Post Marathon Thoughts....

I know I have so many thoughts going on in my head, but I can't seem to figure out a way to start this post. I also can't quite figure out how to organize all of these thoughts.

Leading up to this marathon I had lots of worries (obviously). I was starting to worry that I wouldn't finish. I was worried that I WOULD finish and feel nothing when I crossed that finish line. That, after all the hard work that I put into training, and months and months of anticipation, it would be anti-climatic and just be over.

Boy, was I (thankfully) WRONG! But, I think that my decision to turn over a new leaf helped with this. In the week leading up to the big day I decided to really focus on being positive. I started becoming more and more confident that I would finish and that I would meet my goal of finishing in under 6:30. I haven't said this yet on the blog, but my original marathon goal was to finish in under 6 hours. But, this was last year when I had lost enough weight that I was under 200lbs and had just finished a half marathon in 2:41. Could I have met my under 6 goal? Probably. If I wouldn't have gained back 20lbs of what I lost and regressed in my running. But guess what? I don't care. I'm not upset with myself or disappointed in what I accomplished. This is new territory for me (the whole NOT being disappointed). Obviously I'm still aware that my original "goal" was to finish in under 6 hours, but this was never my realistic goal once I signed up for the marathon. Case in point: when I registered for the race, I entered my estimated finish time as 6:30.

Stomp the Grapes 2011

However, in the past, even if I knew it wasn't realistic, this would have haunted my thoughts and would have made it difficult to forget that the "real" goal was to break 6 hours. I think this is what happened last year when I finished the Stomp the Grapes half marathon in 2:41. I crossed that finish line and just felt "meh". I had taken another 15 minutes off my previous HM time, but what I really wanted was 2:30 or less....so I ended up being disappointed. I knew that 2:30 was not at all realistic and I tried to convince myself that 2:30 is my eventual HM goal, but apparently that didn't work.

And so, using that same (insane) logic, crossing the finish line at 6:28:55 should have been "meh" for me. THANKFULLY however, something clicked inside me during those 26.2 miles on Sunday.  I finished the first half in a speed that, had I been able to keep it going, would have resulted in a finish just over 6 hours. However, I had already decided that I was going to soak in this experience. One really positive thing about truly not having a time goal is that I didn't feel pressured not to do things. I can't even count how many times I stopped to use the porta potty (tmi? sorry). Every time I felt like I had to go at all, I stopped. I took my phone out so that I could take pictures of the stadium. I stopped to put a Lego piece on the board for one of the "Patient Champions". I even took a picture of said board.

This shift in my mind was amazing. It resulted in the ability to truly enjoy myself. Did I struggle through 26.2 miles? Abso-friggen-lutely!  But what was so interesting to me about this was that I still enjoyed EVERY second of it. I felt like I could barely keep moving at the end, but I was making jokes. A volunteer at one point said "1.5 miles to go", to which I replied, "Can I kiss you!?!?" Any time I felt myself getting discouraged (which honestly didn't even happen that much). I simply reminding myself that I am completing a MARATHON! Nothing else mattered. It didn't matter how long it would take me to do it. It didn't matter if I didn't maintain my intervals (I didn't, by the way). It didn't matter if I walked almost all of the last 3.2 miles. It just mattered that I set out to finish 26.2 miles and I was going to DO that.

I feel like this is the start of something new for me. The start of feeling good about myself and my accomplishments. The start of truly realizing that I am a runner, no matter what speed I move at.

After the marathon Heather (over at mile26 and more) made an excellent point. She told me that I have the strength to complete a marathon....therefore, I have the strength to lose this weight. She is SO right. And with that I'll stop talking.....for now!