Fat Girl Running

So in my post yesterday I touched on the fact that while running my 10k yesterday morning I was composing a new post in my head (I tend to do that).

I've read it before...but it didn't hit home until yesterday!

When I'm in a race or even going through a training run, there is nothing that annoys me more than when someone looks at me and gives me some sort of encouragement. Sounds weird, right?? But, all I can think is that they're just saying that because they see a fat girl "trying to run". I assume that if I were a normal weight they wouldn't say those things to me. "Doing great...you can do it...keep it up" I want to just say...yes, I KNOW I can. I've done 4 half marathons and am training for my first full. I know I can do it so just shut up! I feel like I have to start spewing my resume of recent athletic events (running and triathlons) in order to justify why I'm there and why I will, in fact, succeed. It makes me very aware of my size and I hate it.

That being said, I don't mind the people who just wave hi or say good morning when we cross on the trail where I do all my training runs. Giving that little "runners wave" makes me forget about my size and speed and makes me realize that I'm just out there on that trail every week like all these other people.

So yesterday during the race I was running along and came to the part where you pass the other faster people in the race. For the first time, when people passed me and said "the turnaround is just past those tables", I felt like they were actually just giving me encouragement. Not because I'm fat. Not because they thought I looked like I was going to die, but just because. I still get frustrated when I'm taking a scheduled walk break and people who pass me say things like, "keep going", "you can do it", and my favorite "don't give up"! Yesterday it was, "only 1.5 miles left, you can do this!". To which I said, "Yup!".
But, it was in that moment yesterday that I decided I need to start working on embracing the fat girl running. I think only when I start to embrace and truly appreciate her, will I be able to get rid of her! I realize that this is probably not news to any of you out there who listen to me talk about my accomplishments, but sometimes it takes time for things to get through my thick skull. I've been struggling with this feeling that it's not enough. That, sure, I've done 4 half marathons, but I still haven't managed to complete one in 2 hours and 30 minutes or less. Or, that, sure, I'm training for a full marathon, but I can't seem to get my pace better than a 14:15 minute/mile on my long runs. So then I blame the fat chick. I say things like, "if [whoever I'm comparing myself to] put on a 50+lb fat suit, they wouldn't be able to run [whatever pace they run] either". Like I have to defend my slowness. Instead, I've decided I need to embrace my slowness, my fatness, and everything else about me right NOW. I mean, at least I am DOING it. At least I am out there on a Sunday morning at 6:45 AM, waiting in line for a porta potty. At least I am on that trail at least once a week, running anywhere from 6 to 21 miles in order to train for this full marathon. At least, when hitting the turnaround for the 10k yesterday, I passed not 1, not 5, not 10, but about 40 runners....almost all of which were SMALLER than me!

It IS good enough. Just doing it is good enough. I cross the same finish line, get the same t-shirt, and wear the same medals as the people who cross that line before me. I will never win a race, and that's OK. That's always been OK. But, I think in order to really appreciate how far I've come (when I inevitably lose this weight and become a faster runner), I need to appreciate where I'm at right here and now. I need to appreciate that, at over 200lbs, I can run 4 miles without stopping; I can run/walk for over 5 hours; and I am the healthiest I've been in my entire life when you look at the numbers (except for the one on the scale obviously).

So I am telling you all now that I am working on trying to be more positive about my accomplishments. This is not to say that I'll get over the negativeness (is that a word??) overnight, but I am trying. I am trying to truly believe that what I'm doing is awesome and a great accomplishment no matter what my weight or speed is! And, I hope that embracing the fat girl running will help me to become just a girl running! :)

2 weeks and a 10k

Today marks 2 weeks to the Columbus Marathon! O. M. G.

As you can tell from my other posts this week, I'm starting to get just slightly emotional about this race. I'm fairly confident that I'll cross that finish line no matter what, but not as confident as I usually am entering a race. I have 7 hours to finish the race. That means that as long as I go faster than a 16 minute mile I will cross that finish line and officially finish my first 26.2. My slowest training runs were still faster than a 15 minute mile, so I should be fine.

