#noexcuses Week 3 Weigh In

Happy February!

Template made by @ww_gritandgrace on instagram

January wasn't quite as successful as I wanted it to be but I was down for the month so I'll take that. I was hopeful that I would have had a bigger loss on the month, but I gained a few pounds between Jan 1st and the start of the challenge on Jan 14th. I also struggled a lot this week so my weight was up on Feb. 1st from where it was last weekend.

Week 3 of the challenge was definitely more difficult than the first 2 weeks. I was struggling mentally the entire week and by Thursday I gave in to my emotions.

Here is what I am proud of though:
1) I drank a gallon of water EVERY day this week regardless of what my other food choices were.
2) I did not drink any wine. I told myself no wine for the 16 week challenge so it's just not an option. Usually when I "give in" I want to give in all the way and just drink because I mind as well. To continue to abstain from alcohol this week was huge.
3) I tracked my food all but 1 day really (I did not track yesterday).
4) I worked so hard in my LL workout on Thursday that I burned over 600 calories in that workout! I have never done that before (even when I weighed significantly more)!

So I ate too much a few days this week. Like I said, I didn't track yesterday, but when yesterday started I had 46 FitPoints remaining on the week. I am guessing that if I went over those yesterday it wasn't by a ton.

The scale was up 3 pounds today and as annoying as that is, I am working on not letting that bother me. It really doesn't make sense that the scale would be up so much in one week. There have been plenty of times where I've eaten a lot more than I did this week and only gained a pound in a week. This is when that whole idea of "forget the number" comes into play. But then this morning I saw this post from Meredith at Swim Bike Mom and I started having an epiphany of sorts. (I have had those a lot over the last few years).

STRENGTH...it cannot measure strength

I keep saying that I don't have a goal weight and I still believe that. But then I find myself still thinking about that number and I know that when my weight gets closer to that number I am going to want to get there and if I don't I will probably feel like a failure. Or that what I've done is not good enough. You know I have such an issue with that good enough complex. I was going to link old posts where I've talked about it but when I searched "good enough" in my blog it came up with so many old posts that I decided not to bother. You get the point. I have an issue with feeling like what I'm doing (or have done) is good enough.

Today I finally realized why I have such an obsession with the scale and why I haven't been able to let it go yet. This is huge, people, and I hope that it is the start of a serious change in my mindset.

When I posted about my goals for the #noexcuses challenge I said that I basically didn't know how to measure my success without having a number goal for the scale. I said that I would love to have a body fat % goal, but that I just don't know what is realistic to lose in body fat percentage in 16 weeks. All that remains true, but this is what has helped me today to realize why I have such an obsession with the scale. In all of this time I have used the scale to determine whether or not I am "doing it right". OMG people.  It seems so simple that I can't believe I hadn't seen it before.

If the scale shows that I lost weight this week then what I did that week must have been right. And if it shows a gain, then obviously what I did was wrong. No wonder why I let the scale dictate my mood. How would you like it if you started your day with someone telling you what you're doing is wrong? The fact of the matter is I know what is healthy (i.e. right) and unhealthy (i.e. wrong). I  use the scale to make myself believe that whatever I did that week was healthy even if it really wasn't; or unhealthy if it really wasn't. Basically, if I have a week where my calories are high and perhaps I had some wine, etc and the scale goes down the next week; I forget what I know about nutrition and health and believe that perhaps my body can "handle" that amount of calories because the scale went down. So then I eat that same way the next week and the scale goes up. Well, now I think I must be wrong and that I don't really know anything and I get frustrated. Can you blame me? This is a ridiculous cycle.

Here's the thing: the number on the scale is something that so easily goes down (or up) quickly. As much as losing weight takes a lot of time, you can make that number on the scale go up or down quickly in a finite period of time. So, for people like me who have no patience, it's the easiest thing to focus on. It's an easy way for me to get faster validation that what I'm doing is right instead of having to wait weeks, months, years, etc to see the fruits of my labor. I so easily get bogged down with thoughts of "if I'm not losing weight then why bother?" What I should be focusing on is being the healthiest version of me while finding that balance to live my life.

Skinny was never the goal

I think part of the reason why I love comparison photos so much is that it shows me that even when it feels like it's taking forever; it's still happening. It also shows that sometimes what the scale says doesn't matter. I have always played into the whole number on the scale doesn't matter attitude - but only to a point. The fact is the scale does matter to a certain extent. I am still overweight right now whether that scale number matters or not. My body fat percentage is higher than what is considered healthy and my measurements are bigger than what they should be. So I sit here and believe that eventually the scale won't matter to me. I believe that when my body fat gets into a percentage that I find acceptable I won't care what the number on the scale is. That's all well and good, but how do I take that focus off the scale now? The fact of the matter is if I do what I know to do the number on the scale will go down. If I lose the body fat that I want to lose I will weigh less overall. But losing 1% of body fat takes a whole lot more time than losing 1 pound on the scale. That's why I tend to focus on the scale so much.

The goal now is to start shifting my brain to not rely so heavily on that number on the scale. I know I've said this several times over the years, but now that I believe I have figured out why I've been so focused on the scale, I believe I can overcome it. It's not going to be easy. As I write this I am torn on whether I'm going to continue to weigh myself or not. There's that part of me that wants to keep weighing myself at least on a weekly basis so I can have a nice record of what my weight did during this challenge. But WHY?  That's the thing. It doesn't matter. What matters is the end result of the 16 week challenge. What matters is finding that balance of continuing to lose weight while not driving myself crazy. What matters is continuing to have NSV's like being able to borrow my daughter's sweatshirt.

Wearing Mary's sweatshirt

 What matters is finding a way to stay more consistent so that my weight continues to go down (regardless of how slowly) without rebounding quite as much as I do every single year. And finally, what matters is continuing this journey well after I get to a point where I decide I am at an acceptable weight so that I stay there.

Having said all that I think I am going to (once again) step off the scale and focus on what I know how to do. Not sure when I will weigh myself again and I'm not going to declare that I'm giving up the scale for good or anything; but I am truly going to focus on changing my mindset when it comes to that scale.