What the Scale CAN'T Tell You......

I'm writing a day early this week because this is an important topic. Grab yourself a glass of wine or some other refreshment and buckle in because this is bound to be a long one.

You all know that for the most part I'm an every day weigher. I have tried many times to change this habit, but I think I'm getting to the point where I really am just using it as a tool and nothing more (most of the time). I'm learning the patterns that happen in my body and I find it pretty interesting. Obviously if I feel the need to write this post tonight it means that the scale is up. We'll get to that.

There are so many things that the scale can't tell you. I am going to tell you exactly what my scale can not tell you about my week.

1) The scale will not tell you that my schedule was completely jacked up this week and I could not
attend any of my usual classes at Living Lean. It will not tell you that because of this I found the time on different days or at different times to be sure I still got 3 days of classes in at LL. That meant that on Monday morning I was at the 5:45 AM class (I HATE getting up that early for workouts). It meant that I went to the Tuesday morning workout which I usually don't do because I usually run that day. Wednesday I worked out at 6:30 PM instead of in the morning. Yesterday, after working a 12 hour day, I came home and ran 4 miles on the treadmill in my fastest time in forever (with no walk breaks). And today, I was not able to attend my normal Friday morning class so I got on the treadmill this evening and once again covered 4 miles even faster than yesterday. And for SURE the scale will not tell you that I came SO close to doing an unassisted chin up in the gym this week. I was able to get about 3/4 of the way up. 

2) The scale cannot tell you that I at least attempted to track all my food on Easter Sunday. I would normally allow myself freedom to not track on a holiday; but I had challenged myself to track for the last 50 days of this challenge and Easter Sunday was day 35/50 so I tracked. I had to estimate since I wasn't in control of my food that day; but I think I did an OK job.

3) The scale won't tell you that even though I had challenges galore this week I fought through them better than I ever have before. The company I work for has to get accredited once every 3 years and our survey was yesterday and today. This means long days and lots of food available. I don't do well when there's a lot of downtime and free food. Thursday was tough. I decided at first that I wasn't going to bother tracking fruit. I figured if I was doing WW still, fruit would be "free" so I would go by

This is a small plate and doesn't look like
a lot of fruit...but I can't even tell you how
many times I had plates of fruit like this. 

that philosophy yesterday. When lunch rolled around I got a salad with grilled chicken on it because I felt it was the best choice I could make. I may have still eaten more of the danishes and muffins (2 of each) than I had originally planned, but I am sure I would have eaten more food in the past. I also know I would have used this as an excuse to eat whatever because it wasn't in my control. Case in point; there is a note on my food log from 2016 when we had our last survey that it was bad timing with me wanting to get back on track and I would just wait until after the survey. And yesterday, after burning 500 calories on the treadmill I decided to even estimate the fruit I ate.

4) The scale will not tell you that I have continued to get a full gallon of water in every day. Well, maybe the scale will actually tell you that 😂

5) The scale may or may not tell you that even though I had to estimate my food, I tracked all week and stayed within my net calorie range. I realize that I may not have tracked accurately and I'm OK with that; but I tried and that's all that matters to me.

So the scale this morning told me that I ate more yesterday than I've been eating. It told me that I'm insanely bloated (hence telling me I did drink all the water still) and therefore registering a higher weight. The scale was up 1.2 pounds today from where it was last Saturday. It's possible that the scale will go back down those 1.2 pounds tomorrow when I have my official weigh in. It's also possible that it's going to go up even more because my calories were still higher than normal today. But it doesn't matter.

Just thought I'd throw this one in here as well.
I love this sweatshirt. I bought it on our 2012 Disney
trip and wear it all the time. It had gotten pretty
tight and now it's so big I may have to stop
wearing it soon.

Let me say that again: IT DOESN'T MATTER

What matters is I worked to get all my exercise in in a week that I totally could have said screw it.
What matters is that I continued to make sure I drank all my water. What matters is that I continue to grow in this journey and find myself running on my treadmill with no walk breaks for 48 minutes. And what continues to matter the most is that I never give up.

So we'll see what the scale says tomorrow, but it ultimately doesn't matter. Will I still be able to hit 175 on May 6th? I don't know. But that doesn't matter either. I will continue to fight and work to get as close to that number as possible. And that, my friends, is what does matter!

#noexcuses Week #14

14 weeks.

14 weeks of being ultra focused on my weight loss journey.

14 weeks of NO alcohol. Not a single drop of wine (or anything else).

14 weeks of tracking almost every day (there were 6 days that I did not track my food. And those days were planned splurge days).

14 weeks of working out 5-6 days per week (mostly 6).

14 weeks. 23.4 pounds lost. 2 weeks and 4 pounds to go to hit my personal goal.

