Hiatus

I'm not sure what to say. This post will not be nearly as eloquently written as most of the other blog posts I've read, but this is my outlet so I'm using it.

Clearly, I've been on a hiatus. I've been struggling to get myself "back on track". I haven't been eating right and exercise is a thing of the past. I've been overly stressed with trying to do too much and have had little patience for life in general.

Then Friday happened. And none of it matters.

I realized that life is too short (well, I've always known that - let's say I was reminded). I'll get back on track eventually. I'll start exercising again and eating right. I might even lose this weight eventually and keep it off.

But that stuff doesn't matter.

Being in the moment matters.

Enjoying and being able to see every blessing in your life matters. Knowing that even when you're arguing with your kids about brushing their teeth, getting ready for bed, being sassy, whatever it may be - that at least your kids are around to argue and fight with.

I want to say, "for some reason" this is really effecting me. But, we all know what that reason is. So, like a lot of you (perhaps all of you); this is really effecting me. I find that I can't put a lot of thought into it because when I do I lose it. The other night I went to check on my kids before I went to bed (as I usually do) and I simply lost it. I sat on the edge of my son's bed (he's 6 and a first grader) and sobbed. I eventually left his room afraid that I might wake him up. I then moved to my daughter's room (she's 8 and a 3rd grader). I looked down at her sweetly sleeping face and left her room to sit at the dining room table and cry some more. I can't fathom what these families are going through. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about what these children endured and what the survivors will have to deal with at such a preciously young age.

My cousin posted something on Facebook about being annoyed that people are constantly saying things like hug your children tight and say I love you, etc. As much as I agree with him (people should not need a tragedy like this to want to hug their children), I also see nothing wrong with being reminded to be grateful for what you have. The reality of it is that we all get caught up in the drama of life. We get caught up in our work stress or home stress or family stress and forget to take that minute to step back and really see everything we have. We tend to dwell on the things we don't have. And, as much as it shouldn't have to take people losing their lives, the reality is that sometimes it does.

Life is short. There will always be stresses. You will always want more than you have. But each day try to take a second and think about all your blessings. Be thankful for the little things and try to live in the moment. (I chuckled as I typed that because I can just hear my mom (and other close friends and family) laughing that I just told people to "live in the moment" and I rarely do. And they're right. I struggle with this. I anticipate what's going to happen next. I worry about what is coming. Well, I'm trying. More and more I'm trying. And unfortunately, more and more I'm reminded to be grateful for what I have and to enjoy every millisecond of it because we never know when it will be taken away from us.)