So Much To Say.....

....yet I can't seem to gather my thoughts to actually get a post done.

I've thought of so many different topics and blog titles lately, but then I don't sit down and type it out and I lose it. Or, I just don't want to take the time because I'm tired and I know a blog post takes me some time. (Gee....I wonder why?? Can't possibly be because I get wordy!)

So, last week I was going to post about how much BETTER I was doing.

For someone who claims not to like math, I am ALL about numbers! Frankly, it's completely annoying. I keep a record of all my workouts (like many people do). Some might say my method is a little juvenile....but I like it. I print out a calendar of my scheduled workouts and I get a smiley face sticker on every day that I actually do that (or SOME) workout.

So pretty...green smiley's this month. There should be significantly more however!

The schedule for last week (and frankly most weeks) looked a little like this:
PLANNED                                                                           ACTUAL
Sunday (17th): Towpath 10 miler                                        Towpath 10 miler
Monday (18th): Swim                                                          Swim 1550 yds (31 laps)
Tuesday (19th): Run 3-4 miles                                            Treadmill 3 miles
Wednesday (20th): Bike 15 miles                                        Bike 12.64 miles
Thursday (21st): Run 3 miles                                               NADA
Friday (22nd): Bike 20 miles                                               NADA
Saturday (23rd): Swim                                                        Run 12 miles

Ok. So, I was PSYCHED with this because this was the first week that I actually got 5 of my planned 7 days of activity in. I've been slacking so much lately that my weeks have been more like 2...3...4 times per week instead of 7! I also move things around sometimes just because life gets in the way. I didn't do my planned 20 mile bike on Friday because I didn't have anyone to take the kids and frankly didn't feel like doing it once my husband got home. But, we did our long run on Saturday instead of our usual Sunday; so on Sun I KILLED 20.71 miles on the bike!!! WOO HOO!! Longest ride on the bike to date!

BOO YAH!!! A most successful 20 miler! Now to just accomplish several more of those plus longer ones between now and August 5th!

I was still feeling mostly good to start this week when I still stopped to go swimming on my way home from work Monday. But, it stops there :( I have done NOTHING since Monday.....and it's Thursday. ARGH! I need to stop doing this to myself. I let work be the excuse this week. It's end of the month so that means billing, which means report writing and last minute meetings to get all your time in for the month. It means I'm working until 9 or 10 at night. Sure, I could get up in the AM to get my workout in......but I didn't. I'm frustrated that I keep doing this to myself. I have the Oly Tri coming up in just over a month now and I'm NOT READY!! I haven't put in the time. But, I'm not going to back out. I'm still fairly confident I'll finish. I'm just worried I'll find myself walking the ENTIRE 10k!

I also have to stop missing my weekday workouts because I'm going to end up hurting myself one of these days. I have a 30 mile bike ride on the schedule for tomorrow....and the ONLY reason I'm actually going to accomplish this is because I'm doing it with a friend. If she backs out for any reason (it's supposed to be a hot one tomorrow), I'm afraid I won't go. On Sunday I'm then doing my first "brick" workout of the season. I have scheduled a 15 mile bike followed by a 4 mile run. My "bricks" last year started at something like 10 mile bike followed by about a 2 mile run.

The theme continues....I HAVE GOT TO GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY ASS!!!! Why am I continuing to have such issues with this?!?! And, I haven't even started talking about my eating yet! I suppose I'll leave that for another post that will take me a week to actually write!

Anyone have any pointers for me about getting my workouts in?? I thought about trying to use this blog for accountability....post at the start of the week what my plan is and then report back to you....I just don't know that anyone even reads this. And why would anyone care whether or not I'm working out??

Let's Talk Intervals, Shall We??

New Shoes Cure the Blues!

Many of you already know that I use the Jeff Galloway method when running. This is a run-walk-run interval method. WAY back in 2008 when I decided to train with Team Challenge to complete my first ever half marathon I knew there was no way I'd go from the couch to crossing the finish line of 13.1 miles if I attempted to run the entire thing. I just didn't see this as reality. However, I was FAR less knowledgeable of the "running world" as I am now (and I'm still not all that knowledgeable, but trust me - I know more now than I did then!). I figured I would run until I needed a break, then walk for a little, then run some more. Guess what? This was a BAD plan! Actually, it ended up not even being a plan at all and that was the problem.



