First of all, I hope that all of you have faired well through this crazy Hurricane Sandy. I'm happy to say that we were barely effected by it...and for that I'm feeling thankful.
So, after a week of posting wonderfully positive things and basking in my post-marathon glory I find myself back to reality. Ugh. I so wanted this post to be uber positive like all my other ones have been in the last week, but it wouldn't be honest if it was.
I'm having a hard time getting back on track.
I'm sure this is completely normal and I will kick it; but there you have it...I'm completely back to normal and it's frustrating.
I found the mental strength to not only finish a marathon, but to do so while feeling happy and accomplished through each and every mile. I was able to remain positive even when I literally felt like my legs wouldn't keep going. So why is it that I continue to struggle so much with my mentality when it comes to eating?? Why is it so hard to stay positive and keep the finish line in my thoughts?
Hmmm...that analogy just helped slightly. Perhaps the reason why it is SO hard is because that finish line seems insurmountable. 26.2 miles was difficult, but I never really doubted that I would make it. Sure. I doubted that I would make it in under 7 hours, but I always knew that I could cover the distance of 26.2 miles. I think I continue to struggle with truly believing that I can cross this finish line of losing 50+lbs. Silly though, because I have lost 40 before. So, if I know I can lose 40, why don't I believe I can lose 50?
I can't express how much this blog is helping though. Just being able to put my thoughts on paper the computer makes me realize things that perhaps I hadn't thought of.
The other day I was looking at my official finisher pics and some of them just disgusted me. (if you're interested you can see them all here) I remember telling my mom that looking at those pictures made me feel like losing 50lbs still wouldn't be enough to make a difference. And therein lies the problem! This journey feels so difficult because a)I feel like I will never make it to the finish line and b) that even if I do make it across the line, it won't be enough. Ugh.
I know my doctor said that 160lbs would be a good weight for me to be at and I know that I said that I felt great about that because it felt attainable. However, the issue now is that when I looked at those pictures of me I felt like I looked MORE than 50lbs overweight. Jeesh....I need to take the marathon positivity and move it to my eating. Perhaps I need to find a picture of me from when I weighed around 160lbs, to realize that it WILL be enough.
So, I'm struggling. But, I'm working on it. Tomorrow's a new day. I am thinking about changing my meetings/weigh in days to Wednesdays. I didn't go to a meeting tonight or anything, but I'm thinking tomorrow starts day 1 of the week and I'll just wait until next Wednesday to go to my next meeting. Perhaps that'll help my psyche. If I can actually get back on track tomorrow (and stay that way); I should be able to see a loss (even if it's slight) on the scale by next Wednesday.
And with that I'll leave you. I don't feel much like talking about this.
Okay... I looked at the pictures. They aren't that bad. I liked the ones where you are passing the two women near the finish line. There are a couple with the three of you that are nice. I LOVE the one of you taking a pic in the stadium. These are memories that you'll want to have.
ReplyDeleteAbout the rest...you WILL succeed. And 50lbs WILL make an enormous difference in the way you look.
In the meantime, choose a finish line and keep it in your sights. When you fall down, think about the time during the marathon when your legs didn't want to move. You didn't quit then, you won't quit now!