Strong vs. Skinny part 2

I do have lots of positive things to say in today's post; but first I have to just air out some annoyances.

I posted back on April 20th  about how I was frustrated while watching Dr. Oz because they were talking about that new show called Strong. The basic idea of that post was that I think these shows are just feeding into the thought that women are supposed to be skinny and being strong is great; as long as you're skinny and strong.

So today I was feeling SO good after getting on the scale this morning. I've been feeling pretty good lately and know that even when my scale wasn't really moving; it would at some point because I was staying below 1500 calories every day (except last Sunday). The scale rewarded me today for my hard work (but I'll get to that a little later).

After a pretty awesome jazzercise class with my daughter, we decided to go to Dick's Sporting Goods to buy some Cleveland Cavaliers shirts. The only shirt I have is a long-sleeved shirt and since it's now June that isn't really helping me cheer on the team in the Finals. I have been meaning to go to Dick's for WEEKS now and just hadn't gotten around to it. Since the Cavs won game 6 last night I decided I had to make it to the store now! Mary was wanting a shirt too so we went on our way home from jazzercise. I had seen some of the Adidas brand shirts online and I thought the woman cut shirts were cute. A nice v-neck and just a little more feminine than a regular, unisex t-shirt (but preferably not SKIN TIGHT).

Here's my first thing: I knew going into this that I would for sure need a 2xl in the woman's cut and even that would probably be more fitted than I wanted. This annoys the CRAP out of me! What are we telling women and young girls in this world about the size women should be? Now, I am not delusional about my size. I know that I'm a big girl and I frankly think it's appropriate that I would need a 2xl. But I also think a 2xl should fit me and not still be tighter than I want it to be. I think the double standard of the size of girls vs boys is ridiculous. I saw this awesome post on Facebook once where a guy put on his girlfriend's "extra large" shirt. This shirt was absolutely skin tight on him and he is maybe a medium. A MEDIUM!!!! There should not be that big of a difference. He also stated how she was in no way "extra large" by any definition.

Ok. The next thing that ticked me off was the fact that we went to Dick's to find shirts and they only carry up to XL in the ladies cut. I believe they went up to 2XL in the men's cut. This annoys me because I KNOW that Adidas made these shirts in 2XL in ladies. I don't think I've ever seen Dick's carry a size bigger than XL for ladies. I guess us big girls aren't wanted at Dick's. That's fine. I can take my money elsewhere.

What's annoying is us big girls have to start somewhere. If there aren't workout clothes to start in, how are we supposed to do what we need to do to get healthy? And I can guarantee you that even when I lose all my weight I would probably still only fit into an XL if it's a women's cut.

This especially made me angry today of all days because I was feeling REALLY good about myself. When I got on the scale this morning I saw a number I haven't seen since before 2013! The number today put me at 18.8 pounds down since March 20th; 11 pounds down since June 1st; over 25 pounds down since this time last year; less than 2 pounds away from a new decade; and lighter than I weighed when I completed my first half marathon in 2009!! Things are going well. I feel good and continue to feel motivated. I will do another post on a specific update about Nutrisystem....what I like, what I don't like, where I'm planning to go from here, etc.

1st week COMPLETE

I think it would be funny (or not) to see how many times since I started this blog in 2012 I had a week 1 weigh in. But, like I've said before, that means I haven't given up yet!

So, last week was week 1 with Nutrisystem. The program they have now is called "Turbo10" and in your first month's package they give you a special week 1 program to "jumpstart" your weight loss. They give you 7 breakfasts, 7 lunches, 7 dinners, 7 turboshakes and 7 nutricrush shakes. You basically eat one of each of those things a day plus 4 servings (at least) of veggies and 64 oz of water. You are allowed to eat as many veggies as you want, but are supposed to get at least 4 servings. By yesterday I was actually even forgetting to get all my 4 servings of veggies in because I wasn't feeling overly hungry in between meals - awesome!

