Mental Battles

Perhaps starting this when I'm pre-menstrual and planning a birthday party for my son was not the best idea! Ugh!

Breakfast

Today has been full of mental battles all day. The battles today are about whether or not I actually want to do this Whole30 completely. Of course I know why I'm trying to convince myself that I can lose weight without it (well, I CAN - I have before); but right now the reason I'm trying to convince myself to do something else is because I just want to be able to eat whatever. But I have learned over the last 3 months since stopping my previous Whole30, that I'm not in a place right now to eat what I want and just track it (and keep it in control).

Today I was thinking about the possibility of eating "whole30" for 6 out of 7 days a week and giving myself one day to just eat whatever - but not necessarily go totally crazy. The problem with that is right now I probably would go crazy for that one day. Could I still lose weight doing that? Probably. But could I lose more if I just stayed disciplined for the next, say, 6 months? Absolutely.

Why do I have to look at it like it's absolutes? I mean, even if I buckle down and decide to eat Whole180, it doesn't mean that I will NEVER again eat unhealthy food. And perhaps if I were to try to focus on eating the Whole30 way for the next 6 months (30 days, whatever), then by the time I've been doing it for a while my relationship with food might actually change. But I can't seem to get to the point to let that happen. It's almost like I don't want it to happen. What am I afraid will happen if my relationship with food changes? I don't know the answer to that, and perhaps that is the key to this whole journey.

Dinner

Having said all that, I have won the battles (so far) today. I have eaten completely Whole30 compliant today. My plan is to keep moving forward with this way of eating for as long as I can. Even the book says that the Whole30 is not meant to be a Whole365. They don't think that it's realistic for anyone to eat like this indefinitely. However, the way they do eat is basically Whole30 with a few items or meals thrown in there with something not compliant. But when they talk non-compliant they are (sometimes) talking things like milk, whole grains and beans. When I talk about eating non-compliant foods I'm talking about wine, fast food, french fries or other junk food. This is why I need this to help me change my relationship with food. 

We'll see what tomorrow brings. I hate when I have to battle myself this much because I inevitably give in to the battles for at least a little while. I have Robbie's birthday party coming up Saturday and I'm not feeling totally confident that I'm going to get through it staying compliant. Every day that I'm compliant between now and then will help though. We will just have to wait and see I guess. One day at a time and today was a success.