the jeans that I wore to the awards ceremony. These jeans did not even go all the way up in January. I honestly did not think those jeans would fit my by the end of 16 weeks.

Let's look at some other fun pictures now........

I love this comparison. I took that first picture when I first got that tank top back in February. The next picture was taken on Monday morning after I got back from my workout.

That 2016 pic was taken in March when I had joined an online 30 day challenge. I was exactly 10 pounds down from my absolute highest. The difference between these 2 pictures is 65 pounds. If you look closely at the pictures you can see that those shorts that were so tight in 2016 now have a gap on my thigh. The shirt looks like it's so much longer because it's not nearly as stretched out.

That first picture was the one that was taken at the 8 week awards ceremony last year (so March 2018) when I won the Most Improved award. I remember that when I looked at that picture that year the first thing I thought to myself was, "why am I still so fat". I'm happy to say that I did not think that when I looked at the pictures from this year's awards ceremony.

I gave myself a little time off this past week (a lot actually), but today it is time to get back to work! I can't even believe how close I am to my goal. As I inch closer to my goal it's interesting because I still am not sure what that goal actually is. Stay tuned because that's going to be a whole blog post of its' own.

#noexcuses Week 16!!!!!

IT IS HERE!!!!

Last week's gain was a total fluke considering on Sunday
my weight went right back down and was actually
.2 down from the previous week. Just goes to show that
the scale doesn't always tell the truth! 

WEEK 16

Although it's not actually here because my FINAL weigh in isn't until Monday morning so I still have 2 more days.

These 16 weeks have been pretty amazing. When I set my end of challenge goal, I don't think I really believed that I would actually hit that "A" goal. I'm pretty sure the whole reason why I came up with an "A" goal and a "B" goal was because I didn't really think that "A" goal was going to happen. I am now 2 days away from that final weigh in and am pretty positive that I will hit that "A" goal.

So let's review: my "A" goal was 175 and my "B" goal was 180. Basically the point was that I'd be happy with anything between 175 and 180. My goals are based on my home scale so I usually add about a pound for the Living Lean scale since I have to account for wearing clothes 😏So, if the LL scale reads 176 or below on Monday I will have officially hit my "A" goal. And really, if the scale doesn't show the number I want to see on Monday the world will not actually come to an end. There have been so many NSV's over these last 16 weeks that the number truly doesn't matter quite as much. Of course when the scale does show me what I want to see I will be absolutely ecstatic!

Since it is now May, I also need to update my monthly weigh in calendar. I am happy that I was able to drop another 8.2 pounds during the month of April. It's no 14.6 like I dropped in April last year, but it's not nothing! It's also 4 months in a row of losing weight, which is more than I could say for last year so that's something.

The number on the scale is one thing; but how I've been feeling lately is something else entirely. The things I have been doing in the gym are absolutely amazing me. I have been feeling so lean lately and that is a great feeling.

Last Sunday when I was getting ready to go to the kids' concerts I was feeling very slim so I just had to take a pic. Numbers are great and I am such a numbers person, but these are the things that really matter.

Two more days and this chapter of my journey will come to a close. Obviously that doesn't mean I'm done or I'm stopping. It just means a new chapter starts. And this new chapter will start with a champagne toast at the #noexcuses Lifestyle Challenge awards ceremony on Wednesday!

I will update you all next week with my official 16 week results!

What the Scale CAN'T Tell You......

I'm writing a day early this week because this is an important topic. Grab yourself a glass of wine or some other refreshment and buckle in because this is bound to be a long one.

You all know that for the most part I'm an every day weigher. I have tried many times to change this habit, but I think I'm getting to the point where I really am just using it as a tool and nothing more (most of the time). I'm learning the patterns that happen in my body and I find it pretty interesting. Obviously if I feel the need to write this post tonight it means that the scale is up. We'll get to that.

There are so many things that the scale can't tell you. I am going to tell you exactly what my scale can not tell you about my week.

1) The scale will not tell you that my schedule was completely jacked up this week and I could not
attend any of my usual classes at Living Lean. It will not tell you that because of this I found the time on different days or at different times to be sure I still got 3 days of classes in at LL. That meant that on Monday morning I was at the 5:45 AM class (I HATE getting up that early for workouts). It meant that I went to the Tuesday morning workout which I usually don't do because I usually run that day. Wednesday I worked out at 6:30 PM instead of in the morning. Yesterday, after working a 12 hour day, I came home and ran 4 miles on the treadmill in my fastest time in forever (with no walk breaks). And today, I was not able to attend my normal Friday morning class so I got on the treadmill this evening and once again covered 4 miles even faster than yesterday. And for SURE the scale will not tell you that I came SO close to doing an unassisted chin up in the gym this week. I was able to get about 3/4 of the way up. 

2) The scale cannot tell you that I at least attempted to track all my food on Easter Sunday. I would normally allow myself freedom to not track on a holiday; but I had challenged myself to track for the last 50 days of this challenge and Easter Sunday was day 35/50 so I tracked. I had to estimate since I wasn't in control of my food that day; but I think I did an OK job.

3) The scale won't tell you that even though I had challenges galore this week I fought through them better than I ever have before. The company I work for has to get accredited once every 3 years and our survey was yesterday and today. This means long days and lots of food available. I don't do well when there's a lot of downtime and free food. Thursday was tough. I decided at first that I wasn't going to bother tracking fruit. I figured if I was doing WW still, fruit would be "free" so I would go by

This is a small plate and doesn't look like
a lot of fruit...but I can't even tell you how
many times I had plates of fruit like this. 

that philosophy yesterday. When lunch rolled around I got a salad with grilled chicken on it because I felt it was the best choice I could make. I may have still eaten more of the danishes and muffins (2 of each) than I had originally planned, but I am sure I would have eaten more food in the past. I also know I would have used this as an excuse to eat whatever because it wasn't in my control. Case in point; there is a note on my food log from 2016 when we had our last survey that it was bad timing with me wanting to get back on track and I would just wait until after the survey. And yesterday, after burning 500 calories on the treadmill I decided to even estimate the fruit I ate.

