Welcome 2021!

 

I think the only other time I was this excited to see a year end was 2013. That was a very rough year for me personally and I was so ready to see how much better 2014 could be; since I didn't think it could really get much worse. 2014 definitely was better than 2013, but it still wasn't a wonderful year. I struggled all year with wanting to lose weight, but I was also still fighting my Crohn's battle. Things didn't really start looking up until 2015 when I finally got on Entyvio and my Crohn's went back into remission. 

Pretty sure this is 1997

I have been on a pretty good journey since then, but 2020 showed me that I never really addressed the real "problem". In May I will have been blogging for 9 years. And in those 9 years my weight has gone down, then up, then down, then down some more and back up. 9 years. And the scary thing is that when I started this blog I had already struggled with my weight for probably a good 15 years; so we're going on almost 25 years of trying to shrink my body to fit a societal standard that was never realistic for me. When I started my "weight loss journey" in 1997 I think I might have weighed 160 pounds. I talk all about this under my "Weight Loss Journey" page so I won't go through the details again. The point is, I have been dieting for almost 25 years and that number on the scale is higher than when I started dieting; but I am likely healthier now than I was back then. 

Health is about so much more than weight. But very few people actually care about that. We live in a society where thin = good and healthy and fat = bad and unhealthy. People think they're showing concern to a fat person by saying they think they should lose weight for their health so that they can live longer, etc. I call bullshit on that most of the time. Someone who is fat but works out consistently, eats nutritious foods, drinks a lot of water daily, gets adequate sleep, works to keep stress levels low, etc. will be told they are "promoting obesity" and that they should lose weight for their health. On the flip side; a thin person who smokes cigarettes, drinks frequently, eats a diet that consists of fast food, etc is praised for being able to eat that food and not gain weight. They are looked at as being so healthy simply because they have a certain physique and the number on the scale is where it is socially acceptable. 

Christmas Eve fun

I've decided I'm done with this. My journey has shifted and I am no longer focusing on intentionally losing weight. I am focusing on healing my relationship with food and doing things that make me feel my best regardless of what the scale says or what my body looks like. I touched on this in my last post from September 2020, and I would say I've come pretty far since then. In that post I was still trying to decide what I really wanted. I was still mourning the end of my weight loss journey. It sounds weird, but it's true. You have to mourn the fact that you may or may not ever get to where you wanted to get to. In all honesty, this journey has been way more difficult than when I was trying to lose weight. But, the outcome of this journey is going to be so much better than a smaller body or smaller number on the scale. This transformation is going to be something that people can't see. As hard as that might be to accept, I know that I'll be better for it in the end. 

So, this is the first January 1st in I don't even know how many years that I have no idea what I weigh. I have not stepped on the scale since November 1st and I don't plan to any time soon. The number that the scale shows me doesn't matter. That number doesn't make me healthy or unhealthy. My behaviors make me healthy or unhealthy. And can I also just add, if I choose to live a super unhealthy life that doesn't mean it makes it OK for people to treat me poorly. This journey has really been eye opening to me. I've realized my own fat phobia and biases about health. It is sad to me that I still feel like I need to justify how I am healthy because I don't look healthy to people. And, really, WTF does health look like? 

Ok, so I have been working on focusing on behaviors that make me feel good and honor my body for all that it does for me. Most of the things I'm doing are the same. I workout hard in the gym 3-4 days per week. I meet my friend or my mom to walk (or sometimes walk/run) the other 2-3 days in the week.  In 2020 I PR'd on lots of things at the gym: 255# deadlift, 155# squat, 110# clean, and 70# push jerk (there might be other things too, but these are the ones that stand out the most to me). I continue to be amazed at what my body can do. I also continue to try to drink a gallon of water every day. Some days are better than others but I definitely feel better when I drink that water. It's no longer about curbing my hunger though, it's simply about what feels good to me. I eat a variety of foods and don't restrict anything. 

Some amazing changes are already happening. I have not felt like I was "struggling" in several months. You can go back and read many blog posts about how even though the scale was going down I really felt like I was struggling with my food choices or feeling like I wanted to eat for no reason. I can't remember the last time I was frustrated because I felt like I wanted to eat for no reason. I'm trying to tune into when and why I want to eat and recently it really has been because I'm hungry. When I was still weighing myself, I had gotten to a point that my weight was basically staying the same since some time in August. Like I said, I stopped weighing myself in November AND, I continue to work to believe that what's happening with that number doesn't matter as much as my behaviors so it doesn't really matter what it says. 

My 2021 goals are going to look different than in years past; but I'm still going to have them. It's time for me to start thinking about what I want to get out of 2021. Until next time.......

And I definitely am still enjoying hard workouts with my amazing daughter

75 Days

Day 1/75

There is something I like about making these short term goals for myself. Now granted, the only time I have ever actually succeeded in one of these "challenges" was when I posted 55 days before our 2018 Disney trip. 

Today's lunch/midday snack

Well....that's actually not true. I also wrote this post when I was 50 days away from the end of the Living Lean challenge last year. 

When I was 55 days away from Disney in 2018 I wanted to lose 12.8 pounds. I set short term goals to hit during those 55 days so that I could hopefully reach the number on the scale that I wanted to hit. If you recall, I hit that number and more actually! I ended up losing 12.4 pounds in 30/55 days and then lost another 3 pounds in the next 25 days. Perhaps the lesson there is that I actually set the bar too low. I didn't feel the need to continue to be as strict as I was being during those first 30 days because I had basically hit my goal. But, it felt amazing to actually reach a weight loss goal that I had set for myself.

Then, last year, I had 50 days remaining in the challenge and I wanted to lose another 10.8 pounds to reach my personal goal. Again, I set goals for myself to hit in those 50 days. They were very basic goals and came down to tracking my food (while staying in a pretty decent calorie deficit), maintaining my consistent workout schedule and get my water in. My attitude was that if I did those things and didn't hit the number on the scale at least I would know I did everything in my power to reach that goal. And again, by about day 49 I had dropped 11 pounds to reach my personal goal.