I decided to start tracking my food on sparkpeople again because that is the website I was using when I lost alot of weight in 2011. So, I quickly noticed that OF COURSE you'll lose weight in the first week because you aren't even eating 1200 calories per day! Yes, I know that eating less than 1200 calories for an extended period of time is not good and TRUST me when I say you have nothing to worry about! This was one week and I can not WAIT to go back to eating more calories on a daily basis!

Having said that, however, I will say that this first week really wasn't THAT bad. Perhaps it's because I had been fasting for 2 days per week so I was getting used to dealing with feeling hungry for a finite period of time. I knew that if I was hungry I would get to eat again in a few hours so it wasn't the end of the world. No one likes feeling hungry; but if we just chill out and realize we WILL in fact get to eat again (and soon) it's easier to deal with.

I was most proud of the fact that I followed the program almost perfectly for 7 days. I only say almost because I made caramelized onions and peppers a lot. I would cook them in oil and sometimes a little butter too. BUT, I was counting that in my tracker and even with that I was still ending most days around 1030 calories. I was all excited about being able to actually EAT today. What's funny about that is I ended the day right around 1330 calories and that included going to get ice cream after my son's baseball game! I chose the strawberry lemonade and watermelon sorbet with a few tiny chocolate chips. OMG it was SO good....and only about 100 calories since it's non-fat, non-dairy sorbet.

So are you wondering how well I did with my week 1 weigh in today?? Well, needless to say I was quite happy this morning. I have NEVER lost this much weight in one week. My total loss for week 1 was 7.8 pounds!!!! That puts me at a total of 15.6 pounds lost since March 20th and about 22 pounds lost since this time last year. I am absolutely not regretting having made this decision anymore. It did exactly what it needed to do and reignited my spark. I am feeling totally determined and confident that I CAN do this (again) and this time all the way to maintenance! Only time will tell and I'll be embarrassed if I eventually have to eat my words; but I won't EVER give up and that's all that really matters.

On to week 2.......

Small Changes = Big Successes

I wrote a blog post not so long ago about how I was no longer focusing on how fast I could lose this weight, but doing it in such a way that I could sustain it forever. You might be wondering why I then decided to start Nutrisystem and have a very strict week to "jump start" my weight loss. I've been sort of wondering that myself.

I've been thinking about why I made such a drastic decision to start a relatively restrictive program when I've been saying all along that I don't do as well when I put pressure on myself. The fact of the matter is I haven't done all that well, period. I can give whatever reason or excuse I want to, but I've fluctuated between 230 and 250 since 2013. Obviously what I've been doing isn't working. What I implemented in September WAS working; but it stopped for whatever reason. I should say, I stopped...for whatever reason. I think it comes down to the fact that I will always stop for some reason, for some amount of time. I think in reality almost everyone does. The difference is how long they stop for and how much "damage" they do when they stop. And perhaps THIS has to be the difference for me. 

In that blog post I said that there are times when food fuels your body and there are times when it just fills your stomach with not much nutritional value and that has GOT to be OK sometimes (for me at least). I still believe that to be true. However, I think I'm starting to realize that that is a great way to MAINTAIN my weight. And frankly, even though it has fluctuated by as many as 20 pounds; I would say that I've done an OK job of "maintaining" my weight for the last 3 years. I'll tell you what; if I can manage to fluctuate between 160 and 180 for the rest of my lift I will TAKE that and RUN! I clearly need to figure out how to get there because I think I have this "maintaining" thing down pretty well. It would also be nice if I could figure out how to not have it take 20 pounds before I decide I need to stop gaining weight!