4) The scale will not tell you that I have continued to get a full gallon of water in every day. Well, maybe the scale will actually tell you that 😂

5) The scale may or may not tell you that even though I had to estimate my food, I tracked all week and stayed within my net calorie range. I realize that I may not have tracked accurately and I'm OK with that; but I tried and that's all that matters to me.

So the scale this morning told me that I ate more yesterday than I've been eating. It told me that I'm insanely bloated (hence telling me I did drink all the water still) and therefore registering a higher weight. The scale was up 1.2 pounds today from where it was last Saturday. It's possible that the scale will go back down those 1.2 pounds tomorrow when I have my official weigh in. It's also possible that it's going to go up even more because my calories were still higher than normal today. But it doesn't matter.

Just thought I'd throw this one in here as well.
I love this sweatshirt. I bought it on our 2012 Disney
trip and wear it all the time. It had gotten pretty
tight and now it's so big I may have to stop
wearing it soon.

Let me say that again: IT DOESN'T MATTER

What matters is I worked to get all my exercise in in a week that I totally could have said screw it.
What matters is that I continued to make sure I drank all my water. What matters is that I continue to grow in this journey and find myself running on my treadmill with no walk breaks for 48 minutes. And what continues to matter the most is that I never give up.

So we'll see what the scale says tomorrow, but it ultimately doesn't matter. Will I still be able to hit 175 on May 6th? I don't know. But that doesn't matter either. I will continue to fight and work to get as close to that number as possible. And that, my friends, is what does matter!

#noexcuses Week #14

14 weeks.

14 weeks of being ultra focused on my weight loss journey.

14 weeks of NO alcohol. Not a single drop of wine (or anything else).

14 weeks of tracking almost every day (there were 6 days that I did not track my food. And those days were planned splurge days).

14 weeks of working out 5-6 days per week (mostly 6).

14 weeks. 23.4 pounds lost. 2 weeks and 4 pounds to go to hit my personal goal.

I want to say this was a good week simply because the scale was amazing this morning; but I would be lying. This week continued to suck like the last few weeks. It's getting old and I'm hoping that I'll snap out of it soon. I actually think I am snapping out of it so that's good.

I continued to struggle mentally this week, but the amazing thing is that it didn't derail me. On Tuesday I found myself having yet another snack attack; but I reigned it in and decided at 3:30 to be done eating for the day. My calories were a little over 1500 so I knew it'd still be a good day (calorie deficit wise) if I could just stop eating. So I did. And amazingly enough I still didn't even go to bed hungry. This week was also busy which helped because I didn't have quite as much time to think about eating.

I am finding a balance currently that is pretty amazing. I lost 3 pounds this week and had real ice cream twice. On Saturday Mary wanted to get ice cream after the volleyball team that she coaches won. I agreed and even though I knew I wanted to keep my calories low that day I decided I could get a kids size cone and be happy. It would give me the taste without needing to get a huge sundae or anything. On Thursday my parents came up to watch Robbie's track meet, so naturally we went to get ice cream after. I was toying with not getting any that day, but again, I decided a kids cone would give me the taste that I wanted and wouldn't break my calorie bank.

The best part about all of this is it's truly what I want. I mean, sure, it'd be nice to eat the big sundae (and some days I will); but right now my sights are set on a very specific goal and that is more important than eating that sundae. And, I may not have been happy about it this week (or the last few weeks), but I have kept making the choices that will help me to reach that goal.

That fear that I talked about in my last post is still there. I'm still slightly concerned with how I'm going to handle things when this challenge is over. But, I feared my vacation last year and ended up handling it better than I ever expected. I am getting SO close to that one number that I'd really like to hit (before I decide what my ultimate goal # is). I can't imagine I'm going to throw that all away just because I don't have the focus of the challenge.

Today was definitely exciting though because not only did I cross over into another new decade; but I am also officially "only" overweight according to that lovely BMI chart! This was always my first goal I wanted to hit. I wanted to get to 179 pounds so that I could officially be overweight instead of obese. There was a time that I thought I might even be happy at 179 pounds.  I wrote this post in July 2012 when I was talking about wanting to do a 70.3. 179 pounds was the number I was thinking I should put on myself to hit before I would tackle that goal.

Here's what else I had to say in that blog post:

"Ok...found a picture to post and of course looking at the picture I don't think it does me justice. I mean, that dress is a size 10, which to me...is plenty small! I have never been one to be tiny...nor do I need to be tiny. A comfortable size 12 would probably be just fine for me...heck, right now a comfortable 14 would make me scream (in a good way)! "

This makes me laugh so much when reading it now. The dress I wore to go see Miss Saigon in February was a size 10. The jeans I wore yesterday are a size 10 and I am not done yet. As happy as I am to be wearing these sizes now, I'm still not done. Of course there is always the issue of vanity sizing and the fact that today's size 10 is probably not nearly as small as 2002 size 10's.......but I digress. Ultimately, I'm learning that it's not really about any numbers for me. Don't get me wrong, the numbers drive me and will continue to drive me for a while. When it comes down to where I want to be "in the end" it's going to have more to do with how I feel and how I think I look than with what any number says. So we shall see. I don't know what that will be, but I know I'm not there yet! 

2 more weeks to go in this challenge! Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter tomorrow!

#noexcuses Week 13

Week 13 was another rough week. I continue to struggle with wanting to snack for no reason other than I want to snack. I think I'm starting to figure out why it's happening though so that's a good thing. I'll get into more detail later, but for now I'm just going to say it's due to stress. It's easier to sit and snack than tackle some of the other things I need to tackle.

We are really in the home stretch now!

Ok, so having said it was a rough week I'm even more excited about my results. To be down 1.2 pounds in a week that I felt like I was struggling every single day is pretty cool. AND, to be down 1.2 when it is the 6th week in a row that I've lost weight is even more amazing. I just looked back through my weigh in's and I haven't had a gain on the scale since February. Even though I say 6 weeks of losing in a row, the one week that wasn't a loss was a maintain. It's been 10 weeks since I've gained weight and that week was a fluke.

