Amazing April

Day 29/55

This month has been absolutely amazing! I feel like I have SO much to talk about, but I've been blogging a lot this month.

Let's get right into it because I have a feeling this is going to be a long post! Consider yourself warned. 😉

First things first....I once again met all the goals I had set for myself last week! I finished the week with 5 blue dot days and did not go over my weekly points. I was hoping to be able to drop another 2.4 pounds this week to get to my Disney goal almost a whole month early. I didn't. BUT, I dropped 2.2 pounds so close enough! I was hoping for 195 for Disney and today I weigh 195.2 pounds! I can not even express how excited this makes me.

Coming up with weekly goals for the past 28 days really helped me stay focused on my goals. It also didn't hurt that I had a very specific goal I was trying to hit and I was SO close to it that I was trying my hardest most days to get there.

So here's an interesting tidbit. WAY back in 2014 after I completed the Whole 30 I talked about how I wanted to try to stay 100% on track with WW to see what I could accomplish in 30 days doing that. Last April was the closest I came to "staying on track" for 30 days, but even then I did not actually stay on track for 30 days. Last April my goal was to track every day. I did that and ended up losing 6 pounds even though I ate over my calorie range several days. This April has been the first time since 2014 that I focused on staying strict with my program for the entire 30 days. In 2014 I lost 16.6 pounds in 30 days, but I also weighed a lot more than I do right now (thank goodness). I decided to figure out percentage of body weight lost to really better compare my numbers. In 2014 I lost 6.6% of my body weight in 30 days. From April 1st to today I lost 13.6 pounds, which is 6.5% of my body weight. Wow.

So many blue dots!

The most interesting part of this (for me) is that I was pretty miserable doing the Whole30. There were lots of struggles. I felt like I was constantly in the kitchen prepping food. We basically couldn't eat out. I kind of freaked out when we were going to a baseball game and I couldn't bring in my own food.

But, I have been anything but miserable for this past month. I managed to find a balance that worked for me while still staying 100% compliant to my program. I went to a baseball game and ate stadium food without any guilt. I had wine on Easter so that was April 1st. I ate an ice cream bar pretty much every day for the last 2 weeks at least. Although we have been going out to eat a whole lot less; I went out to eat plenty this month and just made better choices. I was able to live my life and lose 6.5% of my body weight in 30 days. Was I hungry some times? Oh my, yes! But I was hungry plenty during the Whole30 too. The only way to lose weight is to have a calorie deficit. You will be hungry sometimes and guess what? That's completely normal! It's OK to be hungry. You are not going to die because you are  hungry (even if it feels like you will).

So many smiley faces on my workout calendar!
Only 4 days off this entire month of April!

I had said before that I am only doing WW for a short period of time (probably 6 months) to kind of learn what it looks like in terms of calories. I've been tracking my food on the WW app, but then I also go over to MyFitnessPal and track my food there so I can see how many calories I'm eating. It's no wonder I'm losing weight because most days I'm somewhere between 13 or 1400 calories. I remember when I was doing the Whole30 I tracked my food one day (even though you're not supposed to) because I was curious. That particular day I was somewhere around 1300 calories. So yea, calories in/calories out. The reason why it becomes "easier" to stick with when you eat mainly (or only) whole foods is because you can eat more in those 1300 calories than if you eat 1300 calories worth of crap food that doesn't sustain you. I am pretty sure that I could lose weight eating 1300 calories worth of junk food every day; but I am also positive that I would be beyond miserable and would quit well before 30 days were over.

2 lonely cars in the parking lot on a rainy Saturday morning.
So focused that even a little cold rain can't stop me from
meeting my goals. 

On April 2nd I blogged about my goals for the next 55 days. In 55 days I wanted to lose 12.8 pounds to reach my "A" goal. I lost 12.6 in 28 days (13.6 since April 1st since I actually lost a whole pound between the 1st and my "official" Monday weigh in on April 2nd). I also talked about very specific goals I had wanted to focus on for just the first 30 days. (I should have said 28 days really because I broke those goals down into each of the 4 weeks of April).

Well, since it only took me those 28 days to reach my "A" goal, it's time to come up with some goals for the next 4 weeks (but only 26 days this time because vacation starts before that 4th weigh in.

It's kind of funny because I had decided that I was going to give myself this week "off". Not off so I can eat all the food and drink all the wine. But, just off to not have to track and just keep eating the way I've been with perhaps a little more leeway than I've been giving myself; even if that means maintaining or even gaining (a little) next Monday. You're probably thinking WHY would you do this? You're on such a streak! The answer to that is because I'm scared. That sounds so stupid, right? Here's the thing: I am afraid that if I continue to be as strict as I've been for the past 28 days that I will go totally crazy while on vacation and come home having gained 10 pounds. I don't want that to happen. I touched on this fear in my transformation post the other day; the fight with my old self about how to handle things. I am getting stronger in those fights, but I'm not sure how strong I'll be on vacation. I can already hear my old self telling me that after X number of days of being so on and working so hard that I deserve to eat whatever I want. And that may be true. But there's a difference between eating what I actually want and eating everything because I can. I'm afraid that I will actually eat things I perhaps don't really want simply because I can and I know when I get home I will go back to choosing not to eat those things. Is any of this making sense to anyone else? It'll go back to that mentality of eat all the things because you'll "never" eat them again when you get home.

