Time for some Inspiration

I can feel myself wanting to slip.

It's been 10 days since I really re-committed to this journey of actually getting myself to where I want to be. 9 out of those 10 days I have tracked my food, exercised and ended the days with at least a 1000 calorie deficit. Actually, my lowest calorie deficit was 1,280. The only day I did not track or exercise was Sunday. For all intents and purposes I have been rocking this!

But for some reason yesterday and today I am finding myself being tempted back to the dark side. I haven't succumbed to the temptation yet, but I don't like feeling it. I have felt the push in the past and I've succeeded in ignoring it too. But every time I have ever resisted the temptation, I eventually succumbed to it. The worst part is it's really stupid temptation too. I don't want a piece of chocolate because I have a sugar craving. Or, even a glass of wine because I just like wine. No. I want to not have to think about it. That is always what gets me.

Today I did not have a plan for lunch. No plan meant having to THINK about what I was going to eat. The wheels started turning and I started thinking about how I could fit something in my calorie range that I "really" wanted. Problem was that I couldn't really pinpoint what it was that I wanted. Normally when I had days like this I would just run to McDonald's to get lunch because I don't have to THINK about it. But how sad is it that McDonald's has become something that I just get any time I don't know what else I want.

Because apparently I ALWAYS want that. Sigh......

For today though I won the battle and made myself a salad with chicken, sunflower seeds, cheese and dressing. And you know what? It was yummy.

I can do this.

I went shopping today. I have a love/hate relationship with shopping. There are so many things out there that I think are cute. Then I put them on and they are no longer cute to me. Saves me money. But makes me sad as well. Love....Hate......

But I did something today when shopping that I don't usually do. I decided to go look at the bathing suits because I am going to need a new one this summer. It's been a few years since I've bought one because I've been waiting until I could buy a smaller size (I used to buy a new one every summer). I really wasn't going to buy one yet so that I could try to lose weight before I bought a new one (see?? That's why I haven't bought a new one in so long. It's the same thing every year). But, I saw one that I thought was super cute so I took it to the dressing room and tried it on. It doesn't quite fit....YET....but I bought it anyway. I mean, I could wear it now if I wanted to, but I would feel even more self conscious than I usually do in a bathing suit. I am hoping that 2 months from now I will have lost enough weight that it fits a little bit better. And then, maybe by the end of the summer it will start looking silly because it'll be too big!

So, I think I'll hang up that bathing suit where I can see it every day. It'll be a reminder of what I am working for. It's not a far off goal. 10-20 pounds and I'm guessing that bathing suit will look significantly better than it does now. It won't be easy, but I can lose 20lbs in 2 months.

My goal is NOT to be perfect. My goal is to do this without totally stressing about it. My goal is to eat healthy more often than I don't. My goal is to weigh less next week than I did last....to weigh less at the end of a month than I did at the beginning of it...and to weigh less this time next year than I do today....and to eventually do what I need to do to maintain the healthy weight that I AM at.

I CAN do this.