What Does the Finish Line LOOK LIKE?

Columbus Marathon 2012 finish line (I'm in the orange).

I have been thinking about something since my trainer texted me the other day and at the bottom of her text she wrote "I look forward to seeing you at your finish line".

It coincides with something else she said to me when we were having a big talk about my goals. She was asking if that elusive number on the scale was always going to be something that was important to me. So, is my goal a certain number on the scale or will I be OK if my body fat percentage is in a healthy range and the scale maybe says more than I think it should.

Don't get me started with how much I hate BMI!

Hmmm....what I told her was that I think I'd be OK if I don't hit some number as long as my body fat percentage is "normal" and I am happy with what I look like. And I still believe that that is the truth.

I mean, the "good ole" BMI chart says that I need to weigh less than 150 pounds to be considered healthy. I absolutely believe that I can (and will) be happy and satisfied weighing more than that. I also believe that my body fat percentage will be in a very healthy range even when I weigh more than 150 pounds on the scale. So with that, I believe that the number on the scale won't exactly matter for my "finish line."

BUT, that stupid number on the scale DOES matter to me right now. Getting under 200 pounds IS very important to me. I don't believe that I could possibly be happy with how I look/feel if I'm over 200 pounds. I also don't believe that my body fat percentage would ever get into a healthy range when I'm over 200 pounds. And, if it would, I'm not sure I'd like how I looked even then!

My first triathlon finish line - 2011

So this FINISH LINE with weight loss is definitely an unknown for me right now. I think that's part of the problem. When I'm training for a race, the finish line is obvious. I know exactly what it's going to take. When training for a marathon I know that means that the end goal is to cover 26.2 miles however possible and do it within a time that is required for the race cut off. When training for a triathlon I knew that I had to figure out how to complete each section of the race in a certain amount of time. That was easy to work toward (well, it wasn't EASY, but knowing what I had to do was easy).
So you might say, why does it matter that you don't know what the finish line looks like? I mean, I KNOW the finish line doesn't look like me right now. I believe the finish line is at least 30-40 pounds away so why not just work towards it and figure it out later? I don't have an answer to that. Maybe it's an unconscious level of "fear". Fear that I'll lose those next 30-40 pounds and still won't be happy. The fear that it will never be enough. (taking you back to this lovely blog post or even this one). I mean, back in 2002 when I was doing WW I got down to somewhere around 154 pounds, but I couldn't become a lifetime member until I hit at least 150 pounds. So, my 154 pound size 8-10 body wasn't "good enough" to reach the finish line I was striving for at that point.

I think perhaps I'm scared to determine what my finish line is becaus what if I never cross that line??? But, on the flip side of that, if I don't determine what my finish line is how will I ever know when I cross it? Maybe the answer is to think of it in terms of a triathlon. In a triathlon you have 2 "lines" to cross before you cross the official finish line. You have to finish your swim in a certain amount of time to be able to continue. You then have to finish your bike in a certain time to continue on to your run. Then, eventually, you will cross the final finish line.

With that being said, my first goal (i.e. my "swim") is to hit that elusive 199.9.

And, although with a triathlon you know what all the goals are going into it; I am going to wait until I hit that first goal to come up with my next goal. I am going to try very hard to actually stop focusing on all the other goals I have floating around in my head and JUST focus on this one goal. If I really focus on this goal it is possible for me to meet it in the next 6 weeks!