Excuse the dirty mirror and the bad selfie; but
every day I am surprised at being happy with
the reflection that I'm seeing in the mirror. 

I logically know this isn't true; but weight loss isn't always about what is logical. I have gotten so much better with reminding myself that the food will ALWAYS be there. I can have it whenever I want and I just don't really want it now because I want to meet my goals more. I am hopeful that my wants have changed enough this year that I won't want to stuff my face for a week (or two) simply because I have given myself the freedom to eat what I want while on vacation. I know my goals aren't over just because I actually met my vacation goal (side note - do you guys realize what an absolute ENORMOUS deal this is? I have NEVER met a weight loss goal I set for myself. I always end up sabotaging myself. I not only met this goal, but CRUSHED it by 26 days!). I am only slightly over the halfway point of my weight loss goal, and it's taken me years to get here. I don't have a specific goal weight (we'll discuss that later), but I know it's not where I'm at. And it's more than just a few pounds away.

So what's funny about all this is two fold. 1) I have allowed myself to eat more today; but I have tracked everything I have eaten. 2) I'm realizing that it's not really bothering me to be as strict as I've been these last 4 weeks. I chose to do what I've been doing and I am beyond proud of myself so it has made it pretty easy actually. This weekend when I stopped at Wendy's to get food for my hubby and neighbor, (because they'd been working on our front steps all weekend), I had no issue getting myself a salad. I didn't care. It sounded like a really yummy salad and I didn't necessarily want anything else. It wasn't even about, oh I can't have a burger and fries because I have goals. It was, I don't want a burger and fries because I want to reach my goals more. And actually getting a burger and fries wasn't even a thought. The thought was, what can I get that I want that will be within my points today. So perhaps I'll surprise myself when we're on vacation. I know there are things I will eat and feel no guilt over. I will have my Mickey shaped foods (soft pretzel, waffle, ice cream bar 😆); I will have one (or more than one) Dole Whip. But I probably won't have chicken nuggets or burgers and fries every single day because, why? That's stuff I can have anywhere and it's not any better at Disney than at home. These are the mental changes that are happening that are going to make me reach my goal this time.

I know this post is super long and thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading.

In the end I am giving myself permission this week to not be where I've been the last 4 weeks. I may track after all and see what I end up eating. I may decide halfway through the week that I don't feel like tracking and I'm OK with that. If I see the scale go up next Monday I am fine with that. I am confident that I can lose whatever I might gain + more in the next few weeks before our trip. That means my goals for the next 26 days are:
1) allow myself this week to have a little more freedom.
2) go back to April goals for the remaining time before vacation. That will mean tracking and only using my daily and weekly points.

I am confident that as long as I get right back to it next week, I can be very close to 190 pounds by the time we leave for vacation. 195 was my goal, so anything less than that is bonus. 190 would be absolutely amazing.

Monday, Monday.......

Day 22 of 55

Last week's goals were:

Goal #1: Track EVERYTHING I eat (and do NOT starve myself to get that number on the scale).
                Check!

Goal #2: Swap weekly points first and use only those again this week. I've done it the last 2 weeks; why not another one?
                Check!

Goal #3: 5/7 blue dot days again!
                Check!

Goal #4: Stick to workout schedule (3 days at LL + 3 days running).
               Check!

Last week came really easily to me. I ended the week with the most weekly points left yet! I find it funny that I had a goal to not starve myself to hit a number, yet I ate the least amount of food this week since the beginning of April. But I did NOT starve myself in any way! I mean, Friday I ate my small twist cone from DQ after my infusion. Saturday I indulged in the meal that I love at Chick fil a (12 piece nuggets, fries and honey mustard sauce)! I was just able to find that balance this past week so that the outcome was still a great one. 

Are you wondering what that outcome was? 

-3 pounds this week! That means my weight this morning was 197.4! WWHAAAAAAT?!?!?! I officially weigh less than I have since about 2007. Even with weighing myself every day I was SHOCKED to see that number on the scale this morning. I hit 199.8 last Wednesday and I have NOT seen 200 again since that day! I can't even express how awesome this makes me feel. The last time I got out of the 200's was in 2011 and I stayed there for a couple days. I was weighing myself every day back then too and I can look back at it and see that I first hit 199.9 in September. I stayed there for 2 days then went back up over 200 for several days. Then I hit 198.8 for about 2 days and went back up. I didn't then get back under 200 until almost November. And by January 2012 I weighed over 200 pounds again (and didn't see less than 200 until last Wednesday). 

