#noexcuses Week 9

This has been an interesting week to say the least. I was so excited about my 8 week results and was proud of myself for staying so strict last weekend (so that those official 8 week results were as good as they were). Monday was my birthday and although I started the day with tracking my food, I eventually stopped tracking and definitely indulged the rest of the day. I then went back to trying to keep my calories on the low side the rest of the week because I wanted to be sure to at least see the same number on the scale today as was on it Monday.

Figured this background was appropriate since baseball will have
started again by the time we're done with these next 4 weeks!

I succeeded in that (the scale was exactly the same today as it was Monday morning even though I ate way too much on Monday), but had some serious mental struggles this week. The reason why I say this week has been interesting is because the struggles were there for no real reason. It would make sense if I was struggling because I was just SO hungry while trying to keep my calories low. But I wasn't. It didn't matter though; every day this week I had to fight with myself to NOT eat for no reason. And almost every time I fought with myself I was not anywhere near hungry. That was seriously beyond frustrating.

I have been on this journey for a long time. I have been fighting these demons for years and although I am getting better at winning the fights; it annoys the crap out of me that I still have them. It annoys me that when I am 65 pounds lighter than my heaviest, I can still have days where I easily consume as many calories as I used to.

I've been thinking about this this week and I actually think I am not consuming as much as I used to when I was at my highest, but because I am consuming way more than I should be or need to, I feel like I'm eating just as much as I used to. That sentence just made it sound like I have been consuming that much food all the time. I haven't been. I'm just saying that those days (like Monday) when I give myself the freedom to eat what I want I'm surprised at what I am still able to eat even after losing so much weight. I guess it just reiterates the fact that this journey will never have an end date. My life is going to look pretty similar to this even when I am where I want to be with my weight.

Obviously I am making improvements and that's what I need to continue to focus on. We just completed the 9th week of this challenge and I managed to lose weight 7 of the 9 weeks. One of those 2 times that I didn't lose I had maintained. The one week that I gained, I lost what I gained + more than a pound the following week. I need to stop getting frustrated when I'm not perfect. I clearly am still doing this thing even when I'm not perfect.

Every time I do something like stop eating when I start to feel full or don't eat just because I want to; I need to take that as a win. I need to realize that every time I win one of those battles is an improvement and when I don't win one of those battles it doesn't mean I'm a failure. It also doesn't mean that I haven't changed. I am changing but I think sometimes it is hard to see it because the change has been pretty gradual. If I wasn't changing I wouldn't be 65 pounds lighter today than I was in 2014. And perhaps these changes are more likely to stick because they've taken so damn long to happen.

So this week was interesting because I feel so good about where I'm at and am so proud of myself on one hand; while on the other I continue to be hard on myself because it should be "easier" by now. Or because even on my free days I should just naturally eat less than I used to. Or because I shouldn't have to fight with myself on a daily basis not to eat out of boredom. That should is a dirty word and I really just need to stop using it. It may not feel easier, but I am winning those battles way more than I used to so whether it's easier or not, I'm doing it.

#noexcuses Lifestyle Challenge 8 week RESULTS

I was super excited about my results last year. To recap - last year I lost 14.4 pounds and 3.2 body fat percentage points. That amounted to 6.5% of my starting weight and 7.6% of my starting body fat percentage. I also lost a total of 14.25 inches in those 8 weeks. I was very happy with those results last year, and after a relatively rough March I got right back to it in April last year and lost even more weight.

On to this year........

Starting Stats from Living Lean (1/12/19):
Weight = 203.8
Body Fat = 38.6%

Measurements that I took (I kind of wish LL took the measurements too since I feel like they're more accurate when someone else does them. But, I've been doing my own for years so it is what it is)!
Waist = 34"

Transformation for this first 8 weeks

Belly = 38"
Hips = 43.5"
Chest = 34.5"
Bust = 39"
Rt. Arm = 13.125"
Rt. Thigh = 24"

8 week stats from LL (3/11/19):
Weight = 186.2 (-17.6)
Body Fat = 35.6% (-3)
That amounts to 8.6% of my starting weight and 7.7% of my starting body fat.

Measurements:
Waist = 31.75" (-2.25")
Belly = 36" (-2")
Hips = 41.125" (2.375")
Chest = 32.25 (-2.25")
Bust = 37.625" (-1.375")
Rt. Arm = 12 (-1.125")
Rt. Thigh = 23.5" (-.5")

That's just under 12" lost in these 8 weeks. I did lose more inches last year, but I think that's definitely easier to do when you weigh more and have more to lose. I am more than happy with these results.