I want to say this was a good week simply because the scale was amazing this morning; but I would be lying. This week continued to suck like the last few weeks. It's getting old and I'm hoping that I'll snap out of it soon. I actually think I am snapping out of it so that's good.

I continued to struggle mentally this week, but the amazing thing is that it didn't derail me. On Tuesday I found myself having yet another snack attack; but I reigned it in and decided at 3:30 to be done eating for the day. My calories were a little over 1500 so I knew it'd still be a good day (calorie deficit wise) if I could just stop eating. So I did. And amazingly enough I still didn't even go to bed hungry. This week was also busy which helped because I didn't have quite as much time to think about eating.

I am finding a balance currently that is pretty amazing. I lost 3 pounds this week and had real ice cream twice. On Saturday Mary wanted to get ice cream after the volleyball team that she coaches won. I agreed and even though I knew I wanted to keep my calories low that day I decided I could get a kids size cone and be happy. It would give me the taste without needing to get a huge sundae or anything. On Thursday my parents came up to watch Robbie's track meet, so naturally we went to get ice cream after. I was toying with not getting any that day, but again, I decided a kids cone would give me the taste that I wanted and wouldn't break my calorie bank.

The best part about all of this is it's truly what I want. I mean, sure, it'd be nice to eat the big sundae (and some days I will); but right now my sights are set on a very specific goal and that is more important than eating that sundae. And, I may not have been happy about it this week (or the last few weeks), but I have kept making the choices that will help me to reach that goal.

That fear that I talked about in my last post is still there. I'm still slightly concerned with how I'm going to handle things when this challenge is over. But, I feared my vacation last year and ended up handling it better than I ever expected. I am getting SO close to that one number that I'd really like to hit (before I decide what my ultimate goal # is). I can't imagine I'm going to throw that all away just because I don't have the focus of the challenge.

Today was definitely exciting though because not only did I cross over into another new decade; but I am also officially "only" overweight according to that lovely BMI chart! This was always my first goal I wanted to hit. I wanted to get to 179 pounds so that I could officially be overweight instead of obese. There was a time that I thought I might even be happy at 179 pounds.  I wrote this post in July 2012 when I was talking about wanting to do a 70.3. 179 pounds was the number I was thinking I should put on myself to hit before I would tackle that goal.

Here's what else I had to say in that blog post:

"Ok...found a picture to post and of course looking at the picture I don't think it does me justice. I mean, that dress is a size 10, which to me...is plenty small! I have never been one to be tiny...nor do I need to be tiny. A comfortable size 12 would probably be just fine for me...heck, right now a comfortable 14 would make me scream (in a good way)! "

This makes me laugh so much when reading it now. The dress I wore to go see Miss Saigon in February was a size 10. The jeans I wore yesterday are a size 10 and I am not done yet. As happy as I am to be wearing these sizes now, I'm still not done. Of course there is always the issue of vanity sizing and the fact that today's size 10 is probably not nearly as small as 2002 size 10's.......but I digress. Ultimately, I'm learning that it's not really about any numbers for me. Don't get me wrong, the numbers drive me and will continue to drive me for a while. When it comes down to where I want to be "in the end" it's going to have more to do with how I feel and how I think I look than with what any number says. So we shall see. I don't know what that will be, but I know I'm not there yet! 

2 more weeks to go in this challenge! Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter tomorrow!

#noexcuses Week 13

Week 13 was another rough week. I continue to struggle with wanting to snack for no reason other than I want to snack. I think I'm starting to figure out why it's happening though so that's a good thing. I'll get into more detail later, but for now I'm just going to say it's due to stress. It's easier to sit and snack than tackle some of the other things I need to tackle.

We are really in the home stretch now!

Ok, so having said it was a rough week I'm even more excited about my results. To be down 1.2 pounds in a week that I felt like I was struggling every single day is pretty cool. AND, to be down 1.2 when it is the 6th week in a row that I've lost weight is even more amazing. I just looked back through my weigh in's and I haven't had a gain on the scale since February. Even though I say 6 weeks of losing in a row, the one week that wasn't a loss was a maintain. It's been 10 weeks since I've gained weight and that week was a fluke.

Something that I've been struggling with again this week is the fear that I talked about in this post last year. It's funny that the post last year was at the end of April when I had such an amazing month. Last year the fear revolved around how I was going to eat when we went on vacation. This year I am starting to fear how I am going to deal with the end of this challenge. I could practically repeat that entire post in this one. I am absolutely going to loosen the reigns a bit when this challenge is over and I am totally OK with that. I have already decided that my goal for June 1st to to weigh whatever I do on May 6th.