Have you gotten sick of this one yet? I need to remind myself of this on a daily basis!

In other news....today I completed my first 10k distance race. It also happened to be my 6th race of this calendar year. I was going to post a separate official race report, but I think I'll just discuss it in this post.

I had not yet completed a 10k, other than the one that was part of the Olympic triathlon that I did back in August, and I was excited to get yet another instant PR (personal record). I completed the Towpath 10k this morning, which was part of the Towpath Marathon, Half-Marathon and 10k. It was a bit chilly this morning, but this is a beautiful course this time of year with all the changing leaves.

It's still kind of new to me to go to races completely alone. I think the only other race I went to alone was the Twinsburg Duathlon this year...and for that one my husband and kids ended up coming to see me cross the finish line. So, it was a little more boring than usual waiting for the race to start. I usually have someone to talk to. Today I was texting SIL while waiting in the line for the porta potty! I did spend a few minutes talking to one lady because I commented about her shirt. She had a shirt that on the back said "Caution: I take frequent walk breaks and I WILL finish strong" It was awesome. She obviously does the Jeff Galloway method as well. We chatted about that for a while and then I moved to my place in line. I always try to stay at the back because I know I'm slow and feel bad for those people who have to weave in and out of everyone when it starts (although, I also think it's their own fault if they don't get themselves lined up closer to the start!).

Anyway, so for this race the 10k and half marathoners started together in a totally separate location from the marathoners. It was still quite congested and after the race started my timer went off to alert me to walk. I always try to be aware of my surroundings when I'm about to walk so I don't trip anyone and I noticed that it was really just too crowded. I decided to just keep running. Then, I was trying to psych myself up to run the entire 10k without stopping!

Back at the end of August I started doing all my treadmill runs without stopping. So, I have a month under my belt of running 2-4 miles without stopping. But, I've done 4 miles once and that was the farthest I've gone. I soon decided that it'd be stupid to try to keep running when I clearly had not trained for that. Also, this race was just another race to put on my schedule, it wasn't one that I had any real goals for. My mind is focused for 26.2. So, I took my first walk break after about 14 minutes of running. They didn't have mile markers at every mile so when I stopped I realized that we had gone over a mile already (which, after 14 minutes we SHOULD have, but since I hadn't seen the markers I was getting worried). The rest of the race I maintained my 4/1 intervals. The only "extra" walk breaks I took was when I approached a water stop. I would briefly walk to drink and then if I wasn't on a scheduled walk break I would immediately start running again.

I felt good. I started composing another blog post in my head (that one will be to come still...). My legs were feeling slightly fatigued by the end, but nothing terrible. I pushed myself, but I had something left in the tank at the end. I actually passed a woman approaching the finish! I NEVER do that! And it felt awesome! It was also an out and back course so once you turn towards the finish you can see if anyone is behind you. And, guess what? There were a lot of people behind me!

I have no pictures because I was by myself (boring, I know). The official results are not posted yet, but my Garmin said 1:18:34 and I forgot to turn it off right away so I'm thinking my official time will be around 1:17 something. We'll see. An instant PR, but even a PR based on the time of my 10k as part of the triathlon. All in all I am quite pleased with my run this morning....now 14 days left until I'm running the streets of Columbus! I think it'll be kind of neat to see how much I remember from when I was there for grad school! That was a long time ago though.....

And Let's Not Forget My Husband....

You didn't really think I'd write this super long, mushy post about my mom and not have one about my husband, did you?

Can you tell I'm getting just slightly emotional before the big day??

So, this one's for my husband.

A slave to my craziness?!?!

 It may not appear that he did as much to support me as my mom. It's not like he was next to me on the trail for 5+ hours hurting his butt and having to talk to me for that long to distract me. His support came in a different, but just as important, way.

