Is This Real Life?

Is it actually happening this time???

First things first; I've talked about Living Lean several times on the blog since I started going there in January. About a month ago they contacted me and asked if I would mind if they promoted my blog to their members. Seriously? Me? Of course I said YES! I mean, I blog for me, but I am  happy to have people read my inner most thoughts and feelings 😝But seriously, I was absolutely honored to be highlighted in their May newsletter. So, for anyone that might have seen my blog in that newsletter and decided to check me out; thanks! I hope you enjoy the ride!

Back to the task at hand. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel like this can't possibly be real life right now. I can't believe that something has seemed to click in my brain and I am actually doing it. Yes, I still have a long way to go;  but not nearly as long as I had just 4 short months ago. Not as long as I had 6 years ago when I started this blog. And not even as long as 10 years ago!

Honestly, nothing really has changed since all those other times that I've tried. I am doing all the same things that I did back then; eating less and working out. So why is it working this time when it didn't in the past? Well, first of all, it did in the past; just not to the point that it appears to be working this time. It has everything to do with what's going on in my brain. I was texting with Pam the other day (one of the amazing trainers at Living Lean whom I love) and she texted "What I took away from your blog is that you are finally loving yourself and are making choices because you love yourself, not because you have to, but because you want to". Wow.

She's 100% correct. It's so sad to me, but this feeling is so unknown that it continues to amaze me every single day. I was talking to some people at Living Lean today and I was saying that I feel a little silly with all these super positive blog posts these days. I feel like I'm just bragging on myself and that it's kind of narcissistic. Maybe it is. But you know what? I don't care! I am beyond proud of myself. I don't think I realized how much I didn't like myself until I started really loving myself. I love that in all these years of struggling I never gave up. I love that I fought tooth and nail to get my Crohn's into remission and that I continue to listen to the cues my body gives me so I can continue to be the best me possible. I love (and don't take for granted) what my amazing body can do. I no longer hate anything about me. There are things that I still want to change or improve; but I don't hate them. And that, my friends, is huge.

Yesterday I took my daughter to get her haircut and my hairdresser was telling me how great I look and how she's so proud of me. I was loving every second of it because that is how I am feeling. There were some other ladies at the salon who did not know me or where I have come from. One of them asked if I had a before picture so I said sure! When we were in the car going home my daughter said something about me not wanting to show them my before pictures and I said no, I totally wanted to show them. I am now proud of those before pictures because it shows how far I have come. I'm still not a small girl so people might not understand why someone would be telling me how great I look. Show them my before picture and now they understand only slightly more about me. They still can't see the struggles and the years between that before picture and now. And, they can't see the transformation that is taking place inside my head; but they'll understand slightly more why where I am currently is such a big deal.

One last thing before I go. I decided yesterday I had to go shopping because the shorts I put on Wednesday were so big I could take them off without unbuttoning them! Then, yesterday I put on a pair of capris and they were falling halfway down my butt every time I walked. I decided to go to Old Navy because it's been a long time since I've been able to shop there. Since the shorts were an 18 but the capris were a 16 I decided to try on 14's. I thought, if they don't fit I just won't buy anything until they do (or I'll buy them and they will fit soon). Guys, the pants and shorts in these pics are a size 14!!!! And both those tops are a large! Seriously!?!?! Is this real life right now?? And, I wore the cropped pants to a school event last night and after wearing them for a few hours they have a little bit of room.....like I'm thinking they may not fit for that much longer. What?!?! Crazy and amazing. Needless to say, I bought both those tops and both those bottoms. And for the first time in a very long time I had so much fun trying on clothes.