My ONEderland present to myself :)

One of the things that has been driving me lately is I'm trying really hard to get far enough away from 200 that even if (when) I have a bad week I won't EVER see 200 on the scale again. I already told you that was my reasoning for wanting to hit 195 by the time we left for vacation. 

My goals are going to remain the same this week. Track everything, only use my weeklies, workout 6 days and get 5 blue dots. I was telling my mom yesterday that I don't really like the whole "blue dot" thing with WW. I feel like it kind of contradicts their program. If you are supposed to be able to lose weight while eating all your daily, weekly and fit points then you could conceivably be eating above your "healthy eating zone" lots of days and still be 100% on program. So from a mental standpoint it kind of makes you feel like you're doing something "wrong" if you go over the top number of that healthy eating range. 

You might be wondering why I'm going to keep that as my goal this week then. Well, right now my goals are very specific. I basically want to lose as much weight as possible before we leave on vacation. I won't be able to do that if I'm eating a ton of extra points. There will be plenty of weeks where I will be happy with a small loss on the scale and a little more "freedom" with my food intake; but that's not my goal right now. I also have to take advantage of the fact that I'm feeling really good right now. I feel more focused than I've ever been and I need to ride this train as long as possible. At this point I will be happy with any loss on the scale; but man, wouldn't it be great if sticking to my goals would reward me with a 2.4 pound loss next week?!? All I can do is stick to my plan and the scale will do what it wants. Here's to another awesome week! 

Transformation

Seriously interesting things have been happening in my head lately. I wonder if this is really going to be the time that things are different because of the things that are happening in my head.

I do not remember being this focused on losing weight ever; not even back in 2011 when I lost around 33 pounds. I don't remember it being such a big deal to me to hit 199 back then. I remember being happy about it, but it wasn't like it is now.

I remember my main focus back then being on training for races/working out and the food was my second focus. I wanted to lose weight, but thought that being focused on being active was the best way to go about it for me. Obviously it worked to some extent or I wouldn't have lost 33 pounds. However, when I was no longer training for anything (between November and March); I also wasn't losing weight.

Now I am working out like crazy, but it's my secondary focus behind my diet and what really needs to be done to lose this weight. I've always known, but now I seem to be really embracing the fact that losing weight is at least 80% what/how much I eat. I learned this back in 2011-2012 when I was training for all those races and still not losing weight unless I was really tracking what I was eating. Yet I still feel like I kept trying to figure out a way to get to eat more food and still lose weight.

I remember being hopeful back in 2014 that doing the Whole30 would help change my relationship with food. It didn't. I feel like I am finally starting to change my relationship with food and it's kind of crazy. What's especially crazy is how strong of a hold food really has on me.

This is hard to put in words so if it doesn't make sense I apologize now.

On a daily basis I have to fight with myself to change my way of thinking. Let's give today as an example. It's Saturday and I have 33 weeklies left so clearly I have not been eating a ton this week. I could conceivably use all 33 of those points today and tomorrow and still be considered 100% on plan. For lack of better words I'm going to say the "old" me and the "new" me. The old me is saying that I should basically eat whatever I want today. Track it, but don't worry about it because I have PLENTY of weeklies left to have lots of food today. The new me is saying WHY??? Is there something you really want? The answer is no. The old me is saying, it doesn't matter. What you want is to not have to think about it or worry about it. Sure, that's how I used to think, but I haven't really been mad lately about making the choices I'm making. The old me tries to get even stronger in fighting the new me. She says things like, you're not eating enough and at some point your weight loss is going to stall because your body is going to think you're starving. You could really go for a few high point/calorie days and maybe gain a couple pounds; but then go back to being really strict and you'll see a big loss on the scale.

That may be the case; but guess what? I don't have to do that just because. My weight loss hasn't stalled yet. As of this morning I have dropped 10.6 pounds since April 1st and I still have 9 days left in this month. If I can continue at the same pace I've been going, I'll meet (and exceed actually) my "A" goal by May 1st! That will mean I'll get to come up with a NEW goal to hit before our Disney trip.

It's been an interesting battle. The new me has definitely been winning every battle this week. She's actually been so strong that not only am I sticking to my plan, but I'm exceeding it. I mean, my plan this week was to only use my weeklies and to have 5 blue dot days. Like I said earlier, I have 2 days left this week and still have all but 9 of my weekly points left. I think it's pretty safe to say I will end this week with more points left than any other week this month (or any month since starting WW).

I am hopeful that at some point my mind will make the full transformation that I am working to make. I don't mind indulging in something if I really want it. (I mean, yesterday I still had my dairy queen cone after my infusion because that's what I do every time I get an infusion). But, indulging in something just because I can is stupid. That's the stuff I want to stop. And that is what I have stopped for the time being. This transformation of my mind is what might actually make a difference this time. Only time will tell; and all I can do is keep fighting the fight.

IT HAS HAPPENED!!!!!!!