Something that I've been struggling with again this week is the fear that I talked about in this post last year. It's funny that the post last year was at the end of April when I had such an amazing month. Last year the fear revolved around how I was going to eat when we went on vacation. This year I am starting to fear how I am going to deal with the end of this challenge. I could practically repeat that entire post in this one. I am absolutely going to loosen the reigns a bit when this challenge is over and I am totally OK with that. I have already decided that my goal for June 1st to to weigh whatever I do on May 6th.

But, how I've been feeling lately coupled with the fact that I'm already planning to give myself a little more freedom starts that fear that I'll just go totally crazy and end up gaining back 10 pounds in the month of May. What I need to do is just read this post from last year over and over again. This was the post where I talked about how that first week in May went when I decided to give myself the week off after having such a successful April. What I take away from that post is that even during a week when I had give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, I did things like split meals with my hubby and get a small cone when I took my kids to get ice cream instead of the big sundae.

I know I already shared this on social media, but it never
ceases to amaze me. I barely even recognize that girl on
the left. But, I am SO proud of her for never giving up! 

That's what I need to remember for May. The point will not be to eat everything like it's disappearing in the next month; but will be to take a little pressure off myself after having put pressure on myself for 16 weeks. The point will be to be OK with my rate of weight loss decreasing a little without it stopping or going in the other direction. I was super proud of how I ended up handling my vacation last year so clearly the fear didn't ultimately win out. However, I also don't forget the fact that after hitting my lowest weight on May 26th; I didn't consistently get back down to that weight until November. And then, I only held on to it for a few weeks before my weight started creeping back up again. And, in 2017 I hit my lowest weight of the year in May and never saw that number again until February of 2018!

My goal this year is to get away from that pattern. I'm still happy that I seem to have figured out how to maintain my weight within about 5-7 pounds for more than half the year (until the last few weeks in December). But, I want to get away from the pattern of losing weight between January and May and then maintaining between May and Nov/Dec and gaining until Jan 1st (or even mid-January like this year). So, even if my rate of weight loss goes to less than .5 lb per week I will be happy. Let me repeat that for myself: even if my rate of weight loss goes to less than .5 pound per week I WILL be happy with that! 

Once again I tend to get ahead of myself. I still have 3 weeks left in the #noexcuses challenge and I am going to do everything in my power to crush these next 3 weeks. I don't think I'll hit my A goal and I'm OK with that. I'm still going to work for it and only time will tell, but I would have to average more than 2lbs per week for these 3 weeks in order to hit that goal and I'm not going to starve myself to reach a goal. One thing I am learning is the smaller I get, the harder it is to reach large calorie deficits. I mean, obviously I'll take it because it means I'm getting smaller; but it kind of sucks all the same!

Oh! I almost forgot. My official week 12 weigh in for the Challenge at LL was 183.2 and 35% body fat. That was down exactly 3 pounds and .7% body fat. I wasn't totally thrilled with that, but it is what it is and it was down. I've lost about 9.3% of my body fat % which I am definitely happy with; but to give you an idea, the 12 week winner has so far lost a total of 17.9% of her body fat%. So, I won't win week 16 and that's OK. I will end this challenge weighing less than I have in 14 years so I'll take that as a win (and I can already say that because I already do weigh less than I have in 14 years)!

3 more weeks.......

#noexcuses Week 12

It truly is amazing how quickly time moves. 12 weeks already. Today is the 20th day since I decided to try to track my food every day for the last 50 days of this challenge. 20 days already. It feels like yesterday when I made that decision. Time seriously moves so fast.

So that's it. We're down to the last 30 days of the challenge. My official 12 week weigh in will be at Living Lean on Monday morning. I didn't put a specific number goal on this part of the challenge. I knew where I wanted to be at week 8 and I know where I'd like to be at week 16; but week 12 will be what it is. I am still "on track" to meet my A goal for week 16, but it may or may not happen and that's OK. I am very confident I will be below my B goal for week 16 so that's something.

You all know how I love my numbers. Today I was happy to see the scale go down for the 5th week in a row,  but at first was slightly disappointed that my losses have been so little for the past 2 weeks. I quickly got over that and started focusing on all the positives of late. My rate of weight loss may have decreased from the first 8 weeks, but I am still consistently losing and that is what matters. I decided to look back at my numbers from last year and found that in the 12 weeks from when the challenge started last year I had lost 15.4 pounds. Obviously I wasn't as focused after the first 8 weeks last year since the challenge had ended, but still. This year I have lost 19.2 pounds in 12 weeks. I started the challenge this year at a significantly lower weight than last year so not only did I lose more weight this year, but the percentage of weight lost was about 9.5% compared to 6.9% from last year. Those are numbers that definitely make me  happy.

I find myself getting so focused on seeing a particular number on the scale that I tend to forget everything else; and in turn almost feel disappointed when it's not yet that number. I know logically that the scale isn't going to be 8 pounds down in one day or even one week; but since I'm so focused on that number it's easy to feel disappointed every time I get on the scale and still don't see that number.

Anyway, I had one really cool and weird NSV this week so that was fun. I was on the treadmill and noticed something I had never noticed before. When on the treadmill I face the mirror in the bathroom (as long as the door to the bathroom is open). The mirror that we have in that bathroom has 3 panels. I noticed the other day that I can now see the reflection of my entire body in just the middle panel! Weird, right? Weird that I would notice that; but I am beyond certain that I was never able to see my entire body in one of those panels. When I was done running I decided to take a picture just to prove my point. I also just felt like I looked much smaller than I've been looking so that was a good day.

On to the last 4 weeks of the challenge. I'll be checking in again next week with my official numbers from the 12 week mark as well as my updated measurements.

#noexcuses Week 11

We are already at 11 weeks; can you even believe it?!?! 

75 days are done and only 37 more to go. 

This also marks the first time I've lost 4 weeks in a row since
the challenge started so I should be really happy.