So here's what I think is great about having made the decision now to try NS: My scale registered as low as 227.4 back in December; but only for a second before I was back up above 230 again. When the scale read 229.6 back on 4/29 and then 229 on 5/6....and STILL 229 on 5/13, I felt pretty determined to not let it go back up. BUT, I could feel myself slipping. I got out of focus due to my life circumstances and could just tell that getting myself re-focused wasn't going to be easy. Hence, I actually think making the decision to make a drastic choice like Nutrisystem was the smartest thing I have done in a LONG time. I made the decision towards the end of May so I had decided I was going to start June 1st because I wasn't going to challenge myself even more by starting on a holiday weekend. This allowed me to have about a week "off" with no guilt and without going too far backwards before starting again. My starting weight for Nutrisystem was 232.8. I was actually totally happy with that since I pretty much wasn't doing much for the majority of May and definitely went overboard eating and drinking the last few days of the month. So, not only did I "only" gain 3.8lbs;  but I knew a lot of that was just bloat and water weight from the days right before starting. Case in point...in one day on Nutrisystem I was back down 3 of those 3.8lbs.  

The fact that this time it didn't even take me gaining weight to realize that I needed to do something different to kick things into gear is awesome. I felt myself losing my focus and really didn't want to move backwards so I did something about it. Yes I went back above 230; but only for a second and only because I knew that I was going to be doing something strict so I was pretty confident whatever I gained would be lost quickly.

So  maybe I use NS for the next 2 months and then move to something else. Maybe I decide I really like it and the weight is just melting away so I stay on it for the next 6+ months. I don't know yet. But what I do know is that I'm no longer embarrassed about making the decision to try something else. I'm actually proud of myself. I'm proud that as soon as I felt my focus wavering I did something to get that focus back.

In the end I'm not changing my tune from that blog post. I still think I need to figure out a way to eat that will maintain my weight loss once I get there. I'm just realizing that I need to get there before I can worry about how I'll maintain it once I'm there. I'm not necessarily saying I need to focus on losing the weight fast or anything. I'm just saying maybe I can deal with being a little more strict now (which, in turn would likely lead to faster weight loss), so that I can get to the point where I am learning how to maintain.

Until next time.......

Impatience in NOT a virtue!

It appears I have a LOT to say today. Consider yourself warned for an even longer than usual post!

You know what is really funny? Reading through my old blog posts one right after the other. It is hilarious how often I contradict myself or change my tune. It's great how many times since 2012 I've said that THIS time is going to be different. I do like that one time I finally said I have no idea if this time will actually be different.

So, I left you last with my post about maintaining through a difficult time. Initially I was perfectly happy with maintaining my weight. The problem was (is) that it is always a slippery slope for me when I'm no longer focusing on a certain strategy. The strategy may be to eat healthy 4-5 days out of a week and not focus on the weekend. It may be to calorie count all the time and try to stay under a certain number of calories. It may be to fast a couple of days a week and then eat to maintain the rest of the time. Whatever it is, I need to be following some sort of a plan. When I start to fall short of whatever plan I'm on at the time, I obviously lose my focus and start to slip more and more.

Prior to my mother in-law's death I had started a new plan. I hadn't discussed it on the blog because it's kind of a controversial way to lose weight and I didn't feel like having to defend my decision. I had done a ton of research on it prior and was confident it was a good decision for me. And I still think it wasn't a bad one. I followed IF (intermittent fasting) for about a month. If you google IF you'll find lots of information on it and lots of different programs you can follow. The one I followed was called Eat Stop Eat. Basically I was fasting for 24 hours 2 times a week and then eating to maintain (so like 2000 calories) on the other days. This was working quite well for me. I lost almost 9lbs in the month that I did it. But then my mother in law died and I lost my focus. I was back in that limbo phase of not really doing anything, but still kind of trying to lose weight. That's not a good place to be.

On Mother's Day we got together with my family and I saw my sister after she had been on Nutrisystem for about 6 months. I have not seen my sister look that small in a long time. So my mom looks awesome because she's lost a bunch of weight and my eldest sister looks great because she's lost 30+ pounds and then my other sister has also lost about 30lbs since the beginning of this year. Obviously as I was still focused on dealing with Marty's death I wasn't concerned about any of this at this point.