Day 17/55

Guys! It's been 7 YEARS in the making! Frankly it's been even more than that since the last time I saw a number less than 200 on the scale, it went back up pretty quickly. I haven't been under 200 consistently since before I had kids. In case you didn't already know, my kids are 14 and 11.5! That is going to change starting TODAY!

It's interesting because I have been SO focused on getting that number on the scale that I've actually been taking things one day at a time. Each morning I get up, get on the scale, make note of the fact that it's not 199 yet and decide that I'm going to stay ON POINT that day so I can hopefully see it the next day. I haven't thought about the fact that I've been ON POINT for 16 days in a row. I haven't thought about how many more days I have to stay on point in order to reach that goal. I haven't been looking forward or backward, but just focusing on the day because I know I'll weigh myself the next day and hopefully see that number. I have never had the scale work as such a motivator as right now. In 17 days the scale only annoyed me once and even then it was just a slight annoyance. I didn't let it derail me. It had actually gotten to a point where I was laughing when I got on the scale and it wasn't 199. Even this morning, as I'm getting on the scale I was telling myself it won't be 199 and that will be OK. And then it was 199.8 - such a pretty sight!

Of course the downside of this is that I'm fighting with myself today to "take a break" because I hit the goal I was looking to hit. Funny, isn't it? To be clear, it's not THAT big of a fight, but even the fact that I thought for a second that I'd celebrate with food today is slightly annoying. As I always say; I'm a work in progress. I have gotten better and I will only continue to get better.

Today I reminded myself that I set 3 goals for 30 days starting on April 2nd. Hitting 199 before the end of that 30 days is simply bonus. I really thought it would take pretty close to the whole 30 days to hit that goal. The original goals were to track every day, stay within my points, and stick to my exercise schedule for those 30 days. Today is day 17 so IF I were to choose to reward myself with food (I'm not going to) I would simply have to count it and make it fit in my goals for this week (which, if you recall, were to only use my weeklies and not have to dip into my fit points). What's so great about where I am mentally right now is that I don't NEED to reward myself with food today. I've been eating an ice cream bar every night. PSA - if you haven't tried Enlightened Ice Cream bars go buy some right now! They are SO good.  

And yesterday, when I wanted mac & cheese with a cut up jalapeno & cheddar brat that's what I had. It was 15 of my 23 points, but it was what I wanted so I tracked it and moved on. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; what I LOVE about Weight Watchers is the ability to find that balance. So why do I have to eat (something "bad") today simply because I hit a goal? I don't. And I won't. 

On to focusing on my next goal. If you recall my A goal for these 55 days was to weigh 195 (or less) by May 26th. Do you realize that if I keep going the way I've been going for the past 17 days, I could meet that goal in 30 days rather than 55?!?!?! I'm not sure if that will happen and I'm totally OK if it doesn't; but how incredibly awesome would it be if it did? SO AMAZING! 

And because I've been SO focused on getting to 199 I almost didn't even realize I am officially down 50 pounds from my highest ever weight (from April 2014 when we started the Whole30)! It's hard to look at those before pics (and admit how big I was), and I still have a long way to go; but I feel great about where I am and where I'm going. 

same outfit, same messy bedroom, very different me.

Halfway Through April

5 blue dots!

Day 15/55

I told you yesterday that I was eating more because I was still hungry from not eating enough Saturday. But, I still did NOT use all my weeklies last week so I am super excited about that. A lot of the reason for that was because with this new program you can actually rollover up to 4 points/day if you don't use them. Since I had 4 days this week that I didn't even use my daily points I had rollovers that added back into my weeklies.

Let's discuss how I did with my goals from last week:

Goal #1: Track EVERYTHING I eat.
               Success! Even though I wasn't tracking as I binged on Tuesday I went back into my tracker on Wednesday and estimated everything I ate. I'm calling that tracking everything I ate!

Goal #2: Swap weekly points first and since I did so well last week let's try doing the same thing again; use only weeklies and do not use FitPoints.
               Success! I had 2 weekly points remaining last night.

Goal #3: Work to get a blue dot 5/7 days again.
               Success! Even with my binge Tuesday I ended my week with 5 blue dots because I kept things under control on both Friday AND Saturday!

Goal #4: Stay OFF the scale.
               Nope. This one I didn't do. But, I chose to not do it after Tuesday since I think right now it's helping me to see that number every day. Even yesterday when it annoyed me that it was up, it helped me to stay on track yesterday. I knew that it wouldn't stay up because I knew I hadn't eaten too much.

Goal #5: Stick to planned workout schedule.
               Success! I worked out 6/7 days last week.

Even with meeting all my goals from last week, I was pretty positive I would not see 199 on the scale this morning and I was right. But, it was back down to where it was Saturday morning so that makes me happy. That also is a 1.6 lb loss from last week. That's 7.4 lbs in 2 weeks!

I AM SO FREAKING CLOSE!!!!!! Even this is a number I haven't see on the scale since 2011.