Dinner

During my 55 day Disney challenge I did not set the goal to track every day. I set that goal for the first 28 days, but then I gave myself a week of not tracking. During the 50 day challenge I set the goal to track every day and try to maintain an average daily calorie deficit of 700 calories. So basically to track and "stay within my calories". But, because some days I would have a huge calorie deficit I didn't even hold myself to staying within my calories every day because all I was looking at was the average deficit. What this meant though, was that I tracked my food every day for 50 days. As a result, I hit my number goal.

So, my first goal of 2020 is a 75 day challenge with myself. We leave for Disney in 75 days and I have a number goal I would like to hit by that trip. Of course I'm second guessing what number to actually pick because I'd really like to be successful again; BUT, I don't want to sell myself short (again). That's why I like my A goal and B goal mentality. I know for some people it gives them an "out", but for me it helps me to feel successful even when I don't reach the goal I really wanted to hit. It helps to remind me that even if I don't lose ALL the weight I wanted to lose, I am still better than where I was if I hit my B goal.

After dinner snack

If I use last Friday's weight as my starting weight, I will have 11 weigh in's before we leave for Disney. Based on that starting weight, I have 21.8 pounds I would like to lose before the Disney trip. That is no joke in 11 weeks, but I think it's doable. I have averaged over a 2lb/week loss before, but not for 11 weeks in a row! But, I think a lot of the time I end up averaging less because I'm content with the rate of weight loss (which is totally fine). So, perhaps if I set my goal that high it'll help keep me focused for the entire 11 weeks. And perhaps it won't and that's OK too. Ultimately I would like my B goal to be no less than 16.8 pounds because that will bring me back to where I was in May when the challenge ended and I had hit my goal. So yes, I gained back quite a bit of what I had lost last year, but I've moved on from that and I'm totally over it. I'm over it, but I want to re-lose it for sure!

Regardless of which goal I hit, I will absolutely weigh less for this Disney trip than I did for our last one so that will be something to be proud of no matter what happens in the next 75 days.

OK. So the goals for these next 75 days are:
1) TRACK my food every day
2) NO wine
3) Workout 6 days per week
4) 96-128 oz of water every day

I will be double tracking again with MFP (My Fitness Pal) and WW (Weight Watchers). My specific tracking goal will be to stay within my WW points the entire 75 days. To me that means ALL points allowed (daily, weekly AND fit points). Not all people use ALL their points, but I consider myself to be "on" program as long as I'm within all those points since that's why they're there. Now, if I use ALL my points every week the chances that I'll lose 21.8 pounds in 11 weeks is probably pretty slim. The number on the scale is the end goal that I'm hoping for; but the 4 goals listed above are the things that I can control. If I hit those 4 goals every day for 75 days I will have completed this challenge successfully regardless of what that scale says on March 20th.

Day 1 is done and I can check off each goal. I tracked my food today and ended the day at 20/23 points and 1222 calories. I had no wine. I worked out (LL and 10,000+ steps) and drank 128 oz of water.

Blossom Time Run 2019

I have lived within 30 minutes (or less) of Chagrin Falls my entire life (well, aside from when I was away at college); and I have never done the Blossom Time Run. I have heard horror stories about how hard this course is and since it's always on Memorial Day weekend and a late start (9AM), I've never really been tempted. I usually have some other excuse like being on vacation or something, but this year, I decided, would be the year to try it.

Living Lean always participates in Blossom Time weekend by spectating for the race (and several members participate in the race) and then being part of the parade as well. I wasn't able to join in on the fun last year because we were at Disney, but I was excited to do it this year. A bunch of us met at Mark's house in the morning and the people doing the race walked to the start in time for the 9 AM start. 

The race is 5.25 miles long and the course is as brutal as everyone says it is. I was hoping the rain might hold off, but about 3 minutes after the race started the rain started......and it didn't stop until the race was done. The rain didn't really bother me because it definitely helped with what could have been a horribly hot and sticky race. I decided to set my watch for 3/30 intervals (so 3 min run, 30 sec walk). I figured since I rarely used my entire minute walk breaks during the 10k last weekend that I'd be OK. There were a couple of times that I actually ran through my walk break because it was a much coveted downhill and I didn't want to waste walking then! I did walk for a little longer than my 30 second walk break a couple of times because the hills were definitely killer by the end. 

It was so fun to run past all the Living Leaners right around the 5 mile mark. I knew I was almost done and they gave me that last boost I needed. I was also quite happy because according to my Garmin I was going to finish this race with an average pace that was UNDER a 12 minute/mile!! I was right. I crossed the finish line at 1:01:23, which amounts to a 11:42 m/m! WHAT?!?! Even though it was raining the weather was better than last week, but it was definitely hillier than last week so the fact that I was that much faster made me so very happy! 

I love this picture that Leslie caught of me. After the race I walked back to Mark's house and met up with the other Living Leaners who had either spectated or raced. I was obviously happy to be done and was proud of myself for what I had accomplished. I was soaked,  but felt really good! 

Later that day I got to be on the float for the parade and had a blast doing that as well. It rained again during the parade, but it didn't take anything away from the experience. I definitely look forward to doing it again next year.....and of course you know I'll be looking for a new PR on that course! 

#NOEXCUSES LIFESTYLE CHALLENGE RESULTS!

I waited too long to do this post so now I feel like there's so much to say! You know how much I love my comparison photos, so be prepared because this post is going to have a lot of them!

Let's talk first about RESULTS.

From 16 wks with no alcohol to one in each hand

This year my starting stats on January 12th were:
Weight = 203.8
Body Fat % = 38.6%
Chest = 34.5"
Bust = 39"
Waist = 34"
Belly = 38"
Hips = 43.5"
Rt. Leg = 24"
Rt. Arm = 13"

And my stats on May 6th were:
Weight = 176
Body Fat % = 33.7%
Chest = 31 1/2" (-3")
Bust = 36 2/3" (-2 1/3")
Waist = 30" (-4")
Belly = 34" (-4")
Hips = 39 1/2" (-4")
Rt. Leg = 22 2/3 (-1 1/3")
Rt. Arm = 12 1/2" (-1/2")

In 16 weeks I lost 27.8 pounds, 4.9% body fat, and just over 19 inches. Wow.

My goal was to hit 175 pounds on my home scale and 176.5 or less on the Living Lean scale. On Sunday morning my scale was 174.8 (it went up to 175.2 on Monday, but whatever) and seeing as the LL scale was 176 I can officially say I MET MY GOAL! On a side note - I am  officially "only" overweight according to that lovely BMI scale. I may hate that damn measure of "health", but it is kind of exciting to no longer be considered obese when I have spent so many years in that category.