I have now tracked for 12 days in a row so I feel good about that. I realized when I made that post about there being 50 days remaining in the challenge I was wrong. From that day there were really only 49. The Monday of the final weigh in would be day 50. My goal was to track for 50 days in a row because I truly don't think I've ever done that. Even though May 6th is day 50 and I will be weighing in before I eat anything that day; I am still going to stick to my goal of tracking for 50 days in a row. That means that even though the challenge is technically over, I will be tracking on that Monday. 

Let's talk about week 11, shall we? Week 11 was a very interesting week for me. It was a horrible mental week so it wasn't fun at all. I struggled a ton this week with eating for no reason. Like I said above, I've been tracking for the past 12 days so I tracked everything I ate (as accurately as I could), but I really struggled with feelings of guilt all week. After Saturday I not only tracked, but kept my calories within my net calorie goal so there was no real reason to feel guilty about my choices. The problem was that there were several days this week that I was snacking just to snack. I wasn't even actually hungry but I kept snacking. That is where the guilt came in to play. Old habits and all. It's frustrating to have come as far as I have come and to still have to fight the same demons I had to fight 65+ pounds ago. The tracking did keep it in check so that was good. And because I kept tracking even through a mentally challenging week I was able to see a loss on the scale this morning so I should be feeling really good about my week today; but I'm not. I mean, the fact that I did lose weight shows me (for the billionth time) that calories in/calories out is what matters when trying to lose weight. 

I added up my calorie deficit for the week and it amounted to what should be just under a pound lost. The scale this morning showed me a 0.8 pound loss. So I had a tough week but I was able to keep it in check enough to lose weight. I am happy about that; I just want to be even better. I want to not be the type of person who wants to eat just to eat. I don't think I'm ever going to be that person though so I need to just move on from that and be satisfied when I win the battle enough to still lose weight. Every tenth of a pound adds up. I mean, there are 39 Saturdays left in 2019 and if I only lost 0.8 every week I would still be down another 31.2 pounds. It wouldn't get me to my goal weight this year,  but I already said I didn't care about that. Now I need to go back to actually believing that. It's amazing how quickly things shift. When I wrote this post on January 4th I truly believed that I no longer cared when I reached my goal weight. So what has happened since then?

Well, in the process of feeling so good and positive I started realizing that if I could keep that momentum going I actually could reach my goal weight this calendar year; without having to lose much more than 1 pound per week. This easily shifted my mindset to actually want to hit that number this year. Which in turn put more pressure on myself to be "perfect" so I can reach that goal. Sigh. I know that the minute I start focusing on how fast I'm losing the weight I inevitably become too crazy about it and am unhappy in this process. What's interesting is I think I'm getting better at seeing the difference between long term and short term goals though. Last year when I wanted to hit 195 before our Disney trip I was able to do that because it was only 55 days away. This year, when I wanted to hit 188 for the 8 week mark of the challenge, I was able to do that because it was only 8 weeks. 

I haven't talked about my goal weight on this blog yet. Up to this point I've kept saying that I don't have a goal weight and that's still partly true. I don't know what number on the scale I am going to want to try to maintain; but I do have a number that I want to hit at least once. When I hit that number I will have a better idea of what I want to do. That elusive number is 150.6 and I want to hit that number because that will be 100 pounds lost from my absolute highest weight I ever recorded. What's amazing is that I actually believe that I can and will hit that number. It may not happen in 2019, but I know I am going to hit it. The reason why that is amazing? Because I never believed that before. Go back and read this post from September 2012. In that post I talk about how I never believed that 150 pounds was a realistic weight for me to maintain. This was also the post where I talked about how my doctor at the time said she thought a healthy weight range for me would be 145-160 and I was ecstatic because I felt like 160 was way more attainable than 150. I am still not confident I can maintain 150 pounds, but I no longer feel like that's not a possibility. I'm even starting to wonder if I'll be able to hit a number even lower than that. Only time will tell for that. For now my focus is getting to my next benchmark of 175 pounds. 

#noexcuses Week 10

10 weeks down, only 6 to go. 

On Monday I posted about the fact that there were only 50 days remaining in this challenge. It is my goal to stay focused for the duration of these 50 days so that I have the best chance of meeting my weight goal for the end of the challenge. 

I think it would also be super cool to see a loss every week
for the last 8 weeks of the challenge. 2 weeks down...6 to go. 

I'm happy to report that days 1-5 were nearly perfect. My goal is to average a 750 calorie deficit per day. (Last post I said 700 calories/day deficit, but I decided in order to meet my week 16 goal I think I need to have it be a slightly higher calorie deficit). My average calorie deficit over the last 5 days was 864 so I am right where I want to be. I need my averages on Mon-Fri to be a little higher so I can have a little more freedom to eat more on the weekends. Today will be my first challenge since declaring my 50 day goals. I have given myself several Saturdays to eat without tracking. If not Saturday than usually Sunday (or Monday when Monday was my birthday). Basically, I've been giving myself at least 1 day per week to not track for the last several weeks. 

This is the 3rd week in a row that I've lost weight so clearly what I'm doing is working; but the new goal now is to track for 50 days. For as many years as I have been tracking my food, I don't think I have EVER tracked 50 days in a row. I almost want to succeed in this challenge just to prove to myself that I can. 

Ok, so like I said above, the goal is to average a 750 calorie deficit each day. To me that means that I can (and will) have days when that calorie deficit is less (or non-existent) and days where it is well over 750. For example, I didn't eat that much on Monday. I had actually given myself both Saturday AND Sunday last weekend so I was trying to get myself right back to it Monday. I also actually wasn't all that hungry. My calorie deficit Monday ended up being almost 1300 calories!

3-20-18 vs. 3-20-19

All that being said, my goal will not be to be "perfect" every single day for these 50 days. My goal will be to track everything I eat no matter what and then try my best to get myself back on track if I have a super high calorie day. If I look at my calories on a weekly basis it's easy to figure out what my weekly calories need to be in order to obtain that 750 calorie/day deficit. The hard part will be actually sticking to that weekly calorie goal 😉

One last thing to share though. This has been an amazing week for me. I have felt more lean this week than I have felt in forever. On Wednesday I was feeling particularly good so I decided to try on some of the smaller clothes my sister had given me last year. After I put them on and took a pic to text her, I saw in my memories from last year that I had posted a pic on that same day because I was so proud of where I was at. I couldn't even believe the difference that I was seeing in these two pics. I really feel like these last 10 pounds have made such a difference that it makes me excited to see what kind of changes these next 10 pounds will bring! And every time I want to eat something for no reason I remind myself of this and it helps to keep me on track. 