I am going to continue to weigh myself daily until I see that wonderful number. I used to say it doesn't "count" until my official Monday weigh in.......Yea, forget that! I will be celebrating that number regardless of when it comes.

We are only halfway through April and I have lost more than I did in February and March combined!

Here are my goals for this week:

Goal #1: Track EVERYTHING I eat (and do NOT starve myself to get that number on the scale).

Goal #2: Swap weekly points first and use only those again this week. I've done it the last 2 weeks; why not another one?

Goal #3: 5/7 blue dot days again!

Goal #4: Stick to workout schedule (3 days at LL + 3 days running).

There you have it. I have succeeded in these 4 goals for the past 2 weeks; here's to week 3!

Lazy Sunday

This week has been an interesting one. I last left you on Tuesday when I told you about my "bad" day. I'm happy to report that the rest of the week has been FLAWLESS! Actually, it's been kind of amazing. I will tell you that I decided on Wednesday to get back on the scale because clearly it is helping me currently rather than hurting me.

That stupid number on the scale is driving me right now because I SO badly want to get to ONEderland. Seeing the number on the scale every morning reminds me how close I really am. There have been days this week that I will literally say the number in my head over and over to remind myself what I really want.

So Wednesday the scale was up from Monday - not at all surprising and I wasn't even phased by it. Actually, since it was only up .8 from Monday it drove me to get right back on track and get it moving back down. I decided to go back into my tracker and estimate everything I ate on Tuesday. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I didn't even use all my weeklies so really I was still on track to meet all my goals this week.

Wednesday I ended my day having eaten only 15/23 points. That .8 was gone on Thursday morning. Again, motivation to keep going so that the scale keeps dropping this week.

Thursday I ended my day at 18/23 points. I got on the treadmill again and ran for 30 minutes without stopping, faster than I did on Tuesday. Friday morning the scale was down another .6. Motivation galore! Feeling so good about getting back on track after my Tuesday binge.

We got pizza on Friday and I ordered a lighter pizza than usual and ate only 2 pieces. I ended my Friday at 24/23 points. It was the first day since Tuesday that I even ate all my allotted points (even Monday I only ate 19/23 points).

My mom and I decided to run on Saturday this week instead of Sunday because the weather was supposed to be better yesterday (which is also why today is a lazy Sunday for me). I got up to get ready for my run and got on the scale (of course). It was down yet again - a whole pound down from the day before! Guys, it was 200.4! Yesterday was the day that I recited that number in my head over and over again. I did it towards the end of our 6 mile run when I was ready to be done. I did it throughout the day when I was starving even though I had already eaten. I did it last night when I decided to go to bed instead of eating something even though I had been hungry all day (one of those days that nothing was touching my hunger). I ended yesterday at 20/23 points on the day.

I was and am SO proud of myself. When I got on the scale this morning I was slightly annoyed because the scale was UP from yesterday. It's fine. I know it'll go back down and I know I have done everything "right" this week. Even when you take into account my eating on Tuesday I have tracked what I've eaten; stayed within my points; and (as of right now) haven't even gone through all my weeklies.

 I have been eating more today because I'm still hungry. I really think on a day I run 6 miles I have to eat more than I did yesterday. I think my body was actually telling me I was legitimately hungry and I was trying my best to ignore it. Although I failed at ignoring it, I didn't feed it.

As of this morning I had 20/42 of my weeklies left (because even though I used a ton on Tuesday I rolled over points every day this week except for Friday) so I have plenty of points to have a higher point/calorie day today; but that might mean the scale will go up tomorrow instead of going down for my "official" weigh in day. I'm here now to say (and remind myself) I'm totally fine with that. 'Cuz guess what? It'll go back down on Tuesday when I stay consistent (because I will stay consistent). There are always going to be normal weight fluctuations. I got to a point this week where I didn't want to eat, even if I had points available, because I didn't want to risk seeing the scale go up the next day. In the end that was stupid because it went up anyway. It was also stupid because that's not a healthy mindset. I could have (and probably should have) eaten more yesterday and I still would have been completely on plan. Today I'm eating more; but I'm ON plan. Tomorrow the scale will say whatever it wants and I'll be fine. It's not likely to be 199, but that's OK. It'll be 199 soon. And then it'll keep going down after that. To help you understand why this number is such a big deal to me you need to realize it has been 7 years since I've been under 200 and over 12 years since I've been under 200 consistently. What's another few days to wait for it to be here, right??

Day 9 of 55

Today was NOT a good day. How funny things can change so rapidly from one day to the next.

Sigh.

But I'm over it. There isn't anything I can do about it now so why stress about it and make things worse?

Today started off excellent. After getting the kids off to school I got on the treadmill to do my Tuesday run. It was GREAT because I ran for 30 minutes with NO walk breaks today! It was slow, but I did 30 minutes and it actually didn't even seem that hard! My averages are skewed because I do a 5 minute warm up and then I did a 10 minute cool down, but my average heart rate was only 127 and my max HR was only 154! This is huge! I was feeling so good and was thinking about how I would write another totally positive blog post about how awesome my runs have been lately.