Fast forward to the days after the funeral and the need to get things back to "normal" and I found myself researching Nutrisystem. I have tried MANY weight loss programs. Basically ALL programs work for me (and for anyone for that matter) as long as you're able and willing to work them. It's finding the program (or programs) that will continue to work for you forever. I think what I'm finding is I may need to forever change things up a bit to keep me from getting bored or something.

Sorry for the language but this one was too perfect!

The IF was working great and I was happy doing it. But, I found myself slowly eating more and more on my eat days. It was likely just because I lost focus, but when I lose focus on the program I'm currently doing I tend to find it hard to find that focus again. I felt stupid (and still feel stupid actually) even considering doing Nutrisystem. I mean, I keep trying all these new things and NOTHING seems to work for me. Why would I think that this would be any different? And it's not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. I have never done something like Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig before because I refuse to cook and eat separate meals from my family. But when I was talking to Drew about it I thought perhaps that's part of the problem. I'm not willing to try something that might actually work for me because I'm too focused on taking care of everyone else but me. So what if I use Nutrisystem to lose weight and the rest of the family needs to fend for themselves for a few months? If it means they have a healthier, happier mom/wife isn't it worth it?? What appealed to me about Nutrisystem was the fact that I wouldn't have to think about it. They send you food and you eat that food along with fresh fruit/veggies and you're good to go.

Drew told me that if I was going to do it he would do it with me. That made me feel a little less stupid because it made me feel like he at least was supporting me and not thinking I'm being ridiculous by trying yet another weight loss program. I justified the price by taking it out of our food budget for the month and hoping that the rest of the groceries I need won't push us too far over that budget.

Remember this. Always keep looking for what works for YOU.

On June 1st we officially started Nutrisystem. With the Turbo10 program the first week is VERY strict and it's designed to help "jump start" your weight loss. I am back to weighing myself every day because I realized that when I lost all that weight in 2011 I weighed myself EVERY DAY (minus a day here and there) for over 6 months! I stopped weighing (and recording) my weight every day and I gained the weight back. When looking at my numbers from back then I realize that the number on the scale each day must not have bothered me because there were days I was up multiple pounds in a day....and I just kept going. So, I track my weight daily again, but I also plan to look at my weight on a weekly basis (since the daily weight fluctuates so much). I started Nutrisystem on a Wednesday so that means Wednesday's will be my official weigh in day.

I have not yet decided how long I am going to stay on Nutrisystem. I have to do it for at least 2 months because you basically get a "discount" when you sign up for the auto-delivery program. If you cancel after only one month you end up having to pay a $99 fee since you are paying back that discount. It's expensive enough that I refuse to pay that extra $99. So, 2 months at minimum. My guess is Drew probably won't need much more than those 2 months so perhaps he'll stop after that and I'll keep going for a little while. Perhaps 2 months on this will be the kick start I need to get myself back into the habit of not only counting calories, but keeping my calories around 1500 a day (which is about where I was in 2011 when I lost weight). I know I don't NEED Nutrisystem to do that since I've done it in the past. But, if it helps to get me totally back on track finally (after 5 years!) then so be it!

Maintaining through a difficult time....

Two weeks ago today my mother in law passed away. She fought lung cancer like a beast for 10+ years and about 3 weeks ago she ended up in the emergency room with pneumonia. 6 days later she was gone. Even though we were blessed with 10+ years of time with her that we really didn't think we would have; this death still came as quite a shock to all of us. One week before winding up in the hospital she was watching my daughter's spring concert. Just 3 short weeks before she passed, she planned and hosted a huge family get together for a memorial for another family member.

