I AM a runner!

I have been trying to compose this blog post since Monday. I can't seem to find the right words and I feel like I don't want to offend anyone with anything I say. (not that I really think anything I have to say would be offensive).

The post I was going to write on Monday was about what a great day back on track I was having. I tracked all my food, stayed within my points and got 2 hours of activity in (an hour on the treadmill and an hour shoveling gravel). However, after finding out about the explosions at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, those things no longer seemed important.

So now, after several days, I'm finding my words. The tragedy at the Boston Marathon has had what I feel is an interesting impact on me. I, like all of you I'm sure, am sickened, angry, outraged, and saddened by these events. However, as a runner, I have other feelings as well. The most interesting thing to me is that it took this horrific event for me to truly feel like I can call myself a runner. For those of you who have been reading my blog from the start know that I have a hard time putting that label on myself.

It's silly, really. I mean, I have finished 4 half marathons, 2 triathlons, a full marathon, a 10 miler, a 10k, and a few other smaller distance races. At what point will I feel like I deserve to say I'm a runner? I don't know. But, I know now that whether I feel like I deserve it or not, I am a runner. And after Monday I feel like I want to become a better runner. I want to be even more of a runner. I am itching to get back out there and RUN even though right now I'm starting back slow. (not that I was fast before, HA, but you know what I mean).

After the Columbus Marathon I said that I absolutely wanted to experience another marathon at some point. I promised myself and my family that I would not try that marathon until there was a 1 as the first number in my weight. I intend to keep that promise (for several reasons). But, at this moment (because I'm sure it'll change), I have more drive to hit that goal than I did before. You see, I NEVER had any desire to strive for Boston. Perhaps it was because I thought there is no way in God's green earth that I could ever think of finishing 26.2 in the times that would be necessary to qualify for Boston so why bother even thinking about it. But now....now I want it. Who knows if I'll ever get there. I mean, to go from a 6:28 finish to a 3:40 finish would be somewhat of a freaking miracle, but who knows. And why not go for it? Why not use this fire I have in me right now to meet some more out of this world goals? Goals that some might say are unattainable.

But there was a day - not that long ago - that I thought this was unattainable:

Crossing the finish line....

Yet I did it.

I thought this was something that I should wait to do until I was smaller:

My first sprint tri

Yet I did it (before being "smaller") and finished...not last!

So I've done crazy things in the past and have succeeded. Perhaps the most crazy thing yet will be to actually LOSE this weight. Heck, that might even be a crazier thought than me crossing the finish line at a future Boston Marathon! But seriously....who knows if this will even be a goal that I work toward in the future. Obviously this is not something that would happen anytime soon (if at all), but why not keep it in the back of my head to keep me moving forward? What I do know is that on Tuesday when I wanted to eat for no reason, it is what kept me from eating.

And on that note...it has been a very successful week so far! As of right now I still have all 49 of my weekly points remaining, and I've earned 28 activity points so far this week. We'll see what the scale says Monday, but I think I've finally gotten back on the wagon! Now to just stay here......