My goal for the first 8 weeks was to lose 14.4 pounds. I chose that number because it was what I lost last year and I figured that if I could lose the same number of pounds it would amount to a higher percentage of weight lost since I was starting at a lower weight. Based on the numbers on the LL scale, that would mean my goal weight for the 8 week mark was 189.4. I can NOT even believe I beat that number by 3.2 pounds! I worked for these results though. When my home scale was 188 on Saturday (which was down 14.4 pounds from my home scale on 1/12/19), I knew I had the chance to have the scale be lower than 189.4 at LL on Monday morning. I kept my calories low (just under 1400, so not crazy low or anything) on Saturday and Sunday and it worked beautifully!

Transformation from Jan last year. 

This is now twice that I have met a number goal that I set for myself; the first time being pre-Disney trip last year. Prior to these 2 times I have never met a number goal I set for myself and let me tell you this feels amazing! It is so incredibly motivating to keep going. These weren't easy goals to meet, but they (clearly) weren't impossible either. I need to remember that and continue to be smart and conservative. It's tempting to change my week 16 goal to lose 17lbs again; but I'm not going to do that. Maintaining a high average rate of weight loss is only going to get harder the longer I do it and the less I weigh. I will not starve myself to reach a number on the scale by a certain date. I already decided that hitting a "goal" weight by a certain date is not entirely important to me. As much as winning this challenge would be amazing, I am not going to risk my health (or more importantly my mental health) to do it. My original goal was to be between 175 and 180 by week 16. In order to hit that 175 I would need to lose 11.2 pounds in the next 8 weeks. That amounts to an average of 1.4 pounds per week. I am confident that I can do that as long as I can remain focused. Every time I hit a goal I set for myself the motivation to keep going increases. Also, throughout this process I continue to learn and grow. This hasn't been something I've only been working on for the last year; I have been on this journey for at least 5 years and frankly even longer than that. The last year just happens to be when things finally started to click for me.

These numbers likely won't mean me getting the 8 week prize, but the real prize is exactly what's happening. It would obviously be amazing to win one of the prizes, but if I weigh 175 pounds or anywhere close to it on May 6th, I will have won so much more than money!

Here's to the next 8 weeks!

#noexcuses WEEK 8!

We are already at the first "checkpoint" of the 16 week challenge. Honestly these 8 weeks have absolutely flown by. My official weigh in at Living Lean isn't going to happen until Monday, but since I have been weighing myself on Saturdays throughout the challenge I will report that weight today. I am so excited to report that my weight today is EXACTLY what I wanted it to be. 

Last year my official results for the LL Challenge were that I lost 14.4 pounds. On my home scale I was down 14.8 in those 8 weeks - so pretty comparable. I had that 14.4 in my head as my goal for the first 8 weeks of this challenge because I wanted to do at least as well as I did last year. But actually, losing 14.4 this year would be better than last year because my starting weight was significantly less. Those 14.4 pounds last year amounted to 6.5% of my starting weight. As of this morning, those 14.4 pounds this year amounted to 7.1% of my starting weight. Needless to say, I am beyond happy with these results. 

I'll post more next week with my official weigh in results as well as my body fat percentage results and my measurements. Last year my body fat went down 3.2% (from 42.2% to 39%). I'm hoping for at least comparable results. Again, I don't think these numbers are winning numbers for the contest; but I am very happy with my results regardless of what happens next week. 

The key now is to keep this momentum going. If I can average the same rate of weight loss through these next 8 weeks I will hit my 16 week goal. I know I can do it, I just have to continue to want to do it. 

#noexcuses Week 7

Happy March!

One more week left until the first weigh in for the #noexcuses Lifestyle Challenge. I have a number goal in mind for next Monday, but I am trying to remind myself that it does not matter if I don't hit that goal. Goal setting is such a slippery slope for me. I am pretty positive that the one and only time I have ever hit a number goal was last year when I destroyed my pre-Disney goal.

I maintained on the scale this week, which means I am still 1.2 pounds away from that number goal I had set for myself for week 8. 1.2 is completely doable in one week, but I was pretty sure I would have hit it this week. I gave myself a splurge day last Saturday, but was spot on the rest of the week. My total calorie deficit last week was over 4500 calories, which should amount to more than a one pound loss on the scale; but it didn't. I know that it doesn't always happen the way it should, but learning to let go of that isn't going to  happen overnight.

I had grandiose plans of staying completely on track until the 8 week weigh in on March 11th, but I completely derailed today. March is notoriously a tough month because we have lots of birthdays. My daughter's birthday starts it off on March 1st. I was super proud of staying on track on both Friday and Saturday (through birthday tacos and homemade crumbcake). The pizza, chip/dip and crumbcake that's in the house for Mary's party today kind of did me in. Oh well. Such is life. I can still have more than a 3500 calorie deficit between tomorrow and March 11th, but as was just proven this past week, that doesn't necessarily mean the scale will cooperate. So, all I can do is try and the scale will do what it is going to do.

