Healing

It's amazing what you want to do when you can't do it, right?? Kind of like dieting - tell me I CAN'T have something and I want it more than anything. Part of why I struggle so much with losing weight. That's why I need to learn that I can have whatever it is I want....just in moderation.

But, right now, I can't have my training. I can't have trying to run faster and/or farther. I can't work on my swimming at a level to improve my speed or fitness. And when I am able (hopefully sooner rather than later), I will be starting over. This thought is a little defeating and I believe is making it that much harder to get RE-started.

2012 was a tough year in many ways. But 2013 has already proven to be even more difficult. I feel like I just can't get a break. I am improving, yes. But, it feels like just when I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I have another setback.

I got my PICC line removed a little over 2 weeks ago now. My arm was a little sore after it was removed, but I figured that is normal since something was in my vein for the last 2+ weeks. But then, rather than getting better, my arm seemed to be getting worse....probably not a good thing. Nothing huge, but just sore and the soreness is actually moving down my arm (which is weird since the PICC line goes up - like to your shoulder). Anyway, so I call my doctor last week to tell him about it and he suggests I go to an urgent care or ER to be seen to make sure it's not infected. I go to the urgent care and he doesn't think it's infected (a good thing), but wants me to get a CT scan to make sure it's nothing else (like a blood clot that's going to break loose and end up in my lung....wonderful)! The good news?? The CT scan showed no abnormalities so I guess it's good to go. The bad news?? It's still bothering me. It does seem to be getting better, but more than 2 weeks after it being removed I feel like I shouldn't even know I had anything in my arm at all! Just annoying.

The good news is that my blood counts finally seem to be improving....ever so slightly...but improving. This will help my energy level, which is better, but still nowhere near 100%.

I have decided that I need to start moving past this. Yes, I need to let my body heal and I need to not push myself too much. But, I think I need to push a little. I have done nothing exercise-wise for nearly 2 months now. I need to figure out what I can do and start doing it. I think I will start by walking on my treadmill.

In addition, I said before that perhaps 2013 will be my year for my weight loss. Over the last 2+ years I have attempted to lose weight by focusing more on my fitness than my diet. Clearly, it hasn't worked in the way that I had hoped. It always works for a little bit. I focus on my activity AND my diet for a period of time, lose some weight and start to feel good. Then, my diet starts to slip and I decide it's not that big of a deal because I'm still running, biking, swimming, etc.

Well, this year it's going to take me some time to get my activity level back up to where it once was. This could be very dangerous. Think about it. If I can exercise 5+ hours per week and still not lose weight easily, what happens when I can only workout 3+ hours per week at a lower intensity?!?! A recipe for potential weight gain disaster! So, the focus must switch to my diet.

Today is the day. It all RE-starts today. My main focus is on my diet. I plan to start exercising this week as well, but I'm still weaker than usual. I am going to start with walking on the treadmill 2-3 times this week. I'm not even going to pinpoint an amount of time to stay on the treadmill. Sure, I'd like to say at least 30 minutes for 2-3 days, but that may not be realistic. So, I'll see how it goes and take it from there.

But, I'm back. I haven't been blogging because I feel like I have nothing to blog about. I haven't been doing anything, but trying to let my body heal. Now it's the time to get serious and start being a more active participant in letting my body heal!