This next picture is not an easy one for me to post since I know that the majority of the people who read this blog know me in real life; but I'm going to post it anyway. Another goal that I had was these jeans. If you recall, I mentioned in this post that if I could zip these jeans up by the end of the 16 week challenge I wouldn't care what the scale said. Not only did the jeans zip up, but they are the jeans that I wore to the awards ceremony. These jeans did not even go all the way up in January. I honestly did not think those jeans would fit my by the end of 16 weeks.

Let's look at some other fun pictures now........

I love this comparison. I took that first picture when I first got that tank top back in February. The next picture was taken on Monday morning after I got back from my workout.

That 2016 pic was taken in March when I had joined an online 30 day challenge. I was exactly 10 pounds down from my absolute highest. The difference between these 2 pictures is 65 pounds. If you look closely at the pictures you can see that those shorts that were so tight in 2016 now have a gap on my thigh. The shirt looks like it's so much longer because it's not nearly as stretched out.

That first picture was the one that was taken at the 8 week awards ceremony last year (so March 2018) when I won the Most Improved award. I remember that when I looked at that picture that year the first thing I thought to myself was, "why am I still so fat". I'm happy to say that I did not think that when I looked at the pictures from this year's awards ceremony.

I gave myself a little time off this past week (a lot actually), but today it is time to get back to work! I can't even believe how close I am to my goal. As I inch closer to my goal it's interesting because I still am not sure what that goal actually is. Stay tuned because that's going to be a whole blog post of its' own.

#noexcuses Week 16!!!!!

IT IS HERE!!!!

Last week's gain was a total fluke considering on Sunday
my weight went right back down and was actually
.2 down from the previous week. Just goes to show that
the scale doesn't always tell the truth! 

WEEK 16

Although it's not actually here because my FINAL weigh in isn't until Monday morning so I still have 2 more days.

These 16 weeks have been pretty amazing. When I set my end of challenge goal, I don't think I really believed that I would actually hit that "A" goal. I'm pretty sure the whole reason why I came up with an "A" goal and a "B" goal was because I didn't really think that "A" goal was going to happen. I am now 2 days away from that final weigh in and am pretty positive that I will hit that "A" goal.

So let's review: my "A" goal was 175 and my "B" goal was 180. Basically the point was that I'd be happy with anything between 175 and 180. My goals are based on my home scale so I usually add about a pound for the Living Lean scale since I have to account for wearing clothes 😏So, if the LL scale reads 176 or below on Monday I will have officially hit my "A" goal. And really, if the scale doesn't show the number I want to see on Monday the world will not actually come to an end. There have been so many NSV's over these last 16 weeks that the number truly doesn't matter quite as much. Of course when the scale does show me what I want to see I will be absolutely ecstatic!

Since it is now May, I also need to update my monthly weigh in calendar. I am happy that I was able to drop another 8.2 pounds during the month of April. It's no 14.6 like I dropped in April last year, but it's not nothing! It's also 4 months in a row of losing weight, which is more than I could say for last year so that's something.

The number on the scale is one thing; but how I've been feeling lately is something else entirely. The things I have been doing in the gym are absolutely amazing me. I have been feeling so lean lately and that is a great feeling.

Last Sunday when I was getting ready to go to the kids' concerts I was feeling very slim so I just had to take a pic. Numbers are great and I am such a numbers person, but these are the things that really matter.

Two more days and this chapter of my journey will come to a close. Obviously that doesn't mean I'm done or I'm stopping. It just means a new chapter starts. And this new chapter will start with a champagne toast at the #noexcuses Lifestyle Challenge awards ceremony on Wednesday!

I will update you all next week with my official 16 week results!

What the Scale CAN'T Tell You......

I'm writing a day early this week because this is an important topic. Grab yourself a glass of wine or some other refreshment and buckle in because this is bound to be a long one.

You all know that for the most part I'm an every day weigher. I have tried many times to change this habit, but I think I'm getting to the point where I really am just using it as a tool and nothing more (most of the time). I'm learning the patterns that happen in my body and I find it pretty interesting. Obviously if I feel the need to write this post tonight it means that the scale is up. We'll get to that.

There are so many things that the scale can't tell you. I am going to tell you exactly what my scale can not tell you about my week.

1) The scale will not tell you that my schedule was completely jacked up this week and I could not
attend any of my usual classes at Living Lean. It will not tell you that because of this I found the time on different days or at different times to be sure I still got 3 days of classes in at LL. That meant that on Monday morning I was at the 5:45 AM class (I HATE getting up that early for workouts). It meant that I went to the Tuesday morning workout which I usually don't do because I usually run that day. Wednesday I worked out at 6:30 PM instead of in the morning. Yesterday, after working a 12 hour day, I came home and ran 4 miles on the treadmill in my fastest time in forever (with no walk breaks). And today, I was not able to attend my normal Friday morning class so I got on the treadmill this evening and once again covered 4 miles even faster than yesterday. And for SURE the scale will not tell you that I came SO close to doing an unassisted chin up in the gym this week. I was able to get about 3/4 of the way up. 

2) The scale cannot tell you that I at least attempted to track all my food on Easter Sunday. I would normally allow myself freedom to not track on a holiday; but I had challenged myself to track for the last 50 days of this challenge and Easter Sunday was day 35/50 so I tracked. I had to estimate since I wasn't in control of my food that day; but I think I did an OK job.

3) The scale won't tell you that even though I had challenges galore this week I fought through them better than I ever have before. The company I work for has to get accredited once every 3 years and our survey was yesterday and today. This means long days and lots of food available. I don't do well when there's a lot of downtime and free food. Thursday was tough. I decided at first that I wasn't going to bother tracking fruit. I figured if I was doing WW still, fruit would be "free" so I would go by

This is a small plate and doesn't look like
a lot of fruit...but I can't even tell you how
many times I had plates of fruit like this. 

that philosophy yesterday. When lunch rolled around I got a salad with grilled chicken on it because I felt it was the best choice I could make. I may have still eaten more of the danishes and muffins (2 of each) than I had originally planned, but I am sure I would have eaten more food in the past. I also know I would have used this as an excuse to eat whatever because it wasn't in my control. Case in point; there is a note on my food log from 2016 when we had our last survey that it was bad timing with me wanting to get back on track and I would just wait until after the survey. And yesterday, after burning 500 calories on the treadmill I decided to even estimate the fruit I ate.