I can't quite remember, but I'm thinking this was around mile 4. It was definitely in the first 6 miles because I was still running (and smiling).

What ended up happening was that my run intervals were so long for the first 6 miles that after mile 6 I was completely D.O.N.E! I remember that Rox and I decided we would run/walk the half together because we ran a pretty similar pace and we were both hoping to just finish. I also clearly remember at mile 6 looking at the clock and being so happy when it said something around 1:30. I realized that if I could keep the same pace the second half of the race I would finish in 3 hours and this was 30 minutes faster than my goal! Unfortunately Rox wasn't too satisfied with 1:30 and I was ready to walk and she wasn't. I kind of snapped at her to just go without me. I can't imagine she'll find this blog, but if she does- sorry about that Rox, I didn't mean to snap at you!

Anyway, what happened then was NOT pretty! I would try to run and felt as though I couldn't. This was a destination race so we were in Miami, Florida in January, but it was still in the 70's and I had been training through snow....just a little different! I was hot and tired and not wanting to run. I finished the first 10k of that race in 1:28:57, but my final time was 3:20:48! Ummm, yea, that's because I walked what felt like almost the entire second half.



Cleveland Half Marathon 2011 with Adrienne and SIL (aka Margie)

Fast forward almost 2 years and SIL asks if I want to do the Cleveland Half Marathon. I decide that I need something to help motivate me to exercise and eat better (don't I always) so I say yes. Now, I can't remember completely, but I think I learned officially about the Jeff Galloway method through a friend. Heather was training for her first marathon (Cleveland) and utilized the JG method as well. Not sure if SIL told me about it or if I was somewhat familiar with it already. Anyway, I decided that this time around I would figure out a specific interval to do and I would hold that interval throughout the 13.1 miles. The difference?? Well, this time around my 10k split was 1:20:38 and I finished in 2:56:33! A significant difference! Now, I still had problems keeping my intervals through the end. I obviously "positive split"  - which is NOT a good thing (i.e. second half was slower than first); but my time was more consistent and I shaved 24 minutes off my previous half. I don't think that's a coincidence!

Intervals work. They work to help me (and others) maintain a pace they might not otherwise be able to maintain. They help you to train with less injury and to complete things like 4 half marathons even though you may not be able to run 13.1 miles without stopping. But, guess what?? - wow..I say that a lot! MANY people can't run 13.1 (or 26.2) without stopping. However, they don't plan intervals so they see it as a failure when they take a walk break. But, they are not failures. And, perhaps if they would put in planned walk breaks, they would be able to maintain a faster overall average pace. But, there is such a stigma with walk breaks. I can't even express how frustrating it is to listen to people ask me when I'm going to try to run the whole thing. Usually these are the people who don't run at all...and I want to ask them when they are going to go out to run a mile! And WHY do I let this get into my head?? Just because I do intervals and take planned walk breaks throughout the race doesn't make my crossing that finish line mean any less than anyone else. I still cross that finish line. I still get that medal and I still (sometimes) do it in a pace faster than people who went out planning to run the entire thing!

However, I still find myself trying to see how far I can run without stopping. I fall into the trap of the mental thinking that I'm not a "real" runner if I don't run without stopping. It's stupid. The other day I went to run on the treadmill and I decided to just run and see how far I could go. I ended up running 2 miles without stopping. That's good for me. However, I then took about a 3 minute walk break (I usually do 1-2 min walk breaks). I thought, if I could now run until I hit mile 4 that would be pretty cool. But, I couldn't...or didn't...whatever. I was tired. It felt harder than normal. I went to mile 3 and then cooled down and was done with my run for the night. But, my overall pace was slower than a run I had done in the past when I did consistent intervals! So, I'm going to work on getting out of my own head (I have a whole other post on that subject alone) and am going to continue with my intervals. I may change them (4/1 or 5/1 for short distances and 3/2 or 3/1 for longer distances), but I'm going to stick with what I know works. People can judge...that's fine...then they can come over and look at my display of medals from the MANY races I plan to complete.



I really need to update this picture since it now has 5 medals on it. I also plan to add many more medals to this over the years!

TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE

I had a positive day yesterday in that I kept my calories under 2000 and I completed my scheduled workout for the day. Yet...I find myself struggling to stay positive today! Yup. I can hold it together for about ONE freaking day before I start to fall short. Let's see....what's caused me to struggle today??

A pretty waterfall is positive, right??

1) Even though I had a big lunch I have felt hungry ALL day! Yes, I know my body must get reacclimated to eating less, but I'm still not eating anywhere near as healthy as I should so I didn't expect the hunger to necessarily start this soon.

2) I had a stressful day at work. I'm truly sick of dealing with stupid and inconsiderate people. I'm sick of being in a business designed to HELP people and then you have to track them down or hound them to make/keep appointments. Whatever! I'm here to help you. If you don't want my help, fine...I'm sure there's someone else who could use it.

3) The official pics from the Towpath Ten Ten are up and I was SO excited to see these. Sigh. And then I looked at them and all I saw was this fat person that I just don't like to look at. I could barely see the adorable (10!) pictures they took of this mom running to the finish with her adorable 2 children, because all I could see was the fat.

So, I struggled. I thought about going to get some wine to drink tonight....but I didn't.

I DID make my planned dinner of tilapia and corn on the cob for the family. We ate dinner as a family (FYI - my daughter finished her piece of fish before I did and my son wasn't far behind! Love that I'm introducing things like tilapia into my 8 and 5 year olds diets)!

I hadn't done my scheduled 4 miles yet today and was trying to convince SIL to run with me this evening. It didn't work. I thought about skipping.....thinking of those excuses...it's hot...SIL won't meet me, etc! But, I found myself getting my running clothes on and going into the basement to run on the treadmill. There are no excuses! You just have to do it!

 

Those who do not find time for exercise will have to find time for illness.

-Earl of Derby

 

So, in the end, I feel pretty good about myself today. Baby steps, I suppose. I know I will continue to struggle, but every day that I beat my struggles is a good day. And the days that I don't win (and there will be those days), I just need to dust myself off and get right back on. I am now on day 3 in a row of doing my scheduled workouts (well, I did 3 miles on the treadmill tonight instead of 4, but I still ran so I'm counting it)! I am on day 2 of tracking my calories and staying around 2000.(Tonight I was around 1810 before I had a big bowl of fruit this evening for a snack. I'm guessing watermelon, pineapple and cherries are a good choice even if they pushed me slightly over that 2000 mark).

 

Tomorrow is the true test. It's day 4 for exercise and 3 for food. However, I have 15 miles on the schedule with Skinny B (or as my husband likes to call her SB). She continues to be my mental block or some reason. I can't promise I will get 15 miles in tomorrow, but I will do at least 9!

 

We will see what tomorrow will bring!

 

Towpath Ten Ten Recap

Another PR!!! :-p 

I love being relatively new to all this still because there are so many races that I haven't done before so my calendar this year is filled with automatic PR's (that's personal record for my non-running friends who may read this blog). 2 weeks ago I PR'd in the Twinsburg Duathlon simply because I've never done one before. I also think I like the fact that I'm SO slow now because these PR's "should" be pretty "easy" to beat in the future!

I mean, that's why I have already been able to take something like 40 minutes off my half marathon time in a total of 3 races....because my first half marathon was 3:20! Yea, people do FULL marathons in that amount of time.

But I digress.....on to the Towpath Ten Ten Recap!

As you all know from my previous post, things have not really been going as well as they should be. I'm eating like crap, I'm skipping workouts, etc. The week leading up to this race I kept having to remind myself that I'm doing a 10 miler this weekend. I also have to stop thinking that 10 miles is not that far! In actuality...it's not that much shorter than a half marathon! Just a short little 5k less than that half! I ran on Tuesday and then did NOTHING until the race. NICE! I suppose I was tapering...right?!!? I picked up my packet on Saturday and still had no real feelings about this race. I'm pretty confident these days that I'll cross the finish line. I also know it won't be anywhere near as fast as I want so I'm getting to the point where I don't really care (not good).

Sunday morning I woke up around 5AM to get ready for the race and wait for SIL to arrive to drive to the race (she was racing as well). We got to the Quaker Steak and Lube around 6AM and started our walk to the start line. The start line was about 1 mile from the parking lot so SIL and I took a nice stroll to the start line. We had no interest in jogging that mile to warm up! We waited in line for the porto potties, chatted for a while and then the cowbell was ringing and we were off. I think there is something I like about these smaller races.

