Reluctant

I am quite reluctant to write this post.

You see, there are times when I write a post and it helps me get back on track or stay on track (like all my posts from the Whole30). But, there are times when I will write a post about how wonderful I am doing (like this one), to then completely go crazy the next day and struggle to get back on track. I'm hoping that doesn't happen after deciding to post this today.

Today is day 3. It's another day 3 of yet another attempt to get myself on track and lose this weight. Day 3 means that days 1 and 2 were relatively successful. And if I'm writing this post it means I'm either pretty confident I'll keep going or feeling uncertain of where my motivation lies.

I would say I'm feeling pretty confident today. I actually think one thing that makes me feel a little more confident about continuing on is that days 1 and 2 really weren't easy. There are lots of times when I get back on track and the first day or 2 are SO easy. I feel good, I eat well, I exercise, I do everything I'm supposed to do and I wonder why I don't do it all the time.

Yesterday and Wednesday were not those days for me. Instead I was crabby. I was feeling sorry for myself and wishing that I could just eat what I want, when I want. I also had times that I was really hungry, but didn't want to spend any more points on the day. I didn't want to start my week dipping all the way in to my weekly points like I've been doing (since you see how that ends up).

But yet I stuck to it. Yesterday was worse than Wednesday. I was crabby. I had a splitting headache after dinner (no doubt the annoyance of my daughter's softball game didn't help - frustrated with bad calls and the coach taking her out after only pitching to one person). But even with that annoyance last night I came home from her game and ate a BIG bowl of fruit with a string cheese (for a little protein), which was a total of 2 points.

In 2 days I have earned 11 activity points and as of now still have 1 of those remaining. I will earn a few more activity points today from my steps (but not much because I haven't been getting in my 10,000 steps). I have not been worrying about getting a ton of activity points because frankly I'd like to try to focus on eating less (rather than being able to still eat a ton of crap because I earned x number of activity points).

So, I don't necessarily feel GREAT about where I'm at, but that is what is making me feel good. Following me? The fact that I am not feeling like this is so easy, but yet I'm sticking with it makes me think that perhaps my motivation (for the time being at least) has returned. I have no idea how long this motivation will last - today, tomorrow, a week, a month, a year - but I will try my best to keep it going.

On another note. This is what I printed out the other day:

You probably can't really read it, but it's a training program for a half marathon! Yikes! As of right now I don't have any definite plans to do another half marathon (as in I'm not signed up for one or anything), but I have determined that I do not have an attention span to work on getting faster or better with my 5k time first. I was doing really well with getting on the treadmill every other day for a while, but then I stopped last week and haven't been on since. I think this happens because I know I can do 3.1 miles. If I take a break for a week, I can still get on the treadmill and finish 3.1 miles. However, when I'm training for a half marathon, I feel like if I miss a workout I can't just pick up where I left off - I need to get that distance in before I can move on to the next. For instance, when I was marathon training and missed the scheduled 14 mile training run I ended up doing "only" 15 the next week instead of the scheduled 17 because I didn't think jumping from 10 miles the previous week to 17 was too smart. I missed the 14 mile run because I was actually sick.

When I'm training for something I don't miss scheduled runs (if I can help it) because I don't want to mess up my training and not be ready for race day. In some ways it also helps my eating. After I get off the treadmill (or finished with a run outside), I feel really good and I don't necessarily want to negate that by putting crap in my mouth. I was most successful in my weight loss efforts in 2011 when I was working out regularly and completing several races. What got me started with my efforts that year? Training for the Cleveland Half Marathon. I was no better prepared to run that half marathon that year than I am to run one this year.

So, we'll see what happens. I think that I will start this training program on Monday and go from there. I will push myself enough, but not so hard that I get sick again. I would like to be down another 17lbs before I do another half marathon, but I'm not sure that I'm going to NOT do one just because I haven't lost all the weight. I'm going to base it on my running and whether or not I think I would finish in the time allotted, not necessarily on what the scale says! However, if I do what I need to do, there is a chance that I could be down 17lbs before I would do another half marathon - or at least pretty darn close!

OK. This post ended up being a whole lot longer than I anticipated. Thanks if you're still reading! Hopefully my next post will be able to be just as positive!