Back in late-2011 when I first thought I MIGHT want to attempt 26.2 this year, I knew that I couldn't do it without Drew's full support. I knew that I couldn't make this decision on my own and it wasn't just about whether or not I could do it. It was about whether or not he was willing to support me through it. And when I decided I was serious and really asked him about it, he didn't even pause. He did tell me that his opinion would be that perhaps I should do more 13.1's before attempting a 26.2, but that if I felt the need to do this in order to continue to challenge myself; that he would support me 100%. When I explained to him this would mean that I would be gone for hours on end on the weekends...and then be out of commission the remainder of the day even when I was back from running; he said "I know..and I'm OK with that". Lots of people can say that. But when it comes down to reality, they might realize they don't really mean it.

He did mean it. And he has been awesome.

He has been supportive through this entire journey of mine. But, he seems to almost get more supportive along the way. You might think this would be opposite. That he might get sick of having to support my crazy endeavors and that he'd start complaining or doing less to help or whatever. But he hasn't.

For instance.....in May when I did the Cleveland Half Marathon it was decided that he would NOT bother bringing the kids to watch me finish because they came last year, etc. I actually can't remember what the other reasons were, but I was actually totally fine with this (usually I REALLY want my family at the finish line). This was going to be the first big race that they wouldn't be there when I finished, but I was honestly OK with it. Actually, I think I made the decision for them NOT to come. This race sucked. We won't get into that, but I wasn't necessarily in a great mood upon coming home. But, I came home to the house having been cleaned, the laundry being done, the grocery list already completed and the kids playing outside. Drew had gotten the kids doughnuts for breakfast and had ones leftover for us as well (SIL and Ade were there too). This was SO much better than them watching me finish what was a tough race anyway. After I got home, Drew went to the grocery store (I think...although maybe I did); and then he cooked dinner that night as well. I didn't do much the rest of the day.

Then, there was a 10 mile race on Father's Day. Drew didn't even bat an eye at the fact that I wanted to do this. I asked him if he would care, and if he would, I wouldn't have done it. But, he didn't care and he (along with my parents and kids) were waiting for me at the finish line. For whatever reason this race wiped me out. And, on a day that he should be relaxing and having me wait on him, he was wrangling the kids and dealing with the fact that I kept falling asleep on the couch. All the while never making a fuss about it. He may not have been happy about it, but he didn't show it at all.

Gotta love the possessed look on Robbie's face...we were hungry. I'm surprised anyone was smiling.

And now, through the thick of marathon training he has been nothing but supportive. He wasn't mad that when, on our anniversary weekend, I had 24 miles on the training schedule. We couldn't plan anything fun because I was running Friday and the kids had football and cheerleading on Saturday and Sunday. We ended up at dinner Friday night as a family because I was too tired to do anything else. And, again, he was totally fine with this. Or, at least he led me to believe he was - and let's face it, that's all that really matters!

So, I'm trying to find pictures to add to this post and it just depressed me that we don't have nearly enough pictures of the 2 of us recently. All the pics came from our trip to Disney from last September. I know part of it is that there aren't many pictures of me because 1) I don't frankly like looking at pics of me lately and 2) I'm usually the one taking them. But, I think that needs to change!

Anyway....so THANK YOU to my wonderful & supportive husband of  11 years. I could never have done any of this stuff without your constant love and support. I do think that I tell you a lot, but in case I don't tell you enough; I love and appreciate everything you do for me!

And that includes agreeing to go back to Disney because we had so much fun there!

For My Mom.....

I'm not quite sure how to thank my mom for all that she has done for me over the past 3 months 35 years. However, my blog posts are long enough so I can't really get into all 35 years right now. For this, I am simply focusing on the last 3 months.

Awww..even back then you were good to me!