I ate breakfast, which was fine and then worked for the bulk of the day. It was getting late and after I ate my planned lunch I just fell apart. It was weird and I was totally aware of it happening; but it was just crazy. I completely lost control and just let myself binge. Like I said though, it happened and I'm over it. Tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to focus on my goals.

What is totally interesting to me though is that one of my goals was to stay off the scale this week. I did not get on the scale this morning and I truly wonder if I had gotten on the scale this morning would today have gone differently? I know the scale shouldn't dictate what my day entails; but if it's dictating it in a good way isn't that OK? I mean, if the scale was down, I can't imagine I would have binged. If it was up then perhaps the outcome would have stayed the same today but perhaps not. Perhaps I would have convinced myself that a binge was NOT more important than meeting my goals. I don't know. But I do find it weird that the day I stayed off the scale is the same day I binged. Something to think about.

But, my running has been awesome lately. I haven't really discussed it lately because I've been so focused on the weight loss stuff; but the running has been pretty great. I've been running 3 days a week for the past several weeks. Tuesday and Thursday I run on the treadmill and focus on running with no walk breaks. Sundays I meet my mom for a long run to train for the 10k during the Cleveland Marathon in May. The long runs are not that long currently, but they are longer than my weekday runs so there you go!

I've increased my weekday runs from running 20 minutes non-stop to running 30 minutes today. The long runs have increased to 5 miles and each week we either got faster or went farther (or went farther AND got faster)!

One bad day isn't going to erase all of this progress. Back on track 110% tomorrow!

Day 8 of 55

A week ago I posted some goals for the next 30 days. The second goal encompassed how I planned to use my "extra" points each week for those 30 days. If you recall, my goal for this past week was to not worry about how many extra points I used as long as I tracked everything I ate. My goal for weeks 3 & 4 of the 30 days was to only use my weekly points and not dip into my FitPoints.

Still 8 weeklies left on Sunday night!!

Sunday runs earn lots of FitPoints!

I am beyond ecstatic to report that I not only hit all my goals for this week; but I totally surpassed them. I ended yesterday with 8 weekly points remaining! That means that not only did I not use ANY of my FitPoints, but I didn't even use all my weekly points! I will confess that I did not track 2 gummy candies I had because I couldn't find them in the WW database and I didn't scan the Malley's bag. I also didn't measure and weigh the little bit of honey roasted peanuts I ate on Saturday, but I don't think I used all those 8 remaining points on those 2 things. Even if I did, I had 75 usable FitPoints that I didn't even touch! (with the new WW program you earn FitPoints, but can't use the first 3-5 points you earn each day. For me, it's 4 points/day or 28/week that I can't use of what I've earned).

Another new thing with this WW program is the blue dots. You'll see on my screenshot that last week I had 5/7 blue dots. You get a blue dot for any day that you are eating withing your "healthy range", which amounts to -10 to +5 of your daily allowance. So, for me that range is 13-28 points/day. There were a couple of days this week that I almost kept eating but I was at 28 points and wanted to get a blue dot! It wasn't even a goal I had set for myself or anything, but after getting a couple of them it was fun to try to get more.

The result of all my hard work this week?? 5.8 pounds!!! 

Now, I did get on the scale every day this week and again, it was very motivational. The scale happened to be dropping like crazy every day (clearly, if I ended up losing 5.8 pounds in 7 days). I am pretty positive that it won't be moving that way this week so I think my goal is going to be to STAY OFF THE SCALE until next Monday morning for my official weigh in.

So let's discuss my goals for this next week:

Goal #1: Track EVERYTHING I eat.

Goal #2: Swap weekly points first and since I did so well last week let's try doing the same thing again; use only weeklies and do not use FitPoints.

Goal #3: Work to get a blue dot 5/7 days again.

Goal #4: Stay OFF the scale.

Goal #5: Stick to planned workout schedule.

I'm sure I won't get quite as big of a loss next week; but if I stick to the above goals I should (hopefully) see the scale go down again. Here's to another great week!

Unstoppable

Ever have one of those days???

The pic doesn't do it justice because it was
really about how I felt on the inside! 

No, I mean one of those days where you just FEEL GOOD?!?!

That was me today.

And it was AWESOME!

It's been a long time since I got dressed, looked at myself in the mirror, and felt good. I went as far to say (out loud to my husband); I look adorable today! 😆It felt so funny saying it out loud but it was what I was feeling so I decided to go with it.

Then, on the way to my workout this morning I blasted Sia's Unstoppable in my car. I made a post back in September 2015 when I had undergone my 5th Entyvio infusion and said that my mantra was "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten.