50 Days........

Day 1 of 50

Remember last year when I wrote this post 55 days before our trip to Disney? Today's post is going to be similar to that one. Last year it was April 2nd and I had 55 days before we were leaving for Disney and my goal weight was 12.6 pounds away. I had decided to set goals for myself during the course of those 55 days so I could meet my pre-vacation weight goal. I ended up hitting that goal around day 28 and went to our Disney vacation having lost an additional 3 pounds.

But really I think it's time to go back 😉

So now I have 50 days remaining in the #NOEXCUSES Lifestyle Challenge. I am 10.8 pounds away from my ultimate 16 week goal. 10.8 pounds in 50 days is more than attainable, but not without work. It is time for me to get ultra focused on this short term goal. 

The plan for the next 50 days? It's simple. Track my food; average a 700 calorie deficit per day; workout 6 days per week; drink a gallon of water a day. I have been doing most of these things since the start of the challenge, but the goal is to be even more consistent over these next 50 days. 

If I do these things and don't reach that 16 week goal I really can't be mad. I will have done everything in my power to hit that goal. However, I kind of find it hard to believe that if I do all those things I won't meet that 16 week goal. 

Day 1 of 50 was as perfect as possible. I started my day with a Living Lean workout; I tracked my food and focused on making the healthiest choices when I was hungry - and only when I was hungry (not just because I wanted to eat). I actually ended my day today having eaten only 1188 calories, which will amount to somewhere around a 1200+ calorie deficit. Obviously every day won't be like this (nor should it, frankly), but days like this will help offset those days when I have no calorie deficit because I am sure there will be at least a couple of those days in the next 50 days; and when that happens it will be OK. The plan is to average a daily 700 calorie deficit; which means there will be times when I have more than that and times when I have less than that.  

One last thing....in case you're wondering.....I have succeeded thus far in having NO alcohol for the duration of the challenge. I have not had one drop of alcohol since the start of the challenge; not on my birthday, not at the awards ceremony to celebrate the completion of the first 8 weeks, not ever. In my blog post on Jan 13th I stated that I would give up alcohol for the duration of the 16 week challenge and that is exactly what I have done. 50 more days and there is no way I'm giving up on this goal now. I can't wait to see where I am on day 50!

#noexcuses Week 9

This has been an interesting week to say the least. I was so excited about my 8 week results and was proud of myself for staying so strict last weekend (so that those official 8 week results were as good as they were). Monday was my birthday and although I started the day with tracking my food, I eventually stopped tracking and definitely indulged the rest of the day. I then went back to trying to keep my calories on the low side the rest of the week because I wanted to be sure to at least see the same number on the scale today as was on it Monday.

Figured this background was appropriate since baseball will have
started again by the time we're done with these next 4 weeks!

I succeeded in that (the scale was exactly the same today as it was Monday morning even though I ate way too much on Monday), but had some serious mental struggles this week. The reason why I say this week has been interesting is because the struggles were there for no real reason. It would make sense if I was struggling because I was just SO hungry while trying to keep my calories low. But I wasn't. It didn't matter though; every day this week I had to fight with myself to NOT eat for no reason. And almost every time I fought with myself I was not anywhere near hungry. That was seriously beyond frustrating.

I have been on this journey for a long time. I have been fighting these demons for years and although I am getting better at winning the fights; it annoys the crap out of me that I still have them. It annoys me that when I am 65 pounds lighter than my heaviest, I can still have days where I easily consume as many calories as I used to.

I've been thinking about this this week and I actually think I am not consuming as much as I used to when I was at my highest, but because I am consuming way more than I should be or need to, I feel like I'm eating just as much as I used to. That sentence just made it sound like I have been consuming that much food all the time. I haven't been. I'm just saying that those days (like Monday) when I give myself the freedom to eat what I want I'm surprised at what I am still able to eat even after losing so much weight. I guess it just reiterates the fact that this journey will never have an end date. My life is going to look pretty similar to this even when I am where I want to be with my weight.

Obviously I am making improvements and that's what I need to continue to focus on. We just completed the 9th week of this challenge and I managed to lose weight 7 of the 9 weeks. One of those 2 times that I didn't lose I had maintained. The one week that I gained, I lost what I gained + more than a pound the following week. I need to stop getting frustrated when I'm not perfect. I clearly am still doing this thing even when I'm not perfect.

Every time I do something like stop eating when I start to feel full or don't eat just because I want to; I need to take that as a win. I need to realize that every time I win one of those battles is an improvement and when I don't win one of those battles it doesn't mean I'm a failure. It also doesn't mean that I haven't changed. I am changing but I think sometimes it is hard to see it because the change has been pretty gradual. If I wasn't changing I wouldn't be 65 pounds lighter today than I was in 2014. And perhaps these changes are more likely to stick because they've taken so damn long to happen.

So this week was interesting because I feel so good about where I'm at and am so proud of myself on one hand; while on the other I continue to be hard on myself because it should be "easier" by now. Or because even on my free days I should just naturally eat less than I used to. Or because I shouldn't have to fight with myself on a daily basis not to eat out of boredom. That should is a dirty word and I really just need to stop using it. It may not feel easier, but I am winning those battles way more than I used to so whether it's easier or not, I'm doing it.

#noexcuses Lifestyle Challenge 8 week RESULTS

I was super excited about my results last year. To recap - last year I lost 14.4 pounds and 3.2 body fat percentage points. That amounted to 6.5% of my starting weight and 7.6% of my starting body fat percentage. I also lost a total of 14.25 inches in those 8 weeks. I was very happy with those results last year, and after a relatively rough March I got right back to it in April last year and lost even more weight.