4) The scale will not tell you that I have continued to get a full gallon of water in every day. Well, maybe the scale will actually tell you that 😂

5) The scale may or may not tell you that even though I had to estimate my food, I tracked all week and stayed within my net calorie range. I realize that I may not have tracked accurately and I'm OK with that; but I tried and that's all that matters to me.

So the scale this morning told me that I ate more yesterday than I've been eating. It told me that I'm insanely bloated (hence telling me I did drink all the water still) and therefore registering a higher weight. The scale was up 1.2 pounds today from where it was last Saturday. It's possible that the scale will go back down those 1.2 pounds tomorrow when I have my official weigh in. It's also possible that it's going to go up even more because my calories were still higher than normal today. But it doesn't matter.

Just thought I'd throw this one in here as well.
I love this sweatshirt. I bought it on our 2012 Disney
trip and wear it all the time. It had gotten pretty
tight and now it's so big I may have to stop
wearing it soon.

Let me say that again: IT DOESN'T MATTER

What matters is I worked to get all my exercise in in a week that I totally could have said screw it.
What matters is that I continued to make sure I drank all my water. What matters is that I continue to grow in this journey and find myself running on my treadmill with no walk breaks for 48 minutes. And what continues to matter the most is that I never give up.

So we'll see what the scale says tomorrow, but it ultimately doesn't matter. Will I still be able to hit 175 on May 6th? I don't know. But that doesn't matter either. I will continue to fight and work to get as close to that number as possible. And that, my friends, is what does matter!

#noexcuses Week 13

Week 13 was another rough week. I continue to struggle with wanting to snack for no reason other than I want to snack. I think I'm starting to figure out why it's happening though so that's a good thing. I'll get into more detail later, but for now I'm just going to say it's due to stress. It's easier to sit and snack than tackle some of the other things I need to tackle.

We are really in the home stretch now!

Ok, so having said it was a rough week I'm even more excited about my results. To be down 1.2 pounds in a week that I felt like I was struggling every single day is pretty cool. AND, to be down 1.2 when it is the 6th week in a row that I've lost weight is even more amazing. I just looked back through my weigh in's and I haven't had a gain on the scale since February. Even though I say 6 weeks of losing in a row, the one week that wasn't a loss was a maintain. It's been 10 weeks since I've gained weight and that week was a fluke.

Something that I've been struggling with again this week is the fear that I talked about in this post last year. It's funny that the post last year was at the end of April when I had such an amazing month. Last year the fear revolved around how I was going to eat when we went on vacation. This year I am starting to fear how I am going to deal with the end of this challenge. I could practically repeat that entire post in this one. I am absolutely going to loosen the reigns a bit when this challenge is over and I am totally OK with that. I have already decided that my goal for June 1st to to weigh whatever I do on May 6th.

But, how I've been feeling lately coupled with the fact that I'm already planning to give myself a little more freedom starts that fear that I'll just go totally crazy and end up gaining back 10 pounds in the month of May. What I need to do is just read this post from last year over and over again. This was the post where I talked about how that first week in May went when I decided to give myself the week off after having such a successful April. What I take away from that post is that even during a week when I had give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, I did things like split meals with my hubby and get a small cone when I took my kids to get ice cream instead of the big sundae.

I know I already shared this on social media, but it never
ceases to amaze me. I barely even recognize that girl on
the left. But, I am SO proud of her for never giving up! 

That's what I need to remember for May. The point will not be to eat everything like it's disappearing in the next month; but will be to take a little pressure off myself after having put pressure on myself for 16 weeks. The point will be to be OK with my rate of weight loss decreasing a little without it stopping or going in the other direction. I was super proud of how I ended up handling my vacation last year so clearly the fear didn't ultimately win out. However, I also don't forget the fact that after hitting my lowest weight on May 26th; I didn't consistently get back down to that weight until November. And then, I only held on to it for a few weeks before my weight started creeping back up again. And, in 2017 I hit my lowest weight of the year in May and never saw that number again until February of 2018!

My goal this year is to get away from that pattern. I'm still happy that I seem to have figured out how to maintain my weight within about 5-7 pounds for more than half the year (until the last few weeks in December). But, I want to get away from the pattern of losing weight between January and May and then maintaining between May and Nov/Dec and gaining until Jan 1st (or even mid-January like this year). So, even if my rate of weight loss goes to less than .5 lb per week I will be happy. Let me repeat that for myself: even if my rate of weight loss goes to less than .5 pound per week I WILL be happy with that! 

Once again I tend to get ahead of myself. I still have 3 weeks left in the #noexcuses challenge and I am going to do everything in my power to crush these next 3 weeks. I don't think I'll hit my A goal and I'm OK with that. I'm still going to work for it and only time will tell, but I would have to average more than 2lbs per week for these 3 weeks in order to hit that goal and I'm not going to starve myself to reach a goal. One thing I am learning is the smaller I get, the harder it is to reach large calorie deficits. I mean, obviously I'll take it because it means I'm getting smaller; but it kind of sucks all the same!

Oh! I almost forgot. My official week 12 weigh in for the Challenge at LL was 183.2 and 35% body fat. That was down exactly 3 pounds and .7% body fat. I wasn't totally thrilled with that, but it is what it is and it was down. I've lost about 9.3% of my body fat % which I am definitely happy with; but to give you an idea, the 12 week winner has so far lost a total of 17.9% of her body fat%. So, I won't win week 16 and that's OK. I will end this challenge weighing less than I have in 14 years so I'll take that as a win (and I can already say that because I already do weigh less than I have in 14 years)!

3 more weeks.......

#noexcuses Week 12

It truly is amazing how quickly time moves. 12 weeks already. Today is the 20th day since I decided to try to track my food every day for the last 50 days of this challenge. 20 days already. It feels like yesterday when I made that decision. Time seriously moves so fast.

