Crash and Burn

And then get back up!

The spiral started on Friday and ended last night.

Let me first tell you that I AM FINE. It happened. I do NOT feel guilty about it and am not going to beat myself up about it. I am going to pick myself up, brush myself off, and keep moving forward.

On the schedule for Friday was our last long run before the half marathon on May 21st! (eeekkkk....I can't believe we're already at taper time). The plan called for 14 miles and I was actually looking forward to it. The weather was not our friend, but we decided to just deal with it and run in the rain.

The run started off a bit interesting. We got to the park and I asked Leslie if she had her keys. She said she put her key fob in her pocket and proceeded to lock and close her door. For whatever reason she went to double check her pocket as we were starting to walk on the path and discovered she did NOT have her key fob in her pocket. Yup. Keys were locked in the car. Sigh.

I suggested we just run and call my husband to bring her an extra key later. She didn't want to bother my husband with it. There was a park employee sitting in his truck so we decided to see if he had anything to help. He didn't. But, he had the number for the park ranger so Leslie called them. We then proceeded to start our run in the parking lot by running in circles.

The park ranger arrived about 15 minutes later and after a little while was able to get Leslie's door open. I then confiscated her key fob and put it in my hydration pack. About 40 minutes after starting our run we were now on our way to complete 14 miles. I was mad because my Garmin auto-saved the first mile since it was paused for too long. I know it doesn't matter, but you know how much I like my numbers!

Ranger Jeff - our hero!

So we set out to do 13 miles now since we knew we had completed at least 1 already. The first mile (running circles in the parking lot) actually felt pretty good. When we started down the trail though it felt tough from the get go. Perhaps that was because the first little bit is uphill. Perhaps because after warming up for 1 mile we then stood in the rain while the park ranger opened the door. Perhaps it was because it was wet and chilly. Whatever it was, I was struggling pretty early on.

We hadn't even gotten to our turn around point yet (6.5 miles) and I was needing to walk extra. My breathing was labored and I ended up getting upset with myself which  made me tearful and that never helps my breathing. I'm not even sure when it was, but I think somewhere around mile 7 we started walking. I was able to pick up my walking pace to much faster than what I walk at when I'm doing intervals. I decided I was probably moving as fast just walking as I was when I was struggling through the intervals.

Slower than my first half marathon - and not even as far :( 

Eventually I just wanted to be done so I started adding running intervals in when I felt I could. Man, it sucked. What sucked more than the run was how I felt about it. Leslie had never run more than 13.1 miles and I felt like I robbed her of a milestone. She still covered 14 miles, but it was not the way it was "supposed" to be. She's awesome and tries to assure me that it doesn't matter. That she's not mad and that if I weren't out there with her she wouldn't be out there at all. I can't get out of my head about this (perhaps a topic for another post).

Friday was then pretty much a food free for all and that was OK because I burned so many calories. I  have absolutely no problem taking my long run day and using that as a "free" day. If you're going to do that you mind as well do it on a day you burned a slew of calories. I also had wine for the first time in over a month. It was yummy, but I think it started the spiral. I ended up having wine every night this weekend. And where there is wine there is snacking.

Something else interesting that I noticed though; where there is wine there is less control in my eating the next day. I ended up NOT tracking my food Saturday or Sunday. I tracked some of my food Saturday, but stopped and then didn't track anything on Sunday. I was going to go back and track, but honestly I'm sure I would miss things and it doesn't really matter. It is what it is. It's done and I'm moving on.

I will say I am glad I am not weighing myself. It is still REALLY early in the month and I have plenty of time to get back on track and still have a good number come May 31st. If I were to have gotten on the scale this morning it could have done more damage. Believe it or not, I'm starting to feel a little freedom from the scale. Not freedom like, "I'm not weighing myself so I can eat whatever I want". But freedom like, "the scale doesn't matter. Do what you're supposed to do. Get back on track if you fall off and TRUST THE PROCESS".