2020

Well those 22 days certainly went by quickly!

I have very high hopes for 2020. I feel like I am only going to keep getting better at this life balance that I am trying so very hard to learn. Will I hit my goal weight in 2020? Probably not. Will I even figure out what my maintenance weight will be? Probably not. Do I care? No, not really.

Will I finally start believing in myself and knowing that the way I choose to live my life is perfectly fine? YES! That is what will happen for me in 2020. The weight loss that will happen this year (because, weight loss WILL happen this year), will simply be bonus.

I honestly feel like I'm in the best mental space I've been in in a while. I'm not feeling overly guilty over my re-gain from my lowest weight this year (it's hard not to notice it, but I'm working on the guilt factor). I find myself really able to focus on the positives.

For example, this is the least amount of weight I have gained in a December since I started keeping track of my monthly weigh-in's. 2017 I gained 7 pounds in December. 2018 it was 5.4. This year it was only 3.4. I may have re-gained more this year from my lowest than last year, but to keep my gaining in check during December is a HUGE win for me. And the fact that I gained less this month than I did in both May and June is crazy.

The other positive thing I'm able to see is the total downward trend that my weight has been on since 2014. There are peaks and valleys in there, but wow.....there is a lot of difference between that Jan 2014 weight and today's weight. 53.8 pounds to be exact.

Looking at those peaks and valleys above I do see that it is about time for this current peak to start moving into the next valley. And you know what? It will. It's that time. I am ready to get myself refocused. But not because I'm punishing myself or because I don't think where I am is good enough. I'm ready to re-focus because I want more for myself. I want to see what else I can accomplish. For the first time in a while it feels like this want for change is because I deserve it, not because I need it in order to be "better". And that is a huge mental shift.

So I'm going to think about some 2020 goals to set for myself and then I'll come back here to discuss.