So that's it. We're down to the last 30 days of the challenge. My official 12 week weigh in will be at Living Lean on Monday morning. I didn't put a specific number goal on this part of the challenge. I knew where I wanted to be at week 8 and I know where I'd like to be at week 16; but week 12 will be what it is. I am still "on track" to meet my A goal for week 16, but it may or may not happen and that's OK. I am very confident I will be below my B goal for week 16 so that's something.

You all know how I love my numbers. Today I was happy to see the scale go down for the 5th week in a row,  but at first was slightly disappointed that my losses have been so little for the past 2 weeks. I quickly got over that and started focusing on all the positives of late. My rate of weight loss may have decreased from the first 8 weeks, but I am still consistently losing and that is what matters. I decided to look back at my numbers from last year and found that in the 12 weeks from when the challenge started last year I had lost 15.4 pounds. Obviously I wasn't as focused after the first 8 weeks last year since the challenge had ended, but still. This year I have lost 19.2 pounds in 12 weeks. I started the challenge this year at a significantly lower weight than last year so not only did I lose more weight this year, but the percentage of weight lost was about 9.5% compared to 6.9% from last year. Those are numbers that definitely make me  happy.

I find myself getting so focused on seeing a particular number on the scale that I tend to forget everything else; and in turn almost feel disappointed when it's not yet that number. I know logically that the scale isn't going to be 8 pounds down in one day or even one week; but since I'm so focused on that number it's easy to feel disappointed every time I get on the scale and still don't see that number.

Anyway, I had one really cool and weird NSV this week so that was fun. I was on the treadmill and noticed something I had never noticed before. When on the treadmill I face the mirror in the bathroom (as long as the door to the bathroom is open). The mirror that we have in that bathroom has 3 panels. I noticed the other day that I can now see the reflection of my entire body in just the middle panel! Weird, right? Weird that I would notice that; but I am beyond certain that I was never able to see my entire body in one of those panels. When I was done running I decided to take a picture just to prove my point. I also just felt like I looked much smaller than I've been looking so that was a good day.

On to the last 4 weeks of the challenge. I'll be checking in again next week with my official numbers from the 12 week mark as well as my updated measurements.

50 Days........

Day 1 of 50

Remember last year when I wrote this post 55 days before our trip to Disney? Today's post is going to be similar to that one. Last year it was April 2nd and I had 55 days before we were leaving for Disney and my goal weight was 12.6 pounds away. I had decided to set goals for myself during the course of those 55 days so I could meet my pre-vacation weight goal. I ended up hitting that goal around day 28 and went to our Disney vacation having lost an additional 3 pounds.

But really I think it's time to go back 😉

So now I have 50 days remaining in the #NOEXCUSES Lifestyle Challenge. I am 10.8 pounds away from my ultimate 16 week goal. 10.8 pounds in 50 days is more than attainable, but not without work. It is time for me to get ultra focused on this short term goal. 

The plan for the next 50 days? It's simple. Track my food; average a 700 calorie deficit per day; workout 6 days per week; drink a gallon of water a day. I have been doing most of these things since the start of the challenge, but the goal is to be even more consistent over these next 50 days. 

If I do these things and don't reach that 16 week goal I really can't be mad. I will have done everything in my power to hit that goal. However, I kind of find it hard to believe that if I do all those things I won't meet that 16 week goal. 

Day 1 of 50 was as perfect as possible. I started my day with a Living Lean workout; I tracked my food and focused on making the healthiest choices when I was hungry - and only when I was hungry (not just because I wanted to eat). I actually ended my day today having eaten only 1188 calories, which will amount to somewhere around a 1200+ calorie deficit. Obviously every day won't be like this (nor should it, frankly), but days like this will help offset those days when I have no calorie deficit because I am sure there will be at least a couple of those days in the next 50 days; and when that happens it will be OK. The plan is to average a daily 700 calorie deficit; which means there will be times when I have more than that and times when I have less than that.  

One last thing....in case you're wondering.....I have succeeded thus far in having NO alcohol for the duration of the challenge. I have not had one drop of alcohol since the start of the challenge; not on my birthday, not at the awards ceremony to celebrate the completion of the first 8 weeks, not ever. In my blog post on Jan 13th I stated that I would give up alcohol for the duration of the 16 week challenge and that is exactly what I have done. 50 more days and there is no way I'm giving up on this goal now. I can't wait to see where I am on day 50!

#noexcuses Lifestyle Challenge 8 week RESULTS

I was super excited about my results last year. To recap - last year I lost 14.4 pounds and 3.2 body fat percentage points. That amounted to 6.5% of my starting weight and 7.6% of my starting body fat percentage. I also lost a total of 14.25 inches in those 8 weeks. I was very happy with those results last year, and after a relatively rough March I got right back to it in April last year and lost even more weight.

On to this year........

Starting Stats from Living Lean (1/12/19):
Weight = 203.8
Body Fat = 38.6%

Measurements that I took (I kind of wish LL took the measurements too since I feel like they're more accurate when someone else does them. But, I've been doing my own for years so it is what it is)!
Waist = 34"

Transformation for this first 8 weeks

Belly = 38"
Hips = 43.5"
Chest = 34.5"
Bust = 39"
Rt. Arm = 13.125"
Rt. Thigh = 24"

8 week stats from LL (3/11/19):
Weight = 186.2 (-17.6)
Body Fat = 35.6% (-3)
That amounts to 8.6% of my starting weight and 7.7% of my starting body fat.

Measurements:
Waist = 31.75" (-2.25")
Belly = 36" (-2")
Hips = 41.125" (2.375")
Chest = 32.25 (-2.25")
Bust = 37.625" (-1.375")
Rt. Arm = 12 (-1.125")
Rt. Thigh = 23.5" (-.5")

That's just under 12" lost in these 8 weeks. I did lose more inches last year, but I think that's definitely easier to do when you weigh more and have more to lose. I am more than happy with these results.

My goal for the first 8 weeks was to lose 14.4 pounds. I chose that number because it was what I lost last year and I figured that if I could lose the same number of pounds it would amount to a higher percentage of weight lost since I was starting at a lower weight. Based on the numbers on the LL scale, that would mean my goal weight for the 8 week mark was 189.4. I can NOT even believe I beat that number by 3.2 pounds! I worked for these results though. When my home scale was 188 on Saturday (which was down 14.4 pounds from my home scale on 1/12/19), I knew I had the chance to have the scale be lower than 189.4 at LL on Monday morning. I kept my calories low (just under 1400, so not crazy low or anything) on Saturday and Sunday and it worked beautifully!