Picture taken October 2010

All that being said it has obviously been a pretty tough 3 weeks for my family. When dealing with a difficult time it is SO easy to just slack off on any healthy eating plan. The week that she was in the hospital my husband was rarely home for dinner so I found myself not cooking for the 3 of us. I think part of it was I was feeling stressed as well and didn't want to be bothered with it. I was focused on how he was doing and on just doing what I needed to do to take care of the kids and prepare them for the inevitable. I tried to stay on track as well as I could and I was totally fine with that. 

November 2015 - last Christmas card picture taken

In my last blog post I mentioned that on April 29th when I got on the scale I had officially lost 11 pounds from my "recommitment" weight on March 20th. My scale said 229.6 on that day. The next week (on May 6th - the same day we lost my mother in-law), my scale registered 229. I managed to still lose .6lbs when dealing with this terrible time in my family's life. Well, the hard times were just beginning really. As hard as it is to wait for the inevitable to happen; after it happens you have a whole new world to deal with. My children have never experienced a death in the family before (other than a pet). To lose a grandmother is ALWAYS hard;  but to lose a grandma whom they saw on pretty much a weekly or bi-weekly basis is something I can't even imagine. It was hard for me when I lost my first grandparent and they lived in a different state and I probably saw them once or twice a year! 

Ok. So my diet/exercise/healthy living plan/whatever was the LAST thing on my mind starting May 6th. Obviously when dealing with death you quickly realize that there are more important things than how you look. However, you also realize how SHORT life is and you want to do whatever is possible to prolong that life. Interesting concept. 

For the week after her passing while we had to deal with planning a funeral, celebrating not only Mother's Day on the 8th; but also the fact that this year Mother's Day would have been her 68th birthday; and then ultimately having the funeral, I did not worry about my food choices and did not track anything. Did I drink wine? You bet I did! Did I stop at Wendy's to get lunch prior to going to the funeral home to help plan the funeral? Yup. Did I feel guilty or stressed about any of the decisions I was making? Nope! I still got on the scale on the next Friday and miraculously I saw staring back at me 229. I managed to maintain through probably the hardest week of my life (so far). 

On to this past week and I felt a renewed sense of motivation. I got right back on track. I went to jazzercise on Monday, got on the treadmill AND went to my strength class on Tuesday, went back to jazzercise on Wednesday, and got on the treadmill AND went to strength class on Thursday. I got on the scale this morning and still saw 229. Of course there was a small part of me that was disappointed that it hadn't gone down; but I keep in mind that I took the ENTIRE week off last week. There was more eating and drinking than usual and although I got back on track on Monday; that was only 4 days ago. 

So I'm happy. I'm happy that even when dealing with this particularly difficult time I have NOT gained weight. I have not stressed about my weight and whether or  not that scale jumped back above 230. And even though I've thought about it (because obviously I'm focused on losing weight), I have not stressed about how maintaining for 2 weeks in a row (and only losing .6 the week before) is slowing down my "average weight loss". I really DON'T CARE! I am trying really hard to just focus on the fact that if I can be on track more than I am off I will lose weight. I am trying even harder to not stress about it. When I stress about it or when I start to think about wanting to lose 20lbs overnight is when I inevitably fail. I know I've said it before, but when I am STRESSING about losing weight is when I GAIN. So, the goal is to keep trying, but NOT stress. Even if I average "only" 1/2 pound per week, I will weigh 26 pounds less in a year than I do now. It may not be 50 pounds, it may not be all the weight I have to lose, but it will be 26 pounds less than I weigh now and that's all that matters.

Time for an update!!

On March 23rd I wrote a blog post about how I started this online "biggest loser" challenge. Then, on April 21st I wrote another blog post with the results of that challenge. It's only May 1st, but I felt like it was time for another update; because for once things are staying positive for me!

