Clearly, we had a good time at my party. The shirt that I'm wearing has some significance. Back in 2015 when we went to Disney I saw a Star Wars t-shirt that I absolutely loved. It was like a baseball jersey with the number 77 on the back (since that is when Star Wars first debuted). Given that 77 is the year I was born I REALLY wanted that shirt. But, alas, the shirt only went up to an XL an we're talking "ladies" sizing so I knew there would be NO way it would fit and it would just depress me. Last summer when I hit my lowest weight since 2012 I regretted not buying it.
Fast forward to December 2016 and we were back at Disney! I gained back about 10lbs that I had lost, but was still almost 20lbs lighter than the previous trip to Disney. I found a different Star Wars shirt with the 77 on the back. This one came in an XXL and since it's still a ladies cut I figured it would absolutely fit! I tried it on as soon as I got back to my room (after buying it, mind you) and I almost cried. There was NO WAY I would wear it in public. I told my husband I was going to return it. He told me not to. He said it would fit better soon. This was my goal. To be able to wear the shirt on my 40th birthday. It's still tighter around my arms than I'd like, but I wore it!
So I mentioned in my last post about how when I got on the scale last week I was initially not happy. I had thought the number would be lower because my clothes were fitting better. I mean, there was a week where every day I was able to pick something else from my closet that I hadn't worn yet because it didn't fit when I originally got it. Drew had gotten me clothes for Christmas 2015 because I had lost weight and was planning to continue. Yea, those clothes didn't quite fit back then and they were winter/fall type clothes so even though they probably would have fit last August, I hadn't tried. I've now worn all of them.
I always thought the scale was my only source of sabotage, but I realize now it's not the scale as much as it is just ME. Even before I knew what number was on the scale I was already starting to feel complacent! CLEARLY I have lots of weight to still lose so there is NO reason to be getting complacent already. But, I found it harder and harder to stay on track as I was fitting into more clothes from the back of my closet. I actually think getting on the scale last week really helped this complacency. When I saw the number staring back at me I realized there was nothing to be complacent about.
This week I have struggled. My food has been on point and I've had calories "left" every day; but the mental battles have been horrible. I wanted to get on the scale yesterday, but I was SO afraid it would be up from last week because Saturday and Sunday I didn't track. I decided it wasn't a good idea to get on the scale because I was already struggling and didn't need any extra ammunition to add to my struggles. I was going to wait until Friday, but this morning I decided to just get on the scale. I had to have a nice little pep talk with myself to prepare myself for what it might say and that it doesn't matter and I'll just stay the course.
Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see what number came up on the scale. I didn't believe it. I thought maybe the scale that I thought was broken was actually broken. I went downstairs to get on the trusty scale we have that has worked forever. The number on that scale was only .8 higher than upstairs.....and the number was low enough that .8 didn't matter to me! The number is officially the LOWEST since 2012. It puts me somewhere around 1-2 lbs heavier than when I finished my marathon in 2012. I am NOT complacent. I am happy. I feel motivated. I feel validated in my efforts. Now to continue to not feel complacent and to know that I still have a long way to go......but I CAN do it. I AM doing it.
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