Transformation from Jan last year. 

This is now twice that I have met a number goal that I set for myself; the first time being pre-Disney trip last year. Prior to these 2 times I have never met a number goal I set for myself and let me tell you this feels amazing! It is so incredibly motivating to keep going. These weren't easy goals to meet, but they (clearly) weren't impossible either. I need to remember that and continue to be smart and conservative. It's tempting to change my week 16 goal to lose 17lbs again; but I'm not going to do that. Maintaining a high average rate of weight loss is only going to get harder the longer I do it and the less I weigh. I will not starve myself to reach a number on the scale by a certain date. I already decided that hitting a "goal" weight by a certain date is not entirely important to me. As much as winning this challenge would be amazing, I am not going to risk my health (or more importantly my mental health) to do it. My original goal was to be between 175 and 180 by week 16. In order to hit that 175 I would need to lose 11.2 pounds in the next 8 weeks. That amounts to an average of 1.4 pounds per week. I am confident that I can do that as long as I can remain focused. Every time I hit a goal I set for myself the motivation to keep going increases. Also, throughout this process I continue to learn and grow. This hasn't been something I've only been working on for the last year; I have been on this journey for at least 5 years and frankly even longer than that. The last year just happens to be when things finally started to click for me.

These numbers likely won't mean me getting the 8 week prize, but the real prize is exactly what's happening. It would obviously be amazing to win one of the prizes, but if I weigh 175 pounds or anywhere close to it on May 6th, I will have won so much more than money!

Here's to the next 8 weeks!

#noexcuses WEEK 8!

We are already at the first "checkpoint" of the 16 week challenge. Honestly these 8 weeks have absolutely flown by. My official weigh in at Living Lean isn't going to happen until Monday, but since I have been weighing myself on Saturdays throughout the challenge I will report that weight today. I am so excited to report that my weight today is EXACTLY what I wanted it to be. 

Last year my official results for the LL Challenge were that I lost 14.4 pounds. On my home scale I was down 14.8 in those 8 weeks - so pretty comparable. I had that 14.4 in my head as my goal for the first 8 weeks of this challenge because I wanted to do at least as well as I did last year. But actually, losing 14.4 this year would be better than last year because my starting weight was significantly less. Those 14.4 pounds last year amounted to 6.5% of my starting weight. As of this morning, those 14.4 pounds this year amounted to 7.1% of my starting weight. Needless to say, I am beyond happy with these results. 

I'll post more next week with my official weigh in results as well as my body fat percentage results and my measurements. Last year my body fat went down 3.2% (from 42.2% to 39%). I'm hoping for at least comparable results. Again, I don't think these numbers are winning numbers for the contest; but I am very happy with my results regardless of what happens next week. 

The key now is to keep this momentum going. If I can average the same rate of weight loss through these next 8 weeks I will hit my 16 week goal. I know I can do it, I just have to continue to want to do it. 

#noexcuses Week 4

Remember this awesome post exactly one year ago today??? Last year I decided that I wanted to have a 30 day check in on the scale at Living Lean. That post was all about how that totally back-fired on me I basically had a mental meltdown.

Even after my post last week about my obsession with the scale, I decided I wanted to do the same this year and get a 4 week weigh in at LL. I did that yesterday and I'm happy to report that my reaction to it was completely different from last year. The LL scale was very comparable to my home scale so that's great!

After my disappointing weigh in last Saturday I decided to stay off the scale for at least a few days. I actually found that figuring out why I am so obsessed with the scale helped me mentally this week. I am going to continue to try to just weigh in once a week, but I am not sure how well that will go. This obsession with the scale isn't going to go away overnight.

As you can see, I lost everything I had gained last week plus another 1.8 pounds bringing my 4 week total to 9.4 pounds. I am getting so close to a new low!! I am going to try as hard as I can to stay focused while not going totally crazy. Last week I ended up eating significantly less points, but was eating more calories each day. Basically that means that I was focusing on those healthier options (0 point foods) to fill in those calories.

My average calories were still a little lower than last week, but that's because I was more consistent. Rather than keeping my calories super low each day and having a day where I just binged (because I felt more deprived); I kept my calories slightly higher every day. I think that helped keep me more balanced mentally. I had several days this past week where I ate more than 1700 calories and only a few days where I was under 1400.

Breakfast, lunch and snack on repeat this week. 

I decided that today I'm going to give myself a "splurge" day. I am not going to track today and just take a day to not focus so much on food. Tomorrow I will be right back at it and focusing on crushing my goals. I am 5 pounds away from the goal I wanted to hit in the first 8 weeks and I have 4 weeks to hit that. Even with a 3 pound gain one week this month I still managed to average a 2.4 pound loss per week. I know that rate won't continue; especially since at the start of this challenge my weight was higher than it's been in months; but I am willing to bet that I can maintain a 1.25 pound average loss for the next 4 weeks so I can meet my first goal.

That 5 pounds will also put me lower than I've been since before I got pregnant with Robbie! That means it'll be the smallest I've been since 2005! Let's DO THIS!!

SaturWEIGH

In all the times that I've been tracking my weight on a weekly basis; I don't think I ever had Saturday as my official weigh in day. I do Monday often; have done Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays, but never Saturday (I don't think).

Since I had to be weighed in at LL last Saturday I decided this time around I would have Saturdays be my official weigh in day. Of course the number on my scale last Saturday morning was different than the one at LL since that was later in the day and I was wearing clothes 😂I will be using that weight to track my weekly weigh in's.

Having said all that, I actually didn't get started this past week until Monday so I'm even more stoked about this week's weigh in.

I did not track on Saturday or Sunday last week, but after tracking Monday through Friday I actually had 44 weekly points remaining! I had rolled over so many daily points throughout the week (you can rollover up to 4 per day if you don't use them) that even though I used some on Thursday and Friday, I still ended the week with 2 more than I started with! Between Monday and Friday I also earned 92 FitPoints of which 71 could have been swapped for food.

All in all I would say that was a pretty successful start to this challenge. 6 days down. 107 to go. Just need to stay focused. Every week won't be like this past week and that will be OK. Last week I worked out every planned day (Mon, Wed, Fri at LL and walking on Tues and Thurs). I drank a gallon of water every day and most days I was done with that gallon before 8 PM. I tracked all my food and obviously stayed within my points.