I feel like I might actually be finding my balance. I am really trying to be realistic and patient in this process this time. Back in September 2015 I started a process in which I was being pretty strict with my eating during the week and I was allowing myself to be more relaxed on the weekend. I was losing 4.8-5lbs a month when I was doing this. By December I was down 16.6 pounds and feeling pretty good. But then I got a little too relaxed and by Jan 1st I had gained back 5.2lbs. I was actually OK with this and was then trying to get back on track. The problem was I somehow got back into my old way of thinking and I wanted to lose weight more quickly. I don't know why I didn't just go back to what I was doing in the fall, but I didn't. While trying to get back on track I eventually gained back all but about 3lbs. I guess the good news is that I got it back under control before I gained back everything I had lost (plus 10 pounds). The bad news is that I'm still not back down to where I was in December and that's just kind of annoying.

In March a friend told me about the biggest loser challenge and I decided why not? But, the problem was that I was still trying to figure out what to do that would help me lose weight "quickly". And frankly, this group fed into that thinking since it's a 30 day group and one of the prizes is for the greatest amount of weight lost (percentage) in the month. This pressure got to me and I was probably more off than on during that 30 days. But in the end I still lost over 7lbs in that month. That's more than I was losing in the fall and I was perfectly happy with my rate of loss in the fall.

Somewhere in this process I stopped worrying about how FAST I was going to lose this weight and started focusing on doing it in a way that I can sustain for the rest of my life. There is a reason why I am still well over 200lbs. There is a reason why I keep gaining the weight back after I lose it. I like love food. There are times when I will literally get mad if I can't just eat what I want. I need to figure out a way to take any negative feels and guilt away from food. Food is food. It tastes good. It fuels your body and sometimes it just fills your stomach without adding much nutritional value to your day......and that has GOT to be OK sometimes (for me).

I am absolutely thrilled to report that I have seemed to get my mind in the right place again. As much as I might want to be at or near a certain arbitrary number by my 40th birthday, if I'm not but I'm still losing weight I'll be smaller than I am now. Did you follow me there? I feel like that wasn't a great sentence! LOL

Basically, I came to the realization that it doesn't really matter if I weigh 160 pounds on my 40th birthday or 180 pounds; as long as I don't weight 240 pounds. I look at my mom who has lost quite a bit of weight recently. She actually isn't even sure how much weight she has lost because it depends on when she starts counting from ;) But, when she breaks it down she really hasn't lost the weight all that fast. But to me (and I think even to her), it feels like she was overweight yesterday and she's not anymore today. We all know how quickly a year passes, right? I can either be happy with slow weight loss and in a year from now be thinking, "wow, look how far I've come!" Or, I can focus on trying to lose weight quickly, give up because it's too hard, and in a year look back and think, "how the hell am I still 240+ pounds?!?!" 

Having said all that, I was super excited on Friday when I weighed in and saw that I am officially down 11 pounds from re-starting on March 20th. If I take Sept 1st as my "starting weight" that means I'm down a total of 13.6 pounds. And if I take my highest weight ever from 2014 when I started the Whole30, I am down 21 pounds. Best yet, I weigh less in April 2016 than I did in April 2015. 

One more thing I want to discuss (this was actually what inspired me to even write a post today and I haven't even gotten to it yet)! This week I decided that I want to start training for races again. I really enjoyed when I was training for and completing races in 2011 and 2012. I decided to look at what my weight was when I completed each of the 4 previous half marathon's I've done. I came to the conclusion that IF I do a half marathon in October, I may very well weigh less than I did for 3 of those half marathons! This showed me that I can do it! So, there's a 10k in June and I'm going to do it. There's a half marathon in October and my goal is to do that one as well. I'm going to wait until closer to that date to make the actual decision; but I'm pretty confident that I will be doing it. I got on the treadmill today and did 5 miles. The 5 miles took me 1:13:18, which amounts to a 14:40 min/mile. Seeing as I am starting over I am very excited about this! Anything less than a 15 min/mile is something that makes me happy because I am pretty confident that I'll only get faster from here! 

Ok. I'll stop talking now. I feel good. I feel like I can keep doing what I am doing and actually make this work for me. I hope my posts continue to be this positive. I know there will be bumps in the road; but I'm hoping that I can be positive enough to not let those completely derail me! 