In other news, February was a pretty good month for my weight loss. From 2/1 to 3/1 I lost 8 pounds. I don't think I really put a number out there in my last couple of posts when I was talking about the time it takes to lose weight; but I (of course) have a goal in my mind. If I could average a loss of 4-5 pounds per month I would be beyond ecstatic. Looking at my weight loss so far this year I am right on track with that goal and that makes me super happy. My loss between Jan 1st and March 1st is 10.8 pounds (remember, the reason why my weight loss for the challenge is higher is because I gained a few pounds between 1/1 and 1/12 when the challenge started).

BUT, I need to continuously remind myself that if I don't hit a goal I set for myself it doesn't matter! It is totally OK to set goals to have something to work towards, but it doesn't mean I'm a failure if I don't reach those goals.....especially if I still end up at a lower weight than where I started. If I set a goal to lose 14 lbs in the first 8 weeks of the challenge and end up losing 13 does that mean I failed? Obviously not. Why is it so hard for me to remember that? I'm having a moment today where I need to remind myself of this fact. It is amazing to me how I can have a week (or 2 even) where I feel so positive and so happy and then all of the sudden my brain switches back to my old way of thinking and I feel like what I'm doing is not enough.

I need to remember to focus on those NSV's. This past week I may not have lost weight but I got on my treadmill yesterday and ran 52 minutes with no walk breaks. It wasn't fast, but it was 52 minutes of straight running. I am pretty sure I have never done that before. Also, last week when I went out shopping (to keep myself from eating), I bought new workout pants and they were a size medium!!! WHAT?!?! I honestly can't remember the last time I wore a medium. I also bought a new tank top for myself to help remind me what the goal really is. You can't read it since it's backwards in the pic, but the shirt says Goal Weight: STRONG AF! It's not a great pic, but I'll share it anyway; those are the medium pants that I had just bought and my new tank top. My arms may be my biggest insecurity (because, really, they are SO huge), but look at that muscle! There may be a lot of fat on the bottom of that arm, but there is no denying the muscle that is there either. The scale isn't everything and perhaps one of these days I will actually believe that!

On to week 8........

#noexcuses Week 6

If you look back through my blog you will see that for a very long time I felt like such a broken record. I would often talk about how hard this journey is and how much I'm struggling. Finally, after almost 7 years of having this blog I feel like I am now a broken record in the other direction. 

Week 6 was pretty amazing. I don't have too much to add to my blog this week because it's really all the same as what I talked about last week. My brain has finally had this mental shift and it is making this not nearly as difficult as it has been in the past.

Am I saying that all the sudden this is a piece of cake? Of course not! Did I still have times this past week where I had to keep myself from eating? Every. Damn. Day. But the difference is that I am winning those battles more than I used to. Wednesday this week I decided to go run some errands so I wouldn't sit on my couch and eat in the afternoon. I ended up at Target and proceeded to torture myself by walking up and down the food aisles. I still resisted and ended the day with a 750+ calorie deficit. Thursday I got smarter and went clothes shopping instead 😉

Today was an exciting day for me. Not only was the scale down 2.2 from last week; but it also put me in a new decade; the lowest I've been since before I was pregnant with Robbie (he'll be 13 this year); and officially down more than 60 pounds from my highest ever weight in 2014. It was a big day! 😁

As I did 2 weeks ago, I am giving myself today as a splurge day where I don't track or really worry about what I'm eating. Tomorrow I will get right back to crushing my goals. I am 1.2 pounds away from the goal I had set for myself for the first 8 weeks of this challenge. I am confident I can hit that by 8 weeks and am feeling that there's even a chance I could hit that number next week. I've now lost 3 weeks in a row though, so I am totally fine if I can't drop 1.2 pounds this next week. 

Can't believe it's already been 6 weeks. On to week 7........

#noexcuses Week 5

More than halfway through the first 8 weeks of this challenge. If it were last year I'd be in the home stretch. I am so glad the challenge this year is 16 weeks. I feel like I am on such a roll right now that I just want it to keep going. I know that just because the challenge ends doesn't mean I have to stop; but I also know that when the challenge ends I'll be more likely to take a break.

Week 5 has been kind of amazing! I didn't drop a ton of weight this week or anything, but the changes happening in my head are what made this past week so great.

I really think the epiphany that I had a couple weeks ago regarding why I have been so obsessed with the scale has continued to truly help me in my journey. I got back on the scale this week but I truly did not let it dictate anything. I actually found it slightly amusing when it kept creeping up by 2 tenths of a pound every day even though my food was on point. I also figured that it probably meant that I'd have a big drop at some point so that kept me motivated to just keep going. I was right and by my official weigh in on Saturday I was down 1.6 from the week before to put me at a total of 11 pounds in 5 weeks. That puts me 3.4 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit at the 8 week mark. I have 3 weeks to lose that 3.4 pounds and I am confident it will happen.