I started out great. I was passing people during my run intervals and was getting passed by some during my walk breaks. But, even at the start I would pass people as I ran and then be passed by them when I walked. I played leap frog with a few people throughout the race like that. However, it continues to frustrate me because I can't seem to find an interval that continues to work for me throughout the mileage. I chose 3/1 for this one because I've been struggling with the 4/1 intervals I do. 3/1 was still tough after about 4 miles.  I don't remember for sure, but I think I started messing up my intervals after the 5th mile, but it may have been before. From that point to the end I struggled. I sometimes ran 2/2, 1/1, 1/2...sometimes I didn't even pay close attention and would just stop to a walk because I felt like I couldn't keep going. I'm getting really sick of these runs. I'm getting sick of not being able to sustain my intervals throughout my entire run. I'm getting sick of feeling like I'm going backwards rather than improving. I used this to motivate me to get back into the game....more on that in a minute.

A positive was that I realized around mile 8 that I could probably walk the last 2 miles (which I didn't) and still meet my very realistic and SLOW goal. That made me happy. It made me happy that I finally picked a goal that was totally realistic so that I might actually meet it! Of course then it aggravated me that the only reason I'm meeting my goal is because I set it so low....ugh...gotta get out of my head!


This is my....damn  you for taking your camera out as soon as I start walking! And, what's that I see behind me??? People??

I passed mile 9 and figured I'd be seeing my family soon. I was right! I could see in the far distance a very tall man, with a shorter woman and thought that might be my parents. Then, I saw a little kid jumping up and down wildly and just KNEW that was my son! I was running towards them and really wanted to take a walk break, but I knew my Dad would start taking pictures and I wanted to be running in the pics (not that you can even tell the difference in pics since I'm so darn slow)! But, I just couldn't keep it up. As soon as I started walking I see him take his camera out! Damn! So, I started running again. I tossed my water bottle to my family and told my kids to come run me in. It was so fun to have them running me in.....well, until my lovely daughter who was running next to me in flip flops said "mommy, you're SLOW"! I told her that's not really what you want to say to someone who is finishing 10 miles!

I don't know why, but I like this picture. I had stopped to walk again and was telling my kids to come with me.

 We crossed the finish line together (can't wait to see those official pics) and I finished my first 10 miler in 2:17:04. I came in 29th out of 34 in my age group. Yes, it is WAY in the back of the pack, but it was NOT last! It was not even 2nd to last so I'm happy about that! My goal was to finish under 2:20 and I did that so I left the race happy.

I know this is a long post....bear with me...I actually have stuff to talk about tonight!

So, as I said above. I used my frustration on Sunday to fuel my motivation. I NEED to get back on track. The Olympic Triathlon (that I'm not yet officially signed up for) is in 7 weeks from yesterday and I am nowhere near ready! If I'm LUCKY I'll be able to get my weight down to where it was last year when I did my sprint tri and that ticks me off! But, that's only if I'm lucky and if  get my butt in gear!

I'm happy to report that today was a good day! I'm starting with trying to just keep my calories under 2000. Even with 2000 calories a day I should lose weight (slowly) since I burn so many calories (if/when I actually workout). I also did 40 minutes in the pool today. I did 1550 yards in those 40 minutes and 1200 (the length of the oly tri) was in 30 min....that is my goal for the oly swim! I ended my day with my calories right around 1890. All in all a more successful day than I've had in a long time. I decided that yes, I want to lose weight like yesterday (don't we all); but I need to be happy as long as the scale is going in the right direction! When I become satisfied with where I am and happy if the scale is just moving (no matter how slowly) I think I'll ultimately be more successful. I mean, really, what does it matter how long it takes to lose the weight if the scale is consistently moving down and I'm doing things like half marathons, 10 milers, triathlons, duathlons, FULL marathons in the process?!?!? It's about being HEALTHY right?? I do believe in the ability to be FAT and FIT as I believe I am now. I don't believe someone could cross 4 half marathon finish lines (plus all those other things) without being FIT. So maybe the journey to "just" fit will take me longer than I want....at least I'm fit in the process!