And FYI - since I've started sharing numbers on my blog; let me just tell you that my weigh in Friday put me into a new decade. I started in the 40's and am now in the 20's (29.6, but still in the 20's)! I look forward to leaving each decade behind to never see it again! 

Spring Biggest Loser Challenge RESULTS

I mentioned back on March 23rd that I had joined a 30 day Facebook challenge to lose weight and possibly win some money in the process. Yesterday was the final weigh in for that challenge. In the meantime, I started another 30 day Facebook challenge. That one started on April 11th (weigh in was April 10th) so they will be overlapping slightly. This second one is much smaller so the chances of winning the money is higher, but obviously it's not as much money. And, it's not about the money for me. Sure, it would have been nice to win, but I already won because it has gotten me back on track! 

Talking about my weight is not something that is easy for me. This blog has definitely helped me get over that. I mean, the number doesn't really matter and everyone can see what I look like so it's not like it's a shock that I'm obese. Even though I hate admitting what the scale says I'm going to put it all out there! 

Before pics on top (hair in ponytail)

Starting Stats 3/20/16:

Weight = 240.6

Measurements

Waist = 43

Chest = 42

Hips = 51.5

Legs = 26

Arms = 15

Ending Stats 4/20/16

Weight = 233.4

Measurements

Waist = 39.5

Chest = 41

Hips = 48.5

Legs = 25

Arms = 14

Weight lost = 7.2lbs. 

Inches lost = 9.5 inches. 

Now, having said all that I will say that my 12 year old daughter helped me with my initial measurements so I'm not sure if they are accurate. BUT, when I compare my measurements to the last time I did them (which was 2014 scarily enough); my weight was about the same as my starting weight and my current measurements are still down 8 inches total so I'd say these are probably pretty accurate. 

I cannot yet get myself to take before pictures in just a sports bra and shorts so instead I wear a skin tight shirt. I figure you can see plenty without having to see my bare belly. I am hard on myself so I don't see a ton of differences in the pics. But, I think where I see the biggest difference is the picture of my back. 

Am I happy with 7.2 pounds gone in 30 days?? You bet I am! Was my initial reaction as positive as I am feeling now? Nope. My gut reaction was disappointment. I wanted more (don't we all). But then I really thought about it and decided it was awesome. I struggled through the first half of the 30 days. I probably fell off the wagon every weekend of the entire challenge. Yet I still managed to drop more than 1 pound per week on average (actually more than 1.5lbs per week). I did NOT give up. 

I am working really hard on finding MY balance. Figuring out what works for ME to lose the weight. There are so many different "programs" or schools of thought out there that will work. Pretty much every weight loss plan works if you're willing to work it. I know this because I've tried several different ones and they've all worked as long as I am doing the work. The problem is finding the one that I can continue to work forever. I not only need to be willing to "work it" for 6, 12, 18 months, etc. I need to be able to work it for the next 50+ years (hopefully). I need to find something that is realistic for ME to change so that WHEN I do lose this weight I can easily maintain it. 

Through this process of trying to lose weight now for the last 9+ years I have learned things about myself. My weight loss journey started well before 9 years ago, but 9 years ago was the first time I hit 200+ pounds when I was NOT pregnant. There were a few times I got back under 200 (I got into the 190's in 2007 and again in 2011); but for the most part I have been well over 200 pounds for the last 9 years. Looking at my weight records I've varied between about 230 and 250 pounds since my flare in 2013. It is time for that to end. It is actually time for me to say goodbye to each new "decade" and actually NOT ever see it again. I am so close to saying goodbye to the 230's and I can't wait to do that. And WHEN I get out of the 220's it'll be a weight I haven't seen since 2012. 

I really am feeling hopeful and positive. I believe I am finding my balance to make this really work this time. I can't stress enough how important it is to NEVER give up.