So the other thing I thought a lot about this week was the time it takes to lose weight. I've mentioned this before, but I have actually, really, changed my thinking to believe that it truly doesn't matter how long it takes me to lose this weight. In some weird way though, I also am finding myself believing that I will hit my weight loss goal this year. It's kind of a weird transition that's happening in my head because even though I'm starting to believe I could weigh 150 pounds by the end of this year; I also don't really care whether I do or I don't. And therein lies the huge mental shift that I think is helping me more than anything. I think I am finally able to make this mental shift because I am actually starting to believe that I will get to where I want to be eventually. And eventually is better than never.

A better outfit, a better angle and pose, but still a big
difference in 11 months (3-18-18 to 2-17-18).
FYI - there's only a 15 pound difference in these pics. 

I realized this week that when you go through a weight loss journey with the attitude that it's never fast enough you are bound to fail. Harsh? Maybe, but true. I've spent many years wishing that it would come off faster and then I would inevitably stop and gain back everything I had lost plus some more. And of course this makes sense. If you're trying to lose weight and constantly feeling that what you're doing is not good enough why would you keep doing it? I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it, but I'm so glad that I have finally been able to see this.

That's not to say I'm going to be "perfect" now because I've finally seen the light! No, it just means that I feel like I'm going to take some of the pressure off and just do what I know to do and move on. I still gained weight between November and January, but I gained significantly less than I have in years past. I think this is a step in the right direction.

With all these realizations continuing this week, I decided to change my plan ever so slightly. It's not really too much of a change of what I'm doing so much as how I'm thinking. I ended my WW subscription again. I double track anyway and I more often use MFP (My Fitness Pal) to ultimately decide what to eat in terms of calories rather than points. If I had a day where I was already at 23 points, but had only eaten 1200 calories I wouldn't mind eating more points since I clearly could have more calories. Anyway, if I'm going to rely more heavily on MFP anyway than why pay for WW and have to deal with double tracking? So here's my new plan: track my food on MFP and focus on my calorie deficit each day. The goal will be to have at least a 500 calorie deficit most days. There will be days when I have much more than that and probably days where I won't have a deficit at all; and that'll be OK. If I can average a 500 calorie deficit every day of the week I should average about a pound a week loss.  Last week I averaged a 900 calorie deficit for 6/7 days (if you recall I gave myself last Saturday as a splurge day so I didn't track) and I lost 1.6 pounds. I realize it won't always work that way and that's OK. If I focus on having a calorie deficit most days than my weight will continue to go down.

On to week 6!

#noexcuses Week 4

Remember this awesome post exactly one year ago today??? Last year I decided that I wanted to have a 30 day check in on the scale at Living Lean. That post was all about how that totally back-fired on me I basically had a mental meltdown.

Even after my post last week about my obsession with the scale, I decided I wanted to do the same this year and get a 4 week weigh in at LL. I did that yesterday and I'm happy to report that my reaction to it was completely different from last year. The LL scale was very comparable to my home scale so that's great!

After my disappointing weigh in last Saturday I decided to stay off the scale for at least a few days. I actually found that figuring out why I am so obsessed with the scale helped me mentally this week. I am going to continue to try to just weigh in once a week, but I am not sure how well that will go. This obsession with the scale isn't going to go away overnight.

As you can see, I lost everything I had gained last week plus another 1.8 pounds bringing my 4 week total to 9.4 pounds. I am getting so close to a new low!! I am going to try as hard as I can to stay focused while not going totally crazy. Last week I ended up eating significantly less points, but was eating more calories each day. Basically that means that I was focusing on those healthier options (0 point foods) to fill in those calories.

My average calories were still a little lower than last week, but that's because I was more consistent. Rather than keeping my calories super low each day and having a day where I just binged (because I felt more deprived); I kept my calories slightly higher every day. I think that helped keep me more balanced mentally. I had several days this past week where I ate more than 1700 calories and only a few days where I was under 1400.

Breakfast, lunch and snack on repeat this week. 

I decided that today I'm going to give myself a "splurge" day. I am not going to track today and just take a day to not focus so much on food. Tomorrow I will be right back at it and focusing on crushing my goals. I am 5 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit in the first 8 weeks and I have 4 weeks to hit that. Even with a 3 pound gain one week this month I still managed to average a 2.4 pound loss per week. I know that rate won't continue; especially since at the start of this challenge my weight was higher than it's been in months; but I am willing to bet that I can maintain a 1.25 pound average loss for the next 4 weeks so I can meet my first goal.

That 5 pounds will also put me lower than I've been since before I got pregnant with Robbie! That means it'll be the smallest I've been since 2005! Let's DO THIS!!