On to this year........

Starting Stats from Living Lean (1/12/19):
Weight = 203.8
Body Fat = 38.6%

Measurements that I took (I kind of wish LL took the measurements too since I feel like they're more accurate when someone else does them. But, I've been doing my own for years so it is what it is)!
Waist = 34"

Transformation for this first 8 weeks

Belly = 38"
Hips = 43.5"
Chest = 34.5"
Bust = 39"
Rt. Arm = 13.125"
Rt. Thigh = 24"

8 week stats from LL (3/11/19):
Weight = 186.2 (-17.6)
Body Fat = 35.6% (-3)
That amounts to 8.6% of my starting weight and 7.7% of my starting body fat.

Measurements:
Waist = 31.75" (-2.25")
Belly = 36" (-2")
Hips = 41.125" (2.375")
Chest = 32.25 (-2.25")
Bust = 37.625" (-1.375")
Rt. Arm = 12 (-1.125")
Rt. Thigh = 23.5" (-.5")

That's just under 12" lost in these 8 weeks. I did lose more inches last year, but I think that's definitely easier to do when you weigh more and have more to lose. I am more than happy with these results.

My goal for the first 8 weeks was to lose 14.4 pounds. I chose that number because it was what I lost last year and I figured that if I could lose the same number of pounds it would amount to a higher percentage of weight lost since I was starting at a lower weight. Based on the numbers on the LL scale, that would mean my goal weight for the 8 week mark was 189.4. I can NOT even believe I beat that number by 3.2 pounds! I worked for these results though. When my home scale was 188 on Saturday (which was down 14.4 pounds from my home scale on 1/12/19), I knew I had the chance to have the scale be lower than 189.4 at LL on Monday morning. I kept my calories low (just under 1400, so not crazy low or anything) on Saturday and Sunday and it worked beautifully!

Transformation from Jan last year. 

This is now twice that I have met a number goal that I set for myself; the first time being pre-Disney trip last year. Prior to these 2 times I have never met a number goal I set for myself and let me tell you this feels amazing! It is so incredibly motivating to keep going. These weren't easy goals to meet, but they (clearly) weren't impossible either. I need to remember that and continue to be smart and conservative. It's tempting to change my week 16 goal to lose 17lbs again; but I'm not going to do that. Maintaining a high average rate of weight loss is only going to get harder the longer I do it and the less I weigh. I will not starve myself to reach a number on the scale by a certain date. I already decided that hitting a "goal" weight by a certain date is not entirely important to me. As much as winning this challenge would be amazing, I am not going to risk my health (or more importantly my mental health) to do it. My original goal was to be between 175 and 180 by week 16. In order to hit that 175 I would need to lose 11.2 pounds in the next 8 weeks. That amounts to an average of 1.4 pounds per week. I am confident that I can do that as long as I can remain focused. Every time I hit a goal I set for myself the motivation to keep going increases. Also, throughout this process I continue to learn and grow. This hasn't been something I've only been working on for the last year; I have been on this journey for at least 5 years and frankly even longer than that. The last year just happens to be when things finally started to click for me.

These numbers likely won't mean me getting the 8 week prize, but the real prize is exactly what's happening. It would obviously be amazing to win one of the prizes, but if I weigh 175 pounds or anywhere close to it on May 6th, I will have won so much more than money!

Here's to the next 8 weeks!

#noexcuses WEEK 8!

We are already at the first "checkpoint" of the 16 week challenge. Honestly these 8 weeks have absolutely flown by. My official weigh in at Living Lean isn't going to happen until Monday, but since I have been weighing myself on Saturdays throughout the challenge I will report that weight today. I am so excited to report that my weight today is EXACTLY what I wanted it to be. 

Last year my official results for the LL Challenge were that I lost 14.4 pounds. On my home scale I was down 14.8 in those 8 weeks - so pretty comparable. I had that 14.4 in my head as my goal for the first 8 weeks of this challenge because I wanted to do at least as well as I did last year. But actually, losing 14.4 this year would be better than last year because my starting weight was significantly less. Those 14.4 pounds last year amounted to 6.5% of my starting weight. As of this morning, those 14.4 pounds this year amounted to 7.1% of my starting weight. Needless to say, I am beyond happy with these results. 

I'll post more next week with my official weigh in results as well as my body fat percentage results and my measurements. Last year my body fat went down 3.2% (from 42.2% to 39%). I'm hoping for at least comparable results. Again, I don't think these numbers are winning numbers for the contest; but I am very happy with my results regardless of what happens next week. 

The key now is to keep this momentum going. If I can average the same rate of weight loss through these next 8 weeks I will hit my 16 week goal. I know I can do it, I just have to continue to want to do it. 

#noexcuses Week 6

If you look back through my blog you will see that for a very long time I felt like such a broken record. I would often talk about how hard this journey is and how much I'm struggling. Finally, after almost 7 years of having this blog I feel like I am now a broken record in the other direction. 

Week 6 was pretty amazing. I don't have too much to add to my blog this week because it's really all the same as what I talked about last week. My brain has finally had this mental shift and it is making this not nearly as difficult as it has been in the past.

Am I saying that all the sudden this is a piece of cake? Of course not! Did I still have times this past week where I had to keep myself from eating? Every. Damn. Day. But the difference is that I am winning those battles more than I used to. Wednesday this week I decided to go run some errands so I wouldn't sit on my couch and eat in the afternoon. I ended up at Target and proceeded to torture myself by walking up and down the food aisles. I still resisted and ended the day with a 750+ calorie deficit. Thursday I got smarter and went clothes shopping instead 😉

Today was an exciting day for me. Not only was the scale down 2.2 from last week; but it also put me in a new decade; the lowest I've been since before I was pregnant with Robbie (he'll be 13 this year); and officially down more than 60 pounds from my highest ever weight in 2014. It was a big day! 😁

As I did 2 weeks ago, I am giving myself today as a splurge day where I don't track or really worry about what I'm eating. Tomorrow I will get right back to crushing my goals. I am 1.2 pounds away from the goal I had set for myself for the first 8 weeks of this challenge. I am confident I can hit that by 8 weeks and am feeling that there's even a chance I could hit that number next week. I've now lost 3 weeks in a row though, so I am totally fine if I can't drop 1.2 pounds this next week. 