And with that I leave you.

Let's try something new....a question for you....What is your favorite race distance?

EXCUSES!

Hi there....if anyone is out there. Perhaps this time I hope no one is listening.

I haven't posted for a while because I've been running many ideas through my head (that's about the only running that's been happening)! I've toyed with different ideas for post titles.

DNS (Did Not Start)
Excuses (that one obviously won)
Time to confess

So, my post at the end of May talked about how June 1st was going to be a "fresh start". How I was going to get back on track with my healthy eating and be more consistent with my workouts. Well, the bad news is that I continue to struggle. I Did Not Start and am finding it so easy to make excuses.

Excuses are so easy to make. It will ALWAYS be easy to find a reason NOT to workout...or to not care about what I put into my body. If it were easy to keep a healthy lifestyle no one would be fat. There would be no obesity epidemic. So, it's not easy...OK....get over it. Humph...I can't get over it! But, I NEED to get over it. Suck it up and deal with the fact that life isn't fair. Sure, there are some people who can eat whatever they want and barely exercise and be thin. But, I'm not one of them. (and frankly I think there aren't as many of those people out there as it seems). So I need to work at it and I need to get over the fact that it's not easy. Finishing a (4!) half marathons isn't easy either, but I DID that.....and for each and every one of those half marathons I was at LEAST 40lbs over weight. IMAGINE what I might be able to accomplish with some more weight loss!

I have been trying to do some soul searching this past week. I wonder if one reason I keep falling short with the weight loss is because it gives me a built in EXCUSE. See, look at that...going back to today's theme. See, where I stand now I can always find a reason for why it was OK that I "failed". Or, to be fair, reasons why I didn't do as well as I hoped or wanted. It's always easy to have to remind myself that I'm doing more with my 200+lb body than most people do with their MUCH smaller bodies! When I lose weight, what will be my reason for still not being "good enough"?!?! I seriously have a "good enough" complex. I worked hard to lose 40lbs, but still had 40 to go so it wasn't good enough. But, because it wasn't good enough, guess what?? I've now gained back 12 of those 40 lbs. My running was drastically improving. I went from a 3:20 half marathon to a 2:56 half marathon to a 2:41 half marathon....but I really wanted 2:30. So, it wasn't good enough. But, guess what?!? My 4th half marathon went back to 3:14. Now, granted, it was freaking hot and I wasn't used to running in that heat, but going into the day I had already decided that I likely wasn't going to meet my goal so the only goal was really to just cross the finish line. For some people the thought of not good enough would probably make them work harder. For me....it shuts me down. I need to figure out a way to embrace ME. To be happy with what I have accomplished, but to know there are always new goals out there to accomplish. It is all GOOD ENOUGH. And it is always OK to strive for more even when what you are doing is good enough.

Just keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep re-starting as many times as it takes to stick. And figure out how to realize that it is all good enough! No more excuses!!

Twinsburg Duathlon

Today was my first ever duathlon. It was a sprint distance so it was a 2 mile run - 10 mile bike - 2 mile run. I decided a while back that I was going to do this duathlon. I realized earlier this week when looking at my previous registration that I estimated by finish time to be 1 hour and 30 minutes!! WTF!!! I truly have NO idea what I was thinking when I completed that registration form. Guess I thought I would have been doing better in my training thus far than I am. Perhaps I ASSumed I would have lost more weight instead of watching the scale go in the wrong direction.

But, it is what it is. I couldn't change it and in the end it doesn't really matter. I know I'm slow so I always line myself up at the back of the pack. That was my plan for today.

Look Mommy!! There's your name, but we're going to point at it so hard that you can't possibly see it in the picture! :)

Let's start at yesterday though. The fam and I went to lunch at Panini's and then went to pick up my packet for today. Mary and Robbie helped me find my name on the Race Participants poster. Pretty cool....and makes for a fun picture for a blog!

I picked up my packet and we headed out to drive the bike course. It was hard to tell in a car, but there was at least one hill that I was afraid of. I was also nervous when I read in the information that there were no road closures for this event. However, I thought back to the Portage Lakes Sprint Tri and I'm pretty positive they didn't close roads for that either....they simply had police at each intersection to help make sure we didn't get hit by cars!