When marathon training was in full swing, it was determined that 26.2 miles is simply too difficult a distance to try to run with anyone else (for the race). Frankly, 13.1 is hard enough. I tried once to run a race with someone (my first 13.1) and it ended badly, so I wasn't surprised when this happened. (but let's be honest...it made me go a little psychotic because I again had to deal with my lack of speed and my wish to be faster...but that's for another day..or not). So, I had to figure out what the HECK I was going to do for those 15+ mile training runs....those runs when I would inevitably be pounding the pavement for 4+ hours. My SIL had suggested that we start our runs together and then just meet up at the end, but I knew this wouldn't work for me. I soon decided that I had to ask for help from someone else.

Enter the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!! I explained to my mom that since my pace was so different from SIL and Ade's, that I would be doing these long training runs solo and that I would really need someone to support me. At first she didn't think she could. She commented that she would love to help me, but wasn't sure how she could. The genius in me informed her that she could always ride her bike next to me, which should be pretty easy since it's not like I run super fast and she'd be on a bike! However, it's still 4+HOURS sitting on a bike, listening to me bitch about how I can't go any farther, and pushing me to make sure I do. My mother got up at the butt crack of dawn, drove 30+ minutes to where we meet to run/ride and  got on her bike to try to entertain me and support me through 15, 18, 21, and 24 16.4 miles. She rode next to me through a torrential downpour for over 4 hours when we did 18. She dealt with my mental blocks and pushed me through to 21 miles when I didn't think I'd make it past 15. And, she listened to me and agreed that pushing myself to 24 on a bad day wasn't worth it. She talked to me for hours on end when all I could do was listen because I couldn't breathe enough to talk. We joked about even we ran out of things to talk about by our last long run. She dealt with a sore bottom from sitting on a bike that long - even if you're not riding fast, you're still sitting on that damn seat and you get sore!

After 18 very wet miles....

And as a result of all this; and because we have enjoyed this time together so much; she has now started joining me on my shorter runs of "only" 8 miles. It's amazing how quickly the time goes by (especially in comparison to 21)! And, it's nice to not even have to do those shorter runs by myself. It reminds me of the days we used to live close enough to each other that we would take mid-week walks for 2 hours at a time in the evenings.

She may know....but I don't possibly think she could truly know what that means to me. I know that she and my Dad worry about how much stress I'm putting on my body running these crazy miles with all this extra weight still on me. I know that she thinks I'm totally insane for "jumping" to 26.2 after only having done 4 half marathons and still needing to lose a significant amount of weight. I used to take that as she didn't support me. When she questioned why I would do an Olympic Triathlon this year instead of getting better at the Sprint distance first, I felt as though she wasn't supporting me. I felt like she was doubting I could do it. But, over the last 3 months, I feel like she 100% supports me. She believes that I can do this and supports all my efforts. I started to feel this way back in March when my birthday present was a gift certificate for our local bike store so I could buy the clip-in shoes I needed to complete my new road bike purchase. I thought prior to that she thought it was all dumb. I didn't need to spend the money on the new bike, etc. And, she may have thought that. She may still think that. But, she showed her support to me when she helped me to reach that goal. She has no idea that that spoke volumes to me. And now, she's helping me to reach another goal that perhaps she doesn't agree with. But, it doesn't matter. She's showing her support 110%.

A much needed hug from my mom at the end of a very emotional Olympic Tri!

My mom likes to tell me that when she's getting ready at 6AM on a Friday or Saturday or Sunday to come meet me for a long run, that my Dad looks at her and says...."You're a good mom". And he's right. And he's a good Dad too. He supports me by not making a fuss when my mom leaves him for 5 hours to go ride her bike next to me. He even joined us when we did the 15 miles. He's the one who really likes to tell me to be careful. To work on losing this weight so that it isn't so hard on my body.

I'm sure anyone who reads my blogs notices that my mom will comment on every single blog post that I make. She wants me to know that she's reading my blog and supporting my efforts.

So, MOM, I don't know what I could do or buy to truly show you my appreciation for all that you've done. I hope that professing my appreciation for you on the World Wide Web does it! :) I love you and appreciate everything you've ever done for me. And please know that you are the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD and I can only hope that I'm as good of a mom to my kids as you have been to me. 