But, how I've been feeling lately coupled with the fact that I'm already planning to give myself a little more freedom starts that fear that I'll just go totally crazy and end up gaining back 10 pounds in the month of May. What I need to do is just read this post from last year over and over again. This was the post where I talked about how that first week in May went when I decided to give myself the week off after having such a successful April. What I take away from that post is that even during a week when I had give myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, I did things like split meals with my hubby and get a small cone when I took my kids to get ice cream instead of the big sundae.

I know I already shared this on social media, but it never
ceases to amaze me. I barely even recognize that girl on
the left. But, I am SO proud of her for never giving up! 

That's what I need to remember for May. The point will not be to eat everything like it's disappearing in the next month; but will be to take a little pressure off myself after having put pressure on myself for 16 weeks. The point will be to be OK with my rate of weight loss decreasing a little without it stopping or going in the other direction. I was super proud of how I ended up handling my vacation last year so clearly the fear didn't ultimately win out. However, I also don't forget the fact that after hitting my lowest weight on May 26th; I didn't consistently get back down to that weight until November. And then, I only held on to it for a few weeks before my weight started creeping back up again. And, in 2017 I hit my lowest weight of the year in May and never saw that number again until February of 2018!

My goal this year is to get away from that pattern. I'm still happy that I seem to have figured out how to maintain my weight within about 5-7 pounds for more than half the year (until the last few weeks in December). But, I want to get away from the pattern of losing weight between January and May and then maintaining between May and Nov/Dec and gaining until Jan 1st (or even mid-January like this year). So, even if my rate of weight loss goes to less than .5 lb per week I will be happy. Let me repeat that for myself: even if my rate of weight loss goes to less than .5 pound per week I WILL be happy with that! 

Once again I tend to get ahead of myself. I still have 3 weeks left in the #noexcuses challenge and I am going to do everything in my power to crush these next 3 weeks. I don't think I'll hit my A goal and I'm OK with that. I'm still going to work for it and only time will tell, but I would have to average more than 2lbs per week for these 3 weeks in order to hit that goal and I'm not going to starve myself to reach a goal. One thing I am learning is the smaller I get, the harder it is to reach large calorie deficits. I mean, obviously I'll take it because it means I'm getting smaller; but it kind of sucks all the same!

Oh! I almost forgot. My official week 12 weigh in for the Challenge at LL was 183.2 and 35% body fat. That was down exactly 3 pounds and .7% body fat. I wasn't totally thrilled with that, but it is what it is and it was down. I've lost about 9.3% of my body fat % which I am definitely happy with; but to give you an idea, the 12 week winner has so far lost a total of 17.9% of her body fat%. So, I won't win week 16 and that's OK. I will end this challenge weighing less than I have in 14 years so I'll take that as a win (and I can already say that because I already do weigh less than I have in 14 years)!

3 more weeks.......

#noexcuses Week 12

It truly is amazing how quickly time moves. 12 weeks already. Today is the 20th day since I decided to try to track my food every day for the last 50 days of this challenge. 20 days already. It feels like yesterday when I made that decision. Time seriously moves so fast.

So that's it. We're down to the last 30 days of the challenge. My official 12 week weigh in will be at Living Lean on Monday morning. I didn't put a specific number goal on this part of the challenge. I knew where I wanted to be at week 8 and I know where I'd like to be at week 16; but week 12 will be what it is. I am still "on track" to meet my A goal for week 16, but it may or may not happen and that's OK. I am very confident I will be below my B goal for week 16 so that's something.

You all know how I love my numbers. Today I was happy to see the scale go down for the 5th week in a row,  but at first was slightly disappointed that my losses have been so little for the past 2 weeks. I quickly got over that and started focusing on all the positives of late. My rate of weight loss may have decreased from the first 8 weeks, but I am still consistently losing and that is what matters. I decided to look back at my numbers from last year and found that in the 12 weeks from when the challenge started last year I had lost 15.4 pounds. Obviously I wasn't as focused after the first 8 weeks last year since the challenge had ended, but still. This year I have lost 19.2 pounds in 12 weeks. I started the challenge this year at a significantly lower weight than last year so not only did I lose more weight this year, but the percentage of weight lost was about 9.5% compared to 6.9% from last year. Those are numbers that definitely make me  happy.

I find myself getting so focused on seeing a particular number on the scale that I tend to forget everything else; and in turn almost feel disappointed when it's not yet that number. I know logically that the scale isn't going to be 8 pounds down in one day or even one week; but since I'm so focused on that number it's easy to feel disappointed every time I get on the scale and still don't see that number.