Week 2 started today and I am off to a great start. I used some of my weekly points today but it's funny because I still only ate 1479 calories. I finished my gallon of water a little while ago, I tracked everything I ate today (and stopped eating around 7 tonight), and enjoyed my rest day to its' fullest.

On tap for week 2: 1) LL workouts Mon, Wed, Fri. Treadmill or outdoor run/walks Sun, Tues, Thurs. 2) Gallon of water everyday. 3) Track my food every day. 4) Stay within allotted points (dailies, weeklies and FitPoints).

Here's to another successful week!

#NOEXCUSES Goals

16 weeks; 4 months; 113 days.....a LONG time

16 weeks is a long time. But 16 weeks will also come and go before we know it. Last year I talked about everything I accomplished in the 8 week challenge when I wrote this blog post. A couple of things that stand out the most to me were the fact that for 8 weeks I did not have one drop of alcohol, I was 100% "on program" for all but one weekend through that entire time, and I lost weight 7 out of the 8 weeks of the challenge.

In all of these years of my weight loss journey I don't think I have ever been focused for 16 weeks in a row. Inevitably I give myself a day/weekend/week to not track what I'm eating (which always means eating and drinking too much). That leads me to my first goal for this 16 week challenge:

Goal/Plan #1 = Track everything I eat no matter what!
Easy enough, right? I am going to continue to do WW while I do this 16 week challenge. The other part of this goal is the real challenge and that is to stay within my allotted points for the entire 16 weeks. I will go back to wearing my Garmin so that I can earn FitPoints, but I am going to try very hard to not eat my FitPoints most weeks. It's all a mental game for me. I thought about continuing to not wear my Garmin and if I go into negative points in a week know that it doesn't really matter because even if I didn't track them I still did earn the FitPoints. BUT, I think seeing me go into negative points would have a horrible effect on my psyche and I can't risk that. I also think it would cause me to try to be "perfect" and that's not realistic either. No one is perfect.

Goal/Plan #2 = Workout at LL 3 days/week and Run 2-3 days/week. 
Pretty self explanatory here. I was going to up my workouts at LL to 4 days per week, but I know I'm not going to maintain that. I've been working out at LL pretty consistently 3 days per week for a year now. I'd like to get back to more consistent running and I don't want to go crazy and push my body to 2 a days or anything.

Goal/Plan #3 = NO alcohol for the ENTIRE 16 weeks!
This is a BIG one. It is no secret that I enjoy my wine. Last year I gave up wine for the 8 week challenge and it actually wasn't even that difficult. I told myself at the start of the 8 weeks that it just wasn't an option for 8 weeks so it made it easier to avoid. Same thing this time; just for twice as long. 😆 Here's the thing; I have learned over the years that I can lose weight while still drinking, but that it's so much easier when I am not drinking. I lost all my weight last year between January and May. I also avoided alcohol from Jan 15th-Mar 9th during that time and then gave it up again starting April 2nd. It's no wonder that in those 4 months I dropped 29 pounds. I let alcohol back into the mix in May and from then until now I didn't lose anything else (and gained back several). If I'm serious about getting closer to a healthy weight, I need to give up alcohol at least for the time being.

Outcome Goal "A" = 175 on the scale
Outcome Goal "B" = 180 on the scale
You know I don't usually like to put a number goal on these things, but I'm going to do it. I put a number on my goal last year between April and our Disney trip at the end of May and I absolutely crushed that goal. The above goals are lofty goals, but they are not unrealistic. Neither of those goals require even averaging a 2lb/wk loss. I think trying to average under a 2lb/wk loss is pretty realistic. I am also confident that if I stick to the 3 goals above I will be able to average that kind of loss without a problem.

I would love to put a body fat % goal on myself as well, but to me that's just so hard to pinpoint. I have no idea what is realistic when it comes to losing body fat. Last year in 8 weeks I dropped 3.2 percentage points so perhaps it'd be realistic to hope to drop at least 6 points. But I'm not declaring that an official goal. I can tell you I would love to be 30% body fat by the end of this challenge, but I don't really think that's realistic so I'm fine if I don't hit that goal. Perhaps just less than 36% would be good since I believe that's as low as it got in 2018.

Another thing I did was take a few pics of some jeans that don't currently fit. If those jeans zip up at the end of 16 weeks and I didn't reach either of the above numbers on the scale I think I'll still be pretty damn happy with my results. I can't control what the scale will read at the end of 16 weeks; but I can control what I do to get there. Consistency is going to help me reach my goals. 2019 needs to be the year that I figure out how to be a little more consistent with my weight loss efforts. Let's do this, friends!

#NOEXCUSES Lifestyle Challenge

It has been one year since I joined Living Lean. I joined last year when my friend convinced me to do their fat loss challenge with her.

When I walked into Living Lean a year ago I was nervous about what I was starting and excited for what was to come. I would love to be telling you that in the year I've been at LL I lost all my weight, but you already know that's not true. You also already know that I had come to the realization that I was totally OK with that.

This is and isn't true. I've said time and time again that I'm a work in progress. I'm trying super hard to be proud of my accomplishments in the last year and leave it at that. But I can't ignore the amount that I've struggled in the year as well. I certainly don't want to ignore my struggles, but I want to learn to see them as just that - struggles - not failures.

The LL challenge this year is called the #NOEXCUSES Lifestyle Challenge. It is quite different from last year and I am beyond excited about it. This year it is a 16 week long challenge and it is meant to focus more on developing a lifestyle as opposed to crash dieting. What's funny is that I've been on this journey for years to try to find my right balance. Last year I talked about how I actually feel like calling it a "lifestyle change" was impeding my weight loss. I still believe that. But, I also believe that perhaps this IS becoming my lifestyle and I might be totally OK with that.

My current lifestyle is to focus on weight loss for a finite period of time, then loosen the reigns a little until I see the scale going in a direction I don't like so I tighten the reigns again. I'm perfectly fine with this lifestyle. I actually think  that this is probably the way most people live. What I need to continue to work on, however, is tightening those reigns a little earlier (especially when I still have 50 pounds to lose). That's going to be my goal during 2019.