Numbers

Clearly it's been a rough week. I haven't blogged because I feel like a broken record. I feel like I keep saying the same negative things over and over again and I can't imagine anyone likes to read that. Frankly, I don't like to type it. But, the point of this blog was never to try to gain a huge audience or say things that really interest other people. The point of this blog was to give me an outlet to "talk" about my journey. Of course I hope people out there read it; I hope people can comment and help me when I need help...or even read it quietly and take something from it that will also help them in some way. But even so...to continuously write posts about how difficult it is or how I ate/drank too much today or how I didn't exercise or am slow and fat, etc...it just gets old!

Today was weigh in. It wasn't good. I gained 4.2lbs back. Yup...you read that right.  Probably one of the worst gains I've had in 1 week in a LONG time - perhaps ever. But. That's it. It's done. I took a week off and now I'm back.

So, I wanted to talk about something super positive today! I went to my doctor on Friday to have just an annual check up and get my cholesterol checked. Let me give you a little background first. I have ALWAYS had high cholesterol. It's hereditary and I have a long line of high cholesterol in my family. Even back in college when I probably weighed 160lbs, my overall cholesterol was 230. In 2010 it was down to 209 (the lowest it had ever been in my life), but all the #'s were wrong. For example, my good cholesterol was lower than it should be, my bad cholesterol was high, my triglyercides were high, etc, etc.

My blood pressure, on the other hand, has ALWAYS been low. Like 100/50 low. Lately it hasn't been so low - even last year after losing 40lbs it was the highest it's ever been.

And I have had a slight heart murmur since I can remember. Never a big enough deal to have to take antibiotics to go to the dentist or anything, but noticeable enough that doctors always tell me about it.

So, Friday I had this appointment. My doctor was commenting on how my heart couldn't sound better. She said it was pumping at such a low rate (a good thing) and my pulse was nice and low. She also said she could not hear the murmur. She said that they can sometimes come and go and sometimes they can go away for good! Crazy.

When I got my test results for the cholesterol I just about fainted!

Component	Your Value	Standard Range	Units	Flag
Triglyceride	38	30 - 149	mg/dL
Cholesterol	192	100 - 199	mg/dL
HDL Cholesterol	63	>55	mg/dL
VLDL Cholesterol	8	6 - 40	mg/dL
LDL Cholesterol	121	60 - 129	mg/dL
Fasting Time	14		hrs
TC:HDL Ratio	3.05	1.00 - 5.00
LDL:HDL Ratio	1.92	0.50 - 3.55
Non HDL Cholesterol	129	90 - 159	mg/dL

Do you SEE those numbers!?!? I have NEVER seen such numbers before! I mean, to the point that I was feeling concerned that perhaps they mixed up my blood with someone else's!

And this brings me full circle to the title of this blog. Clearly, although the number on the scale puts me in the OBESE category, all of my "health" numbers say that I'm healthy. There is not much more that a doctor could want (other than a smaller number on the scale). My cholesterol is now normal, my blood pressure was 116/64; my resting heart rate is around 55-60; my doctor could no longer hear my heart murmur, etc, etc, etc. THIS is the reason why losing weight for my "health" doesn't motivate me. It's really vanity at this point. I suppose I could make myself believe that I don't need to lose weight. I mean, my numbers are probably better than someone who weighs 150lbs. Heck, these numbers are better than when I weighed 150lbs!

But, it comes down to me not being happy with me. I want to be happy with the way I look. I want running to eventually get easier. I want running to eventually get faster. I believe these things will come with less weight. And if my numbers are this good now (even after a really bad week of eating everything that didn't eat me first)....what could they be when I lose the weight!