This year I feel like that has changed to Sia's "Unstoppable":

" I put my armor on, show you how strong I am

I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am

I'm unstoppable

I'm a Porsche with no brakes

I'm invincible

Yeah, I win every single game

I'm so powerful

I don't need batteries to play

I'm so confident, yeah, I'm unstoppable today

Unstoppable today, unstoppable today

Unstoppable today, I'm unstoppable today"

I find myself putting that song on full blast on Sunday mornings when I'm on my way to meet my mom for our weekly long run. I sing it loud and proud to remind myself that no matter what, I am UNSTOPPABLE! I'm human. I make mistakes. I eat more than I should some times (lots of times). I gain weight back that I lost. BUT I NEVER GIVE UP. I NEVER STOP! 

3 years ago my "theme song" was Fight Song because I felt I had to fight so hard. I had to fight Crohn's to go back into remission. I had to fight just to function on a daily basis and I had to fight to make the "right" decisions with food and working out. It's still a fight; but a fight that has gotten slightly easier and that I keep fighting! 

This week has been awesome! My goal was to track all my food and stay within my points. That's it. No worries with how many weekly points or FitPoints I'm using as long as I'm tracking. I swap my weekly points first and as of right now I have 25/42 of those weeklies remaining. That means I still have all 45 of my FitPoints remaining as well (and I'll earn probably another 10+ FitPoints on Sunday). I have done SO well this week and feel SO good that I really don't foresee me using those FitPoints this week. I feel like the 25 weeklies I have left should be plenty to get me through the next 3 days. I mean, in 4 days I've used 17 weeklies; so 25 should be more than enough for 3 more days! We shall see what the weekend brings. 

GO TRIBE!!!

The Side Effect of SLOW Weight Loss

I feel like it's not fair calling it "slow" weight loss. I mean, the only reason my weight loss has been so slow is because I keep falling off the wagon for too long. I don't do what I need to do to lose the weight so either I gain some back or I maintain where I'm at.

Regardless, I'm discovering a certain side effect of this slow weight loss that I don't necessarily like. Sure there are good side effects like the fact that the slower it comes off the chances that it'll stay off increase. I'm not even sure how to explain the negative side effect I'm experiencing. What it actually is is just impatience, but I don't know if that encompasses it completely.

Here's what happened tonight and has frankly happened a few other times recently: I decided I wanted/needed a new Indian's tank-top to wear to workout tomorrow to celebrate opening day. OK, not a NEED, but I have actually wanted an Indian's tank-top for YEARS - especially those games that we go to in the summer when it's hotter than blazes. Anyway, so I go to Target and find a few choices and can't decide if I should get the XL or XXL. We are talking about the women's cut so we all know what that means (and if you don't you can check out this post where I talk all about it). I hate still having to buy an XXL in anything, but then I am less than excited to see that in some shirts I still need it.

size 16 jeans with a size LARGE sweatshirt
taken last week! 

I decide that I'm going to try them on to see which I like better. Then it happens. I grab the XL. I grab the XXL and another XL tank (an Ohio State one) and a pair of adorable Ohio State shorts. I'm thinking this outfit would be adorable for Disney in May when it's going to be HOT. As I'm walking to the dressing room I grab a pair of shorts "just to see" in a size 16. I look at all the adorable clothes I'm walking past and am dreaming of the time that I can go on that shopping spree to buy a bunch of new clothes because none of mine fit.

The thing is, I kind of feel like I should already have to do that. THIS is the negative side effect of slow weight loss. Sure, I'm about 45 pounds lighter than my absolute heaviest; but my absolute heaviest was 4 YEARS ago. I'm only about 10 pounds lighter than I was at this time last year. 10 pounds isn't going to make an enormous difference in clothes. And, I have yet to get to where I was (or less) in 2011 when I had previously lost 40 pounds.

There IS a big difference in my clothes from my highest weight to now. I mean, I was only about 5 pounds less than my highest weight when we went to Disney in 2015 and before we went I bought a bunch of clothes because I didn't have any that fit. Most of those were 20's or above! I even remember getting something that was a 22/24 because Lane Bryant did their sizing as 18/20 or 22/24 and what I really needed was a 20/22.

Today those size 16 shorts from Target went on and buttoned just fine. They fit. I didn't like them enough to buy them, but they fit. Part of the reason I didn't buy them was because I have 2 pairs of jean shorts at home from years past that now fit more than comfortably. They're even getting slightly big, but not too big that I can't wear them. I think this is what ends up frustrating me. I feel like I must not be making a big enough difference because I still have clothes I fit into. But what I'm not realizing is those shorts are somewhere around 7+ years old (because I bought them the last time I had lost a bunch of weight) and before last summer I hadn't worn them since about 6 years ago because they didn't fit. And frankly, one of the pairs was still a little too tight last year.

Ugh...but I still have that top; it just looks
like a completely different top now.

That's why I say it's impatience. I want so badly to have to go buy new clothes because that means I've made REAL progress; but, I still have  a lot of the clothes I bought back in 2011 when I had previously made real progress (down to about 197 lbs). It's going to be a while before I need to go out and buy a new wardrobe. That's good because I can work on putting aside money to use for that shopping spree. It's bad because I need to find my patience.