So, this morning I was on my own. My SIL is usually my partner in crime either because she's racing with me or because she's just insane enough to still get up at the crack of dawn to then stand around for hours. But, she went and got sick on me; my husband had to take care of the kids and I'm not one to have them get up at 5:30; so I was going solo. Twinsburg isn't far from me so I decided to leave my house around 6AM. I still ended up getting there with PLENTY of time to spare.



All set up and ready to go...too bad it's only about 6:30AM and the race doesn't start until 7:30!

 After getting my bike all set up, I had an hour to kill with nothing to do. I took a trip to the bathroom and then just kind of hung out at my bike. I ended up talking to a nice lady who was also doing her first duathlon. We were commenting on the fact that most of the athletes looked much more serious than us.

We finally were about to start. The USAT official made her announcement about common penalties and I thought to myself, I don't have to worry about passing people on the bike since I believe everyone passed me during the Tri last year.



Thanks NCMultisports for the picture from your facebook page! There I am, already in the back of the pack.I'm the one wearing the black capris with the We Run shirt (if you can even read that) and the black number belt.

And then we were off - a nice small race that has the official start sound be the "siren" on a megaphone! Immediately I was one of the last.  I run slow. I know this. I'd like to say I don't care, but I do. I'm working on this though. I kept reminding myself that I'm still faster than all the people who were sleeping in this morning! I had my watch set for intervals as usual, but I decided to do new intervals. Since it was "only" 2 miles I decided to set my intervals for 1/2 mile run with a 1 minute recovery. I felt good. I ran all my scheduled run time and came in right at 24 min. Official first 2 mile time = 24:00.4

I walked into transition to give me a chance to catch my breath before getting on Skinny B. I had to change my shoes this time so that's new to me. They didn't break down the transition times in the results, but I think I did pretty well. Got on Skinny B and I was off. The bike was AWESOME! Can you even believe I said that? The first hill was right away and it really was a more steady incline than hill. At that moment I was thinking....why do I do this? I really don't like biking...it's hard...this sucks. But then it flattened out. The course was pretty easy and I was getting some pretty good speed going. I actually passed 6 people on the bike!!! I couldn't believe it! There was one hill around mile 8 that was a killer. BUT, I stayed on Skinny B the whole time! I NEVER got off her. And, for this, I was beyond proud of myself!

Before I knew it, I was done with the bike. Then, I was putting my bike back on the rack when I heard....MOMMY!!! And there was my husband with our two kids. It made me smile. I changed my shoes, took my helmet off and got ready for the run. Official bike + both transition times = 50:55.0.

The final 2 mile run sucked! I was done. I was feeling good right up until I tried to start running again. My legs felt like lead and I felt like I was not moving at all. I kept stopping to walk. I realized that this was really my first "brick" workout of the season (for those who don't know, a brick is when you do 2 things one right after the other...like bike and then run). I was coming to the end of the run and the gentleman who I passed on the bike towards the end was right in front of me. I passed him and hoped I could make it to the end in front of him. At least if I did that I knew for SURE I wouldn't have been last. But, at the last minute he passed me and I had nothing left. I was CERTAIN I was dead last. But, you know what?? I really didn't care. This was a pool of some serious athletes. There didn't seem to be many first timers in the sense of people who are less in shape, etc. Final 2 mile run (more like walk) = 27:38.7

Final finishing time = 1:42:34.1.....I WAS NOT LAST!!! I wasn't even last in my age group (2nd to last). And, I was only 12 minutes and 34 seconds slower than I had estimated, which I think is pretty good considering I was wondering what the HELL I was thinking when I estimated 1:30!

My kids came home with me and my husband left before we did and still was not home when we got home. Weird, I thought.....until he came home......



Roses for finishing! :) I asked him if he got me these because he thought I was upset about coming in last. He said no. But then, he joked later that he could return the roses since I didn't come in last!

So, my first duathlon is in the bag. An instant PR. That's nice and all, but I don't know that I'm crazy about the duathlon. It's one thing to do 3 different sports....it's a whole different story when you have to run the course you just ran! We'll see. I'll probably do it at least once more to see if I can beat my time!

Next up....my report/confession/plan for my eating to get back on track with this weight loss so I can take the FAT off the name of the blog!