Oh! I know this post is getting long (but, what else is new, right??). But, another thing with the number topic. Weight Watchers uses BMI to figure out what weight you need to be in order to become a Lifetime Member (and then you don't have to pay for meetings). However, I have NEVER felt that 150lbs was a realistic goal for me to maintain. And, if you read my weight loss story on this blog, you'll see that this fact has messed with my head over the years. I think the reason I ballooned up so big was that since it was never "good enough"; why bother? Well, I decided to address this question with my doctor this week. I've done it before with another doctor. I asked about if there was a way we could figure out what might be a reasonable weight for ME...not for some arbitrary person using some arbitrary scale. However, that doctor pulled out her BMI chart and said "now how tall are you"? Ugh. I was annoyed. Friday I asked this doctor and you know what her response was? She likes to take into account people's skeletal frames and bone structure. She talked about the different frames people have and what that means for weight ranges. Long story short she told me that for ME she would see a reasonable weight range to be from 145 to 160 pounds! You have no idea what that did for me. I can do 160lbs. I KNOW I can do it. And I KNOW I can maintain it. I have before. I've never been sure I could do 150. Maybe I can. And maybe I'll still work to get there. But to have someone tell me 160lbs will be GOOD ENOUGH is so huge I can't even tell you. I'm hoping that this is the thing that makes all the difference.

I can do 160lbs. And, when I get close to that, the doctor will write a letter to Weight Watchers telling them that that is a reasonable weight for me (which then allows me to become lifetime based on the doctor's note). So, my next goal is to hit 10%. But, just knowing that 160 is now my "goal weight" makes all the difference in the world!

And with that, I'll shut the heck up!

Week 5 Weigh In

I seem to be a day behind with my posts lately.

Week 5 - Down 3.2lbs

Total Lost to date = 11lbs!!

Reached 5% weight loss goal this week!

Woo hoo!

Funny story about weigh in this week. I was hoping and praying all week that the scale would show 3.2 (or more obviously) because I KNEW that would get me my 5% goal. That would also mean that even with a GAIN last week, I'd still be averaging over 2lbs a week. So, I get to the meeting and I step on the scale. The leader made a comment about me having a good week so I looked down to see what number she was writing down. The number showed a loss of 3lbs EVEN! I slammed my hand on the counter (laughing and groaning at the same time) and explained that I was only .2 away from losing my first 5%. She was so funny and suggested I step on the next scale (to see if it's different). I made a comment about going to go pee and try again - she was like "YEA, go do that"! It was just so funny. She was so excited about the notion that I'd hit 5% that it made me even more excited. I went to the bathroom, got back on the scale and low and behold.....she laughed and said 3.2! Hilarious!! I love that they let me do that. Now I just need to keep the scale going in that direction.

 Last week I talked about how I was putting away the scale. Yea, well I suck at that! I put the scale away last week, but then decided I was too curious. On Friday, after running 16.4 miles and then eating a HUGE meal I came home and GOT ON THE SCALE!!! Seriously?!?! I mean, how stupid is that?!? I couldn't have been curious first thing Friday morning....or maybe Saturday morning after having run Friday?!?! Besides the fact that I really have NO idea what the WW scale is going to say based on my scale. The last 2 weeks in a row, the WW scale has been MUCH friendlier than my scale at home. So, really, it's just stupid. I was thinking that it didn't matter that I had just eaten because if I was down, I would at least look like I've maintained or something. Needless to say, the scale was NOT nice. I was already starting to plan my post topic for after weigh in.

So truly the lesson to be learned here is that I need to just trust the system! Last week I went back to doing what I did the first two weeks. Here is a recap of my goals and how I did:

- NO wine until Saturday night (to celebrate my 11 year anniversary). And that is the ONLY wine I am allowed to have all week (I am learning this is a big trigger for me with my over-eating).
                - I drank wine on Friday night, but had NONE on Saturday so I guess I met this goal!

- Save at least 40 of the 49 weekly points until Saturday (and don't necessarily use them all on Saturday).
       - I had all 49 weekly points left when Friday rolled around. I used 14 of them on Friday, but then only 15 on Saturday so in essence I met this goal as well! 2 for 2.

