OBSESSED!!

Things have been tough lately. But I'm sure you already knew that.

Before we go any farther though; here's the GOOD news: I AM STILL TRYING. I put that in caps more to get the good news through my thick skull than anything else. Remember this lovely post from WAY back in 2012? It was listing my 13 goals for 2013 and one of those goals talked about how I inevitable fall off the healthy wagon in November or December (or October) and sometimes most times can't seem to get back on track until APRIL! It is now 2017 and I will say that prior to this year I have continued to struggle with this particular goal.

The biggest difference this year is I have someone holding me accountable and making sure I get out there to exercise. Because of her I have signed up for my 5th half marathon and it is entirely possible for me to be pretty darn close to "ONEderland" in time for this half marathon.

This is not to say that it has been EASY this year. It's been far from it. I've spent lots of time doubting myself and how I'm choosing to approach this weight loss. I had kind of an "ah-ha" moment today so I figured it was time to blog!

I decided to go back through my food diary to see what I could see about my habits so far this year. That very first week (so from Jan. 4th to Jan. 10th) I lost 5.2lbs. And actually I had lost the 5.2 between the 5th and 10th because I didn't weigh myself on the 4th for whatever reason. During that week I had NO wine, I ate out a total of 4 meals over 3 days (so one "bad" day of 2 meals out), and had only 2 days above 2000 calories. My average calories consumed that week were 1799 and the average calories burned per day was 672.

On the other hand, the following week was when things started going in the opposite direction. The first 2 days of that week (so Wednesday and Thursday) were still great. Calories were well below 2000 and calorie burn was over 700 both those days. Makes sense since I hit my lowest weight of this year on that Friday Jan. 13th. It all went downhill after that. So, for that 2nd week I had wine 2 days, ate out in some capacity EVERY single day that week (!), and had 4 days over 2000 calories. I worked out a lot and burned more calories, but overall I got complacent (already!). In the end, I still did lose weight, but it was a total of .2lbs from the previous Wednesday...and it was UP from the lowest weight that I had hit on that Friday. In all honesty, things went down hill from there. The next week I didn't fully track 3 out of the 7 days! When I did track, I was above 1800 calories each day. It's no wonder I gained 2 pounds that week.

What's so interesting about all this is I was SO upset about gaining that weight because I lied to myself so well that I actually believed I was still doing everything right! I wasn't. I may have felt like I was doing everything "right" because on the days I tracked I kept my calories in the range MFP indicated was "OK". But I still didn't fully track 3 days that week and ate a lot of calories on the days that I did track!

The positive of me being obsessed and continuing to analyze my "data" is that I now feel better! I feel like I know what I have to do and I feel like I CAN do it! I already took care of 2 of those biggest issues with my pact to have NO wine or McDonald's throughout the month of February. I feel more at ease that if I continue to honestly track my food, I can manage 2 days a week with slightly more calories (above 2000).

I made the statement in my last post that I was going to stay off the scale until my next infusion. I have NOT gotten on the scale since then. It's so funny to me because it has been harder for me to stay off the scale for 5 days than it has for me to have no wine or McDonald's for 14. 😆For now I plan to stay off the scale. I don't currently trust my scale so I'm afraid it may do more damage to my psyche than it's worth right now. HOWEVER, I like that I was able to look at my food diary and compare it to my weigh-in's from week to week. I feel like I'm going to want that again in the future to see patterns or trends in my journey. But for now I will leave it as it is and TRY my best to stay off the scale. And when I do re-introduce the scale into my bathroom I will try my best to do a once a week weigh in.

Until next time.......oh, and HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY everyone! 💖