Another reason I think this drives me crazy is because I tend to think that I need to stop spending money on clothes that will (hopefully) not fit me next year. But again, this is stupid. If I need (or even want) something that fits me now there isn't any reason I shouldn't get it. Today I decided on the XXL tank. The XL fit OK, and when I lose 12+ pounds between now and when it'll actually be warm enough to wear a tank top (other than working out) that XL likely would have looked great; but the XXL looks great NOW and will just be slightly big (but not too big to wear) in another 15 pounds. Think about it; if I can wear a top today that I wore 35+ lbs ago, I can wear something I buy today for quite a while. And, if the top I buy today looks better than one I wore 35 lbs ago, then it's time to give that one away and replace with the one that fits better.

This is why I love posting those comparison photos. They really help me to see the differences that I may not see on a daily basis. And as much as I hate posting the before pics (like the one above); they definitely help me to feel better about myself currently!

55 Days

Whew....the end of March was ROUGH! I completely went off program last week and it actually had very little to do with the fact that the kids were home on Spring Break. It really just had to do with losing my focus.

2017 - a good year, but I'm sure I can
do better in 2018. 

But, I picked myself up and brushed myself off this weekend and decided it was time to get back down to business. I remembered (and then went back and read) this post from back in February. That post was SO positive with the epiphany I was having that I could actually make the CHOICE to not eat something and be OK with it. I was realizing that even though I was choosing to skip the ice cream cake then, it would still be there again when I decide I want to indulge. Somehow though, this thought process went away.

I was texting with my sister this weekend and she was telling me that I was inspiring. She said that back in February I "seriously wowed" her when I sat there eating my raspberries with whipped cream while everyone else ate cake and ice cream. Her saying that triggered something in me to remember that I wowed myself that weekend. And not just then, but pretty much the ENTIRE month of January into the start of February. What wowed me was that not only did I choose to not eat things, but I actually didn't mind. I truly did not want that cake and ice cream because my goal was more important to me at that time.

Slightly better than the first 3 months of 2017
but could quickly turn south if I don't
regain my focus! 

I am not sure why my goal became less important to me in the last month, but it obviously has. But not any more. I am re-focused and determined to hit my first goal. In order to regain my focus I came up with some goals for the next 30 days. Let's discuss, shall we??

Goal #1 - TRACK everything......no matter what!

Goal #2 - For week #1 don't worry about how many weeklies or FitPoints I use; just TRACK everything. Week #2 - Try using only half of my FitPoints after using weeklies. Week #3 - Strive for using only weeklies or NO FitPoints. Week #4 - Same as week #3. 

Goal #3 - Follow current workout schedule (Living Lean 3 days per week + running 3 days per week).

That's it. 3 simple goals. Seems easy enough, right? Yea, well, we all know that if it were that easy no one would struggle with weight.

Are you wondering why the title of this post is 55 days? That is the number of days remaining to our next Disney vacation. I am going to take the leap and tell you guys my goals for this trip. They have obviously changed over the months,  but I'm actually not quite as far off from my original goal as I thought I might be. The main goal that I have is to weigh less than any other trip to Disney. (Obviously I mean in the last 7 years when we started going as a family. I do NOT mean in comparison to when I went when I was 13 or anything!)

Can't wait to add to this! :) 

We took the kids to Disney for the first time in September 2011. That trip came a few days after I completed my first sprint triathlon. The day before our trip I weighed in at 200 pounds even. By October 31st of that year I hit 198 and that is the lowest weight I have been since Robbie was born almost 12 years ago!

Hitting that goal of weighing less than 200 pounds should be attainable. But, you know that's not all I want. What I really want is to be around 195 pounds (or less would be GRAND) so that if when I gain a few pounds on vacation I can still come home and be under 200 pounds.

My weigh in today was up 1.8 from last Monday (a miracle frankly because I really wasn't on program at all last week). My scale read 207.8 this morning so that means in order to reach my A goal I need to lose 12.8 lbs in the next 55 days. If I lose at least 8.8 lbs I will meet my B goal (of just weighing less than 200 lbs). Guys, this is SO doable! I CAN DO THIS!!! I finally feel like I might reach one of the weight loss related goals I set for myself. I know I can do this. I can focus for the next 55 days and make this happen. I'm going to focus on the above goals for the next 30 days and then re-group to see where I'm at and what other goals I need to set for the last 25 days before our trip. I've got this!

Today was day 1/55 and it was a success. I tracked everything I ate (even the 1 robin's egg and 1 peep I took out of the kids Easter baskets and the bite of candy bar my hubby gave me)! I went over by 3 points so I used 3 of my weekly points today (because of those 3 tiny bites of candy I had). Tomorrow is already all planned out so all I have to do is stick to the plan. Here's to the next 54 days!