Anyway, I had one really cool and weird NSV this week so that was fun. I was on the treadmill and noticed something I had never noticed before. When on the treadmill I face the mirror in the bathroom (as long as the door to the bathroom is open). The mirror that we have in that bathroom has 3 panels. I noticed the other day that I can now see the reflection of my entire body in just the middle panel! Weird, right? Weird that I would notice that; but I am beyond certain that I was never able to see my entire body in one of those panels. When I was done running I decided to take a picture just to prove my point. I also just felt like I looked much smaller than I've been looking so that was a good day.

On to the last 4 weeks of the challenge. I'll be checking in again next week with my official numbers from the 12 week mark as well as my updated measurements.

April Goals

I think it's time for me to set some short term goals for the month of April. I am seriously struggling here and am trying to figure out something that will help me to regain my focus. I simply can not stop eating for no reason!

I got on the scale this morning for my end of March weigh in (since I do my monthly weigh in's the 1st to the 1st). If I'm being completely honest (which I always am here), I was not happy with my scale this morning. A little backstory.....Saturday I ate a LOT; but I was totally fine with it. I was actually even pretty proud of myself because of how I dealt with dinner out. I had already decided that calories didn't necessarily matter to me on Saturday since I knew I was going to be way over. We found ourselves without kids so we went on a date to Cheesecake Factory. We did split an appetizer and split a piece of cheesecake, but a) we split a piece of cheesecake. In the past we would have probably gotten our own pieces. And b) when determining what to get for dinner I ended up getting something off their "skinnylicious" menu that was less than 500 calories for the entire meal. My dinner was still over 1800 calories (!!!); but, it could have actually been worse. We could have gotten a higher calorie appetizer; I could have gotten a much higher calorie meal; and I could have eaten an entire slice of cheesecake. So, I may have eaten a ton of calories on Saturday but I was still totally OK with it.

Last year I lost 14.5 lbs between Jan and March.
This year I lost 14.8 lbs and started at a lower weight
so I should be perfectly happy with these numbers...

I expected the scale to go way up on Sunday from the bloat, etc from eating so much Saturday. When I got on the scale Sunday morning I was surprised that it wasn't nearly as high as I thought it would be. I had every intention of keeping things totally in check yesterday to get right back on track but I just couldn't stop eating! Argh!!!!

Even with eating a ton again yesterday I still had a calorie deficit at the end of the day (about 560 calories). The only reason I even had a calorie deficit yesterday was because I ran 5 miles on the treadmill to start my day so I had a nice high calorie burn. I thought when I got on the scale this morning it might stay the same as yesterday. I didn't really think it would go down necessarily, but I absolutely didn't think it would go up another 1.2 pounds from yesterday 😠But it did. Ok, so my monthly weigh in wasn't as good as I hoped it would be, but I am still 4 pounds less today than I was on March 1st. And honestly I didn't gain 2.4 pounds of fat over the weekend so my body will bounce back.......but only if I can get back to it!

When I set the goal to track for 50 days in a row I said I wanted to average a 700 calorie deficit per day for the entire 50 days. I didn't get any more specific than that because I really thought that I could allow myself one (or even 2) high calorie days and 5 or 6 lower calorie days to average that deficit. In the 14 days that I have tracked thus far my average calorie deficit has only been 505 calories per day. However, if I simply take the last 2 Saturdays out of the equation I have averaged a calorie deficit of 707 calories per day. That tells me that I am not doing what I need to do to get that 700 calorie deficit when I allow myself to eat so much on Saturdays (especially since that's the one day a week I don't workout).

Enter April Goals or rather April Goal.........

My main goal for these next 30 days is to stay in my calorie range every day. This is honestly not that hard. My calorie range on my fitness pal is 1370 net calories. If I want to have that 700 calorie deficit on average I will need to eat less than 1370 net calories on at least a few days. If I stayed at 1370 net calories for the entire week my average deficit would be closer to 500. If you're wondering why I don't set it lower it's because on the 1 day a week I don't workout (usually Saturdays) I would have a very hard time keeping my calories that low so I don't want to set myself up for failure (again with those mental games I must play with myself). There is frankly no reason I should even eat all 1370 net calories on days that I burn a ton of calories. There was no reason I needed to eat the 2100+ calories I ate yesterday just because I burned almost 2700 calories that day. And even today; I didn't need to eat over 1700 calories just because I could. That continues to be a work in progress. But, if I shift my focus to just staying in the green on my fitness pal every day for the next 30 perhaps these guilty feelings will go away and I will stop eating for no reason. I swear the harder I am on myself about this stuff the worse it gets!

This post suddenly got much longer than I had anticipated (go figure). Today is day 1 of 30 and day 15 of 50. I am done eating for the day and have ended my day in the green on my fitness pal so day one is a success. Here's to 29 more days of success!