21

This week was my big 21 mile run. Thanks to my awesome boss and a job that allows me to be flexible if needed, I was able to get this run done on Wednesday morning since the weather forecast for this weekend wasn't so great. And, since this weekend is turning out to be quite the busy one! Even 3 days after this run I'm not so sure what to say about it. I was truly hoping that when I finished 21 I would say something like, "feeling quite confident about the marathon now"! But, I'm not. I don't know why. I finished 21 miles...and if I can finish 21, I can certainly finish 5.2 more (I think). But, this 21 miles was hard. It was significantly harder than 18 (although my mom tells me I was struggling just as much through 18...but I don't feel like I did, which means it's all about what's going on in my head)! Perhaps what I expressed during the run was the same. The moans and grunts about not being able to finish. Perhaps my running seemed the same...where in the end it was more like shuffling than running at all. But, I know in my head it was different. And not in a good way.

For anyone out there who does it, you know, running is a mental sport more than anything. And that happens to be where I lack the most. I need to truly start believing that I CAN do this. Believing that I AM a runner. I still have a very hard time with this label. I don't know if it's the intervals, or if it's how slow I go....but I don't see myself as a runner. But you know what?? I am. Intervals, no intervals, slow, fast...it doesn't matter. I got out there at the butt-crack of dawn, laced up my shoes and pounded the pavement for over 5 HOURS! If I'm not a runner, then what am I!?!?! (Besides crazy)!

This is how crazy I am! Once again the lone car in the parking lot...and it wasn't even raining!

During this run my mom asked me if I ever thought of just racing cycling. My answer was that I hate that as much, if not more, than running! She laughed and asked me why do I do all this then?!?! If I don't like it while I'm doing it, and I hurt afterwards, WHY do it?? I honestly don't know that I have a good answer for that. I can tell you why I always say I hate running (or biking). It's because I feel that I'm not good at it. I'm slow....it doesn't ever seem to feel like it gets easier, etc. I think I continue to do it because I want it to feel like it's easier. Of course, I'm an idiot, because I will NEVER feel like it gets easier. However, clearly it HAS. Back in 2007 when I first thought I would try doing a 5k I couldn't run more than 60 seconds. I built up to run my first 5k in June 2007 and finished in 35:03. I ran the entire thing and was SO proud of myself. Then I stopped. Fast forward to 2008 when I then decided to train with Team Challenge for a half marathon....I was back to not being able to run for more than 60 seconds at a time. But now??? Now I have found intervals and because of those intervals I can run 3 miles with relative ease. 6 miles now feels like a short run....and getting to 13.1 doesn't feel like much of a challenge anymore. So why don't I see this as progress?? As getting easier?? I suppose because I'm still SLOW. I'm slower than I was last year even, and although I'm working on it, I feel like I'm having a harder time getting any faster.

So pretty....a beautiful day for a leisurely stroll.
 

Just like I need to work on my mind when it comes to food and eating healthy. I need to work on my mind when it comes to running. For food...I need to not feel guilty when I use my activity points or weekly allowance points. They are there to eat if you want, so why feel guilty when I do it? No need to make changes in the behavior until you see a reason to (like a gain or maintain on the scale for more than 1 week).  For running...stop being so hard on myself. I did the math and on that 21 mile run, I ran for nearly 4 of those 5 hours. Why does it matter that it was slow? It doesn't..it shouldn't. And, perhaps my mom is right (AGAIN)....perhaps I don't feel like I'm improving at all because I keep adding distance. I can't see if I'm faster, better with 18 miles because today it was 21...and next time it'll be 24. That's what happens when you're training for a marathon. You have to increase your mileage relatively quickly...and that's with a training program that lasted over 6 months! A learning experience...I think that if I were to do a full marathon again, I would schedule the training a little differently so I could get more long runs in. This plan built from 14 to 17 to 20 to 23 to 26. Most training programs only go to 20 miles before a full marathon, but I think you do multiple 20 milers. I like this one better, because I like seeing that I can go the distance. I'm off on those mileages because I missed the crucial 14 mile one because I was sick. Therefore, when I was supposed to do 17, I shortened it to 15; then 18; 21 and next 24. I won't get to 26 this time around. Perhaps if there is a next time, I will add weeks so that perhaps I could do 14 miles twice, 17 twice, etc, etc. I don't know. I suppose I should start with; I don't know if I'll have the support to do another full! :)

Enough about that. The other thing I wanted to mention in today's post was about my eating. Apparently it only takes 1 week. One week before your body starts to adjust and the hunger subsides. Not to say I haven't been hungry at all this week. But, I think it's pretty normal to get hungry now and again! ;-) Perhaps it was the 5.8lb loss last week, but I didn't find myself nearly as hungry this week. As a result, I didn't eat nearly as much in between meals (even fruit). I wonder how that will effect the scale. Fruit has calories so I would think even though they're "free" that not eating as much of them would only help my weight loss; but, I also think that eating those healthy things help the weight come off. Even on a day of running 21 miles, I counted my food. Easy to do when you earn 60 activity points! Believe it or not, I ate every single one of those activity points (not necessarily in that day). It's now Saturday and I weigh in tomorrow. Once again, as of today I'm left with a bunch of my weekly allowance points. I have a birthday party today so I likely will be dipping into those points today. It didn't negatively effect the scale last week; I just hope that it doesn't again this week! : )

Week 2 weigh in tomorrow.......