I am not thrilled with myself regarding how much weight I once again re-gained from my lowest last year; but I am over it. Clearly I didn't care enough to have stopped eating/drinking so I made the choice; it's time to own it and move on.

Last year I had my final weigh in for the #NOEXCUSES Spring Break Challenge on March 9, 2018.

My stats were:
Weight = 207
Body Fat % = 39
Chest = 35"
Bust = 40"
Waist = 35.5"
Belly = 41"
Hips = 44.5"
Rt. Leg = 25"
Rt. Arm = 13"

When I weighed in for this year's challenge today my stats were:
Weight = 203.8
Body Fat % = 38.6
Chest = 34.5" (-.5 inch)
Bust = 39" (-1 inch)
Waist = 34" (-1.5 inches)
Belly = 38" (-3 inches)
Hips = 43.5" (-1 inch)
Rt. Leg = 24" (-1 inch)
Rt. Arm = 13" (+/- 0)

Aside from the obvious annoyance of being back over 200 pounds, I am proud of these numbers. I may be back above 200 pounds but I weigh 3.2 pounds less than I did at the end of the last challenge, my body fat is lower (barely) and all of my measurements are lower (well, except my arm which is the same). I am also confident that the scale will be back below that 200 mark very soon.

I could beat myself up about that one number not being where I want it to be or I can embrace the fact that I am making positive changes in my life regardless of how long it is taking for these changes to stick! I mean, even though the number on the scale isn't what I want, I am another 8 inches smaller than March of last year. That means that since January 2018 I have lost a total of 22.25 inches. And that's why I can still see a physical difference in the comparison pics above even though the scale is only showing a 3.2 pound difference.

The challenge officially starts Monday and runs through May 6th. There will be prizes at the 8, 12, and 16 week marks. Next post I'll talk about my plan and goals for these next 16 weeks.

2019

Another new year. Another super LONG post 😂

It has been almost 7 years since I started this blog. I'm happy to say that I weigh less today than I did on the day I started this blog. In  years past I would talk about how unhappy I am about the fact that I'm still not at my "goal" weight. I'm not going to say that this year.

SO much has changed with my mindset in the last year that I am going to instead focus on how stoked I am about where I am at.

Towards the end of 2018 I was trying.....OK, I wasn't really trying at all....to stay under 200 pounds. I wanted to end 2018 with a loss in December, but apparently I didn't want it enough. I did well at the start of the month and by mid-December was down about 2 pounds from Dec. 1st. I wrote this blog post on Dec 19th about how I wasn't going to be mad about the fact that I wasn't going to lose weight in December. I talked about 3 goals for the remainder of the year: 1) No Garmin 2) No stressing over food (and eat mindfully) and 3) reflect on 2018.

I call this a success. Last year I gained 7 pounds in December and lost a total
of 8.2 lbs between 1/1/17 and 1/1/18. In 2018 I gained less in December
and lost a total of 22.3 lbs between 1/1/18 and 1/1/19.

I would say I mostly succeeded in those goals. I didn't stress over food and for a while I was able to eat mindfully. Even when I was over indulging I knew exactly what I was doing and I soon decided I was totally OK with it because I was VERY confident that THIS year I would get back on track right away.

You know that I talked about not wanting to see the scale go back above 200. For a while this was really bothering me. When the scale was creeping closer and closer and I wasn't changing my behavior I knew it was inevitable that the scale would go back above 200, if even for a second. At first I decided I wasn't going to get on the scale until today. I figured that would give me 3ish days to get back down under 200.

New Year's Day came and I wasn't going to get on that scale. I knew it was going to be above 200 because on 12/29 I was 198 and there was lots of eating and drinking on both the 30th and 31st. There have been many times that I could "gain" 2 pounds overnight with a night of drinking and eating. I got up late on New Year's Day and shortly after getting out of bed I decided to just get on the scale. Not only did I get on the scale but I didn't care. I didn't care what the number said. I didn't get mad or sad or beat myself up because I "failed". I simply looked at the number and moved on.

If you must know, the number was 201. The number this morning (the day I was going to wait until to weigh myself for my "official" 2019 starting weight) was 199.2. So. If I did what I had planned I would never have seen the scale go above 200. Would that have stopped it from happening? Obviously not. Perhaps avoiding the scale would have meant that it would still be above 200 today because perhaps I wouldn't have been as motivated to get back on track right away.

Christmas Day and I felt amazing!

What amazes me this year and has me so excited for 2019 is my different mindset. Remember when I talked about the fear last year in this post? This is one of the biggest changes I think I've made with my mindset. I used to actually fear seeing the scale go back above 200 because I feared how I would mentally respond to that. I feared it would mean the scale would start going in the opposite direction.

This fear has almost completely gone away and has been replaced with confidence! WHAT?? For right now at least, I no longer fear seeing that 200 on the scale because I am confident that it will go back down. Not only am I confident that it will go back down under 200, but I'm confident that in 2019 it will continue to go back down lower than it has been in over 12 years.

What has helped make this change? The fact that I have also come to the conclusion that I don't care if I hit my "goal" weight in 2019. I decided that I will be perfectly  happy to be writing my 2020 post and talking about how I'm "only" down another 20 pounds. I'm done with the only. Why do I feel like I need to lose all my weight in one year (or even 2) to be successful? That's bullshit. So it's been almost 5 years since my highest weight. So what? In the 4 years and 9 months since I recorded that highest weight I have lost 51.4 pounds (as of my weight this morning). That amounts to less than 12 pounds lost per year; but that's 12 pounds LOST per year for over 4 years in a row. I am no longer looking at that as being a failure. I am seeing it for what it is. Consistency. It may not always feel like consistency because throughout those years my weight has gone up and down; but in the end I weigh 51 pounds less today than I did on April 22, 2014 when I logged my highest weight ever.

Would I love to lose the rest of the weight I want to lose this year? Of course! But will I be mad when I don't? Not anymore and that is such an amazing mental shift that I can't even explain how happy it makes me. For maybe the 2nd time in my life I am starting the year with a level of excitement I can't even believe. The only other time was last year because I had high hopes for the Living Lean #NOEXCUSES Spring Break Challenge.

This post is long enough so stayed tuned for my next one where I talk more about why I am so excited for 2019!

Happy New Year everyone!