Can't believe it's already been 6 weeks. On to week 7........

#noexcuses Week 5

More than halfway through the first 8 weeks of this challenge. If it were last year I'd be in the home stretch. I am so glad the challenge this year is 16 weeks. I feel like I am on such a roll right now that I just want it to keep going. I know that just because the challenge ends doesn't mean I have to stop; but I also know that when the challenge ends I'll be more likely to take a break.

Week 5 has been kind of amazing! I didn't drop a ton of weight this week or anything, but the changes happening in my head are what made this past week so great.

I really think the epiphany that I had a couple weeks ago regarding why I have been so obsessed with the scale has continued to truly help me in my journey. I got back on the scale this week but I truly did not let it dictate anything. I actually found it slightly amusing when it kept creeping up by 2 tenths of a pound every day even though my food was on point. I also figured that it probably meant that I'd have a big drop at some point so that kept me motivated to just keep going. I was right and by my official weigh in on Saturday I was down 1.6 from the week before to put me at a total of 11 pounds in 5 weeks. That puts me 3.4 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit at the 8 week mark. I have 3 weeks to lose that 3.4 pounds and I am confident it will happen.

So the other thing I thought a lot about this week was the time it takes to lose weight. I've mentioned this before, but I have actually, really, changed my thinking to believe that it truly doesn't matter how long it takes me to lose this weight. In some weird way though, I also am finding myself believing that I will hit my weight loss goal this year. It's kind of a weird transition that's happening in my head because even though I'm starting to believe I could weigh 150 pounds by the end of this year; I also don't really care whether I do or I don't. And therein lies the huge mental shift that I think is helping me more than anything. I think I am finally able to make this mental shift because I am actually starting to believe that I will get to where I want to be eventually. And eventually is better than never.

A better outfit, a better angle and pose, but still a big
difference in 11 months (3-18-18 to 2-17-18).
FYI - there's only a 15 pound difference in these pics. 

I realized this week that when you go through a weight loss journey with the attitude that it's never fast enough you are bound to fail. Harsh? Maybe, but true. I've spent many years wishing that it would come off faster and then I would inevitably stop and gain back everything I had lost plus some more. And of course this makes sense. If you're trying to lose weight and constantly feeling that what you're doing is not good enough why would you keep doing it? I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it, but I'm so glad that I have finally been able to see this.

That's not to say I'm going to be "perfect" now because I've finally seen the light! No, it just means that I feel like I'm going to take some of the pressure off and just do what I know to do and move on. I still gained weight between November and January, but I gained significantly less than I have in years past. I think this is a step in the right direction.

With all these realizations continuing this week, I decided to change my plan ever so slightly. It's not really too much of a change of what I'm doing so much as how I'm thinking. I ended my WW subscription again. I double track anyway and I more often use MFP (My Fitness Pal) to ultimately decide what to eat in terms of calories rather than points. If I had a day where I was already at 23 points, but had only eaten 1200 calories I wouldn't mind eating more points since I clearly could have more calories. Anyway, if I'm going to rely more heavily on MFP anyway than why pay for WW and have to deal with double tracking? So here's my new plan: track my food on MFP and focus on my calorie deficit each day. The goal will be to have at least a 500 calorie deficit most days. There will be days when I have much more than that and probably days where I won't have a deficit at all; and that'll be OK. If I can average a 500 calorie deficit every day of the week I should average about a pound a week loss.  Last week I averaged a 900 calorie deficit for 6/7 days (if you recall I gave myself last Saturday as a splurge day so I didn't track) and I lost 1.6 pounds. I realize it won't always work that way and that's OK. If I focus on having a calorie deficit most days than my weight will continue to go down.

On to week 6!

#noexcuses Week 4

Remember this awesome post exactly one year ago today??? Last year I decided that I wanted to have a 30 day check in on the scale at Living Lean. That post was all about how that totally back-fired on me I basically had a mental meltdown.

Even after my post last week about my obsession with the scale, I decided I wanted to do the same this year and get a 4 week weigh in at LL. I did that yesterday and I'm happy to report that my reaction to it was completely different from last year. The LL scale was very comparable to my home scale so that's great!

After my disappointing weigh in last Saturday I decided to stay off the scale for at least a few days. I actually found that figuring out why I am so obsessed with the scale helped me mentally this week. I am going to continue to try to just weigh in once a week, but I am not sure how well that will go. This obsession with the scale isn't going to go away overnight.

As you can see, I lost everything I had gained last week plus another 1.8 pounds bringing my 4 week total to 9.4 pounds. I am getting so close to a new low!! I am going to try as hard as I can to stay focused while not going totally crazy. Last week I ended up eating significantly less points, but was eating more calories each day. Basically that means that I was focusing on those healthier options (0 point foods) to fill in those calories.

My average calories were still a little lower than last week, but that's because I was more consistent. Rather than keeping my calories super low each day and having a day where I just binged (because I felt more deprived); I kept my calories slightly higher every day. I think that helped keep me more balanced mentally. I had several days this past week where I ate more than 1700 calories and only a few days where I was under 1400.

Breakfast, lunch and snack on repeat this week. 

I decided that today I'm going to give myself a "splurge" day. I am not going to track today and just take a day to not focus so much on food. Tomorrow I will be right back at it and focusing on crushing my goals. I am 5 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit in the first 8 weeks and I have 4 weeks to hit that. Even with a 3 pound gain one week this month I still managed to average a 2.4 pound loss per week. I know that rate won't continue; especially since at the start of this challenge my weight was higher than it's been in months; but I am willing to bet that I can maintain a 1.25 pound average loss for the next 4 weeks so I can meet my first goal.

That 5 pounds will also put me lower than I've been since before I got pregnant with Robbie! That means it'll be the smallest I've been since 2005! Let's DO THIS!!

#noexcuses Week 3 Weigh In

Happy February!