- Get back to snacking on fruit in between meals and in the evenings.
      - Goal met as well. I went back to using fruit to fill me up in between meals or as part of a meal.  
- Try to end this week like the first 2.....use all activity points and use only 29 of the weekly points
      - OK so this would mean I'd have 20 weekly points remaining. As of Saturday night (the end of my week), I had 20 weekly points remaining! :)

I met all my goals and the scale showed it. But, I didn't trust the system. I was (and still am) doubting the way I count my activity points. I wonder if I count them too high. Clearly, what I'm doing is working. I just need to TRUST it. I need to believe that it is OK to eat every one of my 92 earned activity points + 29 of my weekly points because I will still lose weight! I need to not worry mid-week about whether this is going to be the week that it doesn't work. Ok. Eventually it will happen. Eventually I will do what I've always been doing and I'll gain (or maintain). But that's OK. At that point I can change things up and count my activity different or use less of it....or only use activity and don't use any of the weekly. Whatever. But the point is I don't have to worry about that YET, so why am I??

It takes us back to that damn scale! So, once again this week I am going to try VERY hard to STAY OFF THE SCALE!!

And since I don't have any pictures for today's post I'll leave you with this one of our lovely wedding in honor of our anniversary this past weekend.

I just love this picture.

24....er 16.4 miles

This is the great place I do all my long runs...and even some short ones.

So yesterday was my scheduled 24 mile run. I was certainly nervous for this run, but I was also looking forward to finishing it and feeling like 2.2 miles more would be doable. Again, my awesome mother was meeting me at the trail to ride along with me for all of the 24 miles. (have I mentioned lately how awesome she is?!?!). So, we met at the trail around 7AM and started our run/ride. The plan was to run out in one direction for 6 miles; come back and stop at the car to refuel; run out the opposite direction for 6 miles and back to the car to equal 24 total. My mom decided that if we went out 8 miles, then we'd only have to go out 4 miles in the other direction. As soon as I started I could tell it wasn't going to be a good run. My mom says I psyched myself out from the start, but I don't know if I agree with that. I really was looking forward to finishing a training run so close to the distance of the marathon. Some days it's just not there though. We ran out 8 (a little over actually) and I was struggling before we even hit the turn around. We stopped briefly around mile 12 and I ate a banana and re-filled my water bottles with the water my mom had in her backpack.

 

 

During this break I told my mom that I was feeling very frustrated. I felt like it was mental because my body still felt OK, but I just really didn't think I could continue another 12 miles. Even before hitting 8 I started talking about dropping the run to 20 miles. Most marathon training programs only take you to 20 miles max and you do that 2-3 times. Prior to yesterday I had done 18 and 21 mile runs so I thought if it was "just" 20 it would be fine. We hit 15 miles and I had to stop. I got a shooting pain in my left leg and I certainly don't want to hurt myself. At this point I was struggling in my mind about whether or not I could make 5 more miles. This run had been my slowest long run yet. I was averaging well over a 14 min/mile and was getting slower by the minute. So, I made the decision to cut the run "short" (16.4 miles is not SHORT by any means, but when you plan 24 miles, 16.4 seems short)! My mom agreed to do another long run with me next weekend. Now, I'm getting advice from my runner friends. And, any of you who might read this blog and train for marathons I would love to hear your feedback as well.

Here's the question:
The long runs I've done (over the half marathon distance) include 15; 18; 21; 16. As of today I have 3 full weekends until the marathon and then the marathon is on the 4th weekend (so I'm a month out). I am planning to do 20 miles next weekend, which would give me another 20 in there, but would mean I would have 2 full weekends to taper/rest/recover prior to the marathon. From things I'm seeing this actually may not be smart. A month out from the marathon may not be the time to add in another long run. So, now I'm thinking perhaps I do more than the 7 that is scheduled, but not 20. So maybe another 15 or 18. Any advice anyone has would be greatly appreciated! :)