In my last post I said that I thought it was going to be easier to get right back on track this week after having 2 weeks of not tracking. Yea, well, it doesn't appear to be going as easily as I would have hoped.
Hormones are really a horrible thing. I get some serious PMS and it absolutely drives me crazy. The thing is that my PMS is all emotional and starts at least a week before my cycle starts.
Monday and Tuesday were great days this week. I would even say they were picture perfect days. I went to my class at Living Lean on Monday morning and ate 100% according to my plan. Ended the day around 1500 calories and 20/23 points. Tuesday I went to the park and ran and also ate 100% according to my plan. I ate around 1600 calories and again, 20/23 points.
Then yesterday happened. I couldn't start my day with my usual LL class because I had to drop Mary off for her dance team camp, then drop Robbie at basketball camp and get to a work meeting. Between taking Mary and Robbie I went to the park again and did the run that I would usually do today. I was proud of myself for getting my workout in even though my plans changed. I like routine and I tend to use it as an excuse when my routine gets changed. This time I just switched my Wed and Thurs plans.
I came home, showered and got ready to take Robbie and head to my work meeting. I couldn't decide if I wanted to eat breakfast because sometimes I'll end up eating lunch out after the work meeting. I decided on a banana so that I had something little in my stomach. Went to my meeting and did NOT go to lunch with my friend. On the way home I had to have a LOT of self-talk to keep me from going to Chipotle for lunch. It just sounded so good. I actually got it twice in Maryland so it's not like I haven't had it recently. But that's also probably why I wanted it. I knew that if I went it wouldn't just be my normal salad (which is like 600 calories in and of itself), but it would be chips and guac as well.....because it was just one of those days.
I won that battle and came home to make myself some lunch. And then it started to fall apart. I had lots of points/calories to play with since it was now after noon and all I had all day was a banana. I actually made the breakfast I've been eating this week because that sounded the best to me (eggs, waffles, chicken sausage). I can't really remember but then the grazing started. I had a bag of chips - I counted those. I had a big bowl of fruit. But then I started taking a handful of animal crackers one after another and I didn't count those. While watching my son's baseball game I ate a few of the sunflower seeds that my hubby brought. Then we went to Menchie's after his game and I did not get the little bit of sorbet that I will sometimes get when we go there. Sigh......
The food that I chose to eat doesn't necessarily bother me. What bothers me is the feeling that I'm not in control. It's the feeling that there is something beyond my control willing me to keep snacking and keeping me not full or satisfied. I mean, I should have been sick to my stomach by the end of the night and I wasn't. Welcome, PMS.
I realized after yesterday that I'm right around that week+ before my period and that at least explains why this is happening. But, that doesn't help it. Frankly, that makes me want to just give in. I want to say, "I can just not track this weekend and get back to it AGAIN Monday."
Today was fine, again, until right after dinner. This morning I had my normal breakfast (minus the sausage cuz I'm out). I then had my infusion today so my lunch was a DQ ice cream cone. I believe I've already talked about the fact that I get a small twist cone EVERY time I get my infusion. It's my little reward to myself for sitting through my infusion every 8 weeks 😆
I got home from that and made my planned dinner of pork tenderloin and broccoli. I ate that and then again with those handfuls of the damn animal crackers! 😡Again, I'm probably not "off" on my calories today. I started the day with a LL workout and I will likely have a calorie burn today of around 2500 calories. But see, that's not the point! The scale this morning was actually down to 192.6 so clearly what I ate yesterday didn't do any immediate "damage"; but how I feel is the point. I'm not eating these things or making these choices because it's what I really want. If it was then it would be what it is and I would be OK with it.
You're probably thinking, if you don't want to eat these things why are you?? Such a simple concept right? If you don't want to do it just stop. Again, welcome PMS. I can't give you an answer to that. This happens EVERY month and yet I'm still managing to lose weight through it so clearly I keep it in check most of the time. I'm frankly keeping it in check now. But it's just so damn frustrating.
This is also the time that I tend to doubt what I'm doing. If there comes a time when I'm thinking of trying something different or changing things up; it's usually around the same time that I'm experiencing this PMS. I try to remind myself of that and make myself wait to make any of those decisions until later in the month. If I still want to make a change (like when I decided to start WW again), then I'll go for it. If it was just me being PMS emotional then the feeling will pass.
Lots of my posts lately have been so very positive and that's because that really is how I've been feeling. But I thought it was time to show that it hasn't changed overnight. There are still lots of struggles and sometimes not the best choices are made. I will never be perfect and that's OK. As long as I keep fighting the fight it's all good!
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