Template made by @ww_gritandgrace on instagram

January wasn't quite as successful as I wanted it to be but I was down for the month so I'll take that. I was hopeful that I would have had a bigger loss on the month, but I gained a few pounds between Jan 1st and the start of the challenge on Jan 14th. I also struggled a lot this week so my weight was up on Feb. 1st from where it was last weekend.

Week 3 of the challenge was definitely more difficult than the first 2 weeks. I was struggling mentally the entire week and by Thursday I gave in to my emotions.

Here is what I am proud of though:
1) I drank a gallon of water EVERY day this week regardless of what my other food choices were.
2) I did not drink any wine. I told myself no wine for the 16 week challenge so it's just not an option. Usually when I "give in" I want to give in all the way and just drink because I mind as well. To continue to abstain from alcohol this week was huge.
3) I tracked my food all but 1 day really (I did not track yesterday).
4) I worked so hard in my LL workout on Thursday that I burned over 600 calories in that workout! I have never done that before (even when I weighed significantly more)!

So I ate too much a few days this week. Like I said, I didn't track yesterday, but when yesterday started I had 46 FitPoints remaining on the week. I am guessing that if I went over those yesterday it wasn't by a ton.

The scale was up 3 pounds today and as annoying as that is, I am working on not letting that bother me. It really doesn't make sense that the scale would be up so much in one week. There have been plenty of times where I've eaten a lot more than I did this week and only gained a pound in a week. This is when that whole idea of "forget the number" comes into play. But then this morning I saw this post from Meredith at Swim Bike Mom and I started having an epiphany of sorts. (I have had those a lot over the last few years).

STRENGTH...it cannot measure strength

I keep saying that I don't have a goal weight and I still believe that. But then I find myself still thinking about that number and I know that when my weight gets closer to that number I am going to want to get there and if I don't I will probably feel like a failure. Or that what I've done is not good enough. You know I have such an issue with that good enough complex. I was going to link old posts where I've talked about it but when I searched "good enough" in my blog it came up with so many old posts that I decided not to bother. You get the point. I have an issue with feeling like what I'm doing (or have done) is good enough.

Today I finally realized why I have such an obsession with the scale and why I haven't been able to let it go yet. This is huge, people, and I hope that it is the start of a serious change in my mindset.

When I posted about my goals for the #noexcuses challenge I said that I basically didn't know how to measure my success without having a number goal for the scale. I said that I would love to have a body fat % goal, but that I just don't know what is realistic to lose in body fat percentage in 16 weeks. All that remains true, but this is what has helped me today to realize why I have such an obsession with the scale. In all of this time I have used the scale to determine whether or not I am "doing it right". OMG people.  It seems so simple that I can't believe I hadn't seen it before.

If the scale shows that I lost weight this week then what I did that week must have been right. And if it shows a gain, then obviously what I did was wrong. No wonder why I let the scale dictate my mood. How would you like it if you started your day with someone telling you what you're doing is wrong? The fact of the matter is I know what is healthy (i.e. right) and unhealthy (i.e. wrong). I  use the scale to make myself believe that whatever I did that week was healthy even if it really wasn't; or unhealthy if it really wasn't. Basically, if I have a week where my calories are high and perhaps I had some wine, etc and the scale goes down the next week; I forget what I know about nutrition and health and believe that perhaps my body can "handle" that amount of calories because the scale went down. So then I eat that same way the next week and the scale goes up. Well, now I think I must be wrong and that I don't really know anything and I get frustrated. Can you blame me? This is a ridiculous cycle.

Here's the thing: the number on the scale is something that so easily goes down (or up) quickly. As much as losing weight takes a lot of time, you can make that number on the scale go up or down quickly in a finite period of time. So, for people like me who have no patience, it's the easiest thing to focus on. It's an easy way for me to get faster validation that what I'm doing is right instead of having to wait weeks, months, years, etc to see the fruits of my labor. I so easily get bogged down with thoughts of "if I'm not losing weight then why bother?" What I should be focusing on is being the healthiest version of me while finding that balance to live my life.

Skinny was never the goal

I think part of the reason why I love comparison photos so much is that it shows me that even when it feels like it's taking forever; it's still happening. It also shows that sometimes what the scale says doesn't matter. I have always played into the whole number on the scale doesn't matter attitude - but only to a point. The fact is the scale does matter to a certain extent. I am still overweight right now whether that scale number matters or not. My body fat percentage is higher than what is considered healthy and my measurements are bigger than what they should be. So I sit here and believe that eventually the scale won't matter to me. I believe that when my body fat gets into a percentage that I find acceptable I won't care what the number on the scale is. That's all well and good, but how do I take that focus off the scale now? The fact of the matter is if I do what I know to do the number on the scale will go down. If I lose the body fat that I want to lose I will weigh less overall. But losing 1% of body fat takes a whole lot more time than losing 1 pound on the scale. That's why I tend to focus on the scale so much.

The goal now is to start shifting my brain to not rely so heavily on that number on the scale. I know I've said this several times over the years, but now that I believe I have figured out why I've been so focused on the scale, I believe I can overcome it. It's not going to be easy. As I write this I am torn on whether I'm going to continue to weigh myself or not. There's that part of me that wants to keep weighing myself at least on a weekly basis so I can have a nice record of what my weight did during this challenge. But WHY?  That's the thing. It doesn't matter. What matters is the end result of the 16 week challenge. What matters is finding that balance of continuing to lose weight while not driving myself crazy. What matters is continuing to have NSV's like being able to borrow my daughter's sweatshirt.

Wearing Mary's sweatshirt

 What matters is finding a way to stay more consistent so that my weight continues to go down (regardless of how slowly) without rebounding quite as much as I do every single year. And finally, what matters is continuing this journey well after I get to a point where I decide I am at an acceptable weight so that I stay there.

Having said all that I think I am going to (once again) step off the scale and focus on what I know how to do. Not sure when I will weigh myself again and I'm not going to declare that I'm giving up the scale for good or anything; but I am truly going to focus on